1st argument?

[FiRePrOoF_bUnNy]

How did you deal with your first ever arguements? I've just hit mine and i'm a wreck.. i've cried myself to sleep for the past 4 nights and it's not getting any better. I really dont know what to do.. i love him so much and thats why it's so difficult So your stories please!

 

[California Dreamin']

Well, we haven't had one, but with other boyfriends all we did was fight all the time. Are you still talking to him? What started the argument, was it something simple or complex?

 

[California Dreamin']

Well, Blue just covered all the bases. I'll also add to the "you're young" part, it's true. I'm only 19 myself, I'm young. I was talking to a 23 year old friend who is having problems with school and thinking it's the end of the world--but guess what, he's still young too.
But everyone does have fights and disagreements, you can't always argue about EVERYTHING. I have a good relationship with my mom and we still fight... LOL... well, that's a little different but it's still a relationship.

 

[Hope_0004]

I don't have any idea what your argument was about... but Blue is right, no one should cry themselves to sleep four nights straight. Even if a person was cheated on or severely betrayed... by that fourth night, I would hope that he or she would have found some comfort. I usually don't just say "Pray" to every problem, but in this situation, I really mean it. It will give you much more comfort than that you seek from your boyfriend. And it's amazing how much things tend to change once you have accepted God's arms around you. Believe me, it's very hard for me to do, but when I do, it's like, "Um, why didn't I do this in the first place?!"

Sorry you're so down... maybe it would help if we knew what the issue was.

 

[California Dreamin']

Hopefully you can look back of this and feel it was insignificant. Hopefully... I used to cry like everyday (when I was like 11-14 especially) about how I looked... I don't feel I look great or anything now, but I look back now at then and realize I was NOTHING like I thought I was.

 

[f U z ! o N]

fights happen fireproof bunny. it is normal and it is not the end of the world. make up fast and live goes on.

 

[Leanna]

Well, I meant to reply to one of your posts in the engagement forum, but since I'm here I can kill two birds with one stone. The reason why you are so emotional and weepy over this? I think its because of the sex. Sex bonds you to another person and opens emotional doors. The reason why God does not want this to happen outside of a marriage committment, signed papers and all, is because it leaves us so vulnerable. We are guilty of not doing this:

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

You are not guarding your heart by having a sexual relationship with your boyfriend, and so naturally you are opening doors to your heart that should only be safely opened within a proper committment. So this does not surprise me at all that an arguement can upset you so. I have seen hundreds of Christian sexually active teenagers and its effects on their Christian walk and their emotions.

First thing you have to do is stop the sex.

Secondly, you need to go about this relationship realizing that dating/courting is about learning to communicate, how to argue, how not to argue, how to come to conclusions together.... its a learning process. Take the time to focus on these aspects, talk about everything while going on dates...

I don't know what the issue is here, but it sounds like you guys just need to call each other and have a good talk about everything.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

cried loads and made up after an hour, makinig up is the best part
it was only over sumthin stupid as well. lol

 

[LiveLaughLove]

It's not uncommon or unhealthy to argue when you are in a relationship. The best way that I've found to work through arguments is just to sit down and talk it out. There is no reason to cry yourself to sleep over it, and there's no reason to let the problem fester for so long--if you do, it will only get worse. How long have you two been together?

"Never go to bed angry" is a wonderful piece of advice that I have received from many people.

~ Regina ~

 

[Carri20]

I was with a guy for 5 years and we fought all the time. Our first fight happened because a "friend" of his tricked me into thinking he was bisexual and was receiving male porn via email. I don't know what your first fight was about, but I can definitely understand the crushed feeling. And hey, if you need to cry for 4 days then you do that. Don't let anyone tell you how you should and shoudln't feel. Sexual/emotional bonds may play some part in it but there are also people who would cry for days over a stranger calling them a name on the street. I'm one of those people. Or at least I used to be. But getting back to the point... People definitely have different levels of sensitivity to these things and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Well I've learned a few things about couple fights over the years. Some of these may not apply to you, but if I'm going to list one I might as well list them all...

One, if you're fighting all the time then you probably shouldn't be together, no matter what it is you're fighting about.

Two, men and women fight differently. Men will generally be inclined to walk away from a fight so they can be alone and work things out in their own mind, while women will want to continue the fight without even pausing until it is resolved. (Trust me and give the guy his space.)

Three, hurtful words come from hurting hearts. If he gets in a good jab, instead of slinging one back at him, try to understand what he's feeling and respond to that. Look past his words to the feelings behind them.

Four, watch what you say. Words can do a lot more damage than we realize in the heat of the moment, and not everyone understands number three.

Five, never raise your voice. Try not to be defensive. It may take every ounce of strength you have, but this is very important.

