A Bipolar Minister

[stanneberg]

A friend of mine suggested that I look at this forum. I was blown away at the number of people with this disease. God bless you all!

I'm a 44 year-old Pastor's son who wasn't diagnosed until 9 years ago. I had been riding this roller coaster my whole life, and no one had a clue. My doctors prescribed many SSRI's that proved to be worthless. One year ago, I crashed and was admitted to the hospital. I was supposed to be in for 10 days. It turned out to be almost a month. They tried every kind of drug imaginable, but nothing seemed to work. I left the hospital with eleven different prescriptions. One month ago, my pill consumption was cut in half. Today, my need for any meds is almost non-existent, although I'm still taking them. (We all know what happens on those 'manic runs' when we stop our meds, don't we?)

I could write a book about my experiences over the years, but I'm really curious to see what information you all are searching for. Since this is my first day on the forum, I'd like to hear from you to see how I can help.

If a survey was taken, I'm willing to bet that:
Everyone has a very high IQ.
Most have sustained a trauma of some sort in their lives.
Christ is very important to you, but you can't get past the hopelessness you feel -- a feeling that is the antithesis of Christianity.
Ever have dreams or visions? Wonder is you're pshchic?

Believe me, I know what you're dealing with. There is a purpose for you! God will show you His love in a way that will only be real to you. When this happens, you will never be the same again! If you knew me, you'd understand.

Stephen Tanneberg

 

[NewCovenant]

Hi, Stephen. It's good to hear from you. It's cool when you finally get on the right meds and you don't have to take 72 pills every day and your life starts to come together. I was diagnosed 14 years ago, but didn't really start feeling better until about 3 years ago. It's a lifelong struggle, but it can be managed. I'm 43, I'm a minister, too, and I've had a rather nutty life.

It's very common for BPD's to have very high IQ. If you hunt around on the Net, you will find a list of famous people who have BPD. The list is astonishing. (Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, the list goes on and on.) It's amazing when you realize how many truly accomplished people have this crazy thing that can destroy your life when it isn't managed with treatment. So many of them died by their own hand. It's tragic.

Most of us are creative in one way or another. I write and paint and do a lot of crafty things, as well. Now that I'm a homeowner, I want to learn to do "fix it" stuff, too.

I have very vivid dreams, often disturbing ones, but fortunately have never considered myself psychic. That is one disorder that I do not suffer from. God has blessed me with a very level head in that area.

Becoming a Christian 11 years ago is what truly saved me and helped my mental wellness. I have always stayed on my medication (except for a very brief period), and remained in treatment, but Christ has truly been my Healer and Great Physician.

 

[stanneberg]

Gladys,

I have had a feeling that I just can't get a handle on. Maybe you can help. Looking back at my own experiences with this disease, I feel that it has been mostly a spiritual war rather than a physical and mental one. All of the people you mentioned that suffered from the same disease including Martin Luther, King David, Elijah, Abraham Lincoln and more, were able to accomplish great things -- inspite of the illness. These people were gifted in an exceptional way, then seemingly were tormented by the evil one -- Satan's effort to squelch the missions that God placed on their lifes.

Do you agree that some portion of this disease is spiritual? If so, what percentage?

Stephen Tanneberg

 

[stanneberg]

If I were to say that our illness was 100% spiritual and people went off their meds, they'd crash. If I were to throw out a number, say, 10% spiritual, we wouldn't have hope. This is difficult!

OK. I'll come right out with it! I believe overall, its 80%, but for those that are called BY GOD to fight for His kingdom, its 100%!

Martin Luther was recognized as having the most brilliant mind for Law. He went to school to be a lawyer. One night, he was returning to his parent's home when a storm broke out. A bolt of lightning knocked him off his horse. Martin pleaded with God that if He would spare his life, he'd become a monk. He was spared and honored his word to God. When Martin was in the monestary, he went to confessional to confess his sins from the previous 24 hours. At first he'd be in there 20-30 minutes. Later on, his confession lasted up to 6 hours. (How much trouble can you get into in a monestary?) Martin was tormented by God's word. Satan used scripture to bind the very man that would later start the Protestant movement. You see, God had gifted him with a brilliant legal mind. When he read the Bible, he only saw God's law. He knew he couldn't keep the law. Stalemate! One day, Martin read in Romans "The just shall live by faith." He was healed! He later wrote, "the gates of heaven opened up and I walked through!"

