A Day I Can't Remember...

[John the Engineer]

Well this story will be rather short. But today I finally told her it has to end if she can't see a future for us, then we're just perpetuating the lies trying to avoid reality that we can't be together. I barely remember much of what went on, it's all sort of a huge blur of emotions. But I do know that she was sick, having a really bad day, tired, and I made her cry ... a lot.

Right now I sorta just wish I could crawl up in a hole and die.

 

[Warrior Poet]

/me nods and pats John on the back.......

Hang in there man.

Warrior Poet

 

[Living4Him03]

Look at it this way, you obeyed God and did what you believed He was leading you to do. God asks for obedience even when we don't feel like it. Just as Christ didn't exactly "feel" like having to die on the cross, but He submitted Himself to God's will and not His own, just as we should. I believe God honors those who obey Him. Trust in the Lord.

 

[Katty]

I'm sorry that it ended up that way. We always hope and wish for the best and a lot of times, we have to be ready for whatever that may end up being.

~Katty~

 

[John the Engineer]

I just spent three hours babying my favorite car halfway across Los Angeles to get her home. It was insane, I don't even want to know how bad the damages are, and tomorrow I have another car to work on to boot.

Today was the worst day of my life. There's a Men's Meeting at the church in six hours but I will not have the strength to make it. I just feel like I want to die. If our relationship was so "bad" then why is it that every time I put it away my life goes to hell? I mean serious one after another problems!

School is screwed up, I don't know if I'll ever get to fully enroll anymore. Work suddenly dried up and job offers are not forthcoming. It's like nothing is right anymore. I just want to crawl in a hole and die, and I'm not just joking around. This was the worst day of my life.

 

[Grommit]

John,

I am so sorry to hear it came to this. I don't know if this means anything, especially now, but, if today was the worst day of your life then things can only get better, right?

Ask God for strength to get you though this. You have many friends here who will take the time to hear you out and let you vent. You don't have to go through this alone if you don't want too. My inbox is always open to you.

Hang in there bro. I'll be praying for ya.

 

[John the Engineer]

John,

I am so sorry to hear it came to this. I don't know if this means anything, especially now, but, if today was the worst day of your life then things can only get better, right?

Apparently it can, I woke up this morning to my Dad and Mom yelling at me that I need to get up and go to the men's meeting, they don't care what happened to the car, how long I was on the road last night, how tired or sick I feel. "I need to put a little effort into my walk" is what I was just told. Glad I don't have to worry about slipping in my walk, my parents will just yell at me if I'm doing something wrong. I feel like I'm twelve or something.

Then on little to no good sleep for the past few days, I have to work on heavy machinery this afternoon and pull apart the entire front subframe of a car.

 

[Living4Him03]

I think you are blessed to have parents like that! Would you want parents who are not Christians who can't stand that you are a Christian? Yes, life is not fun a lot of times, but God never said it would always be blissful. Yes, it does take effort and faith that when God says do something you better do it and not complain. He knows what He is doing. You are lucky that your parents reminded you about obedience. Obedience is not doing what God asks only when we feel like it...it's doing it whether we do or not. The best part is God will give us the strength to do it...He won't give you more than you can handle.

 

[John the Engineer]

I've always heard that "not more than I can handle" but right now I can't look at my life and see anything going right. And most of the time my parents are a blessing but within a 24 hr period I had to go through a very painful episode with this girl I love, have a car blow the **** out of itself on me, get sick, lose a lot of sleep, have a business deal go "ker-plunk", and then get yelled at for "putting everything into a car club and nothing into God"

It just bugs me that it's not my choice, it's not my life. They're harranging me over it.

 

[KLLM82]

Hi John,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this but do know that when God tells us to seperate from someone, it's because He has something greater for us ahead. You will not be able to deal with the break-up by relying on your own strength so ask God to give you the strength needed for His strength is made great in our weakness. The healing process that you're going to go though will take some time...it's a process and you will make it through. Continue to seek God fervently for only Him can give you the healing that you need; open you heart to Him so that He can do the works that are needed. Before you know it, you'll be made whole again .


Sincerely,
Katia

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

John--I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I do understand. I've been through a lot of heartbreak myself lately. I've turned to God and I've tried to understand it all, but most of the time, it just hurts so much that I can't see straight. I've been throwing myself into things to keep busy. It does help some--granted I still have my moments. You have to grieve over it though. That much I know. To make matters worse, I have to work with my ex's mother AND his new girlfriend everyday. Talk about God giving us a lot to handle! Wow!

Something I have found comfort in is to pray for him, his ex-wife, his sons, his new girlfriend. It is really hard, but, they all need it, and it is something I can do. I've also been trying to share my faith with others in subtle ways. I'm even dating someone new--with the understanding that we are just friends. Someone that I can go out and have some fun with. I'm working on myself too. Exercising and leading a healthier life.

