a marriage that needs help

[mmiller]

Hi everyone! This is my first time on a forum like this. I'm sorry if this post is under the wrong forum. My husband and I were married 4 months ago and of course now we are being hit with life. Before we got married I knew that my husband struggled with a pornography addiction, however this was not just any pornography addiction. My husband likes to get his thrill from girls on Facebook profile pictures. Sometimes girls he knows, sometimes girls he has had relations with (before being saved) sometimes absolute strangers. The trouble is, a lot of these people are people that we know and sometimes even have to be around socially, which makes a very uncomfortable situation for me. Before we got married, my husband felt extreme guilt and wanted to fix the problem. He had an accountability partner and we deleted all his apps and I changed passwords etc. However it seems that now that we are married, the desire to reconcile, and repair what's been broken doesn't exist. He has stopped accountability, stopped building trust with me and mostly he has stopped seeing the wrongfulness in his actions. Tonight he told me that he won't seek help, that he is just a normal guy and everyone does this. I do agree a lot of men struggle with porn but I disagree that a lot of men struggle with this particular type of "porn" (getting there by viewing close people we see often or people he grew up with) I know that men are visual however this crosses boundaries for me. His sex drive is non existent and I am extremely worried this marriage is already taking a massive downturn. I have no trust for him anymore after his pleads just to go back to his old life again and again, and then lie to me about it instead of coming forward. last time we talked about it was because I caught him doing it to photos of his best friends wife, and he promised me all these changes, and stuck to none of them. I love him and I married him for a reason, however we were both in agreement that this was to be addressed, and I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone survived this type of hardship? I feel so alone

 

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry about your situation -- I can completely understand your concern. Porn addiction is a serious problem, and I strongly suggest that you and your husband seek professional counseling. I’ll be praying for you, sister. May the Lord surround you with His grace and peace, sustain you, and guard your heart and mind as you seek a way forward through this dark and troubling time.

 

[rob_aston]

I feel so alone

no more sister

 

[macks116]

Hi everyone! This is my first time on a forum like this. I'm sorry if this post is under the wrong forum. My husband and I were married 4 months ago and of course now we are being hit with life. Before we got married I knew that my husband struggled with a pornography addiction, however this was not just any pornography addiction. My husband likes to get his thrill from girls on Facebook profile pictures. Sometimes girls he knows, sometimes girls he has had relations with (before being saved) sometimes absolute strangers. The trouble is, a lot of these people are people that we know and sometimes even have to be around socially, which makes a very uncomfortable situation for me. Before we got married, my husband felt extreme guilt and wanted to fix the problem. He had an accountability partner and we deleted all his apps and I changed passwords etc. However it seems that now that we are married, the desire to reconcile, and repair what's been broken doesn't exist. He has stopped accountability, stopped building trust with me and mostly he has stopped seeing the wrongfulness in his actions. Tonight he told me that he won't seek help, that he is just a normal guy and everyone does this. I do agree a lot of men struggle with porn but I disagree that a lot of men struggle with this particular type of "porn" (getting there by viewing close people we see often or people he grew up with) I know that men are visual however this crosses boundaries for me. His sex drive is non existent and I am extremely worried this marriage is already taking a massive downturn. I have no trust for him anymore after his pleads just to go back to his old life again and again, and then lie to me about it instead of coming forward. last time we talked about it was because I caught him doing it to photos of his best friends wife, and he promised me all these changes, and stuck to none of them. I love him and I married him for a reason, however we were both in agreement that this was to be addressed, and I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone survived this type of hardship? I feel so alone

Praying for you majorly right now.

Pray your husband's heart be softened. Only God can change a hardened heart.

When he is ready for accountability here is a tip from a recovering pornography addict:

I use CovenantEyes which sends a report via email to my accountability partner with all sites I visit. It's on my android and laptop, every site I visit is monitored. It gives those around me peace of mind and keeps me accountable.

Taking all accounts away may seem to be the problem but it is a symptom of a greater problem.

Your husband has a sickness of a prideful spirit. The Holy Spirit wants to deliver him from this but he must be a willing party. Until he becomes humble and admits he has a problem and stops telling lies "it's normal"

NO. NO. NO. Everyone may do it but this is not what God calls the head of household to commit.

It is not God's plan for him to objectify other women when he has a wife. You together are meant to have a fulfilling life of physical intimacy.

For you: I pray your heart stay softened during this process. Hardening your heart could be detrimental when he finally has a breakthrough and success. If you still mistrust and don't believe it won't matter if he is transformed, you will not see it as authentic. I pray you run toward God is this time and lean on Him. May his blessing overflow you in this difficult time.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry. You're right in that many men (and women too) struggle with pornography addiction, but that doesn't make it okay. Saying "everyone does it" is just an excuse. And your husband's particular version of it is more personal, because those are people you know. It's very understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed. His desires should be for you, his wife who loves him, not for photographs on a website.

Do you pray together? Does he view his own behavior as sinful? Why did he feel like it was wrong before you got married, but not now? It sounds like he is currently in a state of denial and doesn't want to fight it. I would be hurt that he fought the addiction before you got married, but then as soon as you're married he goes right back to it.

Is he open to marriage counseling at all? I would put my foot down on this. He should NOT be actively fantasizing about his ex-girlfriends or his best friend's wife. That's really troubling behavior, and it will eventually destroy a marriage. Have you told him how hurt you feel?

I'm praying that God renews and strengthens your marriage.

 

[Linus]

Praying for your husband to be delivered from his addiction and for the healing and restoration of your marriage in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord!

 

[rockytopva]

Father I pray blessings on this request, deliverance from evil, and restoration of this relationship in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the 1:15PM bbnradio.org Family Altar program.