A question about procedures regarding funerals

[mindfulzen]

If a person dies, who officiates the funeral arrangements? Is it next of kin in your official healthrecords? Or is parents or siblings? And, if said person is registered in another religion, does it become such a ceremony? Or do the ones left with the task decide? I have a situation, that is not standard. I did write in a persons name in the next of kin section at the doctors office, like 20 years ago, and now I do not know that person. Should I try to update it? Since we have this pandemic

Also, I am christian, but registered as bhuddist, so how does that work out if I die? Do they do bhuddist funeral or christian? And is the task placed at next of kin, or bloodrelated people? Should I take some actions, or just leave it be?

 

[Red Gold]

I think the local autorities who are responsible for funerals could help you there.

 

[mindfulzen]

I think the local autorities who are responsible for funerals could help you there.

What local authorities is that? Seems to me, it must be the department of education and religion. Or the bhuddistorganization. Come to think of it, I never delisted myself in my previous religion, so I am a member of two religions, that is not the religion I have found faith in. This is a conundrum, especially in theese times, where I do not know if it is possible to visit the offices. Is there a priest or a doctor who knows how it is? Nobody who have been tasked with a funeral? I have never considered this before I read a thread here.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

here in the U.S. you can leave all of the logistics to the funeral home. Purchase a plot, if you plan on a burial and not cremation. If it's for a family member that was a veteran, a free plot can be located at the State military veterans cemetery. Many have insurance to cover the costs. Can now be easily 10,000 buckaroos. Cost of a coffin can be crazy expensive.

 

[Tolworth John]

If a person dies, who officiates the funeral arrangements? Is it next of kin in your official healthrecords? Or is parents or siblings? And, if said person is registered in another religion, does it become such a ceremony? Or do the ones left with the task decide? I have a situation, that is not standard. I did write in a persons name in the next of kin section at the doctors office, like 20 years ago, and now I do not know that person. Should I try to update it? Since we have this pandemic

Also, I am christian, but registered as bhuddist, so how does that work out if I die? Do they do bhuddist funeral or christian? And is the task placed at next of kin, or bloodrelated people? Should I take some actions, or just leave it be?

May I suggest talking to your minister or to an undertaker/funeral director, as they should be able to explain what the law in Norway requires.


Go to the doctors where you are registered and ask how to change the next of kin and religion details.
I suspect all you need to do is fill in a form.

May I make a suggestion.

Take out an insurance policy or purchase a prepaid funeral plan. Write out an order of service for your funeral, hymns, readings etc etc say where and who you would like to take part.
Get your will written or updated and list your assets for who ever sorts everything out following your death.

My Father did this and following his sudden death it made dealing with everything very easy.
All I had to do was take a cd to a firm of printers and they printed it, the vicar took the service and the prepaid plan ment I only had to pay for flowers.

Do think about it, as it really does help, plus your funeral will be as you want it.

 

[mindfulzen]

here in the U.S. you can leave all of the logistics to the funeral home. Purchase a plot, if you plan on a burial and not cremation. If it's for a family member that was a veteran, a free plot can be located at the State military veterans cemetery. Many have insurance to cover the costs. Can now be easily 10,000 buckaroos. Cost of a coffin can be crazy expensive.

That is fine and dandy for them. But if a person has gone through a few religions along the way, and has joined 2 new ones, after leaving the statechurch, it is not straightforward. I think I am still a member of the church too. I get those electionslips when ther is churchelections. I am not planning my funeral, buying plots, and stuff, would be a bit weird conversation to have with them. Up to them, want cremation, but not telling anybody that.

I read some post about fearing death here. After I read something about the virus and deathtolls, etc. And it just dawned on me, that I leave them a potensial mess if I get sick with the virus. And I do not know how to go about this now, because offices are somewhat shutdown here now, and it is all done by appointment. I am packing to travel to go to the city and do some other stuff, and I wonder about waiting a few days and get an appointment with the churchofice, or some other municipality office.

Or is it just fine, that a person who I have not seen in 10 years get the surprise? And have to choose? I was thinking it may be a bit disappointing, to get that job, and have to decide. If there is choices to make. I am not paying for anything. And that seems unreasonable costly for plots in the US. Not sure what it is here, but I saw a danish program, and there it was like 2 000 for a normal sized plot. I remember the cost of my grandmothers coffin, was costly. Plots are copaid by the public, coffins are not. Difference between US and scandinavia.

