A painful situation.

[Casstranquility]

Right now I'm depressed about a friendship with a Christian woman. I've been going to her church for over a year, and she always thought I believed the same as her, but I didn't. We became friends, and she eventually found out that I wasn't a Christian in her eyes-she doesn't think I'm saved, so she's frightened for me, and sad. But, she puts down my beliefs, calls me stubborn (Which I am, but from her it feels like an insult.)

I don't know how to deal with this situation. I can't explain to her that telling me how foolish I am isn't going to help our friendship. She says she has to be honest with me about how she feels toward my beliefs. It doesn't feel loving, though. It feels like rejection. She says we can't be close friends anymore if I continue on the path I am on (I'm searching for ideas about God in other religions. I already love God, He's all I need, and all I have. I just don't accept the Christian ideas about Him. Not for me. I believe that everyone has their own path.)

Can anybody help me through this? I feel really hurt. I understand why she's in so much pain, I just wish I could help her feel better without giving up my own search. I don't want to lose her as a friend.

-Cassie

 

[heron]

Cassie,
All of us are on a continual search for truth. Sometimes we hit a point where we think we know it all, and if we hold too tightly, God humbles us and reminds us that there is so much to know in the universe.

Your friend is going with cultural expectations and interpretations of what she has read. She might have a slight fear that she will lose her faith if she spends too much time discussing options with you. The Old Testament makes provisions for people who were not born Hebrew; outsiders were included in the festivals, the governing rules, and charitable donations. Believers were not allowed to take part in outsiders' worship of idols... maybe your friend interprets her friendship this way.

If you truly want to continue your friendship with her, why don't you do a search for scriptures relating to this topic, and present her with your evidence? (-;

 

[Casstranquility]

Hi, heron. Thanks for your advice.
My friend says she doesn't want to be close to me anymore because she doesn't want to go through the pain of watching me reject the 'truth'.

I guess she thinks that losing me as a close friend will be less painful. She's probably right, because I'm not going to turn off the path I am on, and if she feels that much pain from me just telling her my beliefs-or that I'm exploring different churches-then I think this might actually be the best path for her. But I don't want it to be that way! I know I can't change how she feels...maybe if I could convince her that people who were once Christians are always Christians in God's eyes? I don't know!

-Cassie

 

[heron]

Cassie,
She's expecting you to take a leap before you've researched. Everyone has a different background and knowledge base, and apparently believing was easy for her. It's not the same for everyone, and others shouldn't expect committment without adequate understanding.

I also suspect that, with such a firm stance, there might be some overly-dogmatic teachings in that church (I hate to say cultish) which place rightness above love. You might want to back off as she suggests, and let her ride that out. If you want to keep the friendship going, visit some churches you think she might enjoy, and tell her about them.
It's sad, anyway.

 

[DanteRisen]

Hi Cass,

Speaking as a Christian, your friends behaviour is honestly... shameful. I don't want to try to knock on her because obviously you want to salvage the relationship. But truthfully she is not being a good witness of Christ. Look at the people with whom Jesus associated himself with. The best representation of this is in Matthew 9:9-13

THE CALLING OF MATTHEW
"As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. 'Follow me.' he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
"While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and 'sinners' came and ate with him and his disciples, 'Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?'
"On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'"

Jesus constanly helped and healed those that "society" would have nothing to do with. Seeing as how your friend, nor anyone else, has ever been BORN a Christian, ask her where she would be if Jesus had not gone to these people. It is her job as a Christian to try to present herself as being Christlike to all, not just fellow believers. We are to be lights unto the world, and adding light to an already well lit room doesn't do much good, but even a candle light helps in the deepest of dark.

While I would surely hope you find Christ one day, it is infact your friend who needs to re-evaluate her beliefs.

 

[Sojourner<><]

I'm sorry DanteRisen but I totally disagree.

First of all, we should not judge Cass' friend. Besides, we don't even know her side of the story. Like it or not, our friends have an influence over us, especially our close friends. And if Cass is rejecting the truth of Jesus Christ, I believe her friend is being smart to back away from a close relationship, however I think that possibly she's being so upfront about it in the hopes that Cass will choose to follow her friend over her indepedant belief system. I think her friend is trying to be a good friend the best she knows how.

Cass, I believe that if you were once truly saved, then you are securely in the Father's hand whether or not you believe it right now. Please consider the untruthfulness behind relativism. It's only a modern compromise to eliminate friction between truth and lies and is thus a lie in itself which seeks to (yet fails to) subvert the very concept of truth. The truth does matter and we have only a short while to get it right, and that truth is that Jesus Christ died so that you can live. Please wake up to see the lies arround you for what they are.

 

[DanteRisen]

I'm sorry DanteRisen but I totally disagree.

Which would you disagree with, the fact that Jesus held these people so close to him or that he said it? No one changed a persons belief by pushing them away. Honestly, if a Christian lives without friends that are non-believers, they are living a sheltered life. Who can they witness to if all whom surround them are believers? Does speaking to the mirror truly do any good?

I think all people who call themselves Christians need to look at themselves and ask themselves, "Have I been a good witness? Has anyone ever found Christ because of something I did?" Now, of course not EVERYONE has been able to do this, but are they living in a way that would allow it to happen?

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

Cassie,

My husband used to try to shame me for not being a "real" Christian. (I'm a liberal.) Finally things got so fractious I told him that was it. No more religious discussions between us because they always ended in shouting matches.

I told him that we each have to trust God and each other that we are doing what is right. Now, we occasionally talk religion again, but we are pretty much on eggshells the entire time.

I hope and pray that you can keep this relationship with this friend. However, if you feel that she is not building you up I think you can pray about moving on. God will make sure you do not go friendless, I am sure.

