- Sep 8, 2011
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Hello Everyone
I am new to this site as you may know my name is Alex and I guess I am after a little bit of advice and help.
I'll give you a little bit of background first I am a born again Christian for over 5 years now. My wife emma is also a born again christian I have known her for about 10 years now. We have a son Thomas who is 8 years old 9 this month. we got together and had the child before we got married and became Christians.
We split up just after Tom was born and I moved back down south with me mum. A while after that Emma started talking about a Alpha course she was doing and the difference it was making in her life. It is a idea that I had been thinking about for a while so I found a local Alpha course in a local church and started attending. It gave a freedom to me that I havent felt before and a sense of peace I havent felt before.
I think Emma sensed a change in me and after a while we talked about getting back together and we did and got married in 2006 shortly after I was baptised.
I would also like to point out that whilst me and Emma had split up. I met a new girl called Caroline and we started going out it was ok but wasnt really much compared to what I had with Emma. Well we ahd talked aboout getting a place together and I agreed to get a loan to pay for a deposit for a flat. I eventually took out a loan of about 12,500 pound to transfer to her account to look for a deposit. This was the first of many mistakes I had made just to give a girl some money without really getting to know her. needled to say we did split up as I couldnt really remember where she lived I had no way of getting hold of her and even if I did there would be no way of getting the money back as I wasnt forced to hand it over I was just stupid.
Now when I got back with Emma I didnt tell he about this debt I had in fact I waited till after we got married and wroter her a letter about it. Amazingly Emma forgave me. Things were great for a hile but I got into the habbit of lying to her about money hiding bank statements that type of thing. I used to waste money terrible on not much really. It took me ages to sort things too like if the gas bill needed sorting or anything like that really I would do it but it would take a lot of asing from Emma for me to get round to it.
I also started to talk to other women on line too just flirting at first then getting involved in talking about sex and what I waned to do to them. I used to trawl the internet to talk these women and started to text and phone a few one of which was a fellow Christian. I always used to say I was single with no children never used to send a picture of myself too as I didnt wnat to be recognised. One of the girls I was texting was a girlI used to know before I met Emma a Girl Called Allie. I was also friends with her on Facebook and we sometimes woud exchange flirty messages on that and she would often say she loved me and I wouldoften say I loved her. I didnt and I dont know why I said I think maybe it was some kind of gratifcation for me. Now tis Allie girl was married and had a son. Amongst all of this I was still attending church and was seen to be a good member of the community. It all came to a head when I went on a church holiday with my son. Just before I went on this holiday I was getting a real conviction that what I was doing wasn't right so I stopped talking to these other gitl online and ended it with Allie. I have never slept with any of tese women it was either texting or chatting on the phone or talking onthe internet but that doesnt excuse what I did.
Anyways I had got back fromthe Church holiday and Emma one night found my phone with text essages on it and it all came out. She pretended at first that all was fine but I knew that she knew. She asked me about quite calmly about it the next day but like a coward I denied it even another family member came round to talk to me about it and i still denied it. I kept on denying but Emma rightly didnt believe me.
I moved out of the family home and stayed with some close friends from the church. I was still lying about the extent of my betrayal at that point . As Emma found out the emails I was using and found hundreds of emails to girls. I couldnt stay at the close friends for a long period of time as it wasnt fair on them as they were both friends of me and emma eventually I moved back home with my mum and sister. During this time I can honestly say that I did little to try and help my marriage I sat there just expecting emma to forgive me and for my pastor to sort it out.
It's been over 2 years since now since we split up. My relatiosnhip with my son has suffered to the extent where at school he doesnt even mention me he doesnt talk about me at school.He has a lot of ange towards me and Emma says at home he has been trying to replace me as the man of the house. I see my Tom about once a month and I have just had him down for the week.
Emma has had some issues within the Church too and her realtionship with God has suffered . She is now no longer allowed to bring a word to open worship within the church as the Church Elders arent sure that the words she is bringing is coming from God. The Church ahd asked her not to say much about our situation and to Emma it seems as if the Church has been supporting me more than her and I'm not even attending there.
Allie the girl i have previosuly mentioned well er husband has recently got back in contact with Emma because he wanted to find out if I would take a dna test to prove the paternity of their child as Allie had insunated that the Child might be mine. I will say once again that I have never met up with Allie but that is kind of missing the point. He had been tying to get hold of me but I have never heard anything from him.
Well Emma spoke to me and said that 2 tests had been done on the child and it had been proved that the baby was Allie's husbands. Thats another effect of my sin that another innocent child has been affected by this as well as my son this child has been brought into it and my sinhas affected this couples marriage.
