2 years and 17 days

[KenLee]

Hi to all,
I'm not exactly new to this forum but this is my 1st post. Everytime I read some of the messages that you've posted, I always end up in tears and hence never continued to write any myself. Even as I'm writing now, there're tears in my eyes.

My wife went home to the Lord in April 2007 just days after Easter and our 18th Wedding Anniversary. That was 4 years after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I loved her very very much and miss her so. After 2 years, the pain is less sharp and bouts of crying less frequent. We have 4 wonderful kids aged 7 to 18 and they keep me busy and are the reason why I get out of bed every morning.

At times like today, I just feel so alone. I only work part time so I can look after the children. I don't have many (or should I say any) close friends as we now live in England, more or less dependent on my in-laws. We moved here in 2005 when the cancer had spread. Before that we lived in Malaysia and even then I was so caught up in work and family and church, I really didn't make time to nurture friendships. Strange sometimes how even people you got to know at church aren't really your close friends and people you got to know at work are only your "friends" when you are of use to them.

Right now it's hard to see what plans the Lord has for me and apart from raising my children I don't know what is my purpose in life anymore.

Hey, here's hoping to make some new friends in this forum who not only understand but know and feel what I'm talking about.

 

[singingwife]

KenLee, thanks for sharing your story. I'm earlier in my grief process; it'll be 9 months next week.
Yeah; the friendships changing thing; it's weird, but has its ups and downs. I sometimes try to make myself useful in order to keep friendships going! I sure don't want people to just seek me out because I'm the new widow! I want it to continue and to be seen as me. We didn't have children either, so my busyness has to do with work, family(both mine and in-laws) and church.
I look forward to reading more from you, brother.

 

[KenLee]

Hi! singingwife,
must be very tough for you being on your own. Last year I got a chance to be on my own for 2 weeks when I went back to Malaysia; back in our HOME there packing up all our stuff to send to UK. I cried like a baby most nights like the floodgates were opened and my tears wouldn't stop for hours. There were so many "triggers" (to set me off) like photos, greeting cards, mementos and gifts but the mother of them all was finding & reading my wife's diary which she wrote during dizzy "falling in love" days. But looking back, I think the crying and letting it all out was good for me.

Ken

 

[kakieanne]

Hi Ken,

My husband died 2 1/2 years ago, October 2006. I too know the loneliness and lostness. I have been blessed with a couple of wonderful friends...but they have their own lives and they have never walked the walk. They can sympathize, but they can't understand.

When sadness floods over me or the loneliness seems overwhelming, the greatest comfort that I have ever found is prayer. Look at how the Blessed Virgin Mary suffered and yet was so deeply loved in Heaven. You and I are also deeply loved in Heaven and we just have to trust Him. But, I know it's hard.

Right now you have 4 wonderful children...who need you. That is your purpose. I have 2 adult children who are still at home and they have been a real blessing. Even though they are adults, they still lost their father and I was determined that they weren't going to lose their mother. One of my greatest joys is to hear the sound of their laughter. It's what their Dad would have wanted.

You're right, the time that you had by yourself, though very painful, was part of the healing process.

Blessings, Kathy

 

[not home yet]

KenLee
I'm so sorry for your loss! Praying the Lord will ease your pain each day!
Lord Bless you,
not home yet