First off, hello! I'm new and didn't post in the newbie thread because I'm just so eager to get this question out of the way and answered by fellow Christians. Hope there aren't rules regarding that... I didn't see any. :S Also I apologize for the incoming novel! Anyway, this is an issue that has been haunting me for many months now.
So, I'm a Christian of roughly ten years, twenty years old, trying very hard to better myself everyday. This man who I have been dating for the past year is a Baptist Christian of sixteen years, though his faith has weakened since childhood.
First off, a little more info. To put it bluntly, my BFs faith has been battered well by his past. He's made some very poor decisions in his life and I think he may be blaming God for them. He decided many years ago to give up his virginity to a woman who he thought he was going to marry, then she left him, heartbroken. From then on he decided to give up keeping the biblical "no fornication" law, out of depression is what he has implied. He feels bad about it, but due to his sleeping around he now has a son, which has made him feel worse.
Now here's the big issue: he won't do anything to care for/see the boy. I've asked him on multiple occasions why he won't be a part of his kid's life, why he won't talk to the mother and try to get joint custody or anything. He just doesn't want to be a father and despises the mother (who used him strictly for having that baby), and gets either really mad or really depressed whenever I bring the topic up. (By the way, the boy was born just last July).
Now, I love this man despite his mistakes, he has many wonderful traits; he is hard-working, willing to provide, loving, sweet, generous, etc.. His problems lie with his lack of motivation, lack of spiritual guidance, and his tendency to become easily discouraged. I believe he needs a place to heal and the courage to ask God for forgiveness. I also believe he needs to face his sins and care for his baby boy. I know it's not my place to decide his actions, and I'm not trying to, it's simply that I can't stand seeing him so torn up and scarred, too afraid of his past to face the mother of his child, too scared of being a dad to face even his own kid, too hurt to follow God appropriately. He wants to pretend it never happened and have a future with me, but I just can't stand the thought of marrying a guy knowing his actions would lead others to calling him a deadbeat dad. Plus, I feel sorry for the child, I feel it needs at least one loving parent. (I should add this, my BF has actually told me that he does care about being there for his kid, so it's a bigger issue to him dealing with the mother and coming to terms with the fact he is now a father).
What can I do to help or help nudge him in a better direction? Is there anything? Is it a hopeless case? Does anyone believe sitting down and reading the bible with him might help, not just him, but both of us? Because I'd be lying if I said I read the bible enough to know (although I'm trying to now) and that this issue only bothers me a bit. It has been so hard for me to come to terms with this, especially among my other personal problems (depression, cynicism, pessimism). Are there any verses in particular I should look up for us? I don't wish to leave him... I want to help if I can.
Be as brutal as you like when answering, I'm always willing to learn seeing as how naive I can be. xD Thanks in advance for anyone who replies.
So, I'm a Christian of roughly ten years, twenty years old, trying very hard to better myself everyday. This man who I have been dating for the past year is a Baptist Christian of sixteen years, though his faith has weakened since childhood.
First off, a little more info. To put it bluntly, my BFs faith has been battered well by his past. He's made some very poor decisions in his life and I think he may be blaming God for them. He decided many years ago to give up his virginity to a woman who he thought he was going to marry, then she left him, heartbroken. From then on he decided to give up keeping the biblical "no fornication" law, out of depression is what he has implied. He feels bad about it, but due to his sleeping around he now has a son, which has made him feel worse.
Now here's the big issue: he won't do anything to care for/see the boy. I've asked him on multiple occasions why he won't be a part of his kid's life, why he won't talk to the mother and try to get joint custody or anything. He just doesn't want to be a father and despises the mother (who used him strictly for having that baby), and gets either really mad or really depressed whenever I bring the topic up. (By the way, the boy was born just last July).
Now, I love this man despite his mistakes, he has many wonderful traits; he is hard-working, willing to provide, loving, sweet, generous, etc.. His problems lie with his lack of motivation, lack of spiritual guidance, and his tendency to become easily discouraged. I believe he needs a place to heal and the courage to ask God for forgiveness. I also believe he needs to face his sins and care for his baby boy. I know it's not my place to decide his actions, and I'm not trying to, it's simply that I can't stand seeing him so torn up and scarred, too afraid of his past to face the mother of his child, too scared of being a dad to face even his own kid, too hurt to follow God appropriately. He wants to pretend it never happened and have a future with me, but I just can't stand the thought of marrying a guy knowing his actions would lead others to calling him a deadbeat dad. Plus, I feel sorry for the child, I feel it needs at least one loving parent. (I should add this, my BF has actually told me that he does care about being there for his kid, so it's a bigger issue to him dealing with the mother and coming to terms with the fact he is now a father).
What can I do to help or help nudge him in a better direction? Is there anything? Is it a hopeless case? Does anyone believe sitting down and reading the bible with him might help, not just him, but both of us? Because I'd be lying if I said I read the bible enough to know (although I'm trying to now) and that this issue only bothers me a bit. It has been so hard for me to come to terms with this, especially among my other personal problems (depression, cynicism, pessimism). Are there any verses in particular I should look up for us? I don't wish to leave him... I want to help if I can.
Be as brutal as you like when answering, I'm always willing to learn seeing as how naive I can be. xD Thanks in advance for anyone who replies.
