a good friend

[edwardfsmith]

I think it's awkward when you ask someone "will you be my friend?". I haven't been asked that since I was little. My personal opinion is if I want to be friends with someone, that means I want to spend time with them. If I want to spend time with them, that means I ask them to go places with me or meet up for a meal or coffee, or I call them to see how their day or week is going. Just maybe try being the friend you wish you had.

That is a very good idea.
I will try asking if we can do some fun activities this year. Or just going out to eat.
I am sure that will work.

Yes i love it when people show a real interest in how my life is going. And I am
Genuinely very interested in how others are doing.
Like we said earlier it can be hard sometimes to know what to do if they are having problems. But sharing have having that connection is something if you can find that in a friend.

 

[dayhiker]

lol ... ya I'd not travel that far to play golf as much as I like golf. heck, even meeting half way would be a 2 day drive for each of us.

GF ... ya, she would be sure we were meeting for something other than golf! Even me swearing up and down that it was just golf wouldn't convince her ...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

lol ... ya I'd not travel that far to play golf as much as I like golf. heck, even meeting half way would be a 2 day drive for each of us.

GF ... ya, she would be sure we were meeting for something other than golf! Even me swearing up and down that it was just golf wouldn't convince her ...

I could always tell if a woman was "after" my husband by the simple fact that they never tried to be my friend or include me. Big red flag. But if you really WERE coming here to play golf I'd say bring the GF. I'd love to meet her and possibly gain a couple of extra friends. For one, I would NEVER go for someone else's beau, not a chance. That's just not how I roll.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Everyone in a while I get a 100,000 blessings and am told to use them wisely. Well, its always nice to be blessed. But I have no idea what those blessing points are used for. If I give them to a woman, can she get flowers? OH, maybe she can get chocolates! Wait, if she can get chocolates, I'm not passing the blesses and cause I should be able to get the chocolates.

got to go .... time to read the site documentation! lol

Do send those blessings if I can trade them in on chocolates. I promise to share with you and anyone else here that wants them. Chocolate is my Kryptonite!

Truly I am trying to be a better friend to ppl. Since my divorce, I've kinda hid out at home. Now I'm trying to get out and do things when ppl ask me. I'm turning over a new leaf - or maybe it is the OLD leaf that I had hid for so long.

 

[blackribbon]

I could always tell if a woman was "after" my husband by the simple fact that they never tried to be my friend or include me. Big red flag. But if you really WERE coming here to play golf I'd say bring the GF. I'd love to meet her and possibly gain a couple of extra friends. For one, I would NEVER go for someone else's beau, not a chance. That's just not how I roll.

I used to say that I'd trust my husband in a room of naked girls...I'd just have one REALLY horny man when he got home. Girls used to hit on him all the time ... he always came home ... and if there had been any "side" stories, I'd have found out by now because these things always surface when you die.

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship where I couldn't have this kind of trust. Again, it came down to he picked me over all the other women and I didn't have to worry about whether or not he "missed" someone better. I don't think I'm particularly special...but I was his and he was mine. And it was that simple.

And 90 miles...back in Texas that would take me to the ocean...and I'd drive that to sit on the beach and read a book after work before I got married. (Added benefit, fresh seafood for dinner).

 

[blackribbon]

I think I got my posts mixed up...but "oh well"...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I used to say that I'd trust my husband in a room of naked girls...I'd just have one REALLY horny man when he got home. Girls used to hit on him all the time ... he always came home ... and if there had been any "side" stories, I'd have found out by now because these things always surface when you die.

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship where I couldn't have this kind of trust. Again, it came down to he picked me over all the other women and I didn't have to worry about whether or not he "missed" someone better. I don't think I'm particularly special...but I was his and he was mine. And it was that simple.

And 90 miles...back in Texas that would take me to the ocean...and I'd drive that to sit on the beach and read a book after work before I got married. (Added benefit, fresh seafood for dinner).

yeah, sadly my husband did cheat on me one time. It was when I went to my high school reunion without him (he didn't want to go). He called me late that night and was saying it was over (our marriage) cuz he messed up and he was so sorry blah blah blah....I told him...Can we talk about this when I get home? (cuz I was in another state). But yeah, on his death bed he felt he had to confess everything and so he told me (again) how he had cheated on me, so I'm confident it was only that one time. Never knew the details, never cared. But yeah, I did trust him even after that.

