A biblical argument against Friendship Evangelism

[1Tonne]

Here is something I have been thinking about for some time now. Let me know your thoughts on it. First, I should probably say what I believe are the different types of evangelism that I am going to speak about.

Definitions:
Open Evangelism: When the Gospel is said within the first encounter. Often used in street evangelism, or in one-to-one evangelism in parks.
Friendship Evangelism: Where you create a relationship with the goal of eventually telling the Gospel to the person.
Relational Evangelism: Where you make a friend in your everyday life with no ulterior motive of sharing the Gospel. Such as meeting someone at work or school, and you become friends. Then, when the time is right, you tell them the Gospel.

Now onto the topic:
Sharing the Gospel can be a scary thing. The reason for this is, before you give the Good News, you should give the bad news first. So, show the sinner that they have broken Gods law. They have lied, stolen, blasphemed and done many other things that are against God. Show them that they are guilty and need a saviour. If we don't show them that they are guilty, then they will not see their need for a saviour. Then after we have shown them, we should tell them the Good News. So, show them the symptoms first of their illness, their condemnation, and then show them the cure. Then they should then run for the cure. By doing this you are being straight up and honest.
Open evangelism does this straight up. It is not hidden. It does not beat around the bush. And it is putting faith in the Gospel, that it has the power to bring people to salvation.

In friendship evangelism, our goal is to share the Gospel, but we do not want to let the unsaved person know that they are a sinner straight away. That would be offensive to show that they are a bad person, and it would not be conducive towards making a friend. So, we want to get alongside them and create a relationship. We get closer and closer to the person until we finally feel comfortable enough to say the Gospel. This, in a way, is deceptive friendship as your main goal is not to be the persons friend but to tell them the Gospel. The motive of the friendship is not straight up and true. It is hidden.

I recently read Proverbs 27:5 which pretty much says that we should be straight up. Here is the verse. "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed."
So, my question is, is friendship evangelism being like love carefully concealed? Is it better to be honest and straight up?

I do realise that in life we do make friends, and often we do not tell them the Gospel straight away. But this is quite normal in life, and this is fine. In many instances, it is silly to say the Gospel straight away when you meet someone. I would hate to tell the Gospel at a job interview. So, in life we make friends naturally and then over time, we may get to tell the Gospel. This is real friendship, and it is real relational evangelism. So, no hidden agenda. But many churches have specialised in making friends with the hope that there will be a time to say the Gospel. They put this above saying the Gospel openly. Many churches even say that society has changed and so we need to do friendship evangelism now. They say that one to one in the parks does not work. It scares people away.

So, once again, is friendship evangelism being like love carefully concealed? Is it better to be honest and straight up? Are churches that are teaching friendship evangelism wrong for not putting enough faith in the power of the Gospel?

 

[ari.sketch]

for me, personally, I want to make this as simple as possible,
I want to rely on the Holy Spirit, not so much on tactics or methods, though I am fully aware (and respectful) and do make use of them, be it friendship evangelism or open evangelism or whatever methods evangelism there are. To me, it's about the leading of the Holy Spirit, first and foremost.

I view these methods as just that, methods or tools we can use to reach out to the lost.
I don't necessarily view one as superior to the other, though one may be preferable depending on the circumstance and the person we're reaching out to, because in the end, it's about the person, not the method.

Regarding the specific question about friendship evangelism being like love carefully concealed.

Isn't the act of reaching out to a person for evangelistic purposes love in itself?
Is not love the motivating factor? Our love for God and our love for that person.

When love (for God and for that person) is the motivating factor, be it friendship evangelism or open/direct evangelism, how can that be love concealed?
Also note, trying to evangelize a person where love is not the motivating factor, where it's about you and not about God, be it friendship or open evangelism, that, I would say, is love concealed.

And this is why I said the leading of the Holy Spirit is so important.

 

[1Tonne]

I agree. Different styles can be used in different circumstances. I even think that the churches should do friendship evangelism.
But it should not override what Jesus commanded. That was to preach the Gospel to all creation.

