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A catch 22

vigilantsoul

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If I am acting out with an unforgiving heart and call out to
God, will He ignore me. Its a bit of a catch 22.

My family is abusive and toxic and continues to be.

Will God only come to my defense when I forgive, but I can't forgive with these wounds. So I am stuck, Can God not give me a hand up, so I can heal and then forgive.

Forgiveness cannot come when I am down and broken, my mind is in the wrong state for this to happen. Especially when the abuse goes on.

It is mental, verbal and emotional and in the past sexual. The latter is not to me, but the first three are. It would be fair for me to say I hate these people, who are my family.

If God only operates for me when I forgive, then He has it the wrong way around, and couldnt undertand the mental torture. He knows I am not perfect, so to expect the former would be unfair.

It would be like Him expecting a disordered to function healthily without a hand up, first.
 
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UnitynLove

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What I found is that sometimes God puts us around difficult people because he wants to show his love, mercy, goodness, and forgiveness through us. Many do not know God, nor his love but you can be that vessel that God uses to show people and the world these things (Matthew 5:16). When you love, forgive, and show mercy you are showing God. Because God is love. Showing love to the unlovely people is what God especially wants us to do. "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5: 45-48). When you show love to the unlovely you are acting like children of God. (Matthew 5: 45) Love is not conditional it is unconditional in every way. If you do not believe that, then look at how much God has forgiven you and showed his unconditional love towards you all the times that you have messed up. God should have left you with all that you have done and you would deserve it. But God's love is unconditional and it does not change thus we should be perfect in love as our heavenly father is perfect in love. (Matthew 5:48)

Now, lets get to why God wants us to forgive those that have hurt us (unlovely). Anyone that is acting in a negative towards you is hurting on the inside. You can only give out what you have. If you are miserable you will give out misery, if you are happy you will give out happiness. "A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, and a rotten tree cannot produce good fruit." (Matthew 7:18). So with that said, those that hurt you are hurting inside and are in misery. You know now that there must be something seriously wrong in their lives for them to act the way that they are acting in the first place. We pray for those that hurt us because we know that they are suffering and in need of help. Their negative actions is their way of crying out for help. The enemy's plan is to use those that are miserable to get us offended so that we can be miserable ourselves. If you are in unforgiveness you will be miserable because what comes along with unforgiveness is depression, misery, hurt, and strife that will lead you down into a pit of destruction. Forgiveness is God's tool to stop the enemy from getting into your life and making you miserable.


Thus we forgive to #1. To keep the devil out of our lives. We are in Jesus (The son of God) and when we are in Jesus we are in God (God is love). So when we walk out of love (God) we walk out of God's protection for our lives. Mercy and forgiveness is God's tool to keep the enemy out of our lives and keeps his protection on us. When we walk in mercy, love, and forgiveness the enemy can not come near you because you are surrounded by God's protection (Love).

#2. We forgive to keep God from throwing us in prison and give us to the tortures. I used to wonder who were the tortures God would would give us too if we didn't forgive. And why would he do that in the first place? This can be seen in the story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18 23-35.

23Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.


The tortures God was talking about was the tortures of anger, bitterness, strife, hurt, pain, and negativity. So why would God give us to these tortures in the first place? Is unforgiveness that bad? YES IT IS!! This can be seen in Matthew 5:21-25

21"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother has already committed murder and will be subject to judgment.

If we do not forgive we have essentially committed murder in our hearts. Thus God will not let a murder go he has to throw them in prison because of his perfect justice. Would you let a murder go? I think not. You will throw them in jail and make them pay the last penny as Jesus said in Matthew 5:26. So in order to keep God from throwing us into prison and and giving us to the tortures of misery, sadness, depression, strife and negativity we forgive. Remember what God said in Matthew 18: 33 "Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?" do not be like the ungrateful servant. Forgive and be free from prison and the tortures

#3. We forgive to be like our perfect heavenly father. God is perfect love and perfect love is rooted in mercy, love and forgiveness. God has not only forgiven you of your debt but has not remember the situation where you or when you've sinned. And I repeat as God said in Matthew 18:33 "Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?" Forgive others of their debt and do not bring up the situation as God has done for you. Maybe the people who are unlovely have been molested growing up, maybe they have been hurt by a church member, maybe they have gone through a death of a close loved one, maybe they have experienced betrayal in their lives. Only God knows. The point is, do not look at what people do, but what they must be going through. Mercy is the heart of the law of Jesus. Listen to this

YouTube - Staying Free of Offenses Pt. 3
 
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UnitynLove

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HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
Follow the instructions of Jesus. *Sometimes you not only have to forgive the person but also the situation where it happened. Not saying that the situation was right, but just to forgive the whole circumstance that caused you the pain.*

1. Depend on the holy spirit. "Father God I can not forgive this person or this situation without your help. Please help me holy spirit to forgive this person/situation.

2. Pray for them. Heavenly Father, I pray that you bless and guide this person. I pray that you increase them in every area of their lives and may they receive your favor and blessings everywhere they go. I pray for increased happiness and greatness for them. Father please help them in every and in any way ect...

3. Bless them. Father God, although they may have hurt me I know that they are a good person. I know that they are your child. They are righteous, good, and a great child of God. ect...

4. Do something good. Father God, put me in a position to do them right and good.

5. Release. Father, help me to release all anger, bitterness, pain, resentment, abuse, hurt and negativity that I may have towards this person. Help me to release any pay back, vengeance, and strife that I may have towards this person.

6. Forgive. Father God, help me to forgive this person. Help me to not think about it, talk about it, bring it up, reminisces on it and or go back on it but help me to drop it from my mind, heart, body, and soul.

7. Give them another chance. Father God, help me to keep the door of love and forgiveness in my heart open to them. Help me to give them another chance. Help me to not block them and lock them out, and lastly help to not formulate any memory or any memories of the offense or the offenses inside of my heart my soul my body and mind.

8. Give it to God. Lord, I give this offense to you. Help me to surrender it from my heart, soul, body and mind. I can not take care of this, but you promised that if I give it to you you will give me happiness, goodness, and blessings for the pain in my life. Help to to surrender it to you father from my mind body and soul. Help me to walk away from the offense in my mind body heart and soul. Thank you father, amen.

WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED NOT TO FORGIVE REMEMBER


1. Matthew 18: 23-35
The story of the servant who was ungrateful. The king (God) forgave his servant for a $10,000,000 debt owed to him. But when that same servant saw one that owed him $20 he caught him by the throat and said to him, pay me all that you owe me! When the king heard this he was very upset and he threw the ungrateful servant into prison saying, AND SHOULD YOU NOT HAVE HAD PITY AND MERCY ON YOUR FELLOW SERVANT AS I HAD PITY ON YOU? Don't be like that ungrateful servant. When you are offended by someone, something, or some place always remember how much debt you owe God (some people owe God in the billions) and how he has not only forgiven, but wiped that debt clean and remembers it no more. Should you not do that for your fellow servants?

2. Matthew 18: 29
We see here that the servant could not pay. I repeat it again THE SERVANT COULD NOT PAY. When people offended you they cannot pay you back for the hurt they have caused you. Thus, do not look to others to meet your needs. Look to God to pay you back for what they, or it, may have done. God is the only one that can pay you back for the hurts that you have endured, so stop looking to people and the situations to pay you back for the hurt you have encountered. God will do that. In the mean time forgive them, the situation, and let it all go because you know that they can not pay you back. And why hold on to a debt that you know can not be paid anyway? To put it a simple way, you have workmans comp, if you get hurt on the job of doing God's will God will pay you back.

3. You are blocking your own happiness and blessings. Jesus said many many many times to forgive. The number one reason is so that the enemy would not get a hold on your life. God can only work through love, not hate. So if you are walking in love, mercy, and forgiveness the enemy can not touch you. As soon as you get out of the will of God, which is to love, that is when the enemy has a door open opportunity to come into your life. I heard a preacher once say, that the holy spirit, which is the spirit of love, must leave the earth first before the evil one comes. Isn't that a powerful saying. Love must leave first before the evil one can take control. So what does that say about our lives? Once love leaves that is when the enemy has a prime time opportunity to take over and destroy our lives. Forgive and walk in love to keep the enemy out of your life.
 
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Criada

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Praying for them has been what got me through this.
But, it is harder when you see the abusers every day. I don't think it is something we can 'do'... it has to be something we allow God to do in us. And it takes time.
I am praying for you, sister.
Is there any way you can separate yourself from your toxic family members?
 
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myanchor

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Do not beat yourself up about not being able to forgive. You need healing from God first. To me, family is those who act as family and who I then choose as family. Those who are related to me genetically are relatives unless I choose to call them family.

God is very concerned with your feelings and your misery. Let Him take it over and give you His peace.

Go and get some therapy.

Eventually God will call you to pray for these people and forgive them. Ignore those who say you have to forgive while you are still dying inside. You can't do ti.

You can only forgive when you are nearly whole and the forgiveness will be the final step.
 
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