7 years with a live in fiance- Need all the prayers that I can get.

[Cbella212]

I wish that I could explain my situation with a few sentences but I can't. All I can say is that I have had a wonderful man in my life for the past 7 years. We have had many ups and downs- all related to stress yet I believe we had persevered. He became attracted to a girl in California while he was away for a weekend. He returned feeling guilty for feeling these emotions and broke up with me. He says it had nothing to do with the girl but it had to do with him not being happy. This was just the catalyst. We all at one point or another feel attraction and feelings at one point in our lives with others. I believe that it is part of nature. However, the problem lies when you act upon those feelings. He did not. We live together and he has broken up the engagement. He has told everyone and has alienated me. He is mean to me. One moment he says he cares and another moment he says he wants out. I love him and I want to give him his space but how do I do that without losing him forever. Everyone says, "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." But what happens now? Our bond, our friendship, our home, our pets, our dreams and talks about having children. What happens now? He is depressed, restless, anxious and is slowly turning into drinking. The more he sabotages his life, the more I become afraid and want to just run away. But I love him and want to be there to support him. He doesn't have faith in much and doesn't believe in God. I am confused about God. I do believe that there is a higher entity but I don't know what it is. I am a good hearted person and I treat others as I want to be treated. All I want is my guy back.
Please pray for us as a couple and as individuals. Thank you so much.

 

[Cute Tink]

Having been in a similar situation myself, you have my condolences. However, I do have something for you to think about: Only he can change this. Unless he changes his mind and decides he wants more of a relationship with you again, then you are fighting a losing battle. You cannot change his mind. You cannot change him. A question you need to answer for yourself is: how long are you willing to devote yourself to a man that won't return your affections any more?

Not to be too direct about it, but have you considered that he is, perhaps, lying about the reasons for him breaking things off with you or hiding something from you? He might be and who knows when he might be willing to let you in on it. In my situation, my ex-wife and I tried marriage counseling, but since she was unwilling to tell the full truth to the counselor or me, it failed. I am now divorced from her, but I have found someone that is immeasurably better for me. The same could be true for you.

You don't have to put it into words to us, but when you say he is being "mean to" you, what does that mean? Does it rise to the level of abuse? If you can be honest to yourself about it, then be so. A relationship is not worth it if he is being mean to you and even less so if he is abusive. You only get one life to live, why spend it being miserable.

I do see that you are uncertain about God and that's fine. You may want to consider meeting with a minister or priest or other religious representative for advice. If you can afford meeting with a counselor, then by all means. You need to sit down with someone impartial to talk about the problems and see what advice you can get about dealing with it.

Lastly, while it may seem cliched, keep in mind that you can find someone else. You won't be able to help this guy unless he wants your help. You won't be able to win him back unless he wants you to. You need to do what is right for you; not him. He needs to find his own way in life and you are only responsible for yourself.

 

[Cbella212]

Thank you for your direct opinion. He is not physically abusive, he has been very unpredictable with his feelings and becomes mean at times when he finds himself cornered. Cornered, I mean, I ask a lot of questions and if there aren't questions I ask, I am constantly telling him how to live his life. Well, giving him advice of what is right and what is wrong. Wow, as I write this I realize that I am not his caretaker- I am definitely suffering from codependency. I am seeing a therapist twice a week since this happened. Tomorrow will be a month. I am afraid to let go but I know that I have to. I just know myself and it's either black or white. If I let go, who knows if there is any turning back. He is special and kind hearted but I think he might be suffering from some sort of anxiety and/or mania. I know it's not my problem but I always thought that in relationships we stuck next to each other no matter what. It's hard for me to accept that he may have fallen out of love with me. I need time. I need time to understand that there is nothing that I can do. Regardless, I am alone in NYC and we are both on the lease. We share an apartment and I can't afford to leave until the lease is over in June. I can't pay double the rent now. I just don't know what to do while I am here in the meantime......I pray, I try but I just don't know what I believe in anymore.

 

[Cute Tink]

You have been hit with a lot at once. Take a few deep breaths and remember that you will get past it and be stronger than ever. One day you will find someone who will be perfect for you, as long as you are open to it.

 

[Cbella212]

It's been tough, very tough. I will try.

 

[seashale76]

The other poster was entirely correct. You can't change another person, you can only control yourself and what you do.

However, I have no problem praying for you both.

Lord, have mercy!

 

[Cbella212]

Thank you so much. I need your prayers. He needs your prayers. It has been an emotional roller coaster at home. I am, however, trying to focus on myself. I need to if I ever want to have another healthy relationship again with him or with someone else.
I am so thankful to this website.

 

[Xyster]

I'm an Atheist myself .. and have had simular problems.. I all boils down to COMMUNICATION if BOTH of you are not willing to communicate likes, dislikes, and needs then it will never work with ANYONE. Open your lines of communication tell him how you feel and try to get him to exspress himself being a man myself.. This is hard for us men but gentil coaxing will help over time. My wife and I spent 500$ on counceling a few years back to figure that out... you dont need prayer you need to have a long heart felt sit down chat.

