How should i handle this?

Neostarwcc · Tuesday at 6:10 PM

Ok so during my father in laws funeral today something deeply offensive to me happened. My sister in law happened to marry a full blooded jew and today after communion during the funeral and after my Jewish brother in law came up to the priest for a blessing the priest says "we have a jew in our midst today. Please pray for him because hes in need of salvation." And he singled my brother in law out and made him feel like an outcast. There were plenty of atheists at the funeral. There was a Buddhist. Why did he have to single out the one Jewish man in the church DURING A FUNERAL when my sister in law was grieving and my brother in law was trying to comfort her! And the worst part is all my brother in law wanted from the priest was a blessing from God and he instead he was singled out and targeted. True he needs christ true he is unsaved. But a funeral is NOT the time to bring that up when a family is grieving.

And then he goes and brings it up again during the burial! What should I do? Should I try to comfort my brother in law before leaving back to New York tomorrow? Should I apologize to my sister in law? Should I do anything? Im just angry and offended and I just dont know how to handle this situation. Help?

Unqualified · Tuesday at 6:47 PM

Be on his side. That the problem the Catholic Church is having with replacement theology. They don’t think much of the Jews. They are where the term Christ killer came from.

Michie · Tuesday at 8:11 PM

Neostarwcc said:
Ok so during my father in laws funeral today something deeply offensive to me happened. My sister in law happened to marry a full blooded jew and today after communion during the funeral and after my Jewish brother in law came up to the priest for a blessing the priest says "we have a jew in our midst today. Please pray for him because hes in need of salvation." And he singled my brother in law out and made him feel like an outcast. There were plenty of atheists at the funeral. There was a Buddhist. Why did he have to single out the one Jewish man in the church DURING A FUNERAL when my sister in law was grieving and my brother in law was trying to comfort her! And the worst part is all my brother in law wanted from the priest was a blessing from God and he instead he was singled out and targeted. True he needs christ true he is unsaved. But a funeral is NOT the time to bring that up when a family is grieving.

And then he goes and brings it up again during the burial! What should I do? Should I try to comfort my brother in law before leaving back to New York tomorrow? Should I apologize to my sister in law? Should I do anything? Im just angry and offended and I just dont know how to handle this situation. Help?

Was kind of priest are you speaking of?

Michie · Tuesday at 8:12 PM

Unqualified said:
Be on his side. That the problem the Catholic Church is having with replacement theology. They don’t think much of the Jews. They are where the term Christ killer came from.

chevyontheriver · Tuesday at 8:42 PM

W

Neostarwcc said:
Ok so during my father in laws funeral today something deeply offensive to me happened. My sister in law happened to marry a full blooded jew and today after communion during the funeral and after my Jewish brother in law came up to the priest for a blessing the priest says "we have a jew in our midst today. Please pray for him because hes in need of salvation." And he singled my brother in law out and made him feel like an outcast. There were plenty of atheists at the funeral. There was a Buddhist. Why did he have to single out the one Jewish man in the church DURING A FUNERAL when my sister in law was grieving and my brother in law was trying to comfort her! And the worst part is all my brother in law wanted from the priest was a blessing from God and he instead he was singled out and targeted. True he needs christ true he is unsaved. But a funeral is NOT the time to bring that up when a family is grieving.

And then he goes and brings it up again during the burial! What should I do? Should I try to comfort my brother in law before leaving back to New York tomorrow? Should I apologize to my sister in law? Should I do anything? Im just angry and offended and I just dont know how to handle this situation. Help?

Was this a Catholic priest or some other sort of priest? The unqualified one thinks it was a Catholic priest. What say you?

Neostarwcc · Wednesday at 2:39 AM

Michie said:
Was kind of priest are you speaking of?

He was a catholic priest who seemed to be very open of all Christian religions but didnt seem to know that evangelism was not ok during a funeral. Dan (my father in law) and most of Dan's family are catholic so the comments and singling out of my Jewish brother in law were totally inappropriate. He meant well and cared about his soul but honestly the timing was not yhe greatest when my sister in law was grieving the loss of her father.

Neostarwcc · Wednesday at 2:40 AM

chevyontheriver said:
W

Was this a Catholic priest or some other sort of priest? The unqualified one thinks it was a Catholic priest. What say you?

Yes it was a catholic priest that made the comment. I didn't mention it in the OP because I thought priest was universal for catholic but now that I think of it I think the eastern orthodox uses priests too so that was my bad.

Michie · Wednesday at 6:52 AM

Neostarwcc said:
He was a catholic priest who seemed to be very open of all Christian religions but didnt seem to know that evangelism was not ok during a funeral. Dan (my father in law) and most of Dan's family are catholic so the comments and singling out of my Jewish brother in law were totally inappropriate. He meant well and cared about his soul but honestly the timing was not yhe greatest when my sister in law was grieving the loss of her father.

