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  1. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    Hi, I was kind of rude to you in my reply to your post, so, I'm sorry about that. I hope you have a good rest of your day. :)
  2. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    Hey, I'm sorry for being rude to you. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my posts, I appreciate it. :)
  3. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    Which posts? I'm thinking I have more OCD tendencies... hyper analyzing my thoughts and actions and intentions. Hence my posts; when I talked about them, I don't know if I said it clearly enough but I felt deep, gut wrenching regret within SECONDS of whatever action it was. Even actions he...
  4. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    To answer that, up until Monday I was ready to marry him. I was looking for wedding dresses and rings. I had confessed to him a few weeks ago some sin issues in my life that I struggled with, so I'd have things out on the table for him. I've been trying to be patient with him and how he isn't...
  5. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    To be honest, I've been going back and forth on this all week. I've been second guessing myself, I've been crying nearly every day. I've been overcome with grief over how I caused him pain. I've been hashing it out with my mom, I've been on here trying to figure things out, I've been on my knees...
  6. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    I've gone through some of my posts on here and I'm seeing just how badly my anxiety and inability to control my emotions has hurt this relationship. I appreciate so many things about him. I keep telling myself that I can LEARN to respect him. I keep thinking I can give it another shot. Because...
  7. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    Honestly I think part of it is because he's shorter than me and so I feel "bigger." Like I'm the leader because I'm bigger. But that is so stupid and shallow! And I DO let him lead sometimes, and I've asked him before to give me push back when I'm being stubborn or whatever.
  8. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    @angelsaroundme and @bèlla Thank you for your words. I messed up in really big ways in this relationship, and I do intend to apologize to him. I've acted horribly. I wrote him a letter that hopefully helps, but I admit I've hurt him. It breaks my heart to know what I did. The part I am...
  9. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    Yeahhhh, that's another reason I'm gonna end up breaking up with him.
  10. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    I mean, I've TOLD him I want to get married. His response is that we need to take time to work on ourselves. Which is odd, you can do that in a marriage. As far as the respect question, I think there's a lot of factors, but I just think maybe our personalities just don't quite mesh up. For some...
  11. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    He works nights and I work days so we don't have a chance to talk in person until Saturday.
  12. EtainSkirata

    How do I break up correctly?

    Okay so, I've been on here so many times trying to analyze my relationship with my bf... I'm calling it off. He's not ready to marry me, we came very close to committing "all the way" kind of sexual sin, and in general I don't respect him as I should. However. In the last 24 hours I've said...
  13. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    I scheduled a meeting with my pastor for today this afternoon--and the church rules are that another lady has to be there since otherwise it's just me and another guy, so the lady I've been meeting up with, along with the pastor for prior biblical counseling, is also going to be there. I feel...
  14. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    Sir or ma'am, I am sorry to say this but in reading your replies I basically burst into tears because hearing "codependent" and "break up" scared me. I am trying to do better with my anxiety, I come to these forums and I am part of a Facebook support group, and even my bf says I am improving...
  15. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    Which side of codependency are you thinking I am on?
  16. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    It is very important--BUT. One thing my father and my pastor have told me is that I must not be putting these desires over the necessity of being a good Christian. My father has told me that being a Christian is the most important thing in life, and that everything else is secondary. And my...
  17. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    I mean, I think I have been on my own quite a lot already. A lot of women my age have been married and have kids at this point, so I've gone a really long time alone. My relationship with God isn't perfect, but idk how being in or out of a relationship with my bf would help, because I don't...
  18. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    What does co dependent mean?
  19. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    I think he is. And as for me, I was single until age 27, I'm 28 now. So I mean, I'm working through the issue of "I need to be married to be happy," which I discussed with the pastor. But I was able to thrive and make friends on my own without a bf for pretty much my whole life.
  20. EtainSkirata

    I'm very hurt and numb

    But why? I am making improvements while being in the relationship, my bf has said so himself. I just don't understand what steps I need to take after we'd break up