Isn't the act of reaching out to a person for evangelistic purposes love in itself?
Is not love the motivating factor? Our love for God and our love for that person.

When love (for God and for that person) is the motivating factor, be it friendship evangelism or open/direct evangelism, how can that be love concealed?

I agree. Evangelism is love. I go to the park and tell the Gospel and my motivation is a love for God and also a love for the lost. Even friendship evangelism shows a love. But it shows a weak love to the unbeliever.
I googled the meaning of Proverbs 27:6 and this is the answer I found, "If a friend genuinely loves a person, he will not refuse to correct him. Genuine love, paired with humility, compels a person to correct his friend when necessary. A "love" which stays hidden because it lacks the courage to call out sin or danger is weak."
There is a great urgency to telling the Gospel because people are dying. None of us know when our time is up. And when it is up, if we are not right with God, then we will face eternity in great distress. That is awful.
I feel it is wrong the length of time it takes for people to say the Gospel when doing friendship evangelism. If we truly love our neighbour, we will say the Gospel.
Friendship Evangelism is similar to this: You see a house on fire and there are people in the house. You know that it is urgent to warn them but because you love them so much, you choose to mow their lawns first.

NOTE: I too am guilty of not saying the Gospel as quickly as I should. I even had a time where I was becoming friends with a person, and I felt as though I was meant to tell him the Gospel that day. I had the perfect opportunity, but I brushed it off and thought to myself that I will tell him next time. But the following day the person died. This shows the urgency that there is. I was not concerned enough for his eternity. I should have loved him more to share with him sooner.

2nd Note: By not warning everyone as soon as possible, it can also show the unbeliever that you have a weak faith. If you truly believe that people are going to spend eternity in Hell, why would you wait 2 or 3 months. Sometimes even up to a year. This is of the utmost importance. It is the most important thing in our lives.
We should be warning people everywhere as soon as possible.

 

[Carl Emerson]

NOTE: I too am guilty of not saying the Gospel as quickly as I should. I even had a time where I was becoming friends with a person, and I felt as though I was meant to tell him the Gospel that day. I had the perfect opportunity, but I brushed it off and thought to myself that I will tell him next time. But the following day the person died. This shows the urgency that there is. I was not concerned enough for his eternity. I should have loved him more to share with him sooner.

Does your sharing, or not, over-ride Gods choosing ?

If so this would make your performance or otherwise greater than His sovereign will.

We are told to go out and be seed sowers, but the matter of salvation is His domain.

 

[ari.sketch]

"But it should not override what Jesus commanded. That was to preach the Gospel to all creation."
If this is the basis of the argument ... then can I say that this is not really about friendship evangelism vs open evangelism, but it has more to do with making up excuses not to reach to the lost or to preach the Gospel ..?

Jesus wants us to preach the Gospel, make disciples ... there is an urgency, but something could be said about effectiveness, too, no?
Have we considered the why Jesus wants us to preach the Gospel?
And, if/when we find out the why, should we then look into how best to achieve that goal?

For me, all the more reason to strengthen my relationship with the Holy Spirit, because I don't want this to be about methodology, friendship vs open, etc, it's about being sensitive and obedient to the Holy Spirit, and doing it God's way, not ours.

 

[Pioneer3mm]

I want to rely on the Holy Spirit, not so much on tactics or methods, though I am fully aware (and respectful) and do make use of them, be it friendship evangelism or open evangelism or whatever methods evangelism there are. To me, it's about the leading of the Holy Spirit, first and foremost.

Good point..
- I agree.
---
More focus..on 'the leading/guidance of Holy Spirit' is needed.

 

[1Tonne]

We are told to go out and be seed sowers, but the matter of salvation is His domain.

We are told to go out and sow seed and He will create the growth in the person. But we are also told to go out and say the Gospel because if we don't, how will they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?
We all need to tell others. If we do not, then we are not doing Gods will. 2 Peter 3:9 says that the Lord does not want anyone to perish. So, if He wants that no one perishes, we should be doing all we can so that His will comes to be.
Sorry. Not going down the root of Calvinism vs Arminianism.