 

[Albion]

If you live in Norway, ask people there who would know the rules or are personally involved with funerals...or don't do it.

If you choose the latter, there is no way for you to know what will happen after you've gone.

 

[mindfulzen]

If you live in Norway, ask people there who would know the rules or are personally involved with funerals...or don't do it.

If you choose the latter, there is no way for you to know what will happen after you've gone.

It is saturday. The offices are closed. 9 to 4 weekdays only. And I am not stressing it, I will find out how to do it. More interesting if it is a big deal or not. If so, I ought to do it this month, because it looks like we are on rise in viruscases. That will eventually shutdown public offices again.

I just realized that I do not think I can do this in person, I think I need to be vaccinated.I have to check the local rules, which I must do anyway since I travel to another city. If it ain't one thing, it's another.

 

[Albion]

It is saturday. The offices are closed. 9 to 4 weekdays only.

Excellent. A two day wait should not be too much to suffer in order to get such important matters straightened out.

I just realized that I do not think I can do this in person, I think I need to be vaccinated.I have to check the local rules, which I must do anyway since I travel to another city. If it ain't one thing, it's another.

Is a telephone available?

 

[com7fy8]

Yeah, if you can, I would say to remove your name from the memberships of the Buddhist and church lists. You can contact them and find out how, I would think.

And decide if and how you want to control what happens after you die.

If you want to control things financially, there can be different ways.

Yes, you might be able to pay for any funeral/burial/cremation stuff you want, in advance.

Or, if you have a will, you can direct that funeral and burial stuff is payed for before any money goes to anyone in your will.

You can talk with people about what they are agreeable to do with you. They might give you good input.

You might name a church that you trust, and ask that they have a service. Or, say you don't want a church thing, but talk with your trusted people so they know this and can speak up for you after you die.

In my case, I arranged for expenses to cover my stuff, before the rest goes to whomever gets it. And I wrote an encouragement, that my church is welcome to do what they want, for some service, and my family is welcome to be there or to have something not with a church.

Because, in my case, I am not trying to control people after I die They are the ones who will have to live with what they do, right?

 

[mindfulzen]

Excellent. A two day wait should not be too much to suffer in order to get such important matters straightened out.


Is a telephone available?

I do not stress about it. It is just interesting. There must be a telephone number to call, but as I said, not sure if I should start by telling my previous religions that I want out, or contact a federal office. Guessing you have to do it with bank ID if you cannot do it in person, or signed letter sent in the mail. And one of the religions is a made up religion that just pays money, by a guy who made it to dodge the draft. He does not reply to mail. I sent two mails asking where my money was, never replied.

 

[mindfulzen]

Yeah, if you can, I would say to remove your name from the memberships of the Buddhist and church lists. You can contact them and find out how, I would think.

And decide if and how you want to control what happens after you die.

If you want to control things financially, there can be different ways.

Yes, you might be able to pay for any funeral/burial/cremation stuff you want, in advance.

Or, if you have a will, you can direct that funeral and burial stuff is payed for before any money goes to anyone in your will.

You can talk with people about what they are agreeable to do with you. They might give you good input.

You might name a church that you trust, and ask that they have a service. Or, say you don't want a church thing, but talk with your trusted people so they know this and can speak up for you after you die.

In my case, I arranged for expenses to cover my stuff, before the rest goes to whomever gets it. And I wrote an encouragement, that my church is welcome to do what they want, for some service, and my family is welcome to be there or to have something not with a church.

Because, in my case, I am not trying to control people after I die They are the ones who will have to live with what they do, right?

Yes, getting the info about the buddhist stuff, have to perhaps find the membershipcertificate and give my membernumber.

I would like to control some stuff about how it is to be conducted, but will probably not bother. My parents are old, and my mum is sick and awaiting operation, bad timing to talk about death and funeral then.

There is no money to prepay, I have more debt than assets. So no point in will, which I cannot afford either, would cost like 500 to 1 000 to setup.

The churchthing and instruct a church of choice, that is interesting. Perhaps I will do that, if possible here. I will bring it up with the person who is registered as next of kin, and get her take on it sometime. Perhaps she does not mind telling the funeral place what to do, and put it in the paper.

Thanks for the input.

