- Feb 5, 2002
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First off, this missive deals with some touchy subjects, and while I have gone way out of my way to try to tone it all down, and make it as acceptable as possible, some folks here may take offense to it. It is not my desire or purpose to offend anybody, nor is it my purpose to break the forum rules. So, Moderators, if you feel this steps over any lines, please don't ban me, just delete this post with my blessings, okay? For the rest of you, if this remains open for viewing, it will give you sort of an idea of how my warped mind works.
I was doing some research on ancient Irish archaeological sites. There is a lake in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland, called Lough Erne. In the lake is an island, called White Island, on which are the ruins of a late 12th-century church, which was itself built upon the ruins of a much earlier monastery. The monastery was raided, sacked, and razed by the Vikings in 837 A.D.; what was left of the buildings were gradually covered over by dirt and grass and forgotten.
About 400 years later, a small Romanesque church was built on the site, and as construction was going on, eight stone carvings were discovered, buried in the ground---most likely, remnants of the old Viking raid. The figures were deemed to be of sacred nature, and therefore, the builders of the church decided to incorporate them into the structure of the new building. They were built into the inside south wall of the church, where they remain to this day:
Since no explanation has ever been found as to who or what these figures represent, there has been speculation for centuries about them. The church itself was abandoned and fell into ruin towards the tail end of the 12th century, so any records there might have been are long gone. Some of the figures are presumed to be St. Patrick, a monastic abbot, Christ, the biblical King David, and maybe an ancient Irish sub-king. But nobody knows exactly, for sure.
Here's where things start to get weird.
While researching all this, I discovered that many authorities believe the first carved figure (below) to be what's called a sheela-na-gig.
"What's a sheela-na-gig?" I hear you ask. My question precisely!
So I did some research, and found out that a sheela-na-gig is an "architectural grotesque" that adorns the doorways and cornices of many ancient churches in Ireland and Europe, some as far away as Spain. It depicts a nude woman, usually sitting in a childbirth position, with her legs bent or upraised, and her hands pulling open her....um.....reproductive regions for display. The closest translation of the name is something along the lines of "old hag of the breasts". There are various explanations for this specific type of carving; the usual one is that they represent an old legend about a woman driving away the devil by exposing herself to him and scaring him away (I said it was an old legend). Another story is that they are a carry-over from pre-Christian times and represent female power and fertility and all that sort of thing. In any event, they were seen as guardians or protectors of a sort, and they were incorporated into many, many churches, and were thought, by the more superstitiously-inclined, to bring safety and good luck. Nobody got upset about them until the über-prudish Victorian age, when hundreds of them were destroyed. Even at that, hundreds of these things remain, all across Ireland.
Okay; it gets weirder. So then, in the midst of this, I find out that the sheela-na-gig is similar to some figures found on Hindu temples in India and across south Asia, called yonis. Apparently, a yoni is a representation of the Hindu goddess Shakti, which deals, again, with birth and reproduction and female power and feminine prowess and so on. Evidently, the word yoni eventually became a common term for the human vulva/vagina. (I told you this was weird.) There are carvings on Indian temples of, again, females in childbirth positions, legs spread and the groin area exposed, somewhat similar to the sheela-na-gigs. Here are two examples, which I have toned down by blanking out the naughty bits:
Still with me? Onward we go, weirder and weirder yet. While investigating all of this, I came across something called a "yoni egg".
This is literally a chunk of semi-precious stone (jade; amethyst; quartz; opal; jasper, etc.) that has been shaped into the form of a bird's egg, smoothed and polished to the consistency of a stone from a rock polisher. In some circles, apparently these objects are used by women for health or holistic purposes; they are inserted into the vaginal canal (yes, really) and are carried around while the woman performs what we would call Kegel exercises all day long to keep it in place. This, in turn, is supposed to tighten the muscles and walls of the cervix, etc., and result in better coitus, and, if you believe in all of the New-Agey "powers of the crystal"-type nonsense, some sort of spiritual benefits as well.
Here's where it gets embarrassing. Upwards of some thirty years ago, I was in a curio shop, and I came across an ornament that I thought was pretty neat; it was my favorite color (blue; I think it's made from lapis lazuli), so I picked it up for a couple of bucks, and I've had it ever since.
Guess what? Yep, you guessed it. The "ornament" that I picked up all those years ago is actually one of these yoni eggs:
Ooopsie. How was I supposed to know?
I just thought it was a pretty stone egg. I had no idea what the thing was actually supposed to be used for. When I told my wife about this, she nearly died laughing. She said, "Well, dear, I guess we can safely say it was not meant for you!" 