Again this is something I have left Emma to deal with and thats another problem I htink that I have neevr faced up to my responsilbitys she has always had to handle it and the fact that I have neevr really grown up everything has alays been done for me wether it be emma, my mum or church pastors etc.
Emma has been talking abut divorce for sometime as she classed as what I did as adultrey. I have took advice frm church pastors and my own thinking and denied it was adultrey and just brushed it off as a misdemeanour.
I was taling to Emma the other night after talking to emma and it had been on my mind for some time that for the first time what I did was adultrey just because I didnt sleep with these women what did was equally as bad and I dont think I have been Honest with God either. So last night in prayers before god for the first time I confessed what I did was adultrey to him I called it what it i. No longer sugar coating it before God but calling it what is.
I have decided that I wont contest emma's application for divorce as for 2 reasons 1. It's adultrey and the bible is quite clear on divorce on that matters 2. I cant hurt Emma or tom any longer it's not fair on them It's about time I faced up to the reality of my sin and be a man and faced up to the consequences of it. This may or may not be the right thing to do but I beleive god is leading me to be hnest with him and face up to it at last. I'm not hapy about the thought of getting divorced but at the minute I just cant see any other way. I also think it's needs to be done to move on in my relationship with God if that Makes any sense?
I also thoguht about sending a open letter to my old church pastor to be read out in Chrurch or sent out as a letter to the Church members bascially being honest saying i have been lying to god and trying to play dwon the nature of my sin and confessing my adultrey . These people cared for me and are my friends an prayed for me and I htink it's a good idea to be honest with them.
I am attending a new church and have told my pastors about the issues I have had but I guess again I have sugar coated it as well and yet to confess it as adultrey I think therfore I need to be more honest about everything with them as well. In Emmas words I cant pull the wool over peoples eyes anymore. The holy spirit has convicted me to such a degree that I feel that I cant move on in a relationship with Jesus unless I acknowledge this sin face up to it and move on.
In the 2 years I have stunbled frequently still go online to talk to women still veiwed porn at times and havent really moved on or grown up.
I guess the help and advice i'm asking for is am I doing the right thing? is being honest about the adultrey and sin a laying it all down with god and being honest with him.
Thank you all for reading this and May God Bless you
Alex
I am new to this site as you may know my name is Alex and I guess I am after a little bit of advice and help.
I'll give you a little bit of background first I am a born again Christian for over 5 years now. My wife emma is also a born again christian I have known her for about 10 years now. We have a son Thomas who is 8 years old 9 this month. we got together and had the child before we got married and became Christians.
We split up just after Tom was born and I moved back down south with me mum. A while after that Emma started talking about a Alpha course she was doing and the difference it was making in her life. It is a idea that I had been thinking about for a while so I found a local Alpha course in a local church and started attending. It gave a freedom to me that I havent felt before and a sense of peace I havent felt before.
I think Emma sensed a change in me and after a while we talked about getting back together and we did and got married in 2006 shortly after I was baptised.
I would also like to point out that whilst me and Emma had split up. I met a new girl called Caroline and we started going out it was ok but wasnt really much compared to what I had with Emma. Well we ahd talked aboout getting a place together and I agreed to get a loan to pay for a deposit for a flat. I eventually took out a loan of about 12,500 pound to transfer to her account to look for a deposit. This was the first of many mistakes I had made just to give a girl some money without really getting to know her. needled to say we did split up as I couldnt really remember where she lived I had no way of getting hold of her and even if I did there would be no way of getting the money back as I wasnt forced to hand it over I was just stupid.
Now when I got back with Emma I didnt tell he about this debt I had in fact I waited till after we got married and wroter her a letter about it. Amazingly Emma forgave me. Things were great for a hile but I got into the habbit of lying to her about money hiding bank statements that type of thing. I used to waste money terrible on not much really. It took me ages to sort things too like if the gas bill needed sorting or anything like that really I would do it but it would take a lot of asing from Emma for me to get round to it.
I also started to talk to other women on line too just flirting at first then getting involved in talking about sex and what I waned to do to them. I used to trawl the internet to talk these women and started to text and phone a few one of which was a fellow Christian. I always used to say I was single with no children never used to send a picture of myself too as I didnt wnat to be recognised. One of the girls I was texting was a girlI used to know before I met Emma a Girl Called Allie. I was also friends with her on Facebook and we sometimes woud exchange flirty messages on that and she would often say she loved me and I wouldoften say I loved her. I didnt and I dont know why I said I think maybe it was some kind of gratifcation for me. Now tis Allie girl was married and had a son. Amongst all of this I was still attending church and was seen to be a good member of the community. It all came to a head when I went on a church holiday with my son. Just before I went on this holiday I was getting a real conviction that what I was doing wasn't right so I stopped talking to these other gitl online and ended it with Allie. I have never slept with any of tese women it was either texting or chatting on the phone or talking onthe internet but that doesnt excuse what I did.