Dealing with our meds and moods is tricky. Dealing with the spiritual aspect is even trickier. I believe that there are specific ways to experience healing, both physical, mental and emotional. I believe that most churches and christians are not equiped to help us. You know, the harvest is plenty but the workers are few.

A bunch of us are going to be equiped by God to fight this thing. You are one of them! Your experiences, insight, faith and perseverance will be used in a mighty way. We'll lose some, but win many. This disease can only be won by prayer . . . from the right people.


Stephen Tanneberg

 

[tiredmom]

Hi, Stephen,

I agree with everything you said, except I too struggle with the spiritual relation to the illness. My struggle with bipolar disorder has caused me on occasion to question my faith...or more accurately, to question my dedication to my faith, to my Savior. At times I feel "unworthy" (although I realize really none of us are truly "worthy" by God's standards, but He loves us anyhow!) At any rate, I'm working on the balance. As far as whether or not it could be a spiritual thing in the same sense as, say, "demonic posession," or some such, I don't believe that. I have actually been told in the past, that my depression, or "imagined mental illness", as has been said to me, is indeed a lack of faith, a lack of prayer, a secret sin, a weak mind, blah blah blah. You've probably heard this drivel too. Well, I don't buy it.

Besides, our brain is an organ, just like any other organ that God created in our bodies. In fact, it's the most important organ-- without it, nothing else could work. It is the computer that runs the engine (i.e., heart and lungs). In this imperfect world, crippled by sin, we are susceptible to parts wearing out, or faulty in their opperation-- through no fault of our Maker. However, I'm certain that sometimes, He allows us to live with an imperfection, in order to use us for His purposes. I just have trouble paying attention to what it is He wants me to be doing!

As for the creativity factor, I agree with that. I imagine it's probably, easily, around an 80% figure of those who have the illness, that display an above-average artistic or academic bent. I myself (not to brag, mind you!) am artistically endowed and grammatcially/academically blessed-- except of course, for my utter disdain for math!! I hated math in school, and am not terribly fond of numbers now. but words, literature, languages and obscure trivia fascinate me. In these realms-- all of them requiring a certain kind of mind or vison (speaking of one's eyes, here). If one suffers from a mental illness, yet still has the creative faculties in another part of the same brain, then the brain isn't completely crippled! It is simply given a plus to make up for the minus. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away...haha, just a weak analogy, there Have you seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? Worth watching. again, the thing with numbers <Laurie shudders at the thought...>...but a good portrayl, a true story, and really a hopeful message. I enjoyed it, anyway.

Genius and intelligence and artistic talent don't necessarily always walk hand in hand with a mental illness...but I believe it is present in probably 80% of patients (and the undiagnosed) with a mental illness of some sort. My mother, my brother (who is also Stephen, btw), my maternal grandmother, and two uncles on mom's side-- all very talented, intelligent , and artistic-- all diagnosed with major depression or bipolar disorder. Not all treated-- two suicides, one slow suicide by alcohol-- but my brother and I have sought treatment, as did one uncle. Glad we did.

Well, I see that I've been on a soapbox, and rattled on and on. But nice to "meet" you, and I hope you will visit here again. Your insights can be helpful here, and I enjoy your writing style too. God bless you, and thanks for sharing your experience with us, as well! Very encouraging!

~~Laurie, aka "tiredmom"

 

[tiredmom]

Oh, and as far as the dreams and/or visions kind of thing? Not really, but I do have very vivid dreams, and my mind is always overly busy...sometimes, it can be too busy, like thirty tv's in my head. That's when it's rough, hard to organize thoughts, hard to complete tasks or carry on an organized conversation. but most of the time, I get a lot of good ideas, and have a great imagination. But my dreams are usually fantastic, sometimes enjoyable as a movie, sometimes distressing and too realistic.

Anyway, that's all...just an afterthought!

~~Laurie

 

[Zita123]

You gave me hope here reading your thread. I think just as you do with this bipolar stuff. I'm so glad you came into my life here on this cf.
GOD BLESS YOU!! Sue (zita)

Oh, and as far as the dreams and/or visions kind of thing? Not really, but I do have very vivid dreams, and my mind is always overly busy...sometimes, it can be too busy, like thirty tv's in my head. That's when it's rough, hard to organize thoughts, hard to complete tasks or carry on an organized conversation. but most of the time, I get a lot of good ideas, and have a great imagination. But my dreams are usually fantastic, sometimes enjoyable as a movie, sometimes distressing and too realistic.

