a heart affair

[iopci]

I am a woman who is married to a kind man. However, for years I had feelings for a man I work with, but did all I could to ignore these feelings and never spoke or acted in an inappropriate manner with him. About a year ago, he unexpectedly revealed that he had been in love with me for years. He loves his wife and family, but I am the only woman he's ever fallen "in love" with.

At first, I had hope we would just develop a special, above-reproach friendship - two people committed to their families who simply cared and wanted the best for one another. However, over the last year, I've found myself falling deeply in love with him.

He seems to be much more at peace with what can not be than I am, though he has had his moments of clear weakness. It is torture to see him at work every day, knowing how I feel and he feels. I can't imagine leaving my husband. I've considered leaving my job. But, it is a one in a million job and I would probably have to leave the state to find something comparable. I put on a happy face at work and home every day and night, but inside, feel like my spirit is dead.

I've tried repentence, prayer, reading all of the Bible passages warning against adultery over and over again, showering my husband with love and attention, imagining the terrible heartbreak we both would experience if he learned of my feelings or we were to divorce. Nothing helps and I feel more depressed and lost with every day, week, month that passes. I have no one to share this intense pain that I've caused myself through my sin. I can't keep this man from my thoughts or my heart. I need prayer. I need hope.

 

[texastig]

I am a woman who is married to a kind man. However, for years I had feelings for a man I work with, but did all I could to ignore these feelings and never spoke or acted in an inappropriate manner with him. About a year ago, he unexpectedly revealed that he had been in love with me for years. He loves his wife and family, but I am the only woman he's ever fallen "in love" with.

At first, I had hope we would just develop a special, above-reproach friendship - two people committed to their families who simply cared and wanted the best for one another. However, over the last year, I've found myself falling deeply in love with him.

He seems to be much more at peace with what can not be than I am, though he has had his moments of clear weakness. It is torture to see him at work every day, knowing how I feel and he feels. I can't imagine leaving my husband. I've considered leaving my job. But, it is a one in a million job and I would probably have to leave the state to find something comparable. I put on a happy face at work and home every day and night, but inside, feel like my spirit is dead.

I've tried repentence, prayer, reading all of the Bible passages warning against adultery over and over again, showering my husband with love and attention, imagining the terrible heartbreak we both would experience if he learned of my feelings or we were to divorce. Nothing helps and I feel more depressed and lost with every day, week, month that passes. I have no one to share this intense pain that I've caused myself through my sin. I can't keep this man from my thoughts or my heart. I need prayer. I need hope.

If God says that adultery is wrong then who would try to be getting us to do something wrong? It is the devil.
If you listen to the devil, your life, your husband, your guy friend and his family will be destroyed. But I don't think you'll do that.
We have to cast down imaginations, fantasies, idols, high places, motives, desires, feelings and thoughts. We have to replace those with praise (God inhabits the praises of His people), intense prayer,
and fasting .
I believe you are soul-tied to this man. Ask our Father to break every ungodly soul tie and to throw out every evil spirit associated with it.
Ask God to bring you closer in genuine love to your husband.
Ask God to break your heart for Him. Our love should be to Jesus first then our spouse. My wife says it this way, "I'm in love with another man and His name is Jesus."
Ask God to send revival to you and your marriage and things will change.
See my post here about "Deliverance from Evil Thoughts":
http://dailycrossesforums.com/index.php/topic,942.0.html

Father, we bring iopci before You in Jesus Name.
Break the ungodly soul ties between her and this man.
Change her heart to love You first then her husband.
Destroy the works of the devil in her mind Father.
Send warring angels to do battle for her. Send ministering
angels (Heb 1:14) to minister to her.
Father, we pray that Your Kingdom will come into her life
here on earth as it is in Heaven.
We plead the blood of Jesus over her and in Jesus Name we break every
ungodly soul tie and we command every evil spirit to leave her.
Father, You promised to help us and everyone of your promises is YES and AMEN in Christ Jesus.
Father, we thank You that You hear us. In Jesus Name. Amen!!!!
Be blessed sister.
Thanks,
TT

 

[drich0150]

Keeping this to yourself leaves you unaccountable to anyone except yourself. We all know left to own vices we can justify anything.

