A gem on "acceptance"

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi everyone, I ran across this on another OCD board I frequent and thought it had some really good advice. Whether or not you choose to practice ERP or CBT or any other way of dealing with OCD, I do think one comment element is how we react to the thoughts and feelings, and how that reaction has to be changed in order to beat or at least manage this sucker. I never really understood the practice of "acceptance" until a few months ago (thanks to the Claire Weekes stuff, sorry I keep promoting it, it's fantastic!), but even when setbacks come up I have to remind myself of the things I have learned, and sometimes it takes me a day or two or even a week to get things back to working order. Anyway, this little piece is from someone who worked with Dr. Phillipson for his OCD (he was obsessed that he was manic depressive and would commit suicide). The last bit is what I really think can nail OCD in the coffin for good. Hope it makes sense.

Acceptance is very important to recovery. Once one learns what the OCD monster is all about, through knowledge and ERP, etc. acceptance is the final key. A year ago I had finished CBT with one therapist. I had learned the idea of acceptance, but I did not understand it. I practiced acceptance in order to feel better; basically acceptance was another way to control in my case. Exposures (she treated me for agoraphobia) were also a form of control for me. As long as I knew prolonged exposure would lower anxiety, I would do it willingly.

Over the past year I had sessions with Dr. P and practiced ERP and overcame the OCD monster. I showed my brain I was not afraid of what it dished out to me, realizing it was a machine and completely out of my control. While Dr. P told me about acceptance of that which I could not control (emotions and thoughts) I still practiced it right up until the end as a control mechanism. Over the past five months or so, through readings and reviewing notes with Dr P, etc. I have truly begun to practice acceptance. It takes alot of guts to get to the point where you can comfortably live in your negative feelings and thoughts. Each day needs to be approached with the attitude of letting go and allowing your mind to do whatever it feels like.

Think of your mind like a chessboard. There are black and white pieces fighting constantly, somedays the white pieces are winning (positive emotions/thoughts) and somedays the black pieces are winning (negative emotions/thoughts). Instead of constantly joining the forces of the white side, desperately searching for new weapons to use against the black pieces, we need to be the board and watch the battle unfold. As Tom Petty said "some days are diamonds, some days are rocks."

You DO NOT control how severe your brain will be at any given time. You CAN control your willingness over having the negativity however. For most of us we have desperately sought relief, only to realize that relief feeds the beast and makes it stronger. So I asked myself, "why not try giving in to these emotions/thoughts if they are going to be here anyways?" Accept depression and anxiety the same as you would accept joy and excitement; with open arms.

Reading this was one of the "click" moments for me, as I am afraid of what any negative emotions might "mean." Such as, at one point I was obsessing that I was an evil person because I thought mean thoughts, or felt dislike towards someone. If I felt annoyed with my husband, that "meant" that I must not love him. If I didn't feel like going to church, that "meant" that I didn't believe in God and was becoming an athiest. Likewise if I did not experience positive emotions, or a lack of emotions in general (faith in God, love for my husband, love for people around me), I also took it as a "sign" or "proof" that my obsessions were real.

As my husband and I drove back from Texas last weekend, I felt "for sure" that something terrible was going to happen if I didn't keep my eyes open the entire 10 hours while my husband was driving. I "knew" the minute I closed my eyes to take a nap, my husband would lose control of the car or someone would cross the highway and crash into us (can you tell I have a fear of car accidents?? ). I also "knew" that if I didn't pray at least every time I spiked about it, my parents would end up in a car accident, too.

then I thought, how many times have I "known" I've had cancer? Or truly "felt" like God wasn't real? Or even "had proof" in my feelings that any of my obsessions were real, all because of a negative emotion, or a lack of the right feelings?

I think there are two important things to remember: 1) feelings are just feelings, just as thoughts are just thoughts. They do not mean anything or everything; they are just as random as thinking about a pink elephant or wondering what your elementary school best friend is up to these days. 2) it's ok to have negative feelings, and they should be treated just as positive feelings should be treated: as a feeling! Think about it, how often do we over-value positive feelings? We don't worry about feeling happy! When we eat a bite of our favorite ice cream and think "yeah, that's good!" do we obsess endlessly about it or try to figure out why ice cream makes us happy? No! But when we get that little twinge of anxiety, that sinking feeling, those feelings of fear, of doubt, of depression or just generally feeling umcomfortable, we open up the floodgates of investigation, obsession and rumination in order to figure out why we feel that way.

Doesn't it seem a little silly? I know there are more forces at work here... such as the nearly physical feeling of your brain pulling you to start obsessing, that our brain chemistry is not quite right and parts of our brain are malfunctioning due to OCD. The "glitch" in our brain that keeps sending us signals in the first place is something we just cannot control. So whether we are "feeling sure" we committed blasphemy, or are "feeling very uncertain" of our salvation, either way, they are just symptoms of the disorder. so we say to ourselves "so what if I feel like I am not saved, I am going to continue to worship God anyway."

 

[QUannie]

Allot to think about!!!
thanks for posting that!


Q

 

[gracealone]

That's great stuff Sad and it's really for me the biggest key to managing my OCD. What I have to accept is uncertainty about every single one of my OCD doubts. I too struggled with the idea that I might get permanently and incurably depressed as one of my OCD obsessions. I couldn't even watch a commercial on depression medication without freaking out. So one day I just gave in to it and accepted the idea that I might become depressed. I accepted that I couldn't ever prove that I wouldn't and I just let go of it. It feels good to quit fighting things that you can't change. Emotions will do what they want to, but we decide on our actions.
Thanks for the awesome post!!!
Mitzi