 

[mindfulzen]

May I suggest talking to your minister or to an undertaker/funeral director, as they should be able to explain what the law in Norway requires.


Go to the doctors where you are registered and ask how to change the next of kin and religion details.
I suspect all you need to do is fill in a form.

May I make a suggestion.

Take out an insurance policy or purchase a prepaid funeral plan. Write out an order of service for your funeral, hymns, readings etc etc say where and who you would like to take part.
Get your will written or updated and list your assets for who ever sorts everything out following your death.

My Father did this and following his sudden death it made dealing with everything very easy.
All I had to do was take a cd to a firm of printers and they printed it, the vicar took the service and the prepaid plan ment I only had to pay for flowers.

Do think about it, as it really does help, plus your funeral will be as you want it.

Did not see it till now, sorry about late response. I do not have a minister yet. I do not know if I am a member there. I should be out, since I did go to the churchoffice in 2005 or something, and handed them my second letter of resignation, since they ignored the first one I sent in 1999. Guess they really wanted the 2-300 dollars I generated in revenue. That is the problem. Or part of it, not that it is a problem.

I do not know about the doctor, must probably be tested for virus then. And there is 1 month waiting for appointments in normal years. Cannot change the religiondetails there, it is just a general thing for all things, so another person takes over. The religionthing is a federal offirce, healthcare is under the state or regional if you will.

I find the insurancething interesting. Cannot really afford it, unless I can strip coverage to the bone. I was once offered it, and it would cost like 1200 dollars 20 years ago. Me and my cousing almost got one eachother, but found out that it might be unsafe, to put a price on eachothers lives, that the other could collect. I might be able to get one that just covers debt or funeral. We looked at plans where you got 100-200 K in jackpot. Not my suggestion btw, his.

This is good suggestions.

 

[com7fy8]

There is no money to prepay,

Where I am, it can cost at least hundreds of dollars to prepare a will. So, where I am, no money would mean no will prepared by a lawyer . . . unless there is a thing with lawyers doing free service for people who don't have money.

And I am told it is possible to go on the Net and find how to make a will; of course, you want to find what is legal for where you are And then you could make copies and give them to ones you trust . . . ones who you can talk with about what to do with your body and whatever about ministerial or memorial services; I would say talk with people who have been trustworthy and honorable with you; and come to agreement that you all with each other, then prepare the will; let them all double-check it.

I would talk with only the ones you trust. And come to agreement with all of them, on a will and on what's in it.

And if you don't have money, I would welcome your trusted ones to decide what they wish to do, and don't try to control them.

And you might simply notify any former religious group that you have moved on, but don't tell them anything about your after-death plans. And let your trusted people know you have notified whoever is now out-of-date. And tell them there is no obligation to those past people.

And let it go. Trust God with whatever happens

 

[mindfulzen]

Where I am, it can cost at least hundreds of dollars to prepare a will. So, where I am, no money would mean no will prepared by a lawyer . . . unless there is a thing with lawyers doing free service for people who don't have money.

And I am told it is possible to go on the Net and find how to make a will; of course, you want to find what is legal for where you are And then you could make copies and give them to ones you trust . . . ones who you can talk with about what to do with your body and whatever about ministerial or memorial services; I would say talk with people who have been trustworthy and honorable with you; and come to agreement that you all with each other, then prepare the will; let them all double-check it.

I would talk with only the ones you trust. And come to agreement with all of them, on a will and on what's in it.

And if you don't have money, I would welcome your trusted ones to decide what they wish to do, and don't try to control them.

And you might simply notify any former religious group that you have moved on, but don't tell them anything about your after-death plans. And let your trusted people know you have notified whoever is now out-of-date. And tell them there is no obligation to those past people.

And let it go. Trust God with whatever happens

Free legal, that could be.

If I need to trust people, there will be no will. I am confident that my parents will overrule my wishes and invite their familymembers to it. And it will just be a traditional and false ceremony, where the people you did not like, and the ones who do not like you, come and give condolences. Such a task can only be done by a person with no relation. But as I said to the other nick, the one who is registered now, kind of know how I feel regarding it. But she both love and hate me, so anything can happen. Depends on what emotion is strongest in her. But a strong person.