It is going to take time. Know that you have the support of many on here and from your family and most of all, from your heavenly father. Ask for his blessings. He is waiting for you to do this. I will pray for you too.

Again, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

In His love and service,

--Learnin'2-4 Give

 

[jenptcfan]

Hi John,

I just wanted to congratulate you on following what you believe to be God's lead in this matter. You asked why things always go bad when something like this happens. I believe that part of the reason everything seems to all go bad at once when we are following God is that Satan doesn't want us to follow God. He will throw things in our way to try to make us stumble. But God can use those things to refine you. It will get better in time. Hang in there!

 

[Katty]

I've always heard that "not more than I can handle" but right now I can't look at my life and see anything going right....

Something I was told while I was struggling with everything in my life.... "The best sight has always been 'hindsight.'" You may not see it now, but theres always going to be that moment when you look back and go "Ok, duh! God, THAT'S what You were trying to teach me!"

~Katty~

 

[John the Engineer]

I tried to grieve last time we broke up. I just couldn't find anything in me to be able to let her go. I still feel like I can't find it in me to let her go. She's supposed to e-mail or call to talk to me about how she feels about it all. She was just sort of so torn apart by a million things that she just couldn't really say anything more than just crying. She tried to "run away" a couple times, but she just got a bit away and came back.

I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't feel that it would be fair to them, and I don't ever want to hold someone close to my heart except her. I really don't feel like I could ever accept anyone after this. I just feel so broken. I feel like I've put everything into my relationship with her and I don't have it again for someone else. It's just such a painful cycle to live with in my heart. I want something to work right in my life. Instead I find an eternal cycle of pain and death.

 

[KLLM82]

I tried to grieve last time we broke up. I just couldn't find anything in me to be able to let her go. I still feel like I can't find it in me to let her go. She's supposed to e-mail or call to talk to me about how she feels about it all. She was just sort of so torn apart by a million things that she just couldn't really say anything more than just crying. She tried to "run away" a couple times, but she just got a bit away and came back.

I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't feel that it would be fair to them, and I don't ever want to hold someone close to my heart except her. I really don't feel like I could ever accept anyone after this. I just feel so broken. I feel like I've put everything into my relationship with her and I don't have it again for someone else. It's just such a painful cycle to live with in my heart. I want something to work right in my life. Instead I find an eternal cycle of pain and death.

Don't forget you have the living God within you...rely on His strength to get through this. The way you feel now will go away once you let God heal you emotionally. The encouragement of your close Christian friends will help as well so leave that door open to them. It was not too long ago that God told me to break up with my ex-fiance whom I had dated for 5 yrs...trust me, at first it wasn't easy at all but because I gave my heart to God for him to heal, it didn't take too long before I felt complete again. Spend more time with God through worship, prayers and communication. That will greatly help as well.

Be blessed...I'll be praying for you. You will be made whole again

~Katia~

 

[KLLM82]

I would like to kindly say this...I am interested though in knowing why you guys did return together since you mentioned you broke up once...um, I'm not sure but did God tell you then that it wasn't His will for you guys to be together? Is that what led to the first break-up?

~Katia~

 

[New Creation]

Hi John,

I just wanted to congratulate you on following what you believe to be God's lead in this matter. You asked why things always go bad when something like this happens. I believe that part of the reason everything seems to all go bad at once when we are following God is that Satan doesn't want us to follow God. He will throw things in our way to try to make us stumble. But God can use those things to refine you. It will get better in time. Hang in there!

Bingo

Keep praying brother, and I will pray for you too. I know it doesn't feel like it, but your heart will not feel like it has been torn from your chest forever. God heals broken hearts. It's His specialty.

 

[Living4Him03]

I know right now it seems that you can never love anyone else, but trust me, you will! God can really surprise you in that regard! This time last year if you had said "Melissa you will be dating someone awesome this time next year" I would not have believed you and I would have laughed. I just didn't think I could fall for someone the way I'd fallen for this one guy and after that I thought all guys were the same...that they were just not for me and I got depressed about finding someone. Then, one night i prayed and asked God to help me meet a Godly man if it was HIs will, in His timing that I could get to know. The very next day, I was introduced to my guy and I had no idea that it was an answer to prayer at that time, looking back it seems God answered me, as soon as I just let Him take control! Keep praying and giving it up to God!

 

[John the Engineer]

We got back together to seriously pray about if we're to be together. We had been praying for a month and finally after the month we had commited to was up I decided I couldn't just let it become more lies and keep moving forward in the same respect. So here I am, the woman I love there, and my heart torn apart.

 

[Living4Him03]

Torn apart now, but not forever! Remember God is with you and don't ignore HIm...He is the best friend you could ever, ever have! When I've been heartbroken in the past I tend to say "oh i am so alone" and I just get so upset and God is right there beside me, Jesus is wiping my tears, and I've just gone and ignored Him before. He's right there, so please don't ignore Him, he will wipe your tears. I know that sounds cliche but trust me He REALLY WILL. He's always there.