"But it should not override what Jesus commanded. That was to preach the Gospel to all creation."
If this is the basis of the argument ... then can I say that this is not really about friendship evangelism vs open evangelism, but it has more to do with making up excuses not to reach to the lost or to preach the Gospel ..?

Well, in a sense you are correct. Many people who do friendship evangelism are simply too scared to share the Gospel. Since they are scared, they revert to this particular form of evangelism. People need to be taught how to say the Gospel. They may know it but to say it effectively can be difficult. I have been a Christian for 30 years and a couple of years ago, I realised that if I was to say the Gospel, that I could be very long winded. So, I wrote it down and then memorised it. This way I can be straight to the point and if need be, I can veer off what I have memorised if I want to.

NOTE: It is fine to memorise the Gospel. The Holy Spirit will still work through what you say. It is just like memorising a bible verse. We need to remember that it is the Gospel that is the power of God unto salvation. So, as long as the Gospel is being said, then that is the power of God put on the person.

2nd Note: The most common argument that is said to me for why others do not share the Gospel is that God has made us all different and given us different giftings. They say, "We are all different parts of a body. Some may be a mouth while others may be a hand or an ear." This to me is a very lame excuse. Some of us, He has made to be feet, some he has made into ears, some he has made into eyes and other into hands. If God has blessed you to be a hand, then as you are mowing your neighbour's lawn, or chopping their hedge, tell them the Gospel. That is a great time to witness to them. Or, if God has made you into an ear, when you are listening to other people's problems, tell them the Gospel. God has not made us all the same and we do have different giftings. But these should be used so that we can witness to others. So that we can say the Gospel more often. These different giftings should not be used as an excuse to let us off the hook in regard to telling people the Good News. These giftings should help us create opportunities to say the Good News. God has given us all the gift of a mouth.

Even the stars in the heavens who do not have a mouth will speak of His greatness night after night. How much more should we who have mouths tell other of His great love.

Have we considered the why Jesus wants us to preach the Gospel?
And, if/when we find out the why, should we then look into how best to achieve that goal?

The reason for preaching the Gospel is that God does not want any to perish. 2 Peter 3:9.
Then the best way to achieve this Goal is to trust in the Gospel. So, say the Gospel. Many people will put more faith in their friendships to be the power of God unto salvation than they do the Gospel. This fills the Church with either weak believers or even non-believers. Romans 10:14 says, "How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?" So go and preach the Gospel. There are no verses in the bible that say to go out and befriend someone, then, when you feel comfortable, to tell them the Gospel. This is a man-made scheme that overrides what the bible says.

For me, all the more reason to strengthen my relationship with the Holy Spirit, because I don't want this to be about methodology, friendship vs open, etc, it's about being sensitive and obedient to the Holy Spirit, and doing it God's way, not ours.

In Acts 1:8 it says that we who have the Holy Spirit will be His witnesses to the ends of the earth. Then in Acts 2, the Holy Spirit came upon the early believers and the first thing they started to do was speak. And they spoke loudly. And the Holy Spirit gave them clarity. The words spoken were so clear that people from other nations even understood what they were saying.
It is not about methodology; it is more about doing as God has asked. We are to go and speak the Gospel to as many as possible. And we who have the Holy Spirit will do it. It would be wrong to have the Holy Spirit and then deny it by not speaking.

 

[Carl Emerson]

We are told to go out and sow seed and He will create the growth in the person. But we are also told to go out and say the Gospel because if we don't, how will they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?
We all need to tell others. If we do not, then we are not doing Gods will. 2 Peter 3:9 says that the Lord does not want anyone to perish. So, if He wants that no one perishes, we should be doing all we can so that His will comes to be.
Sorry. Not going down the root of Calvinism vs Arminianism.

The scripture states some are evangelists.

You seem to want folks to feel guilty if they are not an evangelist.

