a good friend

[edwardfsmith]

Sometimes being a good friend does not feel safe.
Good friends are honest and open so vulnerable to each other too.
Being a good friend can be more confusing than being lovers because love does play a big part. It is amazing to me how this love can become easy, relaxed, fun, happy every day interactions.

Good friends know each others voice, their various looks, their thoughts, and their likely feelings. Good friends show interest in each others life.

Good friends can have a bond that is unconditional.

I understand the desire to be safe, guarded, proper, strictly by the rules, voiceless, faceless, secretive, uninterested and conditional.
I understand the attraction to being just friendly words on a screen even though we may say we would appreciate more.

In my life anxiety is the cause of the dual feeling about friendship, but I understand your reasons for the opposing ideas in your life might be a little different.

I am sorry that I have this desire to be good friends with you

 

[blackribbon]

I think I agree with your take on friendship. Since my husband died I realized I have one "real" friend. She is the one I can tell things to without being judged and she loves me as I am. I feel the same way about her. Unfortunately too many miles are between us now.

I probably have a few potential "real" friends ... but that means taking a risk and sharing pieces of me and by doing that, I give them the power to hurt me. I don't like being hurt...so I don't take that risk very often.

(kind of resembles a hamster in a wheel a bit, huh?)

 

[edwardfsmith]

I think I agree with your take on friendship. Since my husband died I realized I have one "real" friend. She is the one I can tell things to without being judged and she loves me as I am. I feel the same way about her. Unfortunately too many miles are between us now.

I probably have a few potential "real" friends ... but that means taking a risk and sharing pieces of me and by doing that, I give them the power to hurt me. I don't like being hurt...so I don't take that risk very often.

(kind of resembles a hamster in a wheel a bit, huh?)

yes you can call it "real" or "good"
or “real life” and “internet”

Please do not let the terms I use get in the way of my idea.

And I did not want the conversation to go this way
But I will do it myself. LOL There was a u tube link a while back about can men and women be friends. It was strange to me. I remember he asked one couple. And they said yes. Then they asked the guy if he would ever date the girl and he said yes she is amazing. For some reason the reply meant they were not “Really” friends?????????
I never got that. They were friends. I could see it in their interaction.

If in life I am going to just have friends. Is it wrong to want good friends?
Is there a payback for being vulnerable? Can a good friend bring more joy? Can it be a more valuable and satisfying relationship? or is it not worth the risk?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well the Bible says A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

People hurting other people be it family or friends is just a fact of this broken world. Thing is, if you never try, you'll never know. And you may try and get hurt, but as you already know from your past that life does go on. We choose alot of things in this life and we can choose to be alone and not let anyone get close to us or really know us or we can be vulnerable and take a risk and have it hurt us or become the biggest blessing we've ever received. We don't know until it's too late. God did not wish us to be alone or lonely. He wants us to help each other and care for one another and to love Him above all else. The world is broken and as His return draws closer and closer the world will get colder and colder. I love my friends and I wish that they loved me as much as I love them. Not all of them do. That's OK, God knows. God is there.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Edward, I don't think I understand your post. Is this to someone in particular? To us? Please fill me in.

 

[edwardfsmith]

We choose alot of things in this life and we can choose to be alone and not let anyone get close to us or really know us or we can be vulnerable and take a risk and have it hurt us or become the biggest blessing we've ever received. We don't know until it's too late. God did not wish us to be alone or lonely. He wants us to help each other and care for one another and to love Him above all else.

I am glad to hear you think it can be the biggest blessing!

 

[edwardfsmith]

Edward, I don't think I understand your post. Is this to someone in particular? To us? Please fill me in.

It is to the people that I have made feel frustrated, awkward and just bad because of my desire to be friends with them. I ask for their forgiveness. I am so sorry.

When I was in the second grade I asked Brad to be my friend. He said he was busy.
I am sorry I put him in that awkward situation.

I have tried to be friends with others like that at different points in my life and recently.

I am sorry to have burdened those people.

Maybe it was not the right place to post it. Maybe it should have been on the anxiety sub group.
You can move it if you want.

.

 

[blackribbon]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. You can leave your post here but I also didn't really understand what you are saying.

I can't say that I've ever asked someone to be my friend. I just chose to be a friend when I saw a need in someone's life. Some never turned into real friendships and but others have.

I'm sure you have done the same so I don't know what to say other than I really hear your pain.

And this isn't as callous as it is going to sound, but seeing that you live in Wisconsin and it is winter, have you considered taking some Vitamin D to help your mood raise a little bit. It doesn't solve any problems but it helps elevate our moods so that the bad situations don't feel quite so bad.

I am sorry that you are feeling so low and lonely.

 

[edwardfsmith]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. You can leave your post here but I also didn't really understand what you are saying.

I can't say that I've ever asked someone to be my friend. I just chose to be a friend when I saw a need in someone's life. Some never turned into real friendships and but others have.

I'm sure you have done the same so I don't know what to say other than I really hear your pain.

