How would God advise a believer being married to narcissistic spouse? To stay and wait on God’s deliverance or leave narcissistic spouse?
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Married to a narcissistic spouse
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We live like roommates. He’s a good provider and maid. A lot of hurtful events have happened during the past 10 years and he hasn’t apologized. My heart has changed towards him long ago. I care for him but don’t like him, and I don’t love him 100%.
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1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
If you are safe, you might be able to help him.
If you are safe, you might be able to help him.
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- Oct 28, 2006
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It depends. How much of a narcissist are we talking about here? A full-fledged state of clinically certified NPD, or just narcissistic tendencies?
The question is: Is your spouse being truly abusive, or just constantly defensive?
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Your unkind non-empathetic comment was uncalled for. I’m just being honest about his positive traits. He is a good housekeeper. I’m not here to bash him. I could point out all his negative qualities and emotional abuse but that’s not the point of my question. Be blessed.
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RamiC
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If he is properly diagnosed with NPD, you already have help because he has access to a mental health professional who has diagnosed him.
If he is not properly diagnosed, you really do not know what might explain your relationship problems.
It is very easy to be wrong about mental health - the blue text there is a link to an article.
If he is not properly diagnosed, you really do not know what might explain your relationship problems.
It is very easy to be wrong about mental health - the blue text there is a link to an article.
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Yes he’s being emotionally abusive with his constant daily criticisms, constantly defensive, and daily road rage. He’s never been clinically certified and refuses to go to marital counseling.
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I am safe. He’s emotionally abusive, not physically abusive. Thank you for your advice and scripture.
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I’ve observed his mother to exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Thanks for the link to article. I’ll check it out.
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RamiC
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My husband has CPTSD, the appropriate help for him transformed our lives, and his own quality of life. Defensive, angry, blaming me, not acknowledging how he caused certain things, and refusing marriage guidance were all there.
Part of the suitable help for my husband involved me, myself recognising my own wounds and imperfections.
I am not a mental health professional, I do not know about you or your husband. Gossip and guesswork are not helpful when people are suffering and could be on a healing and more loving path.
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My husband refuses any help or counseling. So the only option left is for me to go to counseling alone and maintain setting boundaries for respectful behavior. Thanks for sharing your situation.
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RamiC
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So did mine, until I managed to suggest that he might have CPTSD, and since trying to solve it as any other problem would have only aggravated things, it is just as well.
Seeking help for yourself could be a very good idea, you will prove that you are willing to do that, you cannot be all about blaming him if you will do what you can. You are saying that you are safe, so you can get help. Try to have hope and know that you are both loved by Jesus.
I hope you both find better days ahead.
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TGGIL
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God never asks you to lose yourself to keep someone else comfortable.
God created you with a voice, a mind, and a soul.
A narcissist’s goal is to erase those.
God’s goal is to strengthen them.
Discern the difference between love and control.
A narcissist doesn’t want partnership.
They want compliance.
God doesn’t bless relationships built on domination.
God sees the private reality even when others don’t.
Narcissists often look righteous in public and destructive in private.
God has dealt with people like that throughout Scripture.
You’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.
Boundaries are not rebellion—they are obedience to truth.
You’re not dishonoring God by setting boundaries.
You’re dishonoring God by allowing someone to destroy the soul He gave you.
You are responsible for your integrity, not their transformation.
You cannot fix a narcissist.
You cannot love them into humility.
You cannot pray them into accountability.
That’s their work, not yours.
Safety—emotional, spiritual, and physical—is not optional.
If someone is harming you—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—God is not asking you to stay in that harm.
Walk in truth, not fear.
Fear keeps you trapped.
Truth sets you free.
God will guide your steps one at a time.
You don’t have to know the whole path—just the next right step.
God does not call you to be a sacrifice to someone else’s ego.
He calls you to truth, dignity, boundaries, and spiritual clarity.
You are allowed to protect your heart, your mind, and your soul.
God created you with a voice, a mind, and a soul.
A narcissist’s goal is to erase those.
God’s goal is to strengthen them.
Discern the difference between love and control.
A narcissist doesn’t want partnership.
They want compliance.
God doesn’t bless relationships built on domination.
God sees the private reality even when others don’t.
Narcissists often look righteous in public and destructive in private.
God has dealt with people like that throughout Scripture.
You’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.
Boundaries are not rebellion—they are obedience to truth.
You’re not dishonoring God by setting boundaries.
You’re dishonoring God by allowing someone to destroy the soul He gave you.
You are responsible for your integrity, not their transformation.
You cannot fix a narcissist.
You cannot love them into humility.
You cannot pray them into accountability.
That’s their work, not yours.
Safety—emotional, spiritual, and physical—is not optional.
If someone is harming you—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—God is not asking you to stay in that harm.
Walk in truth, not fear.
Fear keeps you trapped.
Truth sets you free.
God will guide your steps one at a time.
You don’t have to know the whole path—just the next right step.
God does not call you to be a sacrifice to someone else’s ego.
He calls you to truth, dignity, boundaries, and spiritual clarity.
You are allowed to protect your heart, your mind, and your soul.
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