Going out and being a seed sower is wonderful and to be supported, but this is only one aspect of how He reaches people.

Folks being called out of Islam for example are often revealed the truth of Jesus through dreams.

I helped to run a full time ministry for street people, we provided food, love, prayer, and many came to faith. This initiative complimented street preaching, and sharing the gospel one on one.

 

[1Tonne]

The scripture states some are evangelists.

Yes. In Ephesians 4:11. But if you continue reading the statement in its entirety, you will see that the gift of evangelism is for the saints. Not for the lost. God gave some to be evangelist for the equipping of the saints so that the saint can then be outwardly focused towards the lost.
"So, Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up."
A person with the gift of evangelism will encourage and teach others how to share the Gospel. And, because they believe, they will go and warn others of the emending judgement. It would be wrong for them not to.

You seem to want folks to feel guilty if they are not an evangelist.

If people do not see anything wrong with not saying the Gospel, then there must be something wrong. Charles Spurgeon once said, "Have you no wish for others to be saved? Then you're not saved yourself, be sure of that!" The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation. We can be good kind people but this does not save people. It is the Gospel that is the power. Not us.
Oh. And another good quote that I like is from A.W. Tozer "It has always been difficult to understand those evangelical Christians who…say they serve the Lord, but they divide their days as to leave plenty of time to play and relax and enjoy the pleasures of this world. They are at ease while the world burns."

I helped to run a full time ministry for street people, we provided food, love, prayer, and many came to faith. This initiative complimented street preaching, and sharing the gospel one on one.

This is good. So, the overall goal for you is to make sure the Gospel is said. We all need to have a desire that the Gospel is said.

So, I am not saying that everyone is a street preacher. But our hearts desire is that others will be saved, and it is through the power of the Gospel. Not the power of our friendship. The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation. We need to put this first and we need to put more faith in the spoken Gospel.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Being ready to give an account is also Scriptural.

I think it comes back to hearing what the Spirit is saying at the time..

But for the record you may be interested in the following...

I had learned to take matters to Him in truth and I could see I had no real burden for the lost.

Knowing that if I asked according to His will He would answer - I simply confessed that, and asked for it.

The response was dramatic - a vision/dream in which I was being led by and angel to just the vey rim of the pit. The sight and smell was repugnant. I recoiled and said to the angel 'do I have to go any closer ?'

The job was done - no more indifference to the lost.

I later shared this in a service - you could have heard a pin drop.

However, despite this, our going out needs to be Lord centred and not lost soul centred or we will trample the harvest.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

If you can be a friend to someone without sharing the Gospel with them (like in an interview) I see no reason why you would think Friendship Evangelism is off-limits. At least you care about their soul enough to give them the Gospel. I'd argue if you care about them enough to share the Gospel at all you care about them more than if you didn't tell them the Gospel (even if it is Friendship Evangelism or you would personally find it inappropriate to share your faith [which is ridiculous]).

I like @ari.sketch's approach. By all means, use the book "Tactics" by Greg Koukl if it helps you. But the bottom line is about what God wants you to do.

The bigger question is whether you have the gift of Evangelism or not. Having the gift means you share the Gospel with people constantly even after the honeymoon phase of your faith is over. A lot of the time when someone first gets saved, they tell everyone. Then, after some time, they stop doing that. Having the gift of Evangelism is a person who shares the Gospel with people all the time even after a normal believer would stop doing it.

 

[1Tonne]

I had learned to take matters to Him in truth and I could see I had no real burden for the lost.

Knowing that if I asked according to His will He would answer - I simply confessed that, and asked for it.

The response was dramatic - a vision/dream in which I was being led by and angel to just the vey rim of the pit. The sight and smell was repugnant. I recoiled and said to the angel 'do I have to go any closer ?'

The job was done - no more indifference to the lost.

I too had a similar experience. I had an instance in my life when I was 18 where I died and then I went through Judgement Day. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. Though, now 30 years later, I can get complacent. But I try not to.

However, despite this, our going out needs to be Lord centred and not lost soul centred or we will trample the harvest.

I think it is both. Becuase we love God, we will do His will. And because we love the lost, we will tell them of the judgement that they are under.

 

[1Tonne]

I see no reason why you would think Friendship Evangelism is off-limits.

It is not off limits. But I do think that most churches have put this above actually speaking the Gospel. Our friendships are not the power of God unto salvation, but they do create an opportunity to share. This can however take up to a year for the Gospel to be spoken.
If we had more faith in the Gospel being the power of God unto salvation, then we would want to speak the Gospel more. We can either make friends with a person and say the Gospel once a year, or, we can go to the parks and say the Gospel 20 times in a day. Saying it 20 times in the day has multiplied the amount of people who hear it by a massive amount. There is power in the Gospel, and we need to have faith in it.

But the bottom line is about what God wants you to do.

God wants us to fulfil the great commission. To tell as many people as possible. Matthew 7:21 says "Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." So, the question is, what is the will of the father? 2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord...not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." As soldiers of Christ we have a job to do. And it is a battle. We may even be called names or spat on or even hit. But it is all in the battle for souls.

The bigger question is whether you have the gift of Evangelism or not. Having the gift means you share the Gospel with people constantly even after the honeymoon phase of your faith is over. A lot of the time when someone first gets saved, they tell everyone. Then, after some time, they stop doing that. Having the gift of Evangelism is a person who shares the Gospel with people all the time even after a normal believer would stop doing it.

You have the wrong understanding of what the gift of evangelism is. In post number 9 I explained what the gift it. It says in Ephesians 4:11-12. If you read the verses in their entirety, you will see that the gift of evangelism is for the saints. Not for the lost. God gave some to be evangelist for the equipping of the saints so that the saint can then be outwardly focused towards the lost.
"So, Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up."
A person with the gift of evangelism will encourage and teach others how to share the Gospel. And, because they believe, they will go and warn others of the emending judgement. It would be wrong for them not to.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

It is not off limits. But I do think that most churches have put this above actually speaking the Gospel.

In other words, you are speaking from your experience. Noted.

God wants us to fulfil the great commission.

Sure. But you mentioned yourself that you wouldn't share the Gospel with someone in a job interview. So that seems like a problem to me. You can tell people the Gospel when you think it is appropriate.

You have the wrong understanding of what the gift of evangelism is.

No, you have. Open a Bible dictionary and tell me what it says under Evangelism.

 

[1Tonne]

In other words, you are speaking from your experience. Noted.

Correct. I have been to many churches, and I have seen that most would rather make friends instead of telling as many people as possible about the great sacrifice. What about your church? Is your experience that they go out tell the Gospel to the lost?

Sure. But you mentioned yourself that you wouldn't share the Gospel with someone in a job interview. So that seems like a problem to me. You can tell people the Gospel when you think it is appropriate.

Correct. God gives us wisdom.
To be honest, this part of your argument seems pretty petty to me. It seems like you are trying to discredit me so that you yourself do not feel so guilty for not sharing the Gospel. Just get out there and do it. Then you will not feel guilt when people say that we should be doing it.

No, you have. Open a Bible dictionary and tell me what it says under Evangelism.

You put a man-made dictionary above the word of God? Why would you do that?

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

Correct. God gives us wisdom.
To be honest, this part of your argument seems pretty petty to me. It seems like you are trying to discredit me so that you yourself do not feel so guilty for not sharing the Gospel. Just get out there and do it. Then you will not feel guilt when people say that we should be doing it.

I do share the Gospel with people. I even started a Bible study at my apartment complex. Now, if you can assume this about me (incorrectly), then you can do it for other people as well.

You put a man-made dictionary above the word of God? Why would you do that?

Bro, you are being very antagonistic. Are you really in love with your pet theory so much that you feel offended at the slightest difference of opinion?