 

[dodad91]

Greetings Casstranquility,

I would like to get some clarification concerning a few things regarding the relationship.
When you say she doesn't "believe" like you believe...what exactly do you mean? I can speculate as to what I think you mean, but I found that in my years of helping others in my local congregation, speculation is not the way to go.

Then you indicated that she says that you're not a Christian in her eyes. What do you think made her think this about you? Because it seems that as long as she feels this way about you , then she will not look at you differently.

Finally, you said that you love God, but you cannot accept Him through Christian ideas, so you're exploring God through other religions. This can be confusing, because all religions don't worship the ONE AND ONLY TRUE AND LIVING GOD!!

DanteRisen quoted Matthew 9: 9-13, which fires home an important point concenring Jesus ministry, and who He came to save. Although, others thought that Jesus shouldn't be eating with the tax collector and sinners, this was the way to reach them. Perhaps the way to reach your friend is to try and talk to her concerning not the WHAT, but rather the WHO (does she put her faith). This could be a start.

 

[AmiracleComputers]

Your friend is going through what many people on their path to Christ go through. To some people, they have a certain belief that Christ is more important than everything and everyone else. This is true, very true... but sometimes their beliefs are not totally Biblical. She's on a path picking the lesser of two evils, and your relationship with her might be a "stick in her eye" that she must remove. I don't know eithers past, and you might not know her's fully. She may have had problems in the past with "weak" Christians or non-Christians that made her weak as well. While she's not fully mature in Christ to know the power of Him in all circumstances, it may be the best option for her right now. God gives us power to avoid all temptations and those "outs" are usually very preliminary - by not putting oneself in a tempting position in the first place. If she truly is leaving the friendship because she can't stand to see you fall from Grace, she is dead wrong. I personally admire honesty and she does have many good points. God is very serious about following him 100% and that may make people very zealous for Him - and may also make people very rough. My advice is to pray, pray, and pray. Truly discover what love is as well. Love is the ocean, and forgiveness is your ship to sail that sea.

Also, we all must remember that there are different parts in Christ. Hands and feet may not always see eye-to-eye because what may make total sense to a foot has no relevance to the hand. It is important to remember that both need each other to thrive and that the center is shared in Christ Jesus. If both parts strive to help Jesus more, both parts will forget their differences while helping Him. If your a foot, grow a little and learn how to become a hand. It may not be required, but it is definitely a great lesson and spiritual gift. Remember, there are those that can play piano with their toes! =)

In Christ,
Erik Fritsch

 

[DanteRisen]

Just wanted to put in a small tidbit that my pastor once said in his sermon. The average person with whom accepts christ as either an early teen all the way to adulthood, at the time of their salvation, a little over half of their friends are non-believers (which stands to reason). After 3 to 4 years about a quarter of their friends are non-believers. And after 7 years, the average christian has 0 (that's ZERO) friends that are non-believers. The definition of friend here is more than acquaintance, someone with whom you would know more than just a little about them.

Is it not easier to reach out to someone on such a personal subject like ones faith if you know the person, even just a little?

 

[heron]

Wow, those could be scary numbers if they indicated changes in friendship rather than changes of heart. I think mine looks more like a subtle bell curve.

 

[Casstranquility]

Dodad91,

When you say she doesn't "believe" like you believe...what exactly do you mean?

Well, we have many differences in our chosen faiths. She believes one thing, I believe another.

Then you indicated that she says that you're not a Christian in her eyes. What do you think made her think this about you?

It's because I don't believe that Christ died for punishment of the sins of the world. Because I won't repent of all of my 'sins'. Though, when I was younger, I used to ask God's forgiveness for my sins all of the time, because I believed that way. For most Christians-does that count as being saved? If my friend knew that I was saved, she wouldn't be so upset.

This can be confusing, because all religions don't worship the ONE AND ONLY TRUE AND LIVING GOD!!

Yes, it is confusing sometimes, but I believe all gods are people's representation of the one God. I only believe in One God, but It goes by many names. (Sometimes by none. )

GreenPartyVoter,

Now, we occasionally talk religion again, but we are pretty much on eggshells the entire time.

I'm sorry that things are that way between your husband and yourself.

Thank you for what you wrote.

And thanks to everyone else for their advice and input.

-Cassie

 

[heron]

Cassie, you admit to viewing redemption differently. How do you see favor gained with God? Through communication, or reliance, or living thoughtfully, or is it more vague?

Just curious. Do you see a need for redemption, or is there just a mutual recognition?

 

[DanteRisen]

Wow, those could be scary numbers if they indicated changes in friendship rather than changes of heart. I think mine looks more like a subtle bell curve.

Unfortunately these numbers represent the former rathere than the latter. Kind of scary. I ask myself quite often, "whom do I project to the world? A man after Jesus, or something else?"

 

[Casstranquility]

Cassie, you admit to viewing redemption differently. How do you see favor gained with God? Through communication, or reliance, or living thoughtfully, or is it more vague?

Just curious. Do you see a need for redemption, or is there just a mutual recognition?

I don't see a need for redemption. I don't believe in sin. I don't believe in gaining favor with God, God loves all equally.

-Cassie

 

[DanteRisen]

I don't see a need for redemption. I don't believe in sin. I don't believe in gaining favor with God, God loves all equally.

-Cassie

Yes, God does love all. But God does not love what all do.

 

[heron]

I can understand; some groups present sin as breaking a random set of laws, rather than offenses against other people. Even Jesus criticized groups' tendencies to make up unnecessary rules.

So then Danterisen's words about love can pertain to God wanting the best for people --individually and as a community, if they respect each others' space.