A Lot Going On. Could Use Some Help.

[LandonME]

Well I'm back. Been a rough couple o months but im hangin in there. Job still tanks, don't even think im still gonna be there by next week, no luck in finding anything better so far. Got some good resources though so its not hard keepin up the search.

So I'm pretty sure i covered this in one of my other threads, but yeah my little brother, 20 goin on 21, is in the army right now, currently on leave so hes stayin with us til the 13th so thats cool. Yeah he just got engaged. So that happened. I mean i do love her like the sister i never had and everything, but... yeah getting engaged at 20 years old? yeah something isnt sitting right with me about that lol. i dont know why, and i mean i Want to be happy for them, but.. i dont know i just feel like 'ok whatever'. is that wrong? not only that, but im probably jealous of him too lol. 4 years younger than me, in the army and already engaged to a nice girl? Me? 24 years old, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, still living at home, working at Walmart (which probably wont last very much longer which is both good because ill never have to work there again and bad cuz i wont have a job), and still paying off student loans? Yeah my life is fantastic! (Sarcasm)

Here's another topping on the delicious cake that is my life (again sarcasm); my grandpa's probably gonna die tonight. he's very old, very sick, most likely will pass away by tomorrow. So yeah i dont really know how to feel right now. i mean yeah its sad thats hes going, but he was pretty much gone for a while now lol. yeah alzheimers (or however you spell that). but yeah i mean even my brother said "theres no reason to be sad, it was his time" and all that, so yeah hes with God now right? whats there to be sad about? im not saying im glad hes gone of course but im not really happy about it either... am i a jerk? am i just some shell with no emotions? i dont even know anymore. my brother in the army, engaged, and im probably jealous, my grandpa passing and im not emoting, and my life and career path are currently stuck in the middle o nowhere. THANKS, GOD! REALLY LOVIN' THIS "PLAN" YA GOT GOIN' FOR ME HERE!

Im sorry, i really dont mean to blame Him, but its just times like these that really make me doubt God entirely. and i know thats not a good thing, and yes i do acknowledge His existence, and yes i am saved, and yes i do accept that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and yes i pray frequently, etc. But, really? if He really has a plan for me and loves me so much, why do i always feel alone, separated from the world, separate from my friends, church friends and family, why does nothing in my life seem to be going in the direction i want it to go, why cant i ever get satan off my back when he tempts me with porn, why cant i find a kind nice looking woman who shares my interests and actually likes me, why do my parents get angry when i complain and mope instead of actually help me, why does my YOUNGER brother already have a better job AND a bride-to-be, why is He taking my grandpa, why did I feel guilty taking the Lord's Supper this week and WHY DO I NOT HAVE ENOUGH FAITH ALL THE TIME!?!?!!?

I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, and i do have aspergers so i cant always see the glass half-full and everythings kinda black n white, but.. what kind of "plan" is this? why is He letting all of this happen to me? I know He hears my prayers even though I always feel like they just hit the ceiling, but why doesn't He answer them? and even if or when He does, why can't I see it?

I really am sorry. I don't mean to be a whiny baby all the time in my threads but... all I want is help and answers. I'm lost, confused, conflicted, stuck, and i just don't know what to do, how to be or what to feel anymore.

 

[RuthD]

It sure sounds like you are overwhelmed. Have you tried keeping a journal and just write and write and write how you feel over and over? It helps me to do that when no one is available to me emotionally and that is very often. Have you heard the saying, "Let go and let God?" Try turning all of your troubles over to God and let him deal with it all. You may be feeling numb out of being overwhelmed and that might be why you say you can't emote about your grandpa. That is very normal. I don't know if I am helping any but I care and wish you peace amidst the storm. Praying for you. God bless you brother.

 

[LandonME]

UPDATE: Good news; I never have to work at Walmart again! Bad news; obviously just lost my job. not due to me or anything ive done, but due to the "cut-back season". So i could really use an answer to this question right now; Where is God now? lol im being serious like wow Really God? REALLY? How many times is He just gonna sit there and let this happen to me? Cuz its happened A LOT. now i Really hate to be like this, but Somebody better give me a simple straight answer right now because I just may denounce my faith if this happens again and i really REALLY dont want to do that.

PS: Thanks RuthD for the reply but i could really use some help on more than just one of the issues listed in my above statement. not saying you didnt help at all, you did, i mean that, i appreciate it.

 

[LandonME]

Hello?

 

[Vladyslaus Kyivarius]

I have the work even I don't want it. Enjoy what you have. And don't try God. He cares.

 

[Vladyslaus Kyivarius]

Yes, hi!

 

[dvdscott]

So I'm pretty sure i covered this in one of my other threads, but yeah my little brother, 20 goin on 21, is in the army right now, currently on leave so hes stayin with us til the 13th so thats cool. Yeah he just got engaged. So that happened. I mean i do love her like the sister i never had and everything, but... yeah getting engaged at 20 years old? yeah something isnt sitting right with me about that lol. i dont know why, and i mean i Want to be happy for them, but.. i dont know i just feel like 'ok whatever'. is that wrong? not only that, but im probably jealous of him too lol. 4 years younger than me, in the army and already engaged to a nice girl? Me? 24 years old, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, still living at home, working at Walmart (which probably wont last very much longer which is both good because ill never have to work there again and bad cuz i wont have a job), and still paying off student loans? Yeah my life is fantastic! (Sarcasm)

I think that it's natural to feel a little jealous. My Uncle who's my age was living in my house for about 8 months altogether and within two weeks he had a girlfriend while I've been living where i'm at for 6 years now and the closest thing that I've had to a girlfriend was this girl in the 11th grade. We both liked each other but we never were official.