I went through a similar situation and I asked my wife for help before I got too far along it was very hard at first but over time we over came this little obstacle and our marriage is much stronger because of it.

If the roles we reversed with your husband. Would you want an opportunity to help prevent a potential disaster like this or would you rather find out after the fact?

 

[iopci]

Thank you for your responses. TT - the prayer was beautiful and one I will incorporate as a personal, daily prayer. And drich - thank you for your push to accountability. I did share some of the situation with my husband - the revelation of feelings and my concerns over the fact that it made me feel good instead of horrible. Unfortunately, he was not concerned and did not engage in the battle with me.

Jesus Christ is my savior. Please pray with me that I will open up to His power in helping me control my thoughts, not be led by my emotions and the He gives me His eyes through which to view this situation and my life.

Again, thank you for your words.

 

[drich0150]

Not to beat a dead horse, but may ask why didn't you share the complete situation with him.. would you let him read your post? is there even more? People don't usally act if they think there is still time to put things off, maybe he doesn't yet see the urgantcy in your situation. i think you should bite the bullet and share the rest of the story with him. A complete commitment to this situation on your part will answer your prayers one way or another.

 

[iopci]

Honestly, no - I wouldn't share the post. Call it cowardice, shame, fear of facing my failures as a wife, but it is also largely knowing how much it would hurt my husband to know how deeply I feel about another man.

It was hard for me to tell him about the sitaution in the first place (and I brought it up multiple times for discussion and prayer early on) and I think I was also hurt by the fact he did not seem to care.

I'm (perhaps naively) not afraid of this turning into a physical relationship, but I desperately need to get a grasp on my feelings and emotions in this situation. My sins of idolotry, coveting/lust are robbing my of my joy in the Lord and Life.

I think you are right about the "complete committment" on my part. I pray the Lord will give me strength to do that. I know He wants to. I know it's me keeping it from happening. I just don't know how toget over that hump of let go.

 

[texastig]

Honestly, no - I wouldn't share the post. Call it cowardice, shame, fear of facing my failures as a wife, but it is also largely knowing how much it would hurt my husband to know how deeply I feel about another man.

It was hard for me to tell him about the sitaution in the first place (and I brought it up multiple times for discussion and prayer early on) and I think I was also hurt by the fact he did not seem to care.

I'm (perhaps naively) not afraid of this turning into a physical relationship, but I desperately need to get a grasp on my feelings and emotions in this situation. My sins of idolotry, coveting/lust are robbing my of my joy in the Lord and Life.

I think you are right about the "complete committment" on my part. I pray the Lord will give me strength to do that. I know He wants to. I know it's me keeping it from happening. I just don't know how toget over that hump of let go.

iopci, here's some great verses from the Bible that will help you.
Phil 4:6-8
6. Don't worry about anything; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

Prov 16:3
Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Thanks,
TT

 

[drich0150]

Well what ever you decide I wish you the best.

Goodluck and Godbless

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Rosesarered]

I think there is a danger that you do not feel completely loved by your husband. You are searching for something outside of marriage subconciously perhaps to fill up that empty hole inside of you dying for love...that void. Now is time to repent. Share with a pastor, a sister in the LORD...a friend in person. You need support. An online forum can only go so far.

I would quit my job. I have seen affairs happen in these circumstances.

Try also reading up on Marriage Builders and DO take a look at their marriage forum. Wayward spouses post in there sometimes and a lot of hurt spouses post. I am single but I know about it since one of my seperated friends used it. His wife left him for a man she met at work...

Good for you btw posting on this difficult subject. I am glad you are dealing with it. I will be praying for the LORD to reveal Himself to you and help you run from sin like Joseph did from Propitar's wife...leaving his clothes in her hands.

Good luck and God bless! +