Anyway, that's all...just an afterthought!

~~Laurie

 

[stanneberg]

The Bible tells us that Jesus went through every experience we experience. He was tempted in every way. I find it interesting that He started His ministry with temptation and ended it with temptation. We know about the devil tempting Him. Satan skewed the scripture ever so slightly and tossed it to our Lord. Jesus countered him with scripture, but it was the right scripture in the right context. When He was on the cross, people laughed and geered at Him taunting Him to save Himself. He could have done this with just one word! He didn't.

The scene in the garden truely grips me. The Bible clearly stated that Jesus was suicidal! He prayed; "I'm sorrowful, even to the point of death . . ." Jesus knows depression. He knows the feeling of being alone. He knows the agonizing pain of abandonment -- being separated from His father.

Until recently, I struggled with spiritual bankruptcy every single day. I remember telling my mom on the phone, "If God would just tell me what I did wrong, I say I'm sorry." No relief.

Today, I know that I'm anointed by God to fight the enemy. The enemy is all around us, especially in our churches. Many Christians use worldview philosophies incorporated with scripture without realizing that they are 'de-fanging' the power of the Spirit. Jesus commanded us to bear one another's burdens. Most don't know how to do this. When you get unscriptural advice from our 'brothers and sisters in Christ' sounding like a theological self help book, it drives you further into the abyss. This is called 'lack of faith' -- their faith, not yours. When we cross over into the dark side of our minds, we don't have the strength or the energy to to deal with anything, much less prayer and personal devotion. It is during these times that Jesus is holding us close. Why do you think God spoke to Elijah in a quiet voice and led Him to the Brook Cherith to be fed by the ravens? Elijah fell apart. While in this state, God loved him, held him, carassed him and fed him. This is how He treats us, though we can't see Him, hear Him or feel Him.

I get furious when people say that my problem is caused by something I'm not doing. Jesus clearly stated in John 15, "Apart from me you can do nothing." The very nature of salvation is based on God's giving to us what we could not attain for ourselves. "For by grace you are saved, through faith . . ." We cannot even obtain salvation unless He first gives us the faith before we accept Him!

Jesus told two parables; one parable is one verse long, the other two verses. One is about the man who was digging in the field and uncovered the treasure. He buried it again, sold everything he had and bought the field so he could have the treasure. The other parable is about the merchant who found the valuable pearl. He sold everything he had to purchase the gem. At the bottom of my Bible, the comments say; "When we see Christ, we should be willing to sell everything we own to have Him." Wait a minute! If we sell anything, even if we are willing to sell everything, we are purchasing (or attempting to purchase) our salvation. Its not for sale. If you see the truth, YOU are the treasure in the field! YOU are the expensive pearl! Jesus is the merchant and the digger who sold everything to buy YOU!

Why, then, would it seem even remotely possible for us to abandon Him in any way? HE has been doing all the work from the beginning! When I was lost He corralled the 99 to find me. On the cross, He took upon Himself ALL our sin. Again, I quote: "Apart from me, you can do NOTHING!" Paul tells us that NOTHING can separate us from Him, but Satan is very good at making us feel separated.

My worst 'bouts of depression occured when I felt separated. As Christians, we are supposed to offer other people hope. When I felt hopless, I felt as if I didn't have Christ. Every time this happened, I immediatly had thoughts of suicide. Christian's aren't supposed to feel this way . . . right? Then why did Jesus?

I want to encourage you to copy "promise verses" onto 3x5 cards. Carry them with you. When any feelings contrary to the truth pops up in your head, pull them out and read them. Don't just quote them from memory, actually read them. "You shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall set you free!"

Thank you for your kind words. You have encouraged me. I hope I have encouraged you and everyone that reads this thread.

Stephen Tanneberg

 

[4childofgod]

A friend of mine suggested that I look at this forum. I was blown away at the number of people with this disease. God bless you all!

I'm a 44 year-old Pastor's son who wasn't diagnosed until 9 years ago. I had been riding this roller coaster my whole life, and no one had a clue. My doctors prescribed many SSRI's that proved to be worthless. One year ago, I crashed and was admitted to the hospital. I was supposed to be in for 10 days. It turned out to be almost a month. They tried every kind of drug imaginable, but nothing seemed to work. I left the hospital with eleven different prescriptions. One month ago, my pill consumption was cut in half. Today, my need for any meds is almost non-existent, although I'm still taking them. (We all know what happens on those 'manic runs' when we stop our meds, don't we?)

