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[Multifavs]

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[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think given how this world is all about getting your next hit of dopamine from social media or your smart phone, I think patience and changing your mind from being short term focused to long term focused is one of the most important things we can try to do. It's too easy especially with technology to become more and more impatient each day because we are so used to getting what we want immediately. I don't have a great answer as to how about going this, but I think just being aware of how this world has changed and how short term thinking is more prevalent in our world than ever, I think trying to stop this trend in your own life would benefit you greatly. It's something I'm trying to do myself. How to exactly go about it is of course the difficult part. I haven't found any good answers to that but I do know that becoming more patient and long term focused is a great thing to aspire to.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

I've personally found for myself creativity/imagination can die or fade away when you're under stress. Find ways to reduce and remove that stress and also keep inspiration around you at times.

What inspires you?

Be it verses, books, music, pictures, keep an environment around you which invokes the feeling of inspiration within yourself. I also find some of the best moments for inspiration come at night time. Ever had some amazing creative thoughts when you're trying to sleep? Try sitting in a dark room for 20-30 mins at night and just let your thoughts run free.

The limit of time gets me as well - I want to do so much, but then I realise I cannot do everything at once. I think it's better to focus and be really good at one thing, then have 10 things you're trying to do and are just basic at that 10.

Make a list. Write down all of your goals or things you want to do. Then alter that list into priorities. Focus on those. It really helps knowing direction of where you want to go.

Pray. As a Christian I was only very minimal with my praying and then as a Muslim I realised how much it matters. I would recommend to anyone, begin or pray more. The personal relationship with God is so important and it does so much for you.

About interaction with others, I think it's quite a case of knowing yourself. There was a saying I read sometime ago which said something along the lines of 'If you think of a good action, seek to do it immediately and do not tarry that you lose it'. Pull down the barriers you put between the world and your heart. You can do this small step by step, you have to push yourself to take that 'chance' when it comes and as you do it begins to come easier and easier.

 

[Saucy]

As for improving creativity, sometimes it's good to walk away from it for awhile. Maybe you're getting burned out. I did after years of writing and stepped away for almost 7 years. I'm not saying you need to step away for seven years, but I found other things to get involved in, expanded my horizons, and learned more about the world. It ultimately made me a better writer when I went back to it and now many a living from it.

As for the other stuff, I will be open and honest with you. I hope you appreciate that and won't get upset at me lol. But you want to know how to change, so I will share a few things. I see a lot of people from your generation who haven't experienced too much. In the way of anything. The way they perceive the world comes at them instantly from what they see online, but they rarely leave the house. If it's not comfortable, they won't challenge themselves. They are easily frustrated and defeated by the simplest of obstacles.

I was sort of the same way and a bit entitled in my teens and early 20s. It took my dad dying and us losing the house and everything else that happened after for me to get my bearings, learn about what life is really about, grow up, and understand what others go through on a daily basis.

People are refined during times of tragedy and through obstacles. When you start avoiding things that are uncomfortable, it produces no results and no fruit. As tough as it will be, YOU have to overcome your fears and get out into the real world. Push your boundaries. Expand your horizons. Explore and experience for yourself. Get a job, even if it's a crappy one you don't want. That's where everyone starts out and you're not exempt from it.

I don't know your life, what issues you face, or what you're going through, but the best thing you can do for yourself is create a short term and long term plan. Set out to do what you want to do. Get a crappy job and work your way up. Get experience under your belt. Take more chances. Give more people a chance and let them into your life. Pray without ceasing. Get more involved in church ministry.

If you want to change, then take a step of faith out on the ledge.

 

[Strider1002]

I think it may be as simple as you taking some risks, being more open with people, pursuing the things you want to accomplish, etc. You’ll have some successes and some disappointments... that’s life. We all deal with that. And there are people willing to share in the joys and the struggles of your life. Seek and ye shall find.
Start small if you want... what matters is that you start!

 

[SarahsKnight]

But I don't want to be this way! I don't want to be shy and afraid...I want to communicate better. I want to be kinder and freer. And I want the light of the Lord to shine from me. I've been praying for all of these things, and I certainly hope that I can improve on them in 2018. I'm really going to try.

And I will pray with you that these things do come to light for you by His will, Miss Multifavs.

Phew, that was quite a lot. Sorry for rambling on so much, thank you for reading if you got this far!

No need to be sorry, Miss Multi. I know I am glad to hear you open up about these perceived shortcomings of yours, and I like to think I speak for everyone else here when I say that it makes me think no less of you than before.

But as for advice on how to improve in these areas of personality and your social life, I admit that I cannot think of anything practical at this time. I apologize. But I hope that prayers and just knowing that we here care about you are enough? And also, perhaps your being willing to acknowledge your problems and wanting to be better or different is a good first step.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

It would be neat if you would be willing to share some of your drawings too

 

[Rigatoni]

I think it's great you want to improve certain aspects about yourself, even as a New Year's Resolution. I'm not really experienced with giving advice, but will try to help the best I can:

I may seem cheerful and easygoing online, but in real life I'm not. I tend to be negative, worried, and fearful (okay not all the time, but more often than I'd like). I really want to be more positive and to stop worrying and being afraid so much. The problem is, even though I strongly trust in God, I still feel this way at times, no matter how much I tell myself things will be fine and God is with me. I guess I'm also a little afraid to start being too positive because...well, it seems like whenever I do think positive, the outcome ends up being the worst.

Learning to be positive simply involves psychology. If we focus / dwell on negative events or situations, we well start to feel negative, and those problems will start to grow in our minds. If we decide instead to focus on positive / encouraging things, we will feel positive and encouraged, and it will become easier to maintain that mentality. Staying focused on godly things can be challenging in the beginning. But over time we can get into a habit of it.

If we focus too much on what others thing about us, and base our joy off of that, we can never have complete joy or happiness; the opinions of others can change towards us, and we can't please everyone. Instead, our joy and peace should be rooted in God and His word. He loves us immensely exactly as we are, and His view of us doesn't change no matter what we face or how much we fall. If we grow in awareness of His view of us based on what is described in scripture, we can have rock solid joy / peace that doesn't budge. Listening or watching good teachings on the love of God, and being around others who emulate His love, might be a good habit to get into.

Overthinking things can also be a sign of a melancholic personality, which has it's strengths and weaknesses - as do all personality types. People who are melancholic are thinkers, and are usually quite intelligent. However, they can also be easily prone to depression. Developing the Sanguinic side (or the spontaneous, social, happy-go-lucky side) is a great way to counter that. For instance, you can learn to be spontaneous and just start dancing or singing around your family, and laugh off however they react lol. You can even tell them in advance that you'll be trying this, so they'll know what your up to. Once you've started doing it, there's nothing to fear really because you're already doing what you were afraid of. Growth always takes risk.

Why am I worrying so much about time these days? It wasn't until a month or two ago that I started worrying about how much time I have to do things and how long they take. It feels like I'm rushing to do things a lot because I worry they'll take too much time otherwise.

I remember you shared you were loosing interested in drawing lately, maybe this is why? It's important to develop patience and to learn to enjoy the development process of the projects we work on, instead of rushing to just enjoy achieving the final result.

How can I interact with people better in real life? I don't (usually) have a problem online, but in real life, for some reason, I feel awkward saying many certain things that there is no reason to feel awkward about. I'm probably the only one who thinks it is awkward! Because of this, I wonder if people think I'm not a very nice person.

It just takes practice. Perhaps research how to interact with others, and practice practice practice (then practice some more). What kind of things do you feel awkward saying, btw?

I don't think I'm very sympathetic or caring in real life either. Whenever someone in my family is sick, I worry more about how that affects me and my plans than about how that person feels, and I tend to get upset with that person. I feel very awkward around people crying so I just leave instead of trying to comfort them, and I'm so quiet and shy that I hardly talk to people other than family. All this makes me feel so bad.

If we don't feel loved ourselves, it can be hard to show love to other people; we can't express what we don't feel. As we learn to open up, be vulnerable and trust family and friends, we can grow in knowing how much they care about us, and thus know how to show empathy to others. If someone is somewhat quiet or reserved however, it can be hard to form emotional connections with others.

Lastly, I wonder if there's any way to improve creativity/imagination, because I struggle to think of ideas for drawings and stories a lot more than I used to, and it's frustrating.

One thing that really inspires me is checking out art done by others, especially very unique projects. Whether it's video games, music, movies, etc., you can find new, creative and imaginative ideas by checking out work done by other people. Just today, I came up with a great idea for a game level just by watching an animated movie. Inspiration can come from anywhere, we just have to put ourselves in a situation by which we can receive it.

Hope that helps, Multifavs! I look forward to seeing you achieve excellence this coming year.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I don't have any answers for you. I think the things you mentioned are largely just due to innate personality, and it's something you just have to live with.

 

[expos4ever]

Here is something that I would bet has not occurred to you. I am almost 60 and have been recently been wondering why it seems so hard for people to change. Many of my friends have obviously self-destructive habits - substance abuse, social problems, habitual lateness,...... And, to be even-handed, I, too, do things that I know are not in my best interests, even though I really do want to change.

I have a theory about this, although I suspect it will not be popular with that segment of the church that believes in an immaterial soul. In short, I think our brains are basically machines. And when we cultivate a bad habit, I believe that the actual physical "wiring" of our brains changes. The problem, then, is that even if we recognize that we need to stop doing X (or start doing Y), we are fighting against brain chemistry.

And that is a tough fight indeed.

I think that to effect real change, we need to exercise real discipline and repeatedly practice the change we wish to effect. Think of the task of turning a large ship around. Because of the incredible quantity of forward momentum, it can take miles to complete the change.

In summary: if our brains have become physically "wired" to engage in self-damaging behaviour, we should not expect that this can be reversed overnight. Another way of expressing this: the popular notion that we can simply "will" change is likely naive because it simply does not honour the basic reality of how brain wiring determines behaviour.

 

[Gnarwhal]

With the new year coming up, I want to try to make some changes in myself, and I was wondering if anyone has any advice for me on this?

I may seem cheerful and easygoing online, but in real life I'm not. I tend to be negative, worried, and fearful (okay not all the time, but more often than I'd like). I really want to be more positive and to stop worrying and being afraid so much. The problem is, even though I strongly trust in God, I still feel this way at times, no matter how much I tell myself things will be fine and God is with me. I guess I'm also a little afraid to start being too positive because...well, it seems like whenever I do think positive, the outcome ends up being the worst.

Why am I worrying so much about time these days? It wasn't until a month or two ago that I started worrying about how much time I have to do things and how long they take. It feels like I'm rushing to do things a lot because I worry they'll take too much time otherwise.

How can I interact with people better in real life? I don't (usually) have a problem online, but in real life, for some reason, I feel awkward saying many certain things that there is no reason to feel awkward about. I'm probably the only one who thinks it is awkward! Because of this, I wonder if people think I'm not a very nice person.

I don't think I'm very sympathetic or caring in real life either. Whenever someone in my family is sick, I worry more about how that affects me and my plans than about how that person feels, and I tend to get upset with that person. I feel very awkward around people crying so I just leave instead of trying to comfort them, and I'm so quiet and shy that I hardly talk to people other than family. All this makes me feel so bad.

I guess I also hurt myself by being too afraid to tell people about a lot of things and not speaking up about things that I want to say. I also don't like being too shy to sing at any time other than when my mom's at work and my dad and brother are playing video games; so whenever my mom can't make it to work, I'm unhappy because I can't do it.

But I don't want to be this way! I don't want to be shy and afraid...I want to communicate better. I want to be kinder and freer. And I want the light of the Lord to shine from me. I've been praying for all of these things, and I certainly hope that I can improve on them in 2018. I'm really going to try.

Lastly, I wonder if there's any way to improve creativity/imagination, because I struggle to think of ideas for drawings and stories a lot more than I used to, and it's frustrating.

Phew, that was quite a lot. Sorry for rambling on so much, thank you for reading if you got this far!

The simple answer: see a counselor.

That's not a glib answer, everyone can and should do that. Not just once either, plan to see one longterm, at least twice a month.

There are no excuses. Can't afford it? There are counselors out there who work on a sliding scale, meaning they charge based on your income and may even offer free sessions. Can't find time? Easy: make time. It's worth it.

Don't think it'll work? You'd be dead wrong about that. You get what you put into it.

 

[CodyFaith]

When it comes to fear, anxiety, worries, etc. these are things God will gradually get rid of in us the closer we draw to him and become stronger the longer we have walked. Scripture says for us to cast sorrows off ourselves, to cast our fears on God and not to worry about the future amongst other things. These things are actually commanded to us, not because it's something we do "or else!" but because God wants to limit our suffering and worries in this world and wants us to grow in our trust for him.
Here are some verses to help.

Ecclesiastes 11:9-10
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.
Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity.

Specifically the last part of the above... cast sorrow (fears, worries, sadness, burdens, etc) off of ourselves and instead be positive and filled with joy.

The Psalms reassure those who are God's children have nothing to worry about and are safe in his care. They tell us not to fear man at all, because we are in God's hands at all times and God protects us from harm and protects us from our enemies. Even when trials come on us and we're hurting, God is always there.

Psalms 118:6
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?

And Jesus says:

Matthew 10:28
And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

(Believers are both to fear and trust God. He loves us and is on our side but he is also holy. If you have faith you have no need to be afraid of hell in the sense that you are about to be thrown in, rather you should have a healthy fear of God knowing he is holy. ). Because remember in 1 John 4:16-18 it says talking about God's love:

And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

It can take time to grow perfect in God's love and learn not to be afraid of him in the sense that he'll let us down or not be there when we need him. The closer we draw to God the more these things go away.

