My struggle is with my in-laws. Of course, this is my husband's problem too. His parents are divorced and have been since he was three. My husband has a good relationship with his dad and that side of the family. His mom's side however has been a nightmare. His mother left him because she was a pothead and has openly admitted to him that she was not ready to be a parent yet. What she did was move from guy to guy and smoke a lot of pot.
]When my husband was about 8 she remarried, a nice man, and he encouraged her to have a relationship with him (my husband). That went ok for years because they were supposedly saved and in church, and that is actually how we met.
When my husband was 17, he moved in with his mother and stepfather because his stepmother was abusive and he thought it would be a better situation. He was wrong, he just moved from one bad situation to another
When he moved in, he found out about his mother's lying and credit card debt behind his stepfather's back. Eventually that secret came out because my husband told his stepfather and things appeared to be worked on.
A couple months before my husband graduated from HS however, she cheated on my husband's stepfather with one of my husband's friends. Then she tried to blame him by saying if she had not had a graduation party for him it never would have happened. My husband left for basic training shortly after that and did not speak to his mother for 4 years. He attempted once to repair the relationship but all she wanted was an apology and told my husband that she had done nothing wrong. My husband just walked away from her.
After we had our child, he attempted again right before our child was two to welcome them into our life so that they could know their grandchild. That was in 2006 and things seemed, again, to be going well.
]However, in 2007, they left their church due to a big blowup caused by them, fell into drinking very heavily, and have completely turned their back on the Lord.
We have gone back and forth with them being allowed to spend time with our child because drink very heavily and have bad influences over at their house alot. We have even suggested if she want to see her grandchild that she come to our house to spend time with the child. She never did it. She always wanted to drive somewhere with our child, and we do not trust her to drive as she starts drinking early in the morning.
And at her house, they watch a lot of trash and sex on the TV and we do not believe that is appropriate for our child, who is now seven by the way.
We recently had reason to believe that my husband's step father still did not know about her affair from the previous years, which would not be any of my/our business except for the fact that we found out she could have been blaming it on US, and we heard that she told the family that she allowed my husband and I to have sex that night and that it was not her that had the affair at all. (I was not even at the party, just for the record)
So my husband and I confronted her about it, and said that we were not going to go to her husband with the information but we wanted to know if this was true. Because the whole reason why the family did not talk for 4 years was because of that and here my husbands step father has resented us all this time and for possibly false reasons. And I will admitt I was angry, but I did not confront her angrily.
So my husband and her talked it over. And she became hostile. My husband just tried to explain to her that all his life she has lied to him over and over and he only wants to be able to trust her, and on top of the drinking, he is just concerned and he feels he cannot trust her.
But this did not go over well because she started shouting at my husband in our drive way, threw my child's birthday presents at him and said "This is what you wanted" --- One thing I have never understood about this family is that when you confront them they think that you do not love them. That is not the case at all! We love them very much and are only concerned about them and we desperately want this relationship to work but it just isn't!
My question is this, my husband WANTS to honor his mother as the Bible instructs (and so do I) but how do we do this in this situation?? They are alcoholics, wallowing in filth and smut, and we now have reason to believe his step father is meeting other women in bars, etc. We do not want to be around when all of this comes to a head and blows up!
I am emotionally drained from this.
For the record also, I do not judge his mother for her past. I believe the past is the past, IF the behavior is still in the past, but it is not...
PLEASE HELP!
]When my husband was about 8 she remarried, a nice man, and he encouraged her to have a relationship with him (my husband). That went ok for years because they were supposedly saved and in church, and that is actually how we met.
When my husband was 17, he moved in with his mother and stepfather because his stepmother was abusive and he thought it would be a better situation. He was wrong, he just moved from one bad situation to another
When he moved in, he found out about his mother's lying and credit card debt behind his stepfather's back. Eventually that secret came out because my husband told his stepfather and things appeared to be worked on.
A couple months before my husband graduated from HS however, she cheated on my husband's stepfather with one of my husband's friends. Then she tried to blame him by saying if she had not had a graduation party for him it never would have happened. My husband left for basic training shortly after that and did not speak to his mother for 4 years. He attempted once to repair the relationship but all she wanted was an apology and told my husband that she had done nothing wrong. My husband just walked away from her.
After we had our child, he attempted again right before our child was two to welcome them into our life so that they could know their grandchild. That was in 2006 and things seemed, again, to be going well.
]However, in 2007, they left their church due to a big blowup caused by them, fell into drinking very heavily, and have completely turned their back on the Lord.
We have gone back and forth with them being allowed to spend time with our child because drink very heavily and have bad influences over at their house alot. We have even suggested if she want to see her grandchild that she come to our house to spend time with the child. She never did it. She always wanted to drive somewhere with our child, and we do not trust her to drive as she starts drinking early in the morning.
And at her house, they watch a lot of trash and sex on the TV and we do not believe that is appropriate for our child, who is now seven by the way.
We recently had reason to believe that my husband's step father still did not know about her affair from the previous years, which would not be any of my/our business except for the fact that we found out she could have been blaming it on US, and we heard that she told the family that she allowed my husband and I to have sex that night and that it was not her that had the affair at all. (I was not even at the party, just for the record)
So my husband and I confronted her about it, and said that we were not going to go to her husband with the information but we wanted to know if this was true. Because the whole reason why the family did not talk for 4 years was because of that and here my husbands step father has resented us all this time and for possibly false reasons. And I will admitt I was angry, but I did not confront her angrily.
So my husband and her talked it over. And she became hostile. My husband just tried to explain to her that all his life she has lied to him over and over and he only wants to be able to trust her, and on top of the drinking, he is just concerned and he feels he cannot trust her.
But this did not go over well because she started shouting at my husband in our drive way, threw my child's birthday presents at him and said "This is what you wanted" --- One thing I have never understood about this family is that when you confront them they think that you do not love them. That is not the case at all! We love them very much and are only concerned about them and we desperately want this relationship to work but it just isn't!
My question is this, my husband WANTS to honor his mother as the Bible instructs (and so do I) but how do we do this in this situation?? They are alcoholics, wallowing in filth and smut, and we now have reason to believe his step father is meeting other women in bars, etc. We do not want to be around when all of this comes to a head and blows up!
I am emotionally drained from this.
For the record also, I do not judge his mother for her past. I believe the past is the past, IF the behavior is still in the past, but it is not...
PLEASE HELP!
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