Let yourself be free, you have already condemned yourself, but it's not our responsibility to condemn ourselves. It reminds me of a quote "be careful how you talk to yourself, because you are listening." Sometimes we let ourselves block out the very love that we long for the most, it's especially easy if you have been through abuse, because all of the horrible ways that some people treated you has now become your mindset about yourself too, they punished you and now it only feels right to punish yourself too, but please don't do this. It's abusive, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has done foolish things, but at the same time it's never too late to start over. Don't look at yourself through other people's eyes, don't even look at yourself through your own eyes, both will give you a flawed view of yourself, look through the eyes instead of observation and understanding, ask yourself a lot of questions, not questions to condemn, but instead ask yourself questions to understand. Give yourself the understanding that you have always needed. God is the most understanding and caring of all beings, let the Creator speak to you and look at yourself through His eyes.