Six, listen more than you talk. Even if he's screaming like a banshee and not making any sense, listen to him. If you have to then ask him to clarify some things so you understand. Even if he doesn't see it right away, in hindsight he'll know from the way you listened that you really do care about him.

Seven, "I'm sorry" and "Will you please forgive me?" are powerful, powerful words.

That's all I can pull from the top of my head right now. My fiance and I haven't had a single argument yet, but there were many times when we could have if I hadn't taken the above approach. Instead of blowing up and following my urges to lash out at him, I remembered to speak softly and make my point without getting defensive or disregarding his feelings. The results are awesome.

Hope that helps.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I was with a guy for 5 years and we fought all the time. Our first fight happened because a "friend" of his tricked me into thinking he was bisexual and was receiving male porn via email. I don't know what your first fight was about, but I can definitely understand the crushed feeling. And hey, if you need to cry for 4 days then you do that. Don't let anyone tell you how you should and shoudln't feel. Sexual/emotional bonds may play some part in it but there are also people who would cry for days over a stranger calling them a name on the street. I'm one of those people. Or at least I used to be. But getting back to the point... People definitely have different levels of sensitivity to these things and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Well I've learned a few things about couple fights over the years. Some of these may not apply to you, but if I'm going to list one I might as well list them all...

One, if you're fighting all the time then you probably shouldn't be together, no matter what it is you're fighting about.

Two, men and women fight differently. Men will generally be inclined to walk away from a fight so they can be alone and work things out in their own mind, while women will want to continue the fight without even pausing until it is resolved. (Trust me and give the guy his space.)

Three, hurtful words come from hurting hearts. If he gets in a good jab, instead of slinging one back at him, try to understand what he's feeling and respond to that. Look past his words to the feelings behind them.

Four, watch what you say. Words can do a lot more damage than we realize in the heat of the moment, and not everyone understands number three.

Five, never raise your voice. Try not to be defensive. It may take every ounce of strength you have, but this is very important.

Six, listen more than you talk. Even if he's screaming like a banshee and not making any sense, listen to him. If you have to then ask him to clarify some things so you understand. Even if he doesn't see it right away, in hindsight he'll know from the way you listened that you really do care about him.

Seven, "I'm sorry" and "Will you please forgive me?" are powerful, powerful words.

That's all I can pull from the top of my head right now. My fiance and I haven't had a single argument yet, but there were many times when we could have if I hadn't taken the above approach. Instead of blowing up and following my urges to lash out at him, I remembered to speak softly and make my point without getting defensive or disregarding his feelings. The results are awesome.

Hope that helps.

Very good, the other advice was good to, and the sex probably does have something to do with it. I'm a more sensitive person, but me and my bf are good about working through it before the end of the day. That's the best way to go. If you keep dwelling on it it will eat at you. You need to forgive him, and the hardest part is forgive yourself. I know. I'm very good at beating myself up mentally for stuff I've done. I'm working on it, and learning to let go because we all screw up. It takes work, but keep at it. Learn from it, and move on.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

we haven't had an arguement and dont think we will. we have had disagreements and we just talk them out. we're both pretty levelheaded and see things eye to eye so we just listen to what the other has to say and come to a solution or compromise

 

[FiRePrOoF_bUnNy]

Every couple has arguments, and you are going to have more. You cried yourself to sleep for 4 nights over ONE argument?

No way! I've had an awful week! That was the last night

 

[FiRePrOoF_bUnNy]

We've been going out for about 8 months and everything we've said (no joke) we have agreed on! I've never found anything not one LITTLE thing that i didnt agree with that he said. So i suppose it hit me really hard that.. we're not the same person, and that we're going to have different opinions. It just played a HUGE part in moving our relationship along. Honestly if we hadnt had one arguement by the time we were married i would be worrying because i wouldnt know how to deal with it.

You guys just got the wrong end of the stick - i was twice as upset.. because it wasnt just a fiance who i had fallen out with.. but my best friend aswell. He means the world to me i wouldnt know what to do without him!

 

[Inperfected]

Believe me you have a lot to come yet... Opinions will range from the east to the west as you grow up more... Arguements will come, and yeah, one before marriage... You'd be wanting many, not just one...

I think we all know it was you're best friend, not many can go out for 6 months and not be best friends too..

Expect the differences or you will not be able to last... Me and my fiance were SO similar at 16 but now at 19, ... simply we aren't as similar as we once thought.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Yup, aurguments are a part of life when it comes to two people together. No two people who are different are never going to not agree. Lol. Yeah, that's just how it is. However, how you work out your problems is very important. I've been learning this myself. A guy really needs respect and gals need love during this time (well, always, but here is when it could really be helpful). It's not always easy (believe me, I know!)....but relationships take work.