 

[edwardfsmith]

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship where I couldn't have this kind of trust. Again, it came down to he picked me over all the other women and I didn't have to worry about whether or not he "missed" someone better. I don't think I'm particularly special...but I was his and he was mine. And it was that simple.

That is very touching not only that he picked you but that it meant something to you.
That is wonderful you could have trust.
You do make it sound simple.

I wish I knew why it is not simple when it can be.
As you describe it.

 

[blackribbon]

That is very touching not only that he picked you but that it meant something to you.
That is wonderful you could have trust.
You do make it sound simple.

I wish I knew why it is not simple when it can be.
As you describe it.

Some is commitment...and commitment that no matter how bad things were, we were together for life.

Some is knowing that I could worry all day long and it wouldn't change anything...so I chose to trust. He hadn't necessarily earned that trust (he wasn't an angel before I married him)...but I chose to give it to him anyway. He did chose to live up to it. He had been cheated on before me, so it took him a little bit longer to learn to trust me...I just made sure he never had any reason to doubt that I deserved it.

In some ways, I want to say it wasn't that easy...but in other ways, it was exactly that easy. I got to know him really well before I married him...I knew what were his strengths and weaknesses...and I decided I like him enough "as is" to spend the rest of my life with him. He never had to be "better" than he was the day I married him. I think a lot of people get married (women in particular) thinking "they'll change". There were 3 things about him that bothered me and he promised to change if I'd married him (his offer, not my request). In a perfect world, I would have waited until he changed before I'd have married him. It would have saved us some grief. However, there was a war going on and his boat was heading back to Iraq, so I wanted to have the rights of "next of kin" instead of having to through his mother. I can say, he kept all three promises before he died (one, just barely).

 

[dayhiker]

HeKnow - Sounds like you have dealt with most of your divorce. I always think its very healthy when someone makes a change like you are making.

Do send those blessings if I can trade them in on chocolates. I promise to share with you and anyone else here that wants them. Chocolate is my Kryptonite!

Truly I am trying to be a better friend to ppl. Since my divorce, I've kinda hid out at home. Now I'm trying to get out and do things when ppl ask me. I'm turning over a new leaf - or maybe it is the OLD leaf that I had hid for so long.

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle and blackribbon ... I think both of you had a great attitude towards your men.

 

[edwardfsmith]

Some is commitment...and commitment that no matter how bad things were, we were together for life.

Some is knowing that I could worry all day long and it wouldn't change anything...so I chose to trust. He hadn't necessarily earned that trust (he wasn't an angel before I married him)...but I chose to give it to him anyway. He did chose to live up to it. He had been cheated on before me, so it took him a little bit longer to learn to trust me...I just made sure he never had any reason to doubt that I deserved it.

In some ways, I want to say it wasn't that easy...but in other ways, it was exactly that easy. I got to know him really well before I married him...I knew what were his strengths and weaknesses...and I decided I like him enough "as is" to spend the rest of my life with him. He never had to be "better" than he was the day I married him. I think a lot of people get married (women in particular) thinking "they'll change". There were 3 things about him that bothered me and he promised to change if I'd married him (his offer, not my request). In a perfect world, I would have waited until he changed before I'd have married him. It would have saved us some grief. However, there was a war going on and his boat was heading back to Iraq, so I wanted to have the rights of "next of kin" instead of having to through his mother. I can say, he kept all three promises before he died (one, just barely).

It is amazing the gift God gave you because you had the faith to trust.
Your story is inspiring
Even to me who is just looking to apply this all to friendship LOL

I am not sure about the waiting.
As the saying goes…. You can pick when the break starts but the duration is up to God. Wait and things would have been different. Sometimes different is not good.

 

[blackribbon]

It is amazing the gift God gave you because you had the faith to trust.
Your story is inspiring
Even to me who is just looking to apply this all to friendship LOL

I am not sure about the waiting.
As the saying goes…. You can pick when the break starts but the duration is up to God. Wait and things would have been different. Sometimes different is not good.

