A joke or two....

Blackwing · Feb 21, 2002

Ha!HA!HAHA!LOL!!!!!!!!!!

loveHIM_liveHIM · Oct 21, 2003

these are hysterical!!!... i just tried to post that last one from memory...didn't turn out too well

Ben johnson · Oct 24, 2003

Three young friends decide to go into the Catholic ministry; they are approved, and become: "Father Flarity, Father Sicola and Father Flannigan."

Years pass and promotions occur. It is "Bishop Flarity", and "Bishop Flannigan"; but still "Father Sicola."

A few more years pass, and it's: "Cardinal Flarity", and "Cardinal Flannigan" --- but still "Father Sicola!"

Father Sicola requests an audience with his superior. He says: "I'm not a vain mahn, ya' knoew; buht me friends r' adVANcin', ahnd I'd be appreciative if ya' c'ld tell me why ah'm NOT?"

His superior's shoulders fell, he took a deep breath; looked down, then looked up again. "Well ah'll tell ya; yer performance has been EXEMPLARY; the people all LOVE ya'; ya've cehrtainly got all o' th' qualifications. But, ya' knoew, once ya' stahrt adVANcin', thar's just no way o' telling where ya' might end UP. Ahnd face it, my friend; it just wouldna' do a-tall, if someday we had a POPE-SICOLA..."

jono1 · Oct 25, 2003

<major groan>
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor??

"where's my tractor??"

Xgthug · Oct 25, 2003

Q: What did the chicken say when it crossed the road?
A: OUCH!

Ben johnson · Oct 25, 2003

Chicken walked into the library. "Book? Book-book-book-book???" One librarian lookat at the other and frowned. WELL, he HAD is own library card. "What kind of books would he want?" THe other librarian said, "Maybe some children's books?" The first checked out several, and put them in the chicken's backpack; chicken left, seemingly happy. BUT --- a few minutes later, he was back: "Book-book-book-BOOK?" She checked in the first set, and gave him several new ones.

This kept happening several times! As the chicken left one time, the first librarian whispered: "I'm going to find out what's going on."

She followed the chicken; down the steps, down the sidewalk, then the chicken CROSSED THE ROAD...

She followed and followed, finally he turned into a small copse of woods. Peeking from behind a tree, she saw he had a FRIEND.

A little frog.

The chicken began pulling out the books and plopping them in front of his froggy-friend.

But at each one, the frog would shake his head, and say:

"Read-it. Read-it. Read-it-read-it."

Xgthug · Oct 26, 2003

iluvjesus313 · Oct 26, 2003

Martin said:
One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No problem God, anything you want after all you're the boss".

But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK, whatever you say, should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"No, Noah..... this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God Answers

"Fish?" Queries Noah.

"Yes, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies, "OK Lord, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check"

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.

"Dunno" says God. "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

(groan)
Now it's your turn.....

that was strange......

Ben johnson · Oct 27, 2003

My first attempt at ICE-fishing was a DISASTER. I had all the equipment; gloves, boots, pole, bait; hat, ax, stool. Found a good spot in the ice and began to chop.

"There are no fish under the ice."

The voice seemed to come from EVERYWHERE; I froze, eyes wide; finally shook my head and moved to a new spot. (Chop, chop...)

"There ARE no FISH, under the ICE..."

I loooooked left, loooked right; couldn't see anything. Shook my head and moved to a new spot. Chop...

"There ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"

Thoroughly frightened, I finally gathered the courage to shout back: "W-w-who are y-you, God?"

"No. I'm the MANAGER of the GALLERIA SKATING RINK!!!!!!!"

Ben johnson · Oct 28, 2003

Peter Pan went hunting. SUDDENLY, he spied a DUCK. He swiftly drew his bow, and FIRED; but the duck, DUCKED. And, as ducks are wont to do, flew off at GRASS-TOP-LEVEL...

On the other side of the meadow, was ROBIN HOOD and his MERRY MEN. The duck was surprised when he was suddenly confronted with the wide girth of Friar Tuck; Tuck, equally surpised, simply closed his hands and captured the duck.

The duck looked up, rolled his eyes, shook his head and exclaimed...

exclaimed...

"OH good. Out of the FLYING-PAN and into the FRIAR."

EspressoDuck · Oct 29, 2003

Those are ALL great!

How about this?

There was a man who was caught in a severe storm, and the nearest sheltar was an old monestary. So he climbed the steep hill, knocked on the door, and was showed tremendous hospitality by the monks who lived there. They fed him full of fish and chips, and they were so good, that he requested to see the chef. When he entered the kitchen, he was met by two robed men. "You must be the fish friar..." He said to the first one, holding a frying pan. "But what are you?" He said to the second one. "Didn't you know? I'm the chip monk!"

LOL!!!!

Ben johnson · Oct 30, 2003

That was so bad it was good!

Sign Of The Fish Burger · Oct 30, 2003

What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
A: FLOOD LIGHTS

Ben johnson · Nov 2, 2003

Very good! And ...what kind of HELPERS did God send for Noah's journey???

....whyyy, ARK-ANGELS, of COURSE!!!

(What was the PHONE number of the Garden of Eden? ADAM-8-1-2...)

Bain_Adaneth · Nov 27, 2003

HAHHA FUNNY JOKES

Care Bear · Nov 29, 2003

OK, here it goes....

Three women died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them at the pearly gates and welcomed them. He said: "There is only one rule here in Heaven and that is whatever you do, don't step on any ducks."

Easy enough, the women thought. Just then, as he opened the gates, the women saw that the place was full of ducks! Everywhere they could see, there were ducks. Suddenly, the first woman stepped on a duck. St. Peter, quickly disappeared and returned a short while later with the ugliest man she ever saw. He said: "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to this man for eternity."

The other two women, seeing this, were VERY careful not to step on any ducks. Nevertheless, the second woman inevitably stepped on a duck and sure enough, St. Peter returned with the ugliest man she ever saw and chained them together for eternity.

The third woman, not wanting to encounter the same fate as the other two was OVERLY CAREFUL and went weeks without stepping on any ducks. Suddenly one day, St. Peter comes and chains her to the most gorgeous tall dark and handsome man she had ever laid eyes on. She turned to the man and said: "What have I done to deserve this great honor"? To which the man replied: "I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!!"

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

A joke or two....

Music Man With Black Wings(duh...)<img src="http:/

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