 

[Born_Again_in_Jesus]

You are in good company. Adam and Eve were cohabiting and no mention that I can find of them ever being married.

Pray for a wedding soon however, for 7 years is too long to be fiances. Take the plunge and get it over with. Life is too short to miss out on the joys of conjugal bliss.

In Jesus' name I pray.

BAIJ

 

[Born_Again_in_Jesus]

Having been in a similar situation myself, you have my condolences. However, I do have something for you to think about: Only he can change this. Unless he changes his mind and decides he wants more of a relationship with you again, then you are fighting a losing battle. You cannot change his mind. You cannot change him. A question you need to answer for yourself is: how long are you willing to devote yourself to a man that won't return your affections any more?

Not to be too direct about it, but have you considered that he is, perhaps, lying about the reasons for him breaking things off with you or hiding something from you? He might be and who knows when he might be willing to let you in on it. In my situation, my ex-wife and I tried marriage counseling, but since she was unwilling to tell the full truth to the counselor or me, it failed. I am now divorced from her, but I have found someone that is immeasurably better for me. The same could be true for you.

You don't have to put it into words to us, but when you say he is being "mean to" you, what does that mean? Does it rise to the level of abuse? If you can be honest to yourself about it, then be so. A relationship is not worth it if he is being mean to you and even less so if he is abusive. You only get one life to live, why spend it being miserable.

I do see that you are uncertain about God and that's fine. You may want to consider meeting with a minister or priest or other religious representative for advice. If you can afford meeting with a counselor, then by all means. You need to sit down with someone impartial to talk about the problems and see what advice you can get about dealing with it.

Lastly, while it may seem cliched, keep in mind that you can find someone else. You won't be able to help this guy unless he wants your help. You won't be able to win him back unless he wants you to. You need to do what is right for you; not him. He needs to find his own way in life and you are only responsible for yourself.

You are correct in your advice. God is also responsible for 'your self' and you need to turn yourself over to God and Jesus.

There might well be other influences in play. Drugs, other lovers, etc. Be wary and do not stray yourself. God has all in control, and this is part of his testing of your faith. Falter not.

The Greek Scripture says, "You can only put into your mind what has already been put there by god."

το μυαλό σας είναι άδειο της σκέψης εάν πιστεύετε στο Θεό.

 

[Aamanee]

praying

 

[razeontherock]

Update? Quick points: someone said the only person who can do anything about this is the guy involved. Hate to be Captain Obvious here, but NO! That voids the concept of prayer. God can change hearts, but only according to His will.

Also to the OP: you say you believe in a higher entity but don't know what it is. That is a GREAT start! The biggest reason there are so many unbelievers is because of the plethora of weak believers, who only pretend to know about God. Based on ... not much to nothing. Keep clear of all such closure, assumption and presumption and it will help you recognize truth. Your attitude reflects God much better than most married Christians I know!

Your willingness to stick by your guy through this? That IS God - in you! Yes, the shed blood of Jesus Christ is so powerful He can do that. US Christians like to turn Christianity into some kind of exclusive Country Club, but that is NOT the Gospel.

 

[Miss79]

You told us that he is not happy that's the problem it has nothing to do with you. When you're not satisfied with yourself you cannot give love to others. That's why he cannot commit. He is trying to find satisfaction to make him feel better that could be another girl, drugs, alcohol. He won't find it if he still keeps feeling unhappy, don't let him drag you into a bottomless pit you're better than that. You're a good girl.

 

[forGod1]

I wish that I could explain my situation with a few sentences but I can't. All I can say is that I have had a wonderful man in my life for the past 7 years. We have had many ups and downs- all related to stress yet I believe we had persevered. He became attracted to a girl in California while he was away for a weekend. He returned feeling guilty for feeling these emotions and broke up with me. He says it had nothing to do with the girl but it had to do with him not being happy. This was just the catalyst. We all at one point or another feel attraction and feelings at one point in our lives with others. I believe that it is part of nature. However, the problem lies when you act upon those feelings. He did not. We live together and he has broken up the engagement. He has told everyone and has alienated me. He is mean to me. One moment he says he cares and another moment he says he wants out. I love him and I want to give him his space but how do I do that without losing him forever. Everyone says, "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." But what happens now? Our bond, our friendship, our home, our pets, our dreams and talks about having children. What happens now? He is depressed, restless, anxious and is slowly turning into drinking. The more he sabotages his life, the more I become afraid and want to just run away. But I love him and want to be there to support him. He doesn't have faith in much and doesn't believe in God. I am confused about God. I do believe that there is a higher entity but I don't know what it is. I am a good hearted person and I treat others as I want to be treated. All I want is my guy back.
Please pray for us as a couple and as individuals. Thank you so much.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be".. that's probably not true.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying!