Right now I'm in a situation that's difficult to me to talk about, I don't really know if what I'm thinking/doing is necessarily a sin, I'd like to know how to handle this. I didn't directly put the issue in the title because I do feel some embarrassment.
I have been taking interest in infantilism, it's a fetish that consists in acting like a baby, that includes using baby toys, baby clothes, ect.
I don't use the term tb/dl, (teen baby/diaper lover) because I don't like diapers at all, I think they're disgusting, which is weird because that's what the community cares about the most. For me, it's a non sexual fetish, I have no sexual attraction to any of these things, I'm only calling it a fetish because that's what it is. I'm also not a big fan of the community, most a(t)b/dl content creeps me out, and most of it seems to look like unhealthy escapism to me, because of how big of a role it takes in their lives. My only interest in it is the comfort that gives me, specifically the idea of using a pacifier and onesies pajamas, rattles too sometimes, and just take relaxing naps in a swinging crib, or something of the sort. I even considered buying a pacifier, but I'm not even going to invest that much in something that may or may not be beneficial to my life.
I haven't acted upon my fetish directly, I'm an artist and I have drawn some images related to this.
Sometimes I think it was bound to happen, since I've never stoped doing some "childish" things, like putting my drawings on the fridge and liking plushies a lot, maybe it's rooted to bad and traumatic experiences I had as a kid.
Nobody knows about this, I haven't told my mom about this, I know she loves me and will still support me, but I can't find the moment to confess this to her, and I don't have close enough friends to tell them something this intimate. I try to present as somewhat formal, and people think I'm a kind of a serious person, sometimes with this fetish I feel like I'm being disingenuous to them, it's such a high contrasting secret it's almost comical.
This could also be a burden in the future, I'm single and I've always been, and I don't know if a christian man would accept me if I keep this fetish through adulthood. And I don't see myself with a "caretaker" or my partner being one, I don't want to drag anyone onto this.
But most importantly, is this something a follower of God would do? It seems so silly to me, I don't really see the people I look up to being into this kind of stuff.
I know some people bring up 1 Corinthians 13:11, but I thought that that verse talked about a spiritual and theological way of seeing things.
And I believe the biggest threat in this indulgence is how much time I give to it, and even if I manage my time correctly with my interest and not let it become an idol, there's still an uncertainty behind it, I don't know if I'm stressing over nothing or if I should avoid these feelings.