A "break"

[UnbrokenSoul]

My parents gave me wise advice as a teenager that I (luckily) followed:
Don't get into a relationship a second time with the same person unless things have SIGNIFICANTLY changed.

I'm not planning on getting back together with her... but she is really trying hard to show she's sorry.. like personally apologizing to my family and friends... Anyways, what is done is done, and it will take more than a few apologies to even make me consider giving her friendship... I don't even know what it will take for me to consider her again in that way... it would take a miracle!

 

[Weasel7711]

Yeah dont go back to her, but you already know that.
I think God has used this time to show you that you need to change for the better, but also it was a blessing in disguise in that he helped you detach a little emotionally before the bomb was dropped, so to speak. By that I mean realizing what she really was like instead of years down the line. Now keep your focus on Him and He will prepare you for another even better woman soon, that is if you follow His lead.

 

[UnbrokenSoul]

I have a problem.. My ex- g/f keeps on trying to mess with my mind, and as much as i avoid it... it gets to me.. when i think i've gotten over her fully and have let go, she comes along and says something that gets me thinking...

and the problem is that every time i meet a girl and start to get to know her, my mind keeps telling me i won't be happy.. i'll find something wrong with them and slowly push them away..

For those of you who have found the "right" person for you.. you know that feeling you get when you KNOW this person was made for you.. well i can't get over the fact that the only person that has ever made me feel that way was my ex- g/f...
I think i'm still in love with her.. Is this something i should RUN away from? or should I just "go with the flow"... I know everyone says "pray about it".. and I do, but aside from that, what mindset do i need to focus on? I honestly do not want a g/f right now, but keep wondering if I should ever give her a chance again.. (btw she is still with her b/f)

AHHH! The more I type the more i realize I would just be a fool to trust this girl... she is definitely playing mind games with me... She is only with this guy because i won't give her a chance with me again.. it's just a dumb situation...

I need to meet a pretty Christian girl that is trustworthy and has the qualities of a virtuous woman (close to impossible to find these days)... this would be a lot easier if my ex- wasn't so hot.. now i'm really picky...

/end rant

 

[ImperialPhantom]

As cliche as it is, it's true: time is what heals the wounds. After my last breakup I went through the same thoughts you are now, but I avoided contact, prayed to God, and made a life for myself as a single dude. I healed with time, and now, I'm in the kind of relationship that makes me look back at the girl I used to think was the one and go "um, what the hell was I thinking?" You'll be in one like this too, but the reason you're finding it difficult to consider other girls right now, is that the wound isn't healed yet. It will heal, though.

 

[UnbrokenSoul]

hey everyone.. guess what? i just turned 21... and i'm not doing too well.. i knew this would happen.. I have always had a girlfriend because it help keep me away from bad things... i'm starting to go to clubs alot, meeting girls and just doing things that aren't pleasing to God.. I Cant help it!! all this is really helping me get over this girl though.. .but i know it's not good

 

[peanutbutter12]

hey everyone.. guess what? i just turned 21... and i'm not doing too well.. i knew this would happen.. I have always had a girlfriend because it help keep me away from bad things... i'm starting to go to clubs alot, meeting girls and just doing things that aren't pleasing to God.. I Cant help it!! all this is really helping me get over this girl though.. .but i know it's not good

Err, there is nothing remotely wrong with going to clubs and having a few drinks, just know your limits and stick to them. Nothing wrong with meeting people either, but set boundaries for yourself and don't just get with any of them. Give yourself some standards.

You can't fall into a hole where you're basing your actions on having someone to keep you accountable. You need to be accountable for your actions before you get into a relationship. You need to be the strong one who can hold himself up and doesn't depend on another person to keep him in check. It's never easy, nothing that takes work is easy. But if you want to be the man in a relationship with some lass, then you need to be strong in all areas.

Never sell yourself short.

 

[UnbrokenSoul]

Err, there is nothing remotely wrong with going to clubs and having a few drinks, just know your limits and stick to them. Nothing wrong with meeting people either, but set boundaries for yourself and don't just get with any of them. Give yourself some standards.

You can't fall into a hole where you're basing your actions on having someone to keep you accountable. You need to be accountable for your actions before you get into a relationship. You need to be the strong one who can hold himself up and doesn't depend on another person to keep him in check. It's never easy, nothing that takes work is easy. But if you want to be the man in a relationship with some lass, then you need to be strong in all areas.

Never sell yourself short.

^ best advice I've heard in a long time.. thanks I will definitely be thinking about what you've said in the next couple days..

