A question about your past labours

[Green Orchid]

When I was pregnant with ds, I really prepared for labour. I had a very clear idea of what I wanted, I read a lot, picked my doctor carefully, had a doula, etc. I planned for labour like I planned my wedding, down to the last detail! I had no complications so everything went as I wanted it.

What I'm wondering about is how you viewed your upcoming labour when you were pregnant. If you didn't prepare at all, letting happen what would happen, did you really not mind at all what would happen? Did you really not care about having interventions or eventually ending up with a c-section, as long as the baby came out? And once everything was all over, were you fine with how it went or did you have regrets and would do things differently for the next one? Would you have prepared with the knowledge you then had?

I'm asking because my SIL is due in June. She is a bit of a hypocondriac and she's called me so many times since being pregnant to ask about nutritional supplements, tests she has to take, foods she can eat and so on to be sure that she's doing the best of her baby. But when I ask her about her labour, she just figures that the baby will come out however it will, hoping for the best basically... And I just don't get how she can be so worried about so many details of the pregnancy and not at all about labour. So can you help me understand? I'm not judging her btw, I just want to get inside her head!

 

[CarrieAg93]

I planned for my first. Took classes and knew how everthing was going to go, or so I thought. I was totally wrong and that was a bigger disappointment than just taking things as they come. Babies have been being born for thousands of years. They will come whether we are ready or not. With my 2nd and 3rd I wasn't nearly as rigid on how I wanted things and kinda took things as they came. They were much more enjoyable experiences.

 

[Christdefinesme]

I guess it just depends on what is important to you. Some people just "trust" the medical system. Maybe she is this way. Maybe it doesn't matter that much to her, she may just figure, as long as the baby's healthy, however baby gets here isn't a concern to her. If you are a person who doesn't like they way typical births end up in the hosp, then I think you will plan more, research more, to have a plan to push through the "system" and have what's important to you.
OR, maybe she's afraid to think about labor/delivery right now~

Personally, I cared very much about labor/delivery and avoiding a c-section, all natural, etc., so I did a lot of planning and researching.
I don't happen to "trust" the way things are done re: childbirth here in the States, so that's why I prepared.

 

[jgonz]

I planned~ but because I wanted natural birth with my kids. I did the birth plan and the whole nine yards. BUT, I made my birth plan flexible in case circumstances went strangely...

I've found that the majority of women who aren't that concerned about the actual labor itself tend to be ones who are planning on having an epidural. I actually had a couple of doula clients who seemed to be telling me they wanted natural birth the whole time I was doing prenatal education with them... but when they went into labor let the medical people make all the decisions (and they both ended up with an epidural). It turned out they didn't really care~ which I guess is still ok because it was Their decision.

It's when the decisions are taken Out of the laboring mother's hands that she tends to be upset with the way labor & birth go. Being in control is the key.

A good friend of mine had her 4th baby 2 weeks ago. Her first 3 babies were all natural births, no meds. Her 4th baby~ she just knew in her gut that he was in a weird position and there was no way he'd be born naturally. So she made the decision to go ahead with a c-section. She was right~ her baby was in an odd breech presentation, and was stuck. Her OB even had a hard time getting him out by c-section! But the point is that it was HER decision. HER call. And she's completely fine with her decision because SHE made it~ not the doctor.

I guess it boils down to each mom making the decisions that are right for her... even if it doesn't really make sense to some of us.

 

[jessesgirl]

I was a little like your sister in law. I stressed all though my pregnancy and just trusted the doctors to know the best thing for me when it came to labor. I guess it was because labor scared me so much and I had no control over it DURING the pregnancy, KWIM? I had control of how I handled my pregnancy, what I ate, etc., etc. but I couldn't control what was going to happen x amount of months from then....right then. But you know what? It worked out very well for me. So right or wrong for someone else, it worked for me. My doctor took care of me during labor and I had a great one (save for the loooooong period of time I was in labor). I don't know that I would have done it any different for the first time. If I am ever fortunate enough to have another one, I will plan better because I would really, truly like to go about it naturally.

 

[christianmomof3]

I did not have any "birth plans". I had not even heard of them when I had my babies - which was not horribly long ago - they are 6, 8 and 15. I trusted my dr. - he is a brother in our church and I trusted that he would take care of things. I did have epidurals and I had complications - thyroid issues in the first pg and other issues and then my age in the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, gestational diabetes, and high blood pressure.
The third and last delivery was so quick and easy though that I did wish I had just gone natural. I think with the other complications being rather serious I just let the dr and nurses do what they thought was best and it probably was.