In regards to wanting to be more outgoing, I think that just comes with taking leaps and becoming less afraid of people, letting go of worries, etc. So it sort of goes with what I said above. The less afraid of people you are, less afraid of their judgements, etc. the more you'll be free in being yourself. We shouldn't worry about what other people think of us as much as we do, we should just be ourselves and be free.

Also remember Moses.God told Moses to be his hand in the deliverance of the Israelite's in Egypt. He told Moses to speak the words he put in his mouth, but Moses wouldn't do it. Moses missed out on an opportunity God was telling him to do, his lack of being courageous over his own fears and worries caused him to disobey God. God is merciful though and so Moses's brother spoke for him. The point is Jesus commands us to love others, and to be brave in our relationships with others. He tells us to be so brave that we are to spread his gospel, and anyone who knows anything about spreading gospel knows it usually doesn't come very easily (unless you're like Billy Graham... but few of us are). We can love others and be lights for Christ in the world when we put aside our fears, worries, insecurities, etc. and show the world God's love.

And lastly, creativity comes from God. God is the most creative being in the world, he is the Creator. He designed the entire earth and universe. Inspiration comes from the Creator. Even things like just taking a walk under the stars, or watching sunsets from those really good spots. Drawing closer to the Creator and becoming more like Jesus, we'll become more creative naturally. Wisdom breeds creativity.

Hope these things help. When in doubt, turn to God. Man will give all sorts of answers that are wrong or unhelpful or even damaging... so you have to be careful with what you read and take in. God does not fail us.

 

[Citanul]

I don't have any answers for you. I think the things you mentioned are largely just due to innate personality, and it's something you just have to live with.

I agree with this that some of the things mentioned may be part of your innate personality, so I do think you need to be careful not to try to force yourself to do things that you're not comfortable doing as it's not necessarily going to make you any happier.

As someone who is very much an introvert (and it seems like you are too), it can be difficult because the world seems more geared towards being an extrovert. Especially when it comes to Christianity where things like fellowship and outreach don't come naturally to introverts. And because introverts tend to keep themselves, it is possible to feel surrounded by extroverts and feel like there's something not quite right with you because you don't act the way that they do in social situations.

But while there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to hide away from the rest of the world sometimes, I do think it's important to make sure that you don't do it too much. So I would definitely suggest that you try to get out there and interact more with people, as scary as it may be to you, maybe by looking for some group activities that you can join in.

It could be a matter of trial and error in trying to find which groups and/or activities work best for you, and there are probably going to be times when the thought of going out and interacting with people just becomes too overwhelming and you end up not doing anything. But for myself, I have found that there have been times when I've been able to overcome that feeling of not wanting to do anything and actually enjoyed myself.

But this isn't something that you're going to be able to change overnight. So start with small steps, and it's perfectly OK if it takes you a while to take that second step. There's absolutely no need to rush things.

 

[Saucy]

Always remember that His strength is made perfect in your weakness! You'd be amazed at the strength you have when it comes time for you to have to wield it.

 

[Rigatoni]

Yeah, I think worrying about time is one problem. Digital art is hard because it takes time away from other things I want to do on the computer and takes a lot of time, and I don't want to spend all day sitting at the computer. A lack of ideas is sometimes a problem as well. I always get excited about sharing finished products with others too.

Well...I feel awkward saying things like "please" and "thank you", and almost anything related to health or religion, and for some reason the names of most people and some characters...it's pretty weird. I don't feel awkward with some of them when talking to my brother, though.

And with family, yeah...I know they love me, but there are things about them that frustrate me, and I often feel like we don't spend enough time together.

It might be a good idea to have time set aside every day for working on digital art (like 10-20 minutes for example), or to take breaks from the computer every few minutes to do something else, and then to come back and continue working on it. I don't like spending too much time on the PC either lol; I need to take breaks every once in awhile.

If you feel comfortable around your brother, maybe that's why it doesn't feel awkward around him? Increasing self-confidence would be a good idea, as it would help to overcome those feelings in general. If there's nothing awkward about it, there's no reason to feel awkward saying it. =)

Knowing it and feeling it can be two very different things. It might be a good idea to talk to them about it and to work on spending time together more often; if we don't feel close to our own family, it can have a negative effect on us. And yes there are things about my family that frustrate me incredibly as well haha, but I still love them. That's just a part of having family. I think it helps to focus on and esteem the positive aspects of them, rather than the negative. For example: if they do something you find meaningful, let them know you really appreciate it. That would be one way to let the light of God shine through you, because you're doing what He commands in His word about loving others:

[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Esteeming godly aspects of others not only has a positive impact on our mentality of them, but has a positive impact on them as well over time. Getting into the Bible and doing what He says regarding loving others is a great way to let the Lord shine through us, and God will bless it; He always blesses obedience.