I could write a book about my experiences over the years, but I'm really curious to see what information you all are searching for. Since this is my first day on the forum, I'd like to hear from you to see how I can help.

If a survey was taken, I'm willing to bet that:
Everyone has a very high IQ.
Most have sustained a trauma of some sort in their lives.
Christ is very important to you, but you can't get past the hopelessness you feel -- a feeling that is the antithesis of Christianity.
Ever have dreams or visions? Wonder is you're pshchic?

Believe me, I know what you're dealing with. There is a purpose for you! God will show you His love in a way that will only be real to you. When this happens, you will never be the same again! If you knew me, you'd understand.

Stephen Tanneberg

Hi Steven,
I agree totally and when we do have those manic runs I know exactly what you mean. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[CoolWater]

Stephen,

I have come to some of the same conclusions about my bipolar diagnosis as it seems you have. I wholeheartedly agree that this disorder is spiritual for me. Every single experience that I have had, whether it be manic or depression, has been spiritual in nature.

I did not have any symptoms through childhood and was a nominal believer growing up. I can pinpoint my onset to the exact day. I was 22. I was so in love with my girlfriend who was Jewish. We avoided talking about our differences in religion for the first year after we were together. When we finally did, it was like a mirror was put up before me Everything that I had ever know about God was challenged that night. And I realized I had no clue about what I believed. But I was determined to find out-- but in doing this I abandoned God all together. I woke up the next morning after dropping God depressed and stayed that way for years.

I swung so far that I became an athiest and at this point, God found me. I suffered through years of depression before he revealed himself to me. the night after he did, I woke up the next morning with light shining out of my heart, replacing the abyss that had been my heart. I soon started seeing all these coincidences and synchronicities. Everything came to a crescendo when I had my first manic break. And during it I climbed into one of those coincidences for three days... that's the best I can explain it. It was wonderful but painful and drove me to the brink of maddness. I ended up at a mental hospital, though I was not admitted. I was put on Lithium and several other drugs.

I have had many, many experiences like this-- all of which were spiritual. Some brought ecstasy. Some brought the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. All are beyond words. Like you I am convinced that God has put me through all of this for a reason. I believe that he is training me for something else... something in the future, I don't even know what yet. God has become my life blood.

If you or anyone else out there has experienced anything like this, I highly suggest reading anything by Carl Gustav Jung. His writings have described much of what I have gone through. Very, very thought provoking.

 

[NewCovenant]

Hi again, Stephen. You asked if I think that my BPD is a spiritual issue. It's very hard to separate the spiritual from the medical issues. I know that I have a medical condition that is called BPD that has caused a lot of behaviors -- or rather, that has made me susceptible to a lot of behaviors. But I also know that I was unsaved, born a sinner, and in a wicked state, which also make me susceptible to a lot of behaviors.

I was in treatment and on medication 3 full years before I was saved, and there was little change in my behavior (except, perhaps that I was sleeping better because of the meds!). The great change came when I encountered Christ in 1994. Over the first year of my salvation, the behaviors of the past slowly stopped and I became convicted of my sin. God slowly changed me. I still experienced mood swings, hypomania and some depression, and though some of them were at times severe, because of my relationship with the Lord, (and here's the ticket) I was able to handle my response to these moods. In other words, my behavior changed.

In 2002, I had a huge family crisis and also was separated from husband. My whole life changed, and I had to move to Charleston, away from my daughter, grandbaby, neice and nephew, the only family I have here. I ended up hospitalized again, the first time in 10 years. The only good thing that came out of this was that I found a wonderful doctor. Together, over a period of 1 year, we found a great combination of drugs that have been working like a charm since that time.

A few months before this incident, I had found a great Bible study and prayer group that I attended regularly. They became my new family and my entire support system. I believe that God loved me through them through this whole horrible episode, and if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have surrived this horrible time in my life.

The point of all this is that although BPD is a physical and medical problem, it IS, for many of us, also a spiritual problem. Medication and therapy alone did not work for me. I needed Christ. I would not have survived my illness and the many events of my life without Him. I would have died at my own hand years ago.

