It's Christmas I know if I can't change my life I'm going to hell. God has been showing the way lately. I'm from the quiet comftorable suburbs, I'm just learning myself I'm a schizophrenique. I went to a great grade school, never had real friends more concerned with who's popular, and how I look to other people. Before going to middle school I knew it wouldn't go well. People felt sorry for me, one kid introduced me to porn. I didn't realize they were trying to be nice or cared about me (any other people) always just cared about status or whatever. Never had girlfriends or friends, never was one myself. The next year after middle school I went to a christian poor school. I'm figuring out at times understanding that people wanted the best for me but I never and still don't listen to people. Went to highschool that's associated with my grade and middle school. Was still the same. Doing homework just once in a while. Doing good at times. Ended up just staying with a teacher in a study hall place (christian, weightlifter, football track coach) assisted learning, because of skipping lots of times. That teacher got me involved in a job that I had for more than a year. I wasn't good at that, even though I was a good worker. It was working in a Hy-Vee grocery store, in the kitchen doing dishes mostly. Stayed with him the last 2 years of highschool. Always attracted to black urban culture (I'm white). Played lots of basketball was always good in sports. On teams, real good baseball team. Used to work hard at basketball, got into rap music trying to be part of something and acceptable to people I guess. Always knew the difference between right and wrong, I've finally found good music, started listening to rap to be part of something and acceptable to people I guess. Finally found good rap and music, still trying to expose myself to more good music. Anyway I never knew it but I became a thug. Teachers have always been there and parents to help but never listened. Fathers conservative republican, into old cars and money, always pushed him to his limits. Had a dream not that long ago of me scratching him while he's pulling me to take a shower or something. Anyway to get to the present. This past year, I've been just staying in the basement, about all I did was make sure I lift weights. Finally got in a job program, where a black woman, in poverty artist, which I'm also real good at. I've been writing lots of good poetry, I'll show some maybe. When she came in, me now trying to be a christian, a little before I found Lauryn Hill's music, I said I want to help her and as we and the group and teacher met every 2 days a week, trying to know me, it's still possible for me to help her. If I can get myself in order, haven't done what God wants me to do yet. (I'll write about my situation in a minute)
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A pathetic person trying to change
- Thread starter TaylorHUM
- Start date
God bless you with strength and purpose in your life. It sounds like your doing the right thing, find what you like/good at and persue it. Just make sure it is within God's will. God Be with you!
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24
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