I trust only God, do not think he will sign, so I guess it is just in his hands, and somehow it works out. I have not been in any religious group, this one is the first. I just got memberships in some along the way. The first one was a religion run by 1 person, to get out of the draft, that changed our laws. So after that you had to be at least two people to create new religions. Because it must be a "community" of faith, and community means more than one. I found this religion, when I tried to register my own religion for fun and taxpurposes and some grants. I like to write, so I figured I might as well get paid for it. Pension under the povertylimit, could use the money.And non denominal in buddhism too.Not really anything to join, they all seemed to be for only thais, or only vietnamese, etc. Bit exclusive.

I will let go, I never hanged on, I had forgotten all about this for many years. Just happened to remember it because I read a thread about fearing death. And people brought up funeral and stuff. I do think it might be important for others.

 

[com7fy8]

I am confident that my parents will overrule my wishes and invite their familymembers to it.

That can be what I call a solution to a problem, right in the problem

You don't need to try to control what will happen, because you aren't going to control what will happen.

But in case you find there are good things that God would want . . . at least you can stand for God, by telling people what you would desire . . . not to control them, but to show them your good example and that you desire to stand for God.

And what matters is however they need Jesus . . . not merely controlling things they do.

But do you have people whom you trust and who help you to be with God and find out how to relate in His love?

 

[mindfulzen]

That can be what I call a solution to a problem, right in the problem

You don't need to try to control what will happen, because you aren't going to control what will happen.

But in case you find there are good things that God would want . . . at least you can stand for God, by telling people what you would desire . . . not to control them, but to show them your good example and that you desire to stand for God.

And what matters is however they need Jesus . . . not merely controlling things they do.

But do you have people whom you trust and who help you to be with God and find out how to relate in His love?

Well, I am in the coffin in the church or the temple, right? So I can get angry for overruling my wishes before I go, and then I will be barred from entering heaven. So, bit of a risk. there are a lot of people who have testimonies about feeling the presence of the deceased at funerals. Who knows. A gamble with the soul that way. And I do not think it is a good energy if people who I resented come, or who resent me. I believe such emotions are kind of like anchors that will keep you from going to heaven. Your soul might lose focus. Your heart may fail your soul.

My parents and the former familymembers do not like that I am christian. It is kind of a conflict. They are atheists. And they broke my trust and my heart, when they broke into my relation with another person, which I can never forgive ever. So I just cut them all out from contact with me. No conversations with any of them about real things, just hello and stuff like that. Bit of lies and manipulations. And again I tried, when I moved back into a house close by. Now they have spent all summer trying to manipulate them into the house with all sorts of poorly constructed lies. So, it has been hard not to start hating again, but really, all I feel is pity. They are good people in the core, but nobody ever talked to anybody else about fellings. We never really knew eachother, us siblings, or our parents. So cannot trust them.

So in short. my ex which I have not seen for 10 years is my next of kin. Ended with conflict, she begged me to go to the doctor with her, and tell him about some druguse, and I was broken and weak, and just complied and told what she wanted me to say. Then she told me that we had to call my brother and tell him, so I nodded my head. He came, we went for a boatride, I said pretty much nothing, they talked. We went home, they talked some more. I did rehab, and got some drugs to veen me off. did counceling for like a year. And suddenly everything I told my family, was repeated on the phone by her. So I stopped talking to them. Essentially, she wanted it ended, and used drugs as a weapon, and wanted to hurt me bad. So she used the drugs to gain control over my doctor that became hers when we went to the doctor. Then she used my brother, for further destruction. And she does not stop. So, trust is not really an option. She is very clever, so each time I do open up and try, they have left before I have gotten to speak. So I do not get to tell them they are fighting a fake addiction that was solved 8 years ago. That is why they want to lie themselves into the house. Not realizing they are manipulated and this is what have been so very destructive in my life. And also why I will not lie ever again.

They will never ever turn to Jesus. My oldest former brother who acted as the conduit to the rest of the family for my ex, he hates all religion. The second oldest, he married in a civil union, and baptized his kids in a humanistic ceremony. They raise their kids as humanists. As said, we never knew eachother, so I do not know what the third one thinks, but he plays deathmetal music only. I do not think he cares about faith, doubt he is a satanist. Faith is a problem here. Due to circumstances, I think quite a few of my fathers siblings even hate God.