Anyways I had got back fromthe Church holiday and Emma one night found my phone with text essages on it and it all came out. She pretended at first that all was fine but I knew that she knew. She asked me about quite calmly about it the next day but like a coward I denied it even another family member came round to talk to me about it and i still denied it. I kept on denying but Emma rightly didnt believe me.
I moved out of the family home and stayed with some close friends from the church. I was still lying about the extent of my betrayal at that point . As Emma found out the emails I was using and found hundreds of emails to girls. I couldnt stay at the close friends for a long period of time as it wasnt fair on them as they were both friends of me and emma eventually I moved back home with my mum and sister. During this time I can honestly say that I did little to try and help my marriage I sat there just expecting emma to forgive me and for my pastor to sort it out.
It's been over 2 years since now since we split up. My relatiosnhip with my son has suffered to the extent where at school he doesnt even mention me he doesnt talk about me at school.He has a lot of ange towards me and Emma says at home he has been trying to replace me as the man of the house. I see my Tom about once a month and I have just had him down for the week.
Emma has had some issues within the Church too and her realtionship with God has suffered . She is now no longer allowed to bring a word to open worship within the church as the Church Elders arent sure that the words she is bringing is coming from God. The Church ahd asked her not to say much about our situation and to Emma it seems as if the Church has been supporting me more than her and I'm not even attending there.
Allie the girl i have previosuly mentioned well er husband has recently got back in contact with Emma because he wanted to find out if I would take a dna test to prove the paternity of their child as Allie had insunated that the Child might be mine. I will say once again that I have never met up with Allie but that is kind of missing the point. He had been tying to get hold of me but I have never heard anything from him.
Well Emma spoke to me and said that 2 tests had been done on the child and it had been proved that the baby was Allie's husbands. Thats another effect of my sin that another innocent child has been affected by this as well as my son this child has been brought into it and my sinhas affected this couples marriage.
Again this is something I have left Emma to deal with and thats another problem I htink that I have neevr faced up to my responsilbitys she has always had to handle it and the fact that I have neevr really grown up everything has alays been done for me wether it be emma, my mum or church pastors etc.
Emma has been talking abut divorce for sometime as she classed as what I did as adultrey. I have took advice frm church pastors and my own thinking and denied it was adultrey and just brushed it off as a misdemeanour.
I was taling to Emma the other night after talking to emma and it had been on my mind for some time that for the first time what I did was adultrey just because I didnt sleep with these women what did was equally as bad and I dont think I have been Honest with God either. So last night in prayers before god for the first time I confessed what I did was adultrey to him I called it what it i. No longer sugar coating it before God but calling it what is.
I have decided that I wont contest emma's application for divorce as for 2 reasons 1. It's adultrey and the bible is quite clear on divorce on that matters 2. I cant hurt Emma or tom any longer it's not fair on them It's about time I faced up to the reality of my sin and be a man and faced up to the consequences of it. This may or may not be the right thing to do but I beleive god is leading me to be hnest with him and face up to it at last. I'm not hapy about the thought of getting divorced but at the minute I just cant see any other way. I also think it's needs to be done to move on in my relationship with God if that Makes any sense?
I also thoguht about sending a open letter to my old church pastor to be read out in Chrurch or sent out as a letter to the Church members bascially being honest saying i have been lying to god and trying to play dwon the nature of my sin and confessing my adultrey . These people cared for me and are my friends an prayed for me and I htink it's a good idea to be honest with them.
I am attending a new church and have told my pastors about the issues I have had but I guess again I have sugar coated it as well and yet to confess it as adultrey I think therfore I need to be more honest about everything with them as well. In Emmas words I cant pull the wool over peoples eyes anymore. The holy spirit has convicted me to such a degree that I feel that I cant move on in a relationship with Jesus unless I acknowledge this sin face up to it and move on.
In the 2 years I have stunbled frequently still go online to talk to women still veiwed porn at times and havent really moved on or grown up.
I guess the help and advice i'm asking for is am I doing the right thing? is being honest about the adultrey and sin a laying it all down with god and being honest with him.
Thank you all for reading this and May God Bless you
Alex
