30's and 40's and have never dated

[Katnansis]

Katnansis, Bless you, that's how it is with me, although I have not "dated" I have friendships with the opposite sex, and I am learning things that way. So when and if God has a husband for me, I will trust God that He will help me with whatever I need help with. I know that I can call on God for every little bitty or big thing in my life. He will help me out.

I hear you, nb37 .. One thing I've learned from all this is a new 'dimension' of trusting God.

 

[Katnansis]

It's not our own expertise. The path we've all traveled is the way God has brought us. The way He handles it is different for everyone.

Amen.

The big difference between our every day male/female relationships and an exclusive relationship has everything to do with intimacy, trust and committment on a much deeper level.....for a lifetime.

So true. There's also a big difference between dating and being deeply committed for a lifetime (marriage). While one may be able to test the waters of intimacy and commitment to some extent, marriage tends to have that feeling of "okay, we're in it for the long haul, now". At least that's what I'm told my some longtime married folk.

Two people have to choose to be committed and devoted to one another after He has introduced you. But what does that word - committment - mean to you and require of you? That's something we all have to ask ourselves....and once we discover those things are we ready to live them?

Very good questions.. ones I've been pondering a lot lately. I think agape should be the ruling force in our ideas of committment. As much as I long for and desire marriage, I always try to make sure I've got the right ideas in my head about what it all entails.

 

[christcentered]

Ya'll, here are a few suggestions for great material if anyone wants to read or listen.

1. "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Start" (nine questions to ask before and after you remarry)....by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.

You can buy this book on the Christian Book Distributor's website. You can also get his & her workbooks to go with the reading which are a MUST. I can tell you this book is fantastic. This book is great for ANYONE not just for those remarrying. It's probably easier for you to look at it online for a synopsis but I have my copy in hand and the chapter headings are:

Are you ready to get married again?
Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty?
Can you identify your love style?
Have you developed the habit of happines?
Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear?
Have you bridged the gender gap?
Do you know how to fight a good fight?
Do you know how to blend a family?
Are you and your partner soul mates?

2. "We Two Are One." This is a series on CD I bought a long time ago on pastor Alistair Begg's website - truthforlife.org . I'm pretty sure you could look in the archives there and find it. Or.....once again try the CBD site. Very, very good material.

3. I've also bought a couple of CD's (of radio services) for singles from Greg Laurie's website and they're fantastic as well.

 

[OhhJim]

OhJim, you don't think God could work within our everyday male-female relationships to help us in this area? Is an exclusive relationship the only valid training ground God uses?

I stand by my original statement that "I would be concerned". To analyze and discuss in depth all the things that statement does not mean, would be too lengthy.

What about those folks who regularly date, yet make the same bad choices over and over, including the one for a spouse?

That is an entirely separate issue. It is the opposite extreme. Extremes are, by definition, abnormal.

To answer some other concerns, No, I don't think someone has to date in order to be a good spouse, or to develop relationship skills. It helps, though. On the job training is over-rated, in my opinion.

As for the woman in question, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be more specific. It might be interpreted as criticism, and I try not to criticize my exes. She was a wonderful person in many ways.

 

[Katnansis]

I stand by my original statement that "I would be concerned". To analyze and discuss in depth all the things that statement does not mean, would be too lengthy.

No problem, hang on tight to your concern, if that's important to you.

That is an entirely separate issue. It is the opposite extreme. Extremes are, by definition, abnormal.

My point was that a marriage could work out, regardless of whether the participants were dating good, bad, or not at all. It is God who makes two fallen people succeed in marriage, not their prior relationships. Can dating be at all helpful? I'm sure it is for some folks. Apparently it doesn't seem to help all. I do think God allows it, and works within it, as He pleases. But I don't think it's wise to stereotype all never-daters as being folks to be 'concerned' about because they lack this experience.

To answer some other concerns, No, I don't think someone has to date in order to be a good spouse, or to develop relationship skills. It helps, though. On the job training is over-rated, in my opinion.

I sure hope those of us who may end up going through this "overrated on-the-job training" will remember who the real Master behind our marriage is..

 

[faithopelove]

I would like to highly recomend, "Choosing God's best" by Don Raunikar. Here's a link. I think it's only $5.00.

http://www.christianbook.com/Christ...&netp_id=297159&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW#curr
http://www.christianbook.com/Christ...38824&netp_id=297159&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW