6lbs in 2 days

[luv4godremains]

I thought I was getting better, the other day I realised that I'm definately falling back into my ED, and I don't know how to stop it, I have lost 6lbs in the past 2 days, and I can't seem to help it, make myself eat, or even be bothered anymore. I wanna be normal, I wanna eat properly, not worry abuot my weigh or how I look, not even go on the scales, be able to think normally, but I just don't know how, I'm running out of strength, I never really had much to start with, but now, I just can't be bothered, I don't want to go to the docs tomorrow cos I know she'll be dissappointed in me, but, ahhhh,

I don't even know what I'm doing writing this or where I'm going with it, but, I just needed to get it out, anyone got any ideas? I'm just soo tired, ca't be bothered even to live atm, let alone eat!

God bless you!

 

[heron]

The sad smiley looks just like you describe. I'm impressed that you are interested in staying healthy, at least. Some people just want to prove that they are fine. It sounds like your brain needs something to get it going. Six pounds in a couple days, some of us couldn't do that if we tried. Get some water back in you. Start there. We'll pray for you, okay?

Father, give luv4godremains the energy to motivate herself, to move forward and live with plans for many helathy years ahead. While her love for you remains, so does your love for her. Walk beside her and give her the strength that she needs each day.

 

[luv4godremains]

Thanks heron,

I have the doctors again today so I don't know what she will say, but, well I want to be thin and look pretty and everything, but, I can't, it's just not me, and well, I was kinda trying to lose weight, but, at the same time, my Doc said that I have to stay a healthy weight to stop myself going anorexic again, I'm just confused really! like, I wanna be healthy and thin, but I'm never thin enough, it's always 1/2 a stone more or watever, I just don't know when enough is enough, or where to stop, I don't know what weight I'm allowed to get down to, so, I guess I just have to try to keep my weight balanced!
Thanks.
God bless

 

[heron]

yeah, I remember looking "just right, or 1 lb away," and having people tell me I was far too thin. I thought they were just jealous, didn't know what they were talking about, wanted to control me, or wanted me to excuse their own binges. (I was in arrogant mode at the time.)

Then I realized that it was body areas I wasn't happy about, not really my whole weight. I think that having muscles looks better than having no fat, because the body tightens that way and you feel strong. If you just stop eating, you lose that strong feeling after a while, and are left with an irregular surface of bones and drawn-in areas; it never quite looks how you want it. Then if it goes on too long, your hair loses sheen, your nails break, your skin loses color, etc...so you're thin but looking brittle.

 

[BlackRain]

hey girl,

i don't really know what to say. i've only been on the other end of this, but i know it's hard because well, i've seen it. all i can really tell you is to continue to go to the doctor. i'm glad you want to be healthy. at least you've admitted that...right? my sister didn't and because of it she's got health problems like crazy. so, i encourage you to pray and seek the Lord. he will help you, i can promise you that! BUT! you cannot overcome this with only the Lord's help...you still need the doctor's advice and help. don't ignore what he/she says because in the end it will sincerely help you!! my heart goes out to you, girl.

 

[heron]

Thanks for mentioning your sister. I remember my nerves changing; there was exhaustion as you describe, I stopped morning runs, and found it harder to cope with things I had to do. I seemed jittery. My immune system was very weak.

The site http://edhelpline.com/ has a good list of eventual health deterioration:

• Shrunken organs
• Kidney disease and/or failure
• Memory loss and disorientation
• Fluid and Electrolyte imbalances
• Deterioration of muscles (including the heart)
• Irregular heartbeat that can lead to cardiac arrest
• Bone density loss, leads to osteoporosis

It's hard to imagine that all this would happen, but it's just natural cause/effect changes and adaptations.

 

[luv4godremains]

Thanks guys,
I'm not seeing my doctor anymore, in some ways I'm kinda glad she didn't weigh me agen, cos I don't really know what I would have said to her to be honest, I don't have to worry about doctors or anything untill sometime next year, have to wait lyk 30 weeks for the psychiatrists and councellors or w/e, but, yer, just tryin 2 keep my weight stable till then, don't want to end up where I was last year!
God bless
xXx

 

[heron]

That's a nice break.

 

[luv4godremains]

just when I think I'm getting better, I realise that really I'm not, it always happens like this, when I think I'm doing better I'm diong worse, and when I think I'm doing worse than I had been for a while, I'm actually better!
at the moment I'm only just in the borders of not underweight, if I lose anymore, I will be unhealthy agen! the problem is, I feel fatter, even though I weight less! I'm realy trying, but it's just getting worse again! oh well, have gained some confidence in communication with people since the beginning of the week thanks to work experience, so, maybe that will help!
oh, I just don't know what to do, I don't even know where this is going! and I had such a positive journal entry 2day!