 

[Leanna]

One thing about planning it down to the detail is that sometimes things don't go according to plan and then you set yourself up for disappointment. I do believe in preparing if you want a natural birth, but you can't assume all will go according to plan because you never know.... and when things happen, its not the mom's fault and she shouldn't feel guilty. Preparation is a good thing, but remaining realistic about the things that could happen is a good thing too.

 

[Linnis]

There is a difference between planning for your birth and trying to micro-manage something out of your control.

I made a birth plan, planned in general how I wanted things etc but left the rest up to "what happens happens" because well you can plan a labor/birth.

I do have a few friends who didn't do ANY reading and went into labor knowing nothing. The fear of the unknown led to a lot of -complications- I think because of it. Their fear of not knowing what was going on, going to happen etc. I'm thinking why didn't they read about what labors like, possible techniques, read up on pain medication etc

I didn't attend a class but I couldn't imagine having not read about the birthing process and going in completely blind either.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I knew that if I had sat down and written out a detailed birthplan that if it didn't go as I wanted it would stress me out and the last thing I needed going into labor and delivery was more stress. I did have an idea of what I wanted and my doctors knew that. However, by not writing it down I mentally left room for the unexpected things that can happen.

 

[Green Orchid]

Thanks for all your replies! I want to add that although I planned everything in detail, I left mental room for complications. I knew I could control many things (like who was going to be with me, the music, my own thoughts, etc) but I knew that if baby wasn't placed right or whatever, I would go along with what my doctor thought was best - and this is also why I picked my doctor, I fully trusted her way of doing things - and that was part of of my planning.

 

[MyaShane]

I didn't plan because there are just too many variables involved that are outside of my control. I DID spend a lot of time reading and researching on what to expect so that I felt prepared for various scenarios, but then I just rolled with it.

 

[Alexus]

I think I was a bit like your SIL. I worried about taking the right supplements, eating the right foods and doing everything right but didn't worry too much about the birth. I just figured millions of women have done it before me and been fine so there would be nothing to worry about. Our bodies were designed to reproduce and give birth. I also got to the stage where I was so sick of being pregnant that I didn't care what happened I just wanted the baby out and in my arms as soon as possible. (My DD was 2 weeks over her due date and it drove me nuts!)

 

[E-beth]

I am the type of person that needs to know everything ahead of time. I planned a romantic and storybook labor. I had a massage bug and lotion that my hubby could use on my back to relax me. I had a boombox with soothing music planned. I was planning to have just a local anasthesia so I would be as involved in the process as possible. I was ready. Then I went to the doctor and she sent me to the hospital to be induced. I left the office and went home to get all my gear. When I got to the hospital, all my work friends came to visit, as I sat in the bed like some June Cleaver Glamour Gal. Then they left, and a couple of hours later, the pain hit. Hubby was sleeping next to me and didn't wake up to hear me moan, better yet massage my back. I couldn't sleep, so I was insane. Then I begged for an epidural. What swet relief! I was able to sleep, and was blissfully unaware that they were monitoring the baby and I because of distress. I was ready to go with the flow throughout the emergency C-section. So basically my labor went NOTHING like I planned it to, but at the time I didn't care. Of course, life is like that after having a baby anyway.

 

[jessesgirl]

I am the type of person that needs to know everything ahead of time. I planned a romantic and storybook labor. I had a massage bug and lotion that my hubby could use on my back to relax me. I had a boombox with soothing music planned. I was planning to have just a local anasthesia so I would be as involved in the process as possible. I was ready. Then I went to the doctor and she sent me to the hospital to be induced. I left the office and went home to get all my gear. When I got to the hospital, all my work friends came to visit, as I sat in the bed like some June Cleaver Glamour Gal. Then they left, and a couple of hours later, the pain hit. Hubby was sleeping next to me and didn't wake up to hear me moan, better yet massage my back. I couldn't sleep, so I was insane. Then I begged for an epidural. What swet relief! I was able to sleep, and was blissfully unaware that they were monitoring the baby and I because of distress. I was ready to go with the flow throughout the emergency C-section. So basically my labor went NOTHING like I planned it to, but at the time I didn't care. Of course, life is like that after having a baby anyway.

AMEN! Preach it, sister!

 

[Green Orchid]

I actually asked my SIL what her thinking was toward giving birth and she told me that it's such a big event that she's waiting until it's closer to think about it, instead of it stressing out about it already (given her worrying nature). Her answer really makes sense!