 

[RDKirk]

2nd Note: The most common argument that is said to me for why others do not share the Gospel is that God has made us all different and given us different giftings. They say, "We are all different parts of a body. Some may be a mouth while others may be a hand or an ear." This to me is a very lame excuse. Some of us, He has made to be feet, some he has made into ears, some he has made into eyes and other into hands. If God has blessed you to be a hand, then as you are mowing your neighbour's lawn, or chopping their hedge, tell them the Gospel. That is a great time to witness to them. Or, if God has made you into an ear, when you are listening to other people's problems, tell them the Gospel. God has not made us all the same and we do have different giftings. But these should be used so that we can witness to others. So that we can say the Gospel more often. These different giftings should not be used as an excuse to let us off the hook in regard to telling people the Good News. These giftings should help us create opportunities to say the Good News. God has given us all the gift of a mouth.

Well, scripture says clearly that "some" are evangelists. The model for evangelists we see in scripture is:

1. Called by the Holy Spirit to be evangelists.

2. Trained by their congregational teachers in the thoroughness of the Gospel.

3. Directed by the Holy Spirit to a particular evangelistic mission.

4. Commissioned by their congregational elders for that particular evangelistic mission.

5. Held accountable for their evangelistic actions and results by their congregational elders.

What we see all members of the Body responsible for is being ready at all times to give the reason for their hope...their own testimony of the working of salvation in their own lives. Every member of the Body is not an evangelist, but every member of the Body has a testimony for which to give witness.

 

[1Tonne]

Bro, you are being very antagonistic. Are you really in love with your pet theory so much that you feel offended at the slightest difference of opinion?

I do not believe that it is me that is being antagonistic. I was just calling you out. You wanted me to read a dictionary and trust that over what the bible says. I had shown what the gift of evangelism is for with verses and then you chose to use a book over what the bible said.
Check your previous post.

But to be honest, I cannot be bothered arguing. This thread was intended for genuine discussion, and also for encouragement for people to say the Gospel as often as possible. And I believe that we should be teaching within the churches, how to say the gospel to people we do not know. Friendship evangelism is only saying the Gospel to our friends. So, there are many that will never hear it if we continue putting friendship evangelism above proclamation evangelism.

What we see all members of the Body responsible for is being ready at all times to give the reason for their hope...their own testimony of the working of salvation in their own lives. Every member of the Body is not an evangelist, but every member of the Body has a testimony for which to give witness.

We do need to be ready to give a reason for our hope. That is correct. We also need to share the Gospel to all creation.
One thing to note is that our testimony is not the Gospel. But it can be good to say our testimony as it should lead into the Gospel.
Sadly, I once asked a pastor to teach me how to share the Gospel. He said that he did not need to as I already had my testimony. This annoyed me a lot. A quote from RC Sproul “Your testimony is not the Gospel.”

 

[RDKirk]

We do need to be ready to give a reason for our hope. That is correct. We also need to share the Gospel to all creation.
One thing to note is that our testimony is not the Gospel. But it can be good to say our testimony as it should lead into the Gospel.
Sadly, I once asked a pastor to teach me how to share the Gospel. He said that he did not need to as I already had my testimony. This annoyed me a lot. A quote from RC Sproul “Your testimony is not the Gospel.”

True, our testimony is not the gospel. We are not all evangelists, but we are all witnesses.

The Samaritan woman at the well did not have the gospel, she had only her testimony.

But her testimony brought her entire town to Jesus.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

I do not believe that it is me that is being antagonistic. I was just calling you out. You wanted me to read a dictionary and trust that over what the bible says. I had shown what the gift of evangelism is for with verses and then you chose to use a book over what the bible said.
Check your previous post.

What does the word mean in Greek? Do you know?

Friendship evangelism is only saying the Gospel to our friends.

Why not consider Friendship Evangelism like a tool in a toolbelt? If you can't share the Gospel in an interview, then you are no better.

Some people I have shared the Gospel with right away. Other people, I don't. I try (though imperfectly) to follow the Holy Spirit's lead. And I think there is nothing wrong with that approach, as I said in my first post.