 

[isaiah5213]

i guess i am grateful for my bi-polar... (weird, huh?)

i used to want to get to the place of one of my friends. she had leukemia. she would look at me and say: "having leukemia is the best thing that has ever happened to me." here she was, w/ very pale skin, no hair, white lips... and it was the best thing???

and it was because her spiritual life grew and grew.!! i have learned over the years, to be safe being angry at God for things.. he's the safest thing to be angry at. and it deepened my relationship with him, to make him so intimate and personal to me, as to get mad at him. (strange, i know).

but i guess i learned to use my bi-polar. on the high days, i could get everything done. i could not be stopped. and on the low days, i rested most of the time. NO i didn't like the crying crying crying. i didn't like the suicidal thoughts. i didn't like the ideas that God must not love me, & he would discard me all the more because of my doubt and faith...

but i also got something i know other people didn't. i learned how to enjoy things as they came. to take advantage of it NOW, cuz' it may not be here tomorrow. i learned how to be encouraging. i learned how to be compassionate. i learned how to be discerning! (a TRUE discerner doesn't know they have that gift, my mom used to tell me.. so maybe i don't have that gift, but i know a spade when i see it lol! )

i don't have a high i.q.
if bi-polar is a chemical disorder, why do we need to have had something traumatic happen in our lives for us to have it?? i don't get that part... i mean, i have had many traumatic things happen to me... but, uh, that's why it took them so long to call me bi-polar.. they kept blaming the depression on my circumstances...

i went thru a dream interpretation, psychic period. i read numbers and palms. but it was before i was a Christian, and i recognized & still see it as a time when satan really had his clutches on me. i became a Christian and threw all that crap away. but i get still confused on the dreams... (not dreams i have about others, but dreams other people tell me they have had...)

hmm... to me, if it is true, that bi-polar is a chemical imbalance, then God made me this way. he had a plan and a purpose for me. the low times are a challenge for me to depend on him, and not on what i think and feel. my high times are for me to learn he is God, he is invincible. and i am not. i still need to depend on him, love him, learn to lean on him. because i will fall. i will get hurt. and i need him always.

 

[s_gunter]

If a survey was taken, I'm willing to bet that:
Everyone has a very high IQ.
Most have sustained a trauma of some sort in their lives.
Christ is very important to you, but you can't get past the hopelessness you feel -- a feeling that is the antithesis of Christianity.
Ever have dreams or visions? Wonder is you're pshchic?

Stephen Tanneberg

May I add to this list, and also add my comments to the existing list?

Well, here goes...

As to IQ, I don't mean to brag (but then, it ain't braggin' if it's true) I do have a relatively high IQ, but it's not at genius level. It's just above average.

As to trauma sustained, I would say that the trauma sustained only aggravated the signs of the chemical imbalance already there. The trauma didn't cause bi-polar, but it sure does make it worse.

Faith in Christ: oh yeah. I have to agree with that one whole heartedly. Also, I'd like to add to this that it's tons easier to forget about God's promises. You forget that God cares so much for you. It's when I forget this, that suicidal ideation soon follows. And I'm not the type to just think about, I act on it....

Dreams/visions/psychic: I have dreams and visions. Very vivid ones. I discard these though, because I don't trust them. I know for a fact that it is only my screwed up brain playing tricks on me. But then, that's just me. For other people, these may well be revelations from God or what not. As to being psychic in the true sense of the word, I don't know for sure. What I do know, is that it seems like those with this vicious illness are more perceptive to things that others don't see. I used to distrust this too, because I believed what everyone else was telling me. That I was the one with the problem. I was the one that was crazy, since I didn't see a certain situation like everyone else did.

For example, my husband and I went out to Pizza Hut a couple nights ago. (Background info: we live in an area of coastal Mississippi that was devastated by Hurricane Katrina). The other customers there, of course, were acting different than they normally would. And in a restaurant like Pizza Hut, of course people would bring their children. My husband got angry and upset because he felt like he was sitting in a daycare. All you heard were the kids. The place was also very busy, so we didn't get service as fast as we normally would. Also, the adults were kinda quiet, and there was a lot of forced laughter. The way my husband perceived this is that these people were being mean, obnoxious, if not just snobby and acting as if they were better than everyone else.

I didn't see it that way. I saw that the adults were still shell shocked at what had just happened. You could see it on all their faces. I mean, these are people that had just lost every material thing they had, and were living in camping trailers and tents, whereas before, they had nice houses to call home. They were doing the best they could. The only jovial people in that place were the children, since they don't have to worry about the particulars of life. Kids are more resilient than any adult.

Where it seems like I personally may be psychic, is because I can read a persons emotions and actions a little more accurately. Sometimes, I make the off hand remark that someone's gonna do such and such. I get a lot of "yeah, right, whatevers", until I'm proven right. Then they ask me how I saw that coming long before they did it. That's a little secret I like to keep, though.

Something else I'd like to add to this is not being able to trust your own mind, for one reason or the other. Trying to accept that you can't always trust your own mind and perceptions is very difficult. For a long time, I've always been told, "You took that the wrong way," or basically, "what you thought you saw, you did not see." And then for other people that are supposed to love us and support us take advantage of this by screwing with our minds for their own laughs or other personal gain....

 

[s_gunter]

i guess i am grateful for my bi-polar... (weird, huh?)

hmm... to me, if it is true, that bi-polar is a chemical imbalance, then God made me this way. he had a plan and a purpose for me. the low times are a challenge for me to depend on him, and not on what i think and feel. my high times are for me to learn he is God, he is invincible. and i am not. i still need to depend on him, love him, learn to lean on him. because i will fall. i will get hurt. and i need him always.

This is such a beautiful and eloquent way of putting this. Thank you so much for giving me a more positive way to look at it. You aught to copyright this, so that people like me won't use a terrific quote like this as a forum signature or something else like that......

 

[ddbagley]

My 8 year old has bipolar just like his mom, me. He has bad dreams sometimes but, two really bad ones after starting a new med. I tell him we will pray. He says " I do all the time but, I just keep getting them, It dosent work." It is hard for both of us to understand. He thinks that he just isn't good enough for God to answer his prayer. I tell him maybe God wants him to learn to trust Him even when it is scary. Truth is I wonder why God just won't take the bad dreams away. I know i must trust God, but I still question why.

 

[isaiah5213]

My 8 year old has bipolar just like his mom, me. He has bad dreams sometimes but, two really bad ones after starting a new med. I tell him we will pray. He says " I do all the time but, I just keep getting them, It dosent work." It is hard for both of us to understand. He thinks that he just isn't good enough for God to answer his prayer. I tell him maybe God wants him to learn to trust Him even when it is scary. Truth is I wonder why God just won't take the bad dreams away. I know i must trust God, but I still question why.

on a personal note, is the med respirdal?? i ask this because my son had the same problem. and i cut it in half and only gave him half for several weeks. then i upped it to the full. i advised the doc (who had taken off for india for 6 weeks after he gave the new med, so i couldn't get his advice & had to go on my own on this one) that worked really well.. and when he got back he told me i did very wise. his bad dreams really scared me. i slept in the bed with him that night, and he couldn't sleep more than 30 minutes w/out the dreams trying to come to him, and i had to soothe him out of them...all night long.

i really know what you are going thru.. it was extremely exhausting--physically and emotionally and spiritually for me...

 

[isaiah5213]

Dreams/visions/psychic: I have dreams and visions. Very vivid ones. I discard these though, because I don't trust them. I know for a fact that it is only my screwed up brain playing tricks on me. But then, that's just me. For other people, these may well be revelations from God or what not.

ditto. it's really hard for me when i realize years and years and years later, that other people don't have dreams like i do.. i thought everybody dreamed like me.. but they don't. and it sometimes made me feel more alone than ever.. thinking "what's wrong with me that even my dreams are different than everyone else's?????? "

As to being psychic in the true sense of the word, I don't know for sure. What I do know, is that it seems like those with this vicious illness are more perceptive to things that others don't see. I used to distrust this too, because I believed what everyone else was telling me. That I was the one with the problem. I was the one that was crazy, since I didn't see a certain situation like everyone else did.

i got the same verbage. and it hurt. i too always saw something different than everyone else. i too had a different perspective on things. in most ways, this empathy helped me.. but sometimes it made people angry. my husband says: "when you are right, you are very very right. and people either love you for it, or they really really hate you--because you got them figured." unfortunately, my rebellious daughter is one of the ones who really really hates me. cuz' i see her signs. i know her too well. i know when she is lying, and when she is telling the truth. i know EVERY SINGLE TIME--i am not kidding you on this--when she is up to something. she hates me with a huge passion. and sometimes i feel bad. i think i am violating her, because when i know, i draw all my guns.. i say "not on my wall, you aren't... i don't think so" and i won't back down. if it is wrong, then it ain't gonna happen on my watch, by golly. but what that does, it rob her. it gives her no safe place. it gives her no place or freedom to make mistakes and learn in the stubborn, hard-headed way she wants to learn. but i not only see it as biblical to refuse to give up, but i see it as deadly to her, if i listened to the family and did what they said: treat it like it is a phase. don't make a big deal out of it... she won't be like this when she is older, cuz' it will be all out of her system... every teen is doing it, so she should too... (if we were talking about clothing and hair, this would be great. but we are talking about drugs and promiscuity here... that's a different story to me)...

sorry i rambled. i am sure i wandered from the op's intention. whoops. sorry.