I have God, that is enough. And my parents need a normalized situation due to healthissues, so I remove myself. They can come meet me all they like, and I grill some food if they want, but I do not participate in any of their familyevents anymore. I do not know any christian people in real life. I only grew up with one in my class who was christian, and met one later, a weedbuddy. So, stuck online on that. And after you stop talking for 8 years, you kind of have no friends when you start speaking again.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

I don't know how large a population in your area, but maybe try to start a friendship meeting of some type. Perhaps even a chapter of Al anon, it's a drug rehab recovery entity much like AA. It might be a vehicle for meeting other Christians.

 

[mindfulzen]

I don't know how large a population in your area, but maybe try to start a friendship meeting of some type. Perhaps even a chapter of Al anon, it's a drug rehab recovery entity much like AA. It might be a vehicle for meeting other Christians.

I appreciate the thought, but that is an impossibility for me. After 10 years of not fighting back, for myself, against a manipulative person who hates me and wanted to destroy me, that is obviously not an option now. Ater destroying all my realationships, or I did by not speaking, or they did by invading my personal life when I allowed her to invite one of them in for what I assumed was one meeting.

I never planned on returning to life, but then my mother got healthissues, a small brainaneurism during christmas, I had some heartissues before christmas. Then she fell ill and dropped in weight, lost energy, fatigue, and was supposed to have a kneeoperation, so needed to get better so she could have it. Got it, some temporary cement in the knee while recuperating for the permanent transplant in three months. So I had to come back to take over for her as best I could on the farm, otherwise I do not know if my father would have held up. I think he is 79 years old. And I must keep doing this in the fall till she is fit again.

So, I had to take them out of play, so they do not suffer. Their sons are very dumb and naive, and they are also naive. And my life is mine. I will never fight against a person that was only in my life, not theirs, because of their actions. That has many qualities, and is a good person, in a difficult position, who did make a choice, that kind of defined her further actions regarding me. She cannot stop the rolling ball after setting it in motion, if I never speak up for myself. They were kind of trying to wake me up, with manipulation and breaking trust. It is human, and I understand it, weak people do that.

If they merge their lifves, and I have to destroy another person I had a personal relation with, it will not happen. And certainly not when she has 3 daughters and I kind of raised one of them somewhat, and care about her. And she has her struggles at the moment if the mother is honest about that. If a good person, starts using a psychopath playbook, because she is scared and angry, how should I react? And why?

Is not the christian thing to do, to take yourself out of the soccermatch, if you are the ball two sides are kicking, and one side lies to the other side about the rules? Instead of going on as referee and give red cards to one side, and create a conflict between the two teams. She created me as a humanbeing, she made me happy, she made me pump iron and go from 120 to 190 kg and be sculpted, she got me to to do many positive things, that made life worth living. She invited me in, when I needed a friend, she seduced me when I desired her. She gave me like 7 happy years, and only a few bad. How could I betray her trust in me, regardless of the situation? Impossible. She has family, like 15 people, I am alone. Her having a happy life is more important. And if I want my parents to have some peaceful years before the senior centre, dealing with my issues is not the answer. Letting them go, and helping them with chores to give them time is the answer. To try and be helpful.

I do not use drugs now. I am actually very much against drugs now. I have been offered hash, I refused it. I got contacted before christmas and asked if I wanted hash and pills. So I said I would not go visit. Do you think it is smart of me, to go seek friends, when my friends was weedbuddies, and they kind of ended up as addicts? I think I can stay strong, but it might be different when offered in person. And do not worry, this does not trouble me anymore. Being alone becomes a habit, the new normal, after about 4 years, it is OK. I can enjoy myself and it is better to be alone. It is more lonely to be among former family and friends, trying to fix a drugproblem that ended 8 years ago, and they demand you play along. That is really lonely and tiresome.

 

[mindfulzen]

Unless people are understanding, that I do not ask for things to be fixed, but advice, it does not work. Have faith in you, do not be so serious.Just be honest. Nothing bad will happen, I am asking you how to deal with a situasion or 75. Does not hurt whatever you answer. I cannot fix it for now, want to comeback, and make it liveable to others. My issue, is that one person who loves me, has lied a bit and it has become a truth because I have never challenged it, and the victims of the lie, is my parents, which I also love. So what do I do?Not a voulentary ending thread people, a figt thread., Making it right thread.My ex drunktexted me, and asked me to come by if I get there, and I will be there in a few days or tomorrow. Should I go? And try to tell her to not attack my family? Or just let it go? Not a plea, for me. I wonder about ethics here.