10 things adults with autism wish you to know.

[drifter5]

I cannot agree with a lot of it.
Of course, there must be fundamental self-acceptance. But the can't change, won't change attitude does not sit well before Christ.
As a Christian, my attitude must be that unless Christ works in me, I will not be able to change. But Christ is at work in me, therefore I am being changed. I am a Christian FIRST - autism second. Actually, autism comes nowhere compared to Christ.
I guess the original post was written, in part, because of the pressure from society to conform. A pressure that causes distress in Autistic people. I've encountered that pressure in Churches. Well meaning Christians who say "If you are a Christian, you can change this or that behaviour". When I reply that I cannot, they persist in their assertion and put pressure on me to change - result emotional distress and positively no change. Ultimately causing me to leave church. Ony Christ has the right to change me. But his approach is entirely different. His basic approach to be starts with His acceptance of me (not me of myself). He teaches me about his total acceptance of me - even in the face of all my "sin" (socially unacceptable behaviour). He does not excuse my sins or dismiss them, but he sees through it all and accept me anyway. I must never accept or excuse my shortcomings; They are and always have been unacceptable to God. However, the grace of God given to me and the never failing flow of forgiveness allows me to live.

From the basis of God's utter acceptance of me, it is possible to move on to trusting God, to depend on him for everyday things. We all have needs (autistic or not), my needs include the ability to think aright. I can depend on God to help me in my needs. He can do things in me that no one else can do. So, he can help me triumph over my limitations, including those caused by autism. This is an everyday struggle. Yet in Christ, it can be fought and won.

Is socially unacceptable behaviour ever / always a sin , though ? Are limitations a sin ? It says in The Bible that God's power is made perfect in our weakness! I do not think that weakness is always a sin.

 

[uniquetadpole]

Is socially unacceptable behaviour ever / always a sin , though ? Are limitations a sin ? It says in The Bible that God's power is made perfect in our weakness! I do not think that weakness is always a sin.

Perhaps understanding the actual definition of the word sin might help here...

sin = missing the mark

or perhaps other ways of looking at it...
being off target, off centered, out of balance perhaps

from this point of view perhaps each person needs to decipher for themselves what the mark is...

the concept of sin that I used to know was...

sin=wrong

that definition just lead me to more and more polarized thinking and judging... and who am I to judge... that is Gods job.

If I am working toward a true and honest relationship not only with myself but with God who lives within me...the day I asked Jesus into my heart.

He is doing the housecleaning...not I... but it is I who needs to pay attention to what actions God wants me to take next.

So as far as how it relates to society... I must take each issue at hand and look at it with new lenses... with perhaps what you might call God lenses...

Some of the questions I need to ask myself...

Is my behavior hurting myself (Chirst's home...I do need to take care of His house you know)?

What needs is my behavior meeting?

How is my behavior affecting others? Is this affect going against my true values (or simply just a reflection of societies values that are being imposed upon me)?


Is their understanding of my behavior being looked at with filtered glasses? If so, then perhaps the issue is more about them than it is about me.

Would it hurt to objectively look at my behavior in God's Light and see what my other options might be?

to name a few...


I work at keeping in mind that just because I have difficulty with control, or communication skills, or social skills... does not mean I shouldn't be looking at my behaviors and changing what needs to be changed for me and for God. But it does mean I need to not worry about what others think I "should" be doing just because I am not conforming to the typical. Let God take care of them... I do NOT need to change to make them happy. Although...it does many times behoove us to work at speaking NT language...but we need to do it because we want to and are ready to do the work... and realize and have compassion for ourselves when we don't get it right away and to let go of it when we realize that we are beating our heads against the wall of "can't do it that way" and look for new creative approaches to the same problem...perhaps something more socially acceptable.

For example... wearing my hat is a coping skill I developed a long time ago on a subconscious level... I didn't know that my hat helped me so much in crowds and brightly light areanas until recently when I began to understand my sensory issues. Now I am in an intense therapy program for trauma... which wearing a hat is an indicator of hiding from feelings and others. I have worked very hard at explaining to some of the therapists my reason for wearing my hat and it is in no way to hide from people in general... in fact I dissociate less when I wear it. I finally came to an understanding and workable solution with my main therapist... she turned off half the lights in the room and partially closes the shades... I have no problem taking my hat off during therapy...

However I had another therapist that insists that I take the hat off whenever I am in the building and that if the lights are bothering me to ask permission to wear it... I went back and forth for a long time... because I know I don't cue in to where I need it until it is too late and I am already overloaded... I got upset and said "fine I won't wear it at all and threw my hat in my bookbag." But after some time to really think about it... I realized it would not help me in my recovery to work on that so called social skill in that manner... so I chose to wear my hat accept during group with my main therapist because I wanted to be responsible to our agreement. I sometimes forget but she works with me with that. but the rest of the time I wear the dang thing... why... because I don't feel like I should be treated like a child and HAVE to ask permission to wear it. I figure if it is socially unacceptable to wear a hat in the building then let them not accept me... that is there issue not mine... if someone asks I will explain why I wear it...if someone wants to assume I am hiding... that is there assumption and they are the one to make a fool of themselves to assume. By choosing this I am in line with God... in that I worked out my differences with the ones I need to cooperate with and not worry with the others. I feel right with God on it... and I will calmly explain my reasonings if it is asked again but I have made my decision... and if someday I discover that I am hiding behind my hat... I will address that issue at that time and give myself permission to change at that point. Because in no way is it a means of disrespecting anyone... and if they can't see through that then perhaps that is something God is working on them with.

Tad

 

[Accepted]

Is socially unacceptable behaviour ever / always a sin , though ? Are limitations a sin ? It says in The Bible that God's power is made perfect in our weakness! I do not think that weakness is always a sin.

These are good questions. The answers are never simply. But it has to be said that sin is definitely involved at some level whenever there are relationship problems.

Every single one of us is a sinner - we all sin, autism or no. Autism brings with it particular challenges and bias towards certain types of sin. I don't think autism will be a defence on the day of Judgment.

The roots of sin are spiritual - my relationship with God. So are the roots of righteousness. God said that Job was a righteous man - and that was the basis of his righteousness (God said it, therefore it was so). This is the same for us. The only cure for sin is God's righteousness. God has to declare each of us right with him because of Jesus. Once this has happened, the whole basis of who we are is changed. No longer sinners, but saints who sin. Those of us who are autistic still sin, but this is no longer the basis of who we are - we are saints.

Some time ago, when I was struggling to come to terms with autism, I poured out all my "sin" before God, putting it all on display. I challenged him to look at it, to look at me. If my "sin" is too much for him, if he has to turn away because he cannot look on sin, then I'm in deep trouble. My sins trouble me, and so they should. But in him I found deep acceptance. He looked and saw everything - all the bad stuff, yet loved me. He did not pretend that the bad was no problem. He did not excuse, or deny its existence. But because of Jesus, he has mercy on me. Autism is somewhere in this mix because it is part of me, but sin is deeper, yet righteousness is deeper still. So, I have to acknowledge my sin, whether it is related to autism or not. But I have found redemption in the cross of Christ which cleanses me from all my sin and allows me to live.

 

[drifter5]

saying that sin is always involved where there are relationship problems i think is incorrect, brother.