What I do now is just pray for God's will to be done in my life and for God to bless me with everything that he wants me to have. If I find the right woman, then that's great and what I really want but if I dont then I have to learn to accept that as well.

Here's another topping on the delicious cake that is my life (again sarcasm); my grandpa's probably gonna die tonight. he's very old, very sick, most likely will pass away by tomorrow. So yeah i dont really know how to feel right now. i mean yeah its sad thats hes going, but he was pretty much gone for a while now lol. yeah alzheimers (or however you spell that). but yeah i mean even my brother said "theres no reason to be sad, it was his time" and all that, so yeah hes with God now right? whats there to be sad about? im not saying im glad hes gone of course but im not really happy about it either... am i a jerk? am i just some shell with no emotions? i dont even know anymore. my brother in the army, engaged, and im probably jealous, my grandpa passing and im not emoting, and my life and career path are currently stuck in the middle o nowhere. THANKS, GOD! REALLY LOVIN' THIS "PLAN" YA GOT GOIN' FOR ME HERE!

My maternal great-great grandmother died about 8 years ago (right after my grandmother did) and she had Alzheimer's as well. My great grandfather died over a year ago to pancreatic cancer. He was one of the best Christians that I've ever known and was a really good guy who raised my grandmother and aunt (who were his stepchildren), my mother, uncle, and cousins and I lived with him alongside my mother for the first 3-4 years of my life. Even after I moved out with my mother and stepfather I was always with my great grandparents almost every weekend.

When he died I was sad and my faith was shaken because I was praying for him to be ok ever since he started going to the emergency room almost two years before his death. I re-gained my faith, however (I forget how) and when I think about it now I feel good that at least he got to live to be 70 years old and lived a full life for the most part, and also because he doesnt have to go to the emergency room and feel any pain anymore. He can rest in Heaven with God. I also look at it as if God needed him more than my family did, and so his job in Heaven must be a great one. If God didnt/doesnt want my grandfather or yours to die then they wouldnt/wont IMO.

Im sorry, i really dont mean to blame Him, but its just times like these that really make me doubt God entirely. and i know thats not a good thing, and yes i do acknowledge His existence, and yes i am saved, and yes i do accept that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and yes i pray frequently, etc. But, really? if He really has a plan for me and loves me so much, why do i always feel alone, separated from the world, separate from my friends, church friends and family, why does nothing in my life seem to be going in the direction i want it to go, why cant i ever get satan off my back when he tempts me with porn, why cant i find a kind nice looking woman who shares my interests and actually likes me, why do my parents get angry when i complain and mope instead of actually help me, why does my YOUNGER brother already have a better job AND a bride-to-be, why is He taking my grandpa, why did I feel guilty taking the Lord's Supper this week and WHY DO I NOT HAVE ENOUGH FAITH ALL THE TIME!?!?!!?

Part of it are your feelings themselves. You dont have to feel like you are always with God or feel his presence at all for him to be there by your side, feeling even more pain than you do when you sin and hearing all of your prayers.

Another thing may be that you're not praying enough for the right things. Going through what I've went through in my life, I realized that I can't do it alone anymore. I was over everything. Now, I ask God for the strength to deal with everything that happens to me everyday. I also pray for more faith, love, belief in him as well and I believe that it has worked. My faith is a lot stronger than it was before IMO and I'm also substantially better at dealing with life, people, things, etc. than I was a year ago before I became a true follower.

The third thing is patience. Remember that God does things in his will, in his own time. We may have to wait for things sometimes, and other times God seems to work in a New York minute, but I think patience is a very important key in keeping faith and having your prayers answered. Without it, you'll lose faith as soon as you see that things arent going your way fast enough for you and without faith your prayers wont get answered.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, and i do have aspergers so i cant always see the glass half-full and everythings kinda black n white, but.. what kind of "plan" is this? why is He letting all of this happen to me? I know He hears my prayers even though I always feel like they just hit the ceiling, but why doesn't He answer them? and even if or when He does, why can't I see it?

I really am sorry. I don't mean to be a whiny baby all the time in my threads but... all I want is help and answers. I'm lost, confused, conflicted, stuck, and i just don't know what to do, how to be or what to feel anymore.

I think that another thing that you need to remember is that things happen in life. Not everything that occurs in life in general are God's will. Sometimes things just happen, that's part of living in free-will in a sinful world. Like I said before, just ask God for the strength to overcome your obstacles and ask for his will to be done in your life and I believe that it will be done.

 

[LandonME]

Thanks, dvdscott. that helps. (not sarcasm lol) sorry bout your losses btw.

 

[dvdscott]

Thanks. I can accept most of the losses in my life but it does take time to heal from the pain of losing close relatives, especially with life kicking you in the backside at the same time. I understand pretty much everything that you're going through and I'm always here if you need any more help.

 

[Faith504]

Take it easy and hopefully Pray alot. Things will be better.