Where it seems like I personally may be psychic, is because I can read a persons emotions and actions a little more accurately. Sometimes, I make the off hand remark that someone's gonna do such and such. I get a lot of "yeah, right, whatevers", until I'm proven right. Then they ask me how I saw that coming long before they did it. That's a little secret I like to keep, though.

my husband used to say "yeah, right, whatever." but now??? he jumps and runs... because i have been too right too much of the time. if it was psychic related i felt and think that satan used me, and i feel dirty, cheap, ashamed. if it was insight that protects others or themselves, i don't think it was psychic.. i think it was me seeing and hearing what other people ignore... i don't think that is "miraculous" or "other-worldly" or aura seeing... i think it is empathy and a personal perceptiveness tuned to where others don't use it as such...

For a long time, I've always been told, "You took that the wrong way," or basically, "what you thought you saw, you did not see." And then for other people that are supposed to love us and support us take advantage of this by screwing with our minds for their own laughs or other personal gain....

i still get this. and i too, get angry, when i feel they are trying to use my "issue" to manipulate me... but i have had to learn to trust in the prayer: "God, reveal the truth to us. if i am not seeing the truth, reveal it to me, and give me humility to apologize and not get defensive about it. if they are not being truthful, reveal it to me so we can discuss it and work it thru...." that prayer has worked wonders!!!!! it has also shown lots of hurts, but they are hurts that i can't say that i regret.. i would pray that same prayer again, if i knew the ending, a thousand fold....

 

[ddbagley]

on a personal note, is the med respirdal?? i ask this because my son had the same problem. and i cut it in half and only gave him half for several weeks. then i upped it to the full. i advised the doc (who had taken off for india for 6 weeks after he gave the new med, so i couldn't get his advice & had to go on my own on this one) that worked really well.. and when he got back he told me i did very wise. his bad dreams really scared me. i slept in the bed with him that night, and he couldn't sleep more than 30 minutes w/out the dreams trying to come to him, and i had to soothe him out of them...all night long.

i really know what you are going thru.. it was extremely exhausting--physically and emotionally and spiritually for me...

Noah was on respirdal for a week. The bad dreams started when we switched to lamictal. But, he hasn't had another bad dream since I posted about them. I'm living so much on survival mode(where all I can do or think about is the crisis at the given moment)I didn't even notice the change. I will have to remind him that God answered his prayer. His bad dreams have gone away. Now I pray he stops theating to hurt himself. My fifteen year old says he remembers doing the same things before he took meds. I've guess I blocked that out. Anyway today has been a good day.

 

[invisiblebabe]

A friend of mine suggested that I look at this forum. I was blown away at the number of people with this disease. God bless you all!

God bless you too!

I'm a 44 year-old Pastor's son who wasn't diagnosed until 9 years ago. I had been riding this roller coaster my whole life, and no one had a clue. My doctors prescribed many SSRI's that proved to be worthless. One year ago, I crashed and was admitted to the hospital. I was supposed to be in for 10 days. It turned out to be almost a month. They tried every kind of drug imaginable, but nothing seemed to work. I left the hospital with eleven different prescriptions. One month ago, my pill consumption was cut in half. Today, my need for any meds is almost non-existent, although I'm still taking them. (We all know what happens on those 'manic runs' when we stop our meds, don't we?)

Wow, that must have been rough I'm glad that now at least you know what is going on with your body and brain chemistry, and I'm glad the meds helped you (haha yeah, we don't realize they are helping until we think we don't need them and stop taking them! ).

I could write a book about my experiences over the years, but I'm really curious to see what information you all are searching for. Since this is my first day on the forum, I'd like to hear from you to see how I can help.