We had some years that were far from good...I even considered leaving but I'd never have divorced him. Luckily, he loved me enough to take me seriously when I said said something had to change (this had to do with a promise that he hadn't chose to honor yet).

I will say I am very lucky that God worked on me at the same time He worked on my husband. There were even times when God worked on me INSTEAD of him because I was the one praying for change. LOL...I wish I could claim that I jumped up and down in excitement when God pointed out my failings...(I mean I wanted God to fix HIM...).

I had a friend who claimed her husband her fought their way to being soulmates...frying pans flying sometimes. We didn't have anything more than socks flying (I knew I'd have to clean up any mess we made), we fought our way to a good marriage. (But I also realize it takes two having this kind of commitment because my best friend did the same but her husband walked...he obviously only committed for as long as he was 'happy').

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Michelle and blackribbon ... I think both of you had a great attitude towards your men.

Awe thank you dayhiker.

BR- My husband was also cheated on in his prior marriage(s) so I guess he just assumed I'd be the same way, but.....I wasn't!

I used to tell him "I'm your wife for life....like it or not!" But I meant it. It kinda hurt when he was dying and he thought that I would leave him or mis-treat him, because he had heard that's what some people do. I could NEVER leave someone when they were dying! And I could never treat someone bad, whether they deserved it or not, it's just not in my nature.

 

[blackribbon]

Awe thank you dayhiker.

BR- My husband was also cheated on in his prior marriage(s) so I guess he just assumed I'd be the same way, but.....I wasn't!

I used to tell him "I'm your wife for life....like it or not!" But I meant it. It kinda hurt when he was dying and he thought that I would leave him or mis-treat him, because he had heard that's what some people do. I could NEVER leave someone when they were dying! And I could never treat someone bad, whether they deserved it or not, it's just not in my nature.

It breaks my heart that there are people who don't know understand what love really is...or feel like they deserve to be loved. I think that is the reason my husband treated me like a princess is because every other woman in his life had cheated on him (something I didn't really realize until after he died and I was going through his high school photo album with him). It also explained the 'early years' of our marriage where he did things that were almost aimed at trying to get me to walk out on him and prove that I wasn't any better than the others. I had the gift of him being willing to accept my love and care at the end.

 

[singlewv2011]

It breaks my heart that there are people who don't know understand what love really is...or feel like they deserve to be loved. I think that is the reason my husband treated me like a princess is because every other woman in his life had cheated on him (something I didn't really realize until after he died and I was going through his high school photo album with him). It also explained the 'early years' of our marriage where he did things that were almost aimed at trying to get me to walk out on him and prove that I wasn't any better than the others. I had the gift of him being willing to accept my love and care at the end.

Thanks for sharing, BR. I don't think I have had any, or at least very precious few women in my life who didn't cheat on me. I 'do' have serious trust issues, but on the other hand a lot of it was my fault for choosing women who were broken and emotionally unavailable. I don't think I can emotionally handle being in one more relationship where I can't trust the person completely. It's like torture.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

It breaks my heart that there are people who don't know understand what love really is...or feel like they deserve to be loved. I think that is the reason my husband treated me like a princess is because every other woman in his life had cheated on him (something I didn't really realize until after he died and I was going through his high school photo album with him). It also explained the 'early years' of our marriage where he did things that were almost aimed at trying to get me to walk out on him and prove that I wasn't any better than the others. I had the gift of him being willing to accept my love and care at the end.

BBM Yep!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thanks for sharing, BR. I don't think I have had any, or at least very precious few women in my life who didn't cheat on me. I 'do' have serious trust issues, but on the other hand a lot of it was my fault for choosing women who were broken and emotionally unavailable. I don't think I can emotionally handle being in one more relationship where I can't trust the person completely. It's like torture.

I have NEVER cheated on anyone that I was with and I never would. If you don't want to be in a relationship, you should get out, THEN move on. JMO

 

[blackribbon]

PS...Don't "test" the ones that you love..."testing" comes before you commit...afterwards, it just hurts the one you love.

 

[dayhiker]

My GF has been going thru a lot of health issues for over a year now. She has told me twice that she would understand if I broke up with her. To be honest I've had that thought. But I'd not feel good about myself if I broke up with her when she really needed a friend.