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Intrusive thoughts?

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Progressing Pilgrim

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Lately I have been really worried about worshipping the beast and/or taking the mark of the beast. I feel like I have been working through some of this, but a time or two I have found myself thinking that I was impulsively "accepting" the mark, or in some way deciding that something was or might be the mark and then messing with it anyway. It's difficult to describe, and I suspect its intrusive thoughts which I haven't struggled with a lot. Sometimes I even move my hand slightly when I think it, as though actively participating...maybe.

Do intrusive thoughts come like that sometimes?
 
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All that happens during the great tribulation, and hopefully God people won’t be here. There is no beast here yet and don’t prepare for him by worshipping now. Get to know your Bible so you won’t be deceived about who he is before he is here. Jesus Loves You.
 
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Mari17

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Progressing Pilgrim said:
Lately I have been really worried about worshipping the beast and/or taking the mark of the beast. I feel like I have been working through some of this, but a time or two I have found myself thinking that I was impulsively "accepting" the mark, or in some way deciding that something was or might be the mark and then messing with it anyway. It's difficult to describe, and I suspect its intrusive thoughts which I haven't struggled with a lot. Sometimes I even move my hand slightly when I think it, as though actively participating...maybe.

Do intrusive thoughts come like that sometimes?
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Yes, this sounds typical of OCD. Here is a blog post about intrusive thoughts: Dealing with Unwanted Thoughts: A Christian Approach - Scrupulosity.com. If you click on the tag of "intrusive thoughts" on that post, it will pull up a bunch of related articles as well.
 
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Progressing Pilgrim

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Thanks again.

But the thoughts are still a struggle. Today on the way to work I saw a sign for a brand that I fear might be the beast, about the same time that I needed to move over into another lane. I don't remember the exact thoughts I had at the time, but my fear is that I saw this, and in some way used it to make my decision about the moment that I should change lanes. Or if the brand isn't the beast, that the sign reminded me of the beast. Or that I had that thought "if I do this now, it's worshipping the beast". Thus making my moving into the other lane worshipping the beast. Now I have a strong urge to go back and retrace my drive, so that I can feel like I didn't get to work using the beast's help.

This sounds pretty wild when I type it out, which is part of the reason I think its helpful to keep posting here. But I feel as though I need some confirmation that avoiding the urge to retrace my drive is the right thing to do.
 
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Mari17

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Progressing Pilgrim said:
Thanks again.

But the thoughts are still a struggle. Today on the way to work I saw a sign for a brand that I fear might be the beast, about the same time that I needed to move over into another lane. I don't remember the exact thoughts I had at the time, but my fear is that I saw this, and in some way used it to make my decision about the moment that I should change lanes. Or if the brand isn't the beast, that the sign reminded me of the beast. Or that I had that thought "if I do this now, it's worshipping the beast". Thus making my moving into the other lane worshipping the beast. Now I have a strong urge to go back and retrace my drive, so that I can feel like I didn't get to work using the beast's help.

This sounds pretty wild when I type it out, which is part of the reason I think its helpful to keep posting here. But I feel as though I need some confirmation that avoiding the urge to retrace my drive is the right thing to do.
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Yes, resisting the urge is the right thing to do! It's how we can work on any obsession, strengthening our "sound mind" and taking away the power from our "OCD mind," which makes us think in distorted ways. We have to practice ignoring the OCD mind in order to strengthen our sound mind. It's a lot of work, but DEFINITELY pays off!
 
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Progressing Pilgrim

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Thanks. Surprising how painful it can be to work on this.

Tonight I have been feeling really low though. I was reading through a book, and had a feeling that if I went to the index without looking at a certain page, it might be worshipping the beast. I thought I should resist it, but the urge was so strong that I gave in and looked at the page. But as I was about to give in, I had the thought that doing so was actually worshipping the beast. It was a rather confusing moment, but I felt like I might have ended up choosing to worship the beast rather than feel the pain of not giving into the urge. I don't know, it's difficult to tell. It was a momentary decision, and it's hard to know what all went on in my OCD brain. I keep feeling like I blew it, that my OCD might have driven me to do the thing I feared.

And even if I didn't, how can I be sure? Will I have to spend the rest of my life living in a nightmare? I have felt almost hopeless tonight.

Anyway, that's what's going on tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
 
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Mari17

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I understand. Our OCD brains do try to muddle us, and make us think and feel things that we don't really want to think and feel.

Is doing random actions like the ones you mentioned above the same thing as taking the mark of the beast?
 
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Progressing Pilgrim

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I wanted to wait a little to reply, to try avoiding obsessive reassurance-seeking as much as possible. I gave myself until today before posting about this again.

In answer to your question Mari17, no, I don't think it is. I had this thought that it might become worshipping the beast if I thought it was, but then I got to thinking that I don't really believe the intrusive thoughts I have. Honestly, I don't want to worship the beast. It doesn't seem like worship is something you can do if you don't want to. It seems pretty obvious when you think about it.

I think it's beginning to get a little easier to tell what's my OCD brain and what is my normal thinking.
 
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Progressing Pilgrim said:
I wanted to wait a little to reply, to try avoiding obsessive reassurance-seeking as much as possible. I gave myself until today before posting about this again.

In answer to your question Mari17, no, I don't think it is. I had this thought that it might become worshipping the beast if I thought it was, but then I got to thinking that I don't really believe the intrusive thoughts I have. Honestly, I don't want to worship the beast. It doesn't seem like worship is something you can do if you don't want to. It seems pretty obvious when you think about it.

I think it's beginning to get a little easier to tell what's my OCD brain and what is my normal thinking.
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This sounds very insightful on your part. Good for you, for giving yourself time to think about it without turning to compulsions. It sounds like you are very aware, and learning to differentiate between your "sound mind" and your "OCD mind"! I pray that our good Father will continue growing you in discernment, courage, and a thriving relationship with Him.
 
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