.

[*LILAC]

.

 

[SeventyOne]

We men are a stubborn breed. He has to be convinced to go, not told he should go. There is a huge difference.

Just because someone tells us something is obvious, but we don't see it, then the conclusion is that you are wrong because if it were that obvious, we'd also see it (obviously).

 

[Poppyseed78]

Well, pride. Men don't like being told what to do. Also, I've found that many men don't like to go to the doctor. It's seen as admitting weakness. It means they weren't able to "tough it out". Obviously this is silly, as not going to the doctor when needed often leads to more problems.

I agree it's annoying, but I wouldn't take it personally. At least he ended up going and will get the proper treatment.

 

[Dave-W]

My question is, what makes men not want to fix the obvious?

It is a cultural expectation. To "shake it off." Timex used to have a catch phrase for their watch ads to play on that:

"Takes a licking and keeps on ticking."

We men are supposed to be able to keep functioning at a high level no matter what condition we are in. To not do so is to be less than a man.

 

[WolfGate]

Some of us hesitate because the US health care system is so expensive and messed up.

This was my Tuesday. I've had a cyst on my back for maybe 20 years. Never bothered me. A couple of weeks ago it started hurting and became red. Didn't get better in a couple of weeks, so my wife told me to go to the dermatologists. Seems this is often an indication that it may need to be removed because once it gets infected it often repeats. I go to the doctor. Here is what I'm told in about a 10 minute visit. You have an infected cyst. We can't remove it when it is infected. Here is an antibiotic and a shot of steroids in the cyst. Come back in 3 weeks. That will be $358.

No way I'm going back for that kind of cost.

 

[Look Up]

... WHY. Any advice? Suggestions?

We men are a stubborn breed. He has to be convinced to go, not told he should go. There is a huge difference.

Well, pride. Men don't like being told what to do. Also, I've found that many men don't like to go to the doctor. It's seen as admitting weakness. It means they weren't able to "tough it out". Obviously this is silly, as not going to the doctor when needed often leads to more problems.

I can't say SeventyOne and Poppyseed78 are wrong. I just don't know. Or they may be partially right. There may be more than one ingredient in the pie, more than one reason or motivation behind not going to the doctor for a time. But I'm more with @WolfGate, above--for all I know at the moment.

In other words, try this: Your husband has a negative or suspicious view of doctors. Your question has to do with understanding his won't-go-to-a-doctor "why," so his reasons for being suspicious of doctors does not matter, but to give you an idea, he may have accumulated stories of doctors harming people, of practicing in an unethical or arrogant manner, of being trained and paid by Big Pharma, of being ineffective or not knowing what to do, or making the wrong diagnosis. He may have had genuinely bad or less than complimentary experiences with doctors. Or feel they are way too expensive, what with insurance costs and all. The cost-to-benefit analysis is dubious.

Maybe for him some of that is an exaggeration, but catch the point: When you say, "Go to the doctor," he may get angry inside even though he knows you mean well. Of course he knows doctors also help some people at least some of the time, but a suspicious or negative attitude toward doctors or toward the medical establishment (and I have my stories and have read stories for years) might make going to the doctor for a health problem a kind of lose-lose decision. Take an either-or choice between losing $4500 or losing your front teeth. What do you do with a lose-lose choice? Postpone the decision as long as possible.

So why did your husband decide to go to the doctor, eventually? Because by then the choice of which loss was greater became clear enough (to all appearance at the time), with a little nudge from a peer (in addition to your own previously). Sort of like what SeventyOne wrote: "He has to be convinced to go." And even so, the doctor had nothing better to offer than a note to your husband's employer or boss to allow your husband's own body time to heal itself--maybe just like your husband hoped it would before going to the doctor. Now here's a bill for $300. So what was the benefit of going to the doctor? He may be weighing that in his mind even if he is grateful for the R&R.

Add to all the above (if the theory has any basis in fact, which it may or may not) money worries--as not unlikely. He's thinking he's behind in the budget for a new furnace or next car or whatever. And he's the guy that's responsible for those things. And he's thinking he wants to pull his weight on the job--maybe a fairness thing, maybe a pride thing, maybe a worry thing, maybe a customer/client needs thing or some combination of these. Or job security worries and clouds on the business horizon. Maybe your husband was thinking a medical bill for an operation or cast and x-rays would have been a possibility (on the other side of the theory "it'll heal by itself if I can endure for now with patience").

In other words, I don't know what your husband is thinking, but maybe he deserves some benefit of the doubt, maybe even some credit. Not that we want to encourage folks not to take care of themselves.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I agree that fear or mistrust of doctors could be the reason. My mom has always been afraid of doctors.

 

[mina]

I don't think it's a gender specific problem. Many people, men and women, will put off going to the doctor and just put up with something until it's too painful or uncomfortable and they must go, no matter who has advised them otherwise.

 

[akmom]

A $200+ office visit and a day off work is a pretty steep price to pay to have someone tell you to "take it easy for a few days." I think 90% of doctor visits go that way. After 20 years, it's understandable that people have no interest in going through that charade.

 

[OK Jeff]

For future reference, a chiropractor will fix a sprained ankle for $45, right away. Wife and I had nearly exactly the same scenario a few years ago. Only difference is I finally took her advice after I'd suffered enough.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Yeah I think in general both sexes can be stubborn. Though men tend to be more stubborn. Look at men and asking for directions. Though with GPS on your phones now they don't have to ask at all lol.

In my case my wife is stubborn and I am not. I now understand what my mom has to deal with when it comes to my dad. Doctor exist for a reason. Better to be safe and go then to wait and things get worse.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

It isn't gender specific. When I was a kid, my mother did everything she could do to avoid taking me to the doctor, because she didn't want to have to pay for it. I was fourteen before I got glasses I'd needed since I was five. When I cut my hand, she tried to bandage it at home, and finally broke down and took me in for stitches when it wouldn't quite seal up and quit oozing after two days. At least she didn't try to fix my broken collarbone on her own.

And all of this was the 1970's. I'm sure it's gotten worse since then.

 

[DarthNeo]

Men just wanna RUB SOME DIRT ON IT and go about our business...LOL!

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

For the record: Early in our marriage, I went through a similar conflict with my husband. It was obvious to me that he was ill, but he wouldn't take the day off work, or go to the doctor, or even let me do anything for him. I had concerns because, for one thing, he's a bus driver. How would you like to ride a bus that you know is being operated by an ill driver? But he insisted that he was OK to handle it. When he stayed virus-ish for a few days, gradually he started letting me do things like make his favorite comfort foods for him. As he was actually recovering, THEN he took a day off work. Fighting it for so long had left him drained. He was more worried about driving a bus while feeling washed out and exhausted than he had been while feeling sick. Well, in fairness to him, he *has* been driving professionally for a good number of years, and that was true before I even met him. I think he wanted me to trust his judgment, that he knows when he's fit to work and when he's not.

 

[tansy]

It isn't gender specific. When I was a kid, my mother did everything she could do to avoid taking me to the doctor, because she didn't want to have to pay for it. I was fourteen before I got glasses I'd needed since I was five. When I cut my hand, she tried to bandage it at home, and finally broke down and took me in for stitches when it wouldn't quite seal up and quit oozing after two days. At least she didn't try to fix my broken collarbone on her own.

And all of this was the 1970's. I'm sure it's gotten worse since then.

I am so glad I live in Britain where we have the NHS...at least at the moment, unless it goes down the pan. Children here get free eye tests and glasses. It must be ghastly for a lot of people living in America

 

[LinkH]

Some men don't like doctors. Maybe it's fear or not wanting to waste money. Maybe he thinks he should be tough and not go to the doctor over small stuff.

He may also feel like he's cheating his work or not being responsible if he takes a sick day off. When someone at work tells him its okay, he may change his mind and think it's okay, like he's not cheating work or being irresponsible from his work load.

That's just speculation of course.