2nd year of friend's suicide

[Stringfellow_Hawke]

October of 2018 will make two years since one of my closer friends took his own life. His name was Todd. Todd was a super nice guy. Insanely smart, and an amazing chef. I met Todd on orientation day at a local college we attended back in 2010. First friend I made. We rode to class together often and attended a few local concerts and Mayhem Fest 2010 in Pittsburgh together. We shared ambitions and goals.

The big difference between he and I was our priorities and beliefs. While he was raised Catholic and believed in God, he was not a Christian. He was constantly womanizing, drinking, doing drugs, and hopping from job to job. The last few years of his life were plagued by arrests for theft and drug possession. He had a son that he hardly ever saw, and always seemed to have an excuse as to why he couldn't.

Now all those facts make him sound like a terrible person. Its easy to demonize someone you don't know. However, I can tell you for a certainty, as far as a human can see that is, he was not a bad person. He was always ready to help someone out at school when needed.

Beyond classes and those few concerts, I wasn't really around him much. While my view was positive, I knew for the reasons I stated above that I couldn't stay around much.
I tried to help him as much as I could. I talked about Jesus and gave him the gospel but he never accepted.

One morning out of the blue, in my Facebook feed, someone shared a picture of him with a caption that said RIP. "NO NO NO NO NO NO" I said frantically. I looked at his profile and saw nothing but "RIP" and "I'll miss you" messages. I was devastated.

He had other issues besides drugs. Long story short: a broken home, child abuse, abandonment, nearly murdered when he was a young adult (by his child's mother), and several other things.

I miss him. I miss him terribly. I feel like I failed him sometimes. Maybe if I had just been a little bit better of an example. Maybe if I would have explained the gospel better. Maybe he might have accepted and would have got cleaned up and still would be here.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I am so sorry. I lost one of my closest friends to suicide 12 years ago, and I think it is the hardest kind of bereavement to deal with. Guilt is part of any bereavement, but it's so much worse with a suicide because there is this feeling of 'we should have stopped it'. But you can't control what another person chooses to do in this situation. You shared the reason for the hope that is in you with Todd - that is the most important and most loving thing we can do for a friend.

 

[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

God be with you.

 

[JustRachel]

I feel your pain. It's coming up on three years since my son took his life. I know he knew the plan of salvation, but don't know if he accepted Jesus. He didn't do drugs, had straightened out his life, and was a hard working man. He had three children, two that I hadn't met until he died. He was accused of something which he did not do and couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't seen him in eight years because he lived in Alaska and I am in California. It hurts and I too feel like I failed him greatly. His death is what brought this prodigal back to Jesus. I will never wander again. I can offer nothing to you but prayers and a cyber hug.

 

[Edyos]

So sorry to hear this news, I feel your pain.
Do not blame yourself, God is in control and there is nothing happens without a reason or can surprise him.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Go to God in prayer and ask him for strength to pas this time. He will give you rest and peace.

 

[inquiring mind]

Sorry for the loss and grief you are experiencing... praying.