Thanks, honey.
The moral of the story: when you start researching something, be real careful, because it may lead you in directions that you wouldn't have gone anywhere near if you'd had any idea where you'd wind up when you started!
I was doing some research on ancient Irish archaeological sites. There is a lake in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland, called Lough Erne. In the lake is an island, called White Island, on which are the ruins of a late 12th-century church, which was itself built upon the ruins of a much earlier monastery. The monastery was raided, sacked, and razed by the Vikings in 837 A.D.; what was left of the buildings were gradually covered over by dirt and grass and forgotten.
About 400 years later, a small Romanesque church was built on the site, and as construction was going on, eight stone carvings were discovered, buried in the ground---most likely, remnants of the old Viking raid. The figures were deemed to be of sacred nature, and therefore, the builders of the church decided to incorporate them into the structure of the new building. They were built into the inside south wall of the church, where they remain to this day:
Since no explanation has ever been found as to who or what these figures represent, there has been speculation for centuries about them. The church itself was abandoned and fell into ruin towards the tail end of the 12th century, so any records there might have been are long gone. Some of the figures are presumed to be St. Patrick, a monastic abbot, Christ, the biblical King David, and maybe an ancient Irish sub-king. But nobody knows exactly, for sure.
Here's where things start to get weird.
While researching all this, I discovered that many authorities believe the first carved figure (below) to be what's called a sheela-na-gig.
"What's a sheela-na-gig?" I hear you ask. My question precisely!
So I did some research, and found out that a sheela-na-gig is an "architectural grotesque" that adorns the doorways and cornices of many ancient churches in Ireland and Europe, some as far away as Spain. It depicts a nude woman, usually sitting in a childbirth position, with her legs bent or upraised, and her hands pulling open her....um.....reproductive regions for display. The closest translation of the name is something along the lines of "old hag of the breasts". There are various explanations for this specific type of carving; the usual one is that they represent an old legend about a woman driving away the devil by exposing herself to him and scaring him away (I said it was an old legend). Another story is that they are a carry-over from pre-Christian times and represent female power and fertility and all that sort of thing. In any event, they were seen as guardians or protectors of a sort, and they were incorporated into many, many churches, and were thought, by the more superstitiously-inclined, to bring safety and good luck. Nobody got upset about them until the über-prudish Victorian age, when hundreds of them were destroyed. Even at that, hundreds of these things remain, all across Ireland.Okay; it gets weirder. So then, in the midst of this, I find out that the sheela-na-gig is similar to some figures found on Hindu temples in India and across south Asia, called yonis. Apparently, a yoni is a representation of the Hindu goddess Shakti, which deals, again, with birth and reproduction and female power and feminine prowess and so on. Evidently, the word yoni eventually became a common term for the human vulva/vagina. (I told you this was weird.) There are carvings on Indian temples of, again, females in childbirth positions, legs spread and the groin area exposed, somewhat similar to the sheela-na-gigs. Here are two examples, which I have toned down by blanking out the naughty bits:
Still with me? Onward we go, weirder and weirder yet. While investigating all of this, I came across something called a "yoni egg".
This is literally a chunk of semi-precious stone (jade; amethyst; quartz; opal; jasper, etc.) that has been shaped into the form of a bird's egg, smoothed and polished to the consistency of a stone from a rock polisher. In some circles, apparently these objects are used by women for health or holistic purposes; they are inserted into the vaginal canal (yes, really) and are carried around while the woman performs what we would call Kegel exercises all day long to keep it in place. This, in turn, is supposed to tighten the muscles and walls of the cervix, etc., and result in better coitus, and, if you believe in all of the New-Agey "powers of the crystal"-type nonsense, some sort of spiritual benefits as well. Here's where it gets embarrassing.
Upwards of some thirty years ago, I was in a curio shop, and I came across an ornament that I thought was pretty neat; it was my favorite color (blue; I think it's made from lapis lazuli), so I picked it up for a couple of bucks, and I've had it ever since.Guess what? Yep, you guessed it. The "ornament" that I picked up all those years ago is actually one of these yoni eggs:
Ooopsie. How was I supposed to know?
I just thought it was a pretty stone egg. I had no idea what the thing was actually supposed to be used for. When I told my wife about this, she nearly died laughing. She said, "Well, dear, I guess we can safely say it was not meant for you!" Thanks, honey. The moral of the story: when you start researching something, be real careful, because it may lead you in directions that you wouldn't have gone anywhere near if you'd had any idea where you'd wind up when you started!
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