A Date with Jesus

[colleen]

Roald,
I've always been open about my viginity, and have found that to be the best policy. You may be surprised some of the girls they want to set you up with may be waiting as well. It would also let those girls know that there are men out there who are waiting. A big stumbling block for females is the idea that there waiting for nothing, that no man finds purity important in a woman, and no one is waiting for them. I also found that being vocal as given me strength in my conviction.

Rising Suns,
I do think there is a tendency to jump towards marriage has life's only goal. I working on serving God the best way I can, and discerning His vocation for me. I currently thinking about doing missionary work after I finish my master's.

Colleen

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

Every meal is a picnic with Jesus when you're lonely. It doesn't ease the loneliness for me though.
Maybe I'm just a bad dinner-date?

 

[InnerPhyre]

When I started to tell my friends I was considering remaining celibate, they immediately brushed it aside and assumed I was bitter over the ending of my last relationship. That was 2 years ago. To this day, they still look at me like I have lobsters coming out of my nose when I talk about it, but most of my friends are not Catholic, or even Christian, and have no concept of sacrifice for God.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

I've never met a celibate man or someone who didn't just want to get their leg over.

IMO, for every 100,000 celibate Catholic Woman there is maybe 1 Catholic Celibate Man.

Why?

We're "wired" differently. If any man wants sex more than I do then God help his Soul. The reason why a lot of Catholics are bitter is because we're all sexually frustrated. Our skin is pruned from all those cold showers.

 

[Caedmon]

As a twenty something single catholic I have often wondered why I can't find someone who wants to be with me, and sometimes I've wondered if I've remained pure for nothing (though I've never regreted my decision). I just got done reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This book deals with not just "dating", but how to live a young christian life. It also deals with the fact that not every "princess of purity" will get married, which a lot of these type of books don't deal with. While talking about how to prepare yourself to be a better husband or wife it said how those same things are actually preparing you to be a bride of Christ. And, how you should be seeking fulfillment in him first and foremost.

On that note I decided to start having dinner dates with God. Living alone I often find meal times to be when I become lonely and am most open to temptation. I think about how other people my age are out on dates. I got the idea to have a date with Jesus. I cooked a nice meal, set up two candles, and invited God to my table. I prayed, confided in him, and I realized that all the loneliness I normally experienced at meals was completely gone. I realized I needed to be giving God as much if not more attention than I plan to give to my husband some day.

I do recommend that anyone who is christian and single reads this book. It definetely put my relationship with God in perspective, and made me realize I really need to have faith that he has a plan for me instead of just saying that and then questioning his plan.

Colleen

My situation is very similar to yours. I have wanted to find someone to love for several years now, but I have as yet not found anyone suitable. The main problem is that there just aren't that many Catholics here. I have never had sex, and I do not plan on it until I am married. Marriage and a family are things that I want very much, but even if I was dating someone, I wouldn't want to get married at the moment, since I'm working on a graduate degree and would not be able to support them. Still, I yearn for those things, and it is extremely difficult to see other people dating and getting married, while I feel like I am standing still among them. I don't get as depressed about it as I used to, and now I'm "OK" with being single, at least for now. I try to do the best I can every day, but sometimes when I hurt, I can't help but think about how good it would be to have a warm, loving, consoling person to embrace, here on Earth.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

I feel your pain Caedmon but women can support themselves don't think you must be well-off all women want is a Loving person trust me on that.

 

[colleen]

I definetely hear you on the loneliness factor Caedmon. It is especially hard when I'm having a rough time, and I'm in need of physical consolement. I'm in graduate school as well, and often wonder about how to make future plans when God has not lead me to my husband. At the same time I'm tried to live a life in God that is not putting my happiness into something that He might not have planned for me. I guess that is what makes this age so difficult. We are feeling a pull toward a vocation ( for myself marriage), but I'm still not sure if that is what God has planned for me.

By the way what are you getting your graduate degree in? I'm working on and MFA in writing.

Also I understand your worry about not wanting to start a family while in graduate school. I have quite a bit of loan debt, and I worry about saddling that debt on my future family especially since I want to be a stay at home mom once I have kids.

Colleen

 

[colleen]

InnerPhyre,
Most of my friends are not Catholic or Christian, and only one of them who is a Christian is waiting for marriage. If anything it has allowed me to learn from their mistakes. I have seen the damage casual sex can create even when the partners are secure in its casuallness. A lot of people see me as a freak, and many say I will never find a man who will be willing to wait (especially because I'm not an anything but actual intercourse girl), but they also make comments like your lucky you don't have sex because you don't have to worry about this or that. I have also found that while some people might mock it in a large group that one on one they respect the decision.