 

[nbiol]

hey everyone.. guess what? i just turned 21... and i'm not doing too well.. i knew this would happen.. I have always had a girlfriend because it help keep me away from bad things... i'm starting to go to clubs alot, meeting girls and just doing things that aren't pleasing to God.. I Cant help it!! all this is really helping me get over this girl though.. .but i know it's not good

There's your problem buddy. Going to clubs, meeting girls, doing things not pleasing to God... you're simply getting OVER the fact that you dont have her in your life. You need to get through the tough things, man. You cant simply get "over" it. Climbing hills and sledding down them is fun, it's easy. But it's not addressing the problem and tackling it head on. Once you get sick of the club scene, you'll end up having to get through the pain of this girl again, something that could have been avoided if you had gotten through it the first time around. It's hard. It's harder when you've been in relationships for as long as you can remember, but one of my friends reminded me of this. "If you're not comfortable with yourself by yourself, you shouldnt be in a relationship. You shouldnt be looking for a relationship until you're fully grounded in who you are as a human being. Only then can you accept others for who they are.
You dont need girls. You dont need parties, alcohol, and most importantly you dont need to be doing things not pleasing to God. You need to rely on God. You need to fully give yourself up and give yourself to God. God is the only one that can pick up the pieces of your broken heart and mend them. God is the only one that can put you back together and remind you how to love. Not alcohol, not more girls, not parties, God. Giving yourself up isnt easy in any sense of the word. Getting through hard situations isnt easy either. But there comes a point where you have to choose between whats right and what's easy. If you choose what's easy, it's most likely going to bite you in the butt somewhere down the road and you will be left at square one. If you choose what's right, well, a man reaps what he sows. If you give everything, you'll get everything and more back.

Just a bit to think about.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

As with all things, time is the test.. we want to be sure of EVERYTHING before we get back together, because then we can rest assured that this sort of thing won't happen again.. neither of us can go through this heartache again..

I haven't read page 4 yet, but I know you two have already broken up, but this really caught my attention. You can never be sure of EVERYTHING in a relationship with humans. You make the best decision using logic, prayer, guidance from the Holy Spirit and wisdom from others. It is really rare to get a word from God telling someone, this is the right one. It is very common for people in love to just know that they are meant to be together. Guess what? People are often wrong. I had great relationship two years ago that I thought was God's idea. I was devastated when he broke up with me. Now, I can see some things that makes me think we weren't best suited for each other. I got hurt again a while back when I had to end another relationship even though we had a great underlying friendship that really hurt to lose.

I have an awesome bf now who gives me the communication and affection I had been missing in other relationships, and he seems to think I'm the one also. I still can't say for sure we're going to end up married, but time will help us figure it all out.

 

[Sunburst]

Nothing is concrete. I have been through this conversation so many times. Posts ahead of me all make sense.

 

[UnbrokenSoul]

Wow, It's amazing to read this thread after so many years have passed. My ex-g/f has tried getting me back at least 4 times since, but I never gave her the time of day. To put things in perspective of what this girl is like, the last time she contacted me to try and get me back was a month before she got married. It has been over a year now since I've last heard from her, Thank God! Anyways...

To continue where I left off in my last post.. I basically got heavy into the whole partying scene. I would go out 3-4 nights a week, which all included heavy drinking and meeting random girls. All those young years bottled up in that relationship came out all at once, and I went wild! I did this for a little over a year before I began feeling bored\empty again.

I then started looking for love. Went on personal sites, attended lots of Christian events, and got involved in some ministries looking for "chicks". As you all guessed, that didn't really work out too well. All I got out of this was some drama, some stalkers, some more things to add to my naughty list, and some more drama. I gave up on that and decided I'd just stay single.

For the next few months I behaved pretty well. I didn't really party much, got genuinely involved in some ministries without any ulterior motives, and spent most my time just hanging out (meaning TV, movies, video games, etc). One of my old high school friends started to hang out with my group. We became close friends in the following months, but we never really thought about or crossed that "romantic" line. She was basically just one of the "guys" to me.

One day, I thought to myself, "this girl is attractive, smart, loves God, and all of my best friends think she's great". I dismissed the thought thinking that it wasn't worth risking the friendship. A month passes and I decide that close male-female friendships never really work (how convenient, huh?), so I said "heck with it"!

I tricked her into going on a date with me. I invited friends that I knew couldn't make it, and told her "I invited blah, blah, and blah.. You should come, it will be fun". So I pick her up and drive to the sports bar, and after 30 minutes pass she starts wondering where everyone is. I start laughing and being the smart girl she is, she points her finger at me, says "you're up to something!", then starts laughing. This was our first time hanging out alone, and we had a BLAST. At the end of the night, I told her that we had just gone on our first date and she denied that it was a date of course. Thus began our flirting and transition from friends to more for the next month or so. She didn't want to risk our friendship, but after asking her to be my girlfriend twice, and assuring her that our friendship was "already ruined" thanks to me, she finally gave in! She still denies that was our first date though!

I've been through some bumpy times, but when I least expected, God delivered to me the perfect woman (custom-made for me ). She is beautiful, loves God, and truly loves me and my flaws (although I'd never admit to her that I have any! ). She accepts my eventful past, including my "naughty list". We have been dating for about 1 1/2 years now and have a very strong and mature relationship. I'm looking forward to one day making a future with her.