A question for the women

[p60]

Hey,
I know I'm not a woman, so technically I shouldnt be here, but I had a question and was wondering if I could get some input from some women about it:

I am a male, and quite honestly I admit, I am attracted to good-looking females. What am I wondering is, is what they say completely true, about if you are a male looking for a hot female you don't have to be good looking but you just have to be confident?

Like could I be really average looking, and get with a really hot female, just because I come across as being really confident in myself? Would you date a male who was confident and had a good personality even if he was UGLY?

 

[KLLM82]

This will be a short reply since I have to go to school : ) but to quickly reply to your post, I'd say that it depends on what the gal is attracted to...if looks matters more to her, then she'll go for that. If a woman were to look for a mate, then I'm sure looks wouldn't be the first thing on her list but rather, characteristic qualities. It is important for both parties to have self confidence...certain issues definitely arises when there's a lack of self-confidence.

Would I date a male who was confident and had a good personality even if he was UGLY? To kindly answer that, I'd say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...some people may consider someone to be attractive while others don't...but I think being attracted to a person's looks is important so I wouldn't date someone that I wasn't attracted to.

~Katia~

 

[Marissa]

Confidence does have an impact on whether or not a guy can "get with me", but I woudn't date a man who places so much importance on my body regardless of his confidence level.

I want to be liked because I'm me, not because of my cup and pant size. In 20 years I won't have the body I have today. If that's where his priorities lay, where will he be in 20 years?

 

[p60]

Confidence does have an impact on whether or not a guy can "get with me", but I woudn't date a man who places so much importance on my body regardless of his confidence level.

I want to be liked because I'm me, not because of my cup and pant size. In 20 years I won't have the body I have today. If that's where his priorities lay, where will he be in 20 years?

I dont mean to be offensive, but what if you were to just work hard at maintaining a good figure for the next 20 years?

 

[katelyn]

My personal opinion on this is that if you expect the person you want to be with to be quite physically attractive, then you shouldn't be surprised if you are judged in the same manner.

So...maybe you should ask yourself the question: Would you date a girl who was confident and had a good personality even though she was UGLY? If your answer is no, then maybe you should ask yourself why you expect a girl to be any different, and re-evaluate your priorities a bit.

 

[p60]

My personal opinion on this is that if you expect the person you want to be with to be quite physically attractive, then you shouldn't be surprised if you are judged in the same manner.

So...maybe you should ask yourself the question: Would you date a girl who was confident and had a good personality even though she was UGLY? If your answer is no, then maybe you should ask yourself why you expect a girl to be any different, and re-evaluate your priorities a bit.

I guess the purpose of me creating this thread was to find out if girls indeed are different from guys, in that they dont expect as much from guys in the appearance realm.
I wouldn't ask or expect a girl to be different, I just want to know if they "are" different.

 

[mpshiel]

Hmmm, how about this: instead of searching out the girl who falls within the bounds of what you find really attractive; fall in love with the right girl and you will be surprised how attractive she is.

On a practical note: really attractive girls get hit on all the time. They have no lack of guys wanting them because they are attractive. What exactly do you have to offer here that is any different? If you like a girl, like the girl. If you care about her, make her laugh, show that you like her as a person, then unless you run into a girl who only cares about looks, you two could be friends.

 

[LightHearted]

Moved from Women's forum to Singles Ministry. ​

 

[Cordy]

I guess the purpose of me creating this thread was to find out if girls indeed are different from guys, in that they dont expect as much from guys in the appearance realm.
I wouldn't ask or expect a girl to be different, I just want to know if they "are" different.

Girls are different from guys in some resects, but girls are also different from girls in many ways as well. There are some girls out there who think like you, and some guys out there who think very differently from you.

Personally, I was unattached to guys that are attracted to girls mainly on their looks – regardless of how ostensibly “good-looking” or “ugly” they were. I am not trying to be offensive, but that comes off to me as shallow. If a guy couldn’t like me for who I was rather than how I looked, then he was completely out of the picture. I try to see people’s inner beauty, and to me any superficial guy was ugly.

Like Marissa mentioned, women’s bodies change. Most women cannot retain a young figure their whole life because of kids, metabolism etc. Frankly, I care more about building relationships and living life than spending all my efforts in trying to look like a pretty doll for my husband. The Bible discourages us from making choices focused our physical attraction or apparel, but to focus on personal character instead
.
1 Peter 3 and 4 remind us of this:
“Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

I think if you start focusing at girl’s love for the Lord and their character rather than her physical appeal, girls will start to find you more attractive, and you will probably find a wonderful girl with whom you can have a great relationship.

 

[Nico]

I gotta say, confidence definitely sways me--towards being attracted to a guy. But confidence is a funny word. As with everything, once you start to go over the line and become cocky, well then it's a definite turn-off. What I think is better is that a guy who is really good at what he does is a turn-on. No matter what it is. So a guy who isn't that great looking, but is really good @ something is still sexy, sexier than the pretty boy who is kinda dumb. Or the guy that doesn't put in that much effort to be good at what he does. And if he manages to be "humble" about it, he's also got quite an edge on the guy over there who drives the nice car and treats women like meat....And being "good" at something can also include being really passionate about a certain philosopher and knowing a lot about that person, or being really into music and knowing a lot about it, etc., etc., doesn't have to mean that you're the quaterback for the Patriots Hey and making the first move w/confidence and, for lack of a better word, class; um yeah, that'll give you an edge, at least for me.