Jesus'TroublesomeAngel,
I don't know if you were joking, but if you weren't I want to make it clear that I'm not bitter or sexually frustrated. My chastity is a source of happiness.

Colleen

 

[Rising_Suns]

My chastity is a source of happiness.

Amen.

 

[Markh]

I can relate to what has been said in this thread, I don't think I will ever get married, I don't think that is part of the plan for me.

Perhaps it might be a good idea to look into joining a lay community? I know a friend of mine's sister is now a celebate Opus Dei numerary. As a numerary you would have a professional life just like you do now but also be able to lead a religious life too.

 

[colleen]

Are Opus Dei numerary's allowed to marry? I'm just curious.

I was thinking about what Jesus'Trou. said last night, and I believe that type or joke or idea is part of why chasitity is viewed so pourly. I think it is important that we are more vocal about the wonders of purity then about the moments of loneliness and doubt when talk to others. If you make bad remarks about your chastity people come to believe your doing it just because the church tells you to.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Are Opus Dei numerary's allowed to marry? I'm just curious.

I was thinking about what Jesus'Trou. said last night, and I believe that type or joke or idea is part of why chasitity is viewed so pourly. I think it is important that we are more vocal about the wonders of purity then about the moments of loneliness and doubt when talk to others. If you make bad remarks about your chastity people come to believe your doing it just because the church tells you to.

I don't think so- but supernumeraries are....

 

[colleen]

Thanks for the info Shannon! I find Opus Dei interesting and I admire their desire for privacy, but it makes it kind of hard to find out more about them. While I'm not sure what I'm doing after graduate school missionary work is quickly making it to the top of the list.
Colleen

 

[lonnienord]

Just remember that women are not the only ones who struggle with this.

I know I am only 19, but I have never had a girlfriend before or even been on a date, and I have a feeling I never will. I'm not the kind of guy somebody would want to date, plus I'm not attractive. Lonliness is one of my biggest struggles I face. Even though they won't say it, I know that my parents are disapointed in me.

Your idea of having dinner with God is great, but unfortunately it is not practical for me now. I have two places I can choose to eat: the noisy cafeteria or in my dorm room where my roomate has the TV on all the time.

But thanks for the book suggestion, Colleen. I'll keep my eye out for a copy.

your date doesn't have to be a meal. How about finding a Catholic Church and hanging out with JESUS in the blessed Sacrament for an hour or so? It the church is always locked call the priest and ask for permission to get the key from him and go in to pray for an hour. He might even set you up for a holy hour.

all for JESUS!!
lonnie

 

[Caedmon]

I guess that is what makes this age so difficult. We are feeling a pull toward a vocation ( for myself marriage), but I'm still not sure if that is what God has planned for me.

I have had a hard time thinking that maybe God has something other than marriage for me. For the past few years, I have been very drawn toward marriage. In fact, Catholic family is one of the main reasons that started me on the path to conversion. But I try to give God a chance, in case he has something else for me; I try to be open and not worry. However, if I was to make an educated guess about my vocation, I would say that marriage is for me, although I don't have a relationship with anyone yet.

By the way what are you getting your graduate degree in? I'm working on and MFA in writing.

That's funny. I considered doing creative writing for a while. I graduated with a BA in English. I'm currently working on a MA in Germanics.

Also I understand your worry about not wanting to start a family while in graduate school. I have quite a bit of loan debt, and I worry about saddling that debt on my future family especially since I want to be a stay at home mom once I have kids.

I shouldn't have too much of a problem dealing with my loans. My biggest worry is having enough to support my family on a professor's salary. I want to give my wife the chance to stay at home with our babies if she wants to.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I shouldn't have too much of a problem dealing with my loans. My biggest worry is having enough to support my family on a professor's salary. I want to give my wife the chance to stay at home with our babies if she wants to.

Dude- I just did our taxes and we made $25,000 last year- and I am a stay at home mom-- with 4 kids. If we can do it- almost anyone can! It means sacrificing things that are wants rather than needs, sometimes in a very big way, but we made it through another year!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Thanks for the info Shannon! I find Opus Dei interesting and I admire their desire for privacy, but it makes it kind of hard to find out more about them. While I'm not sure what I'm doing after graduate school missionary work is quickly making it to the top of the list.
Colleen

PM NDIrish or Metanoia02- and they can probably answer any questions you might have or help you find an Opus Dei morning/evening of recollection near you!

 

[Caedmon]

Dude- I just did our taxes and we made $25,000 last year- and I am a stay at home mom-- with 4 kids. If we can do it- almost anyone can! It means sacrificing things that are wants rather than needs, sometimes in a very big way, but we made it through another year!

Thanks for encouraging me, mommy.

 

[Markh]

I think that a numerary that gets married becomes a supernumerary.

That's the opinion I have got from speaking to Opus Dei people.