And this isn't as callous as it is going to sound, but seeing that you live in Wisconsin and it is winter, have you considered taking some Vitamin D to help your mood raise a little bit. It doesn't solve any problems but it helps elevate our moods so that the bad situations don't feel quite so bad.

I am sorry that you are feeling so low and lonely.

Oh no I am fine a little discouraged maybe.
I am glad some have turned out well for you when you have reached out.
Sometimes I get excited about just the thought of being friends with someone.
I think Jesus was a real friend to us and want to follow that model.
I probably over do it.

Yes I have reached out to those in need too.
When you do that I can see sometimes it might last and sometimes it might end when the need is gone.
It should work when you reach out to people not in need too right?

Don’t worry about not understanding me, even I do not understand me.
Being friends is so confusing and complicated to me right now.

I take a multivitamin LOL

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

(Hugs) to you Edward. I think we are all your friends.

 

[blackribbon]

Yes I have reached out to those in need too.
When you do that I can see sometimes it might last and sometimes it might end when the need is gone.
It should work when you reach out to people not in need too right?

It should ... but I know I have people in my life that need a friend and I just can't be there for them. One is a widow who lives too far away and she needs a friend who will just spend time with her. Another is in a lonely marriage and I just don't have time as much as I wished I did...I am the 'only' parent to two teens and I am just trying to make them have a "normal" life. Our friendship is limited to talking while our daughters ice skate together. I have another woman who really isn't needy other than having too much time on her hands...but again, you can't squeeze blood from a turnip.

I feel guilty for not having anything left to offer. I just don't know how to be a friend to these people. I don't have a lot of friends but I know why. In a few years the kids will be gone and I'll probably be dying to find people to fill up all that empty time.

And the multi-vitamin isn't enough. My doctor told me to be taking a minimum of 1200 units of vitamin D a day. I actually take almost twice that and can feel a difference. I just finished a class on nutrition (on my quest for my RN) that was taught by a registered dietician. She was very adament about those of us in northern states needing to get more vitamin D in the winter either through supplements or light therapy (tanning beds).

 

[edwardfsmith]

I feel guilty for not having anything left to offer. I just don't know how to be a friend to these people. I don't have a lot of friends but I know why. In a few years the kids will be gone and I'll probably be dying to find people to fill up all that empty time.

I struggle with guilt too and not being able to help as much as I would like to do.
I have been doing pretty well lately though at knowing Jesus is satisfied with the small progress I make in my life everyday.

He really does know how to model friendship

 

[edwardfsmith]

(Hugs) to you Edward. I think we are all your friends.

thanks for the hug.

I guess I could hit that little befriend link and try and make you all my friends.... but that was really not what I was getting at

 

[blackribbon]

thanks for the hug.

I guess I could hit that little befriend link and try and make you all my friends.... but that was really not what I was getting at

Oh no! don't do that! That is one more thing that I haven't any idea what to do with or what it's purpose it. I have someone sitting in limbo in my User CP because I'm not sure what to do what that or who the person is really.

Can we just befriend you here? ... where it doesn't take as much know-how to be friends? ((Hugs)) and hope you have a better day today. Those lonely days are the pits.

 

[dayhiker]

Everyone in a while I get a 100,000 blessings and am told to use them wisely. Well, its always nice to be blessed. But I have no idea what those blessing points are used for. If I give them to a woman, can she get flowers? OH, maybe she can get chocolates! Wait, if she can get chocolates, I'm not passing the blesses and cause I should be able to get the chocolates.

got to go .... time to read the site documentation! lol

 

[singlewv2011]

Everyone in a while I get a 100,000 blessings and am told to use them wisely. Well, its always nice to be blessed. But I have no idea what those blessing points are used for. If I give them to a woman, can she get flowers? OH, maybe she can get chocolates! Wait, if she can get chocolates, I'm not passing the blesses and cause I should be able to get the chocolates.

got to go .... time to read the site documentation! lol

Lol, let me know, I haven't figured that out either.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Everyone in a while I get a 100,000 blessings and am told to use them wisely. Well, its always nice to be blessed. But I have no idea what those blessing points are used for. If I give them to a woman, can she get flowers? OH, maybe she can get chocolates! Wait, if she can get chocolates, I'm not passing the blesses and cause I should be able to get the chocolates.

got to go .... time to read the site documentation! lol

LOL you can use blessings to "buy" things for your avatar and you can give them to other people. I always give some to "new" people so they can do that. I haven't changed my avatar in awhile but that's what you use the blessings for.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think it's awkward when you ask someone "will you be my friend?". I haven't been asked that since I was little. My personal opinion is if I want to be friends with someone, that means I want to spend time with them. If I want to spend time with them, that means I ask them to go places with me or meet up for a meal or coffee, or I call them to see how their day or week is going. Just maybe try being the friend you wish you had.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I don't ask people to be friends with me .. I never did. As Michelle says, I just ask them to do things with me. Like play golf. Michelle, you want to play a round of golf?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Ya, I don't ask people to be friends with me .. I never did. As Michelle says, I just ask them to do things with me. Like play golf. Michelle, you want to play a round of golf?

Naw, it's too far of a drive and I don't want your GF to get mad