 

[Marissa]

I dont mean to be offensive, but what if you were to just work hard at maintaining a good figure for the next 20 years?

Why should I have to?

It's very difficult for a woman to keep a "perfect" body until her 40's or 50's. Life changes a womans body. Ask any woman who has had kids if her breasts are as good in her 40's as they were in her 20's. Unless she's gone for implants the answer is going to be no. Some manage it. Most don't.

 

[fishstix]

I dont mean to be offensive, but what if you were to just work hard at maintaining a good figure for the next 20 years?

That's an interesting comment. Somehow I don't think many people look the same at 40 as they did at 20, regardless of how hard they worked at staying in shape. And how about once they turn 50, 60, 70... Marriage is supposed to last a lifetime, which hopefully will be a lot longer than 20 years. Do you expect your body to be the same as it is now in 20 years? How about in 30 or 40 years? Even if you work really hard at it? If not, then why would you expect it in a woman? If you do expect it to be the same - you're probably not going to have a whole lot of time for relationships as all your energy/time/resources will have to go to maintaining the appearance. The same would go for a woman trying to keep her body looking the same as when she was young - she would have to devote most or all of herself to keeping her body looking young and would likely have little left to give to relationships. And don't be expecting her to have any children, as that would certainly cause a major problem in the preservation of her 20 year old body.

It's fine to be attracted to good-looking people, but if that is one of the most important things to you in a person then you're probably not ready for a serious relationship yet.

 

[* kittie *]

It all depends on the person. Just like not all men go for hot women, not all women go for hot guys. You can't really say until you meet the person. So to answer your question, yes. There are some women who want guys for their looks.

As for the figure comment...
Is it really that important? That a woman be obsessed with keeping her figure...?

I mean first of all, it's tough. Especially considering she's going to be pregnant at least once, and that she won't have enough time to exercise and eat correctly (not with kids. I'm assuming free time is greatly limited...).

Dude...it's hard to keep a good figure. And I won't go into the whole metabolism issue...but the thing is, it's pointless.

But if you ARE looking for a woman to try be beautiful (as in working at it), then expect to do the same for her. It's only fair. Which again...is pointless...but yeah...

 

[katelyn]

I guess the purpose of me creating this thread was to find out if girls indeed are different from guys, in that they dont expect as much from guys in the appearance realm.
I wouldn't ask or expect a girl to be different, I just want to know if they "are" different.

I don't think there's a difference. I think some guys put great importance on looks, and some girls put great importance on looks. My point was, if you want to get a girl who is more interested in personality & confidence than looks, then you might need to change your priorities. A woman who values character is most likely going to see right through someone who mainly likes her for how she looks.

That being said, I don't think that there's anything wrong with becoming friends with and getting to know someone you find particularly attractive and seeing what happens. I think that by pursuing friendship first, looks become less important as you get to know who they are as a person (and that works both ways, for guys and girls).

 

[enslow]

Don't worry p60, in another 10 years or so you will understand that a woman's personality will make her physically attractive to you. A 'hot woman' can actually become unattractive to a guy if he doesn't find her personality attractive.

Wait for the right person.

Enslow

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

 

[GirlieGirl]

a guy who is too confident and comes off as suave is a turn-off to me. What attracted me to my husband was that he wasn't cocky or really into himself. He made me laugh like crazy and every time we met, I knew he deeply cared about me. Now That's attractive!

As for the comment about keeping your figure for 20+ years...this is something both men and women should strive for, but not beat eachother or themselves up if it's not attainable. Our bodies are temples and we should treat them respectfully when it comes to food and exercise. If I thought my husband's love would change if my body change, well let's just say he wouldn't be my husband. In fact, we probably wouldn't have been close friends. People who focus on appearances too much often lack substance within.

Can women we attracted to confident unattractive men? Well, sure. Anything is possible. But I wouldn't make that the hard fast rule. We all have eyes and we'll grativate to what is beautiful to us. When you meet the one God has for you, you'll find that beautiful too. Let's just say...men and women both have eyes.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

 

[Umbra]

p60 ~ When you find the girl that God has prepared for you, she will be "hott" in your eyes. Until you meet her.....pray for her....pray that the Lord will protect her, and that she stays spiritually strong in the Lord till she meets you.

That's what I do....I pray for my future husband, even though I've got no clue who he is...

 

[plum]

I dunno about you ladies, but I don't usually go for hot guys. I like em closer to 'normal' with a side of 'rough around the edges'.... mmmmm yummy. They definitely become hot when I get to know them.

p60 does ask a good question of us though; how do we think we differ from men? Are we truly less visual creatures? Do we care what our mate looks like? What if they get a beer belly and lose their hair when they get older?

So in a sense, men and women might have the same issues, but it depends on the loving relationship and the priorities inside the person's heart that makes the partner gorgeous or not.