I've thought of writing books about this stuff too, particularly about the desperate need for the Church to minister to those with mood disorders. So much "tough love" is out there that can be helpful to the emotionally healthy who need to hear it, but it just serves as a trigger to me.

If a survey was taken, I'm willing to bet that:
Everyone has a very high IQ.

I'll put it this way: I'm a former valedictorian (out of 655 in my graduating class), National Merit Finalist, consistent 99th percentile on most standardized tests, Rensselaer Medal winner, and lots of other stuff.... and more importantly, I process information very well conceptually and have superior writing skills.... so yeah, I'd be up there. (I believe in being honest about one's gifts, and those are my strongest gifts. I also have plenty of things I'm not so good at )

Most have sustained a trauma of some sort in their lives.

Yep, several, and bad ones. I was also abused both by peers (middle school, my first university) and by my ex fiance (at age 19).

Christ is very important to you, but you can't get past the hopelessness you feel -- a feeling that is the antithesis of Christianity.

Yep

Ever have dreams or visions? Wonder is you're pshchic?

I've had one dream I know was from God. I've had two dreams that predicted the next day's events.

Believe me, I know what you're dealing with. There is a purpose for you! God will show you His love in a way that will only be real to you. When this happens, you will never be the same again! If you knew me, you'd understand.

Stephen Tanneberg

I pray so.

I have several questions for you, if you don't mind (if some are too personal, feel free not to answer them):
Are you mostly stable now?
These days, can you function like someone who is emotionally healthy?
Did a life event trigger your bipolar, or was it out of the blue?
Were you ever abused (emotionally, psychologically, physically, any of those)?
Did you ever believe God was telling you something huge about a future event, and you turned out to be wrong?

Thank you!

In Christ,
Kayli

 

[stanneberg]

Are you mostly stable now?
These days, can you function like someone who is emotionally healthy?
Did a life event trigger your bipolar, or was it out of the blue?
Were you ever abused (emotionally, psychologically, physically, any of those)?
Did you ever believe God was telling you something huge about a future event, and you turned out to be wrong?

Kayli

In answer to your questions;

Yes, I'm very stable! In Fact, I have had absolutely NO medicine in the last month! (Except Aleve. Apparently the medicine caused some drastic side effects that has affected my joints. Right now, I'm in so much pain in my shoulders that I'll have to undergo surgery. I find it nearly impossible to put on my own shirt!)

Yes, I would like to think that I function in emotional health, but this is a relative term. I still consider myself an "abnormal person" by definition. My mind doesn't seem to 'fit and function' in the everyday world. I have visions, I sense things in other people, I can see future events like they happened yesterday. At times, it feels as if I am stuck between the real world and the metaphysical world. I still have mood swings, but I'm learning that these occur only when spiritual warfare is battling around me.

Yes, a life event triggered my illness. At the end of a church service my father was preaching, a young girl came up for prayer. She was oppressed by many demons and couldn't even say the name of Jesus. After a couple hours of prayer, the demons left her and came to me. I was 7 years old. The next year I was molested by two boys down the street. The most damaging and debilitating abuse happened to me in the church: misinterpretations of scripture, "killing words" from smiling Christians . . . all in the name of Jesus!

Yes, God has not only told me about huge events in the future, but He backed them with digital photography and video to boot! The visions haven't been wrong, however, my interpretations of them have been.

I "saw" myself getting robbed at gunpoint. I "thought" it was going to happen at Home Depot. It didn't. Two hours after the vision, a gun was stuck into my stomach 10 feet from my own front door.

I "saw" my wife sitting in a chair at a women's retreat, crying like she had never cried before. Other women surrounding her, placing their hands on her and praying for her. I "thought" God was revealing to her a special ministry. I was wrong. At the retreat, she had been looking, waiting, praying and seeking divine direction for our lives. Nothing happened. Minutes before the end, she opened up a letter I wrote to her and read my own words describing this vision. She started to cry like never before. Other women encircled her with outstreatched hands . . . just like I saw! Her divine revelation was God telling her to follow me!

I "saw" my wife and I carrying on the ministry of a great evangelist. For the last 10 years, this vision has haunted me. Last weekend, we went to see him. This door was finally closed. (Relief!) However, the vision is still there. It seems that the same anointing this great evangelist was given, was also given to me. We will be carrying out the same calling, but not in that particular organization.

I'm learning that there are drastic differences between thoughts, dreams, visions and prophecy. Only God can sort them all out.

Stephen Tanneberg