Well all I can go by is what you describe. But it seems very odd for him to single out your BIL. Priests conduct funerals all the time and I have yet to see one that singles any of the attendees out for evangelization. The only thing that is mentioned is not to go up for communion if you are not a practicing Catholic. People can go up for blessings though. Funerals always have people of all types there. Believers or not of all stripes. Catholics are not anti-Jewish regardless of what you hear through the anti-Catholic grapevine. So I do not know what to think of what you describe. You could always contact the priest or his bishop to voice your concerns.

timf · Wednesday at 6:56 AM

You should be careful not to project your feelings of offense onto your brother in law. You might ask him his reaction to the incident. He may not have considered it consequential.

chevyontheriver · Wednesday at 9:49 AM

Neostarwcc said:
Yes it was a catholic priest that made the comment. I didn't mention it in the OP because I thought priest was universal for catholic but now that I think of it I think the eastern orthodox uses priests too so that was my bad.

I just find it odd. Not odd in desiring the salvation of souls, but odd that they would single out a Jewish person. Especially if, as you say, there were all sorts of others also there and probably known to the priest. It would be one thing to mention to non-Catholics that they shouldn't take the Eucharist. They could come up for a blessing instead. But I just find it weird to start singling out anybody at a funeral mass. It's just not the point of a funeral

There was an odd duck bishop in this regard you may have heard of named bishop Williamson. He was one of four bishops illicitly but validly ordained by archbishop Lefebvre before he died, all belonging to the Traditionalist but also renegade SSPX group. That incident caused archbishop Lefebvre and all four of those new bishops to be immediately excommunicated by pope John Paul II. Years later pope Benedict XVI tried to bring these folks back into the Catholic Church and lifted the excommunications. We have been having tense discussions ever since. Then it came out that bishop Williamson was a Holocaust denier and a major major anti-Semite, so much so that the other three SSPX bishops ended up removing him from the SSPX. He wandered around for years as the fringiest of fringe with a loud mouth and some really whacked theology. The SSPX is no longer 'renegade' but they are distinctive in using the Latin mass and being critical of much in the Catholic Church these days that actually does need criticism.

chevyontheriver · Wednesday at 9:52 AM

Neostarwcc said:
Yes it was a catholic priest that made the comment. I didn't mention it in the OP because I thought priest was universal for catholic but now that I think of it I think the eastern orthodox uses priests too so that was my bad.

Yup. Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, and Anglican/Episcopalian too.

Neostarwcc · Wednesday at 11:38 AM

chevyontheriver said:
I just find it odd. Not odd in desiring the salvation of souls, but odd that they would single out a Jewish person. Especially if, as you say, there were all sorts of others also there and probably known to the priest. It would be one thing to mention to non-Catholics that they shouldn't take the Eucharist. They could come up for a blessing instead. But I just find it weird to start singling out anybody at a funeral mass. It's just not the point of a funeral

There was an odd duck bishop in this regard you may have heard of named bishop Williamson. He was one of four bishops illicitly but validly ordained by archbishop Lefebvre before he died, all belonging to the Traditionalist but also renegade SSPX group. That incident caused archbishop Lefebvre and all four of those new bishops to be immediately excommunicated by pope John Paul II. Years later pope Benedict XVI tried to bring these folks back into the Catholic Church and lifted the excommunications. We have been having tense discussions ever since. Then it came out that bishop Williamson was a Holocaust denier and a major major anti-Semite, so much so that the other three SSPX bishops ended up removing him from the SSPX. He wandered around for years as the fringiest of fringe with a loud mouth and some really whacked theology. The SSPX is no longer 'renegade' but they are distinctive in using the Latin mass and being critical of much in the Catholic Church these days that actually does need criticism.

I found it very odd too. Why single out the Jewish family member and make him uncomfortable just because he asked for a blessing? It's not right and that's what I personally took so much offense to. Not that it wasn't true. I mean it's great that he cared about the salvation of his soul but the timing was just so inappropriate and he was there to help his wife grieve the loss of her father and he gets attacked? Just so not right! I guess what I can do is share my thoughts with my mother in law privately. I think she attends this church.

Michie · Wednesday at 11:51 AM

So did your BIL feel attacked or mention it?

chevyontheriver · Wednesday at 12:44 PM

Neostarwcc said:
I found it very odd too. Why single out the Jewish family member and make him uncomfortable just because he asked for a blessing? It's not right and that's what I personally took so much offense to. Not that it wasn't true. I mean it's great that he cared about the salvation of his soul but the timing was just so inappropriate and he was there to help his wife grieve the loss of her father and he gets attacked? Just so not right! I guess what I can do is share my thoughts with my mother in law privately. I think she attends this church.

I sort of get it that a concerned priest might make a funeral a bit into an evangelism even, considering how this would be a rare opportunity to speak about matters of faith to an unsaved audience. Shoot. Priests and ministers often make this a theme for the Christmas and Easter crowd that seldom otherwise are found inside of a church. What I don't get is singling out the lone Jewish guy and making it all about him. Keep us posted.

PloverWing · Wednesday at 4:06 PM

I might say to the brother-in-law, "I'm sorry about that priest yesterday. That was a tasteless thing to say at a funeral." Not a long speech, but a short something to let the brother-in-law know that you saw what happened and that you're sympathetic.

If you have a relationship with the priest, you might quietly say to him next time you see him that it was really uncomfortable that he singled out a Jewish attendee like that. He might not have realized how his words would sound to the grieving family. Again, not a long speech, and not berating, but calling it to his attention so he doesn't accidentally do it again in the future.

joymercy · 2025-12-12T12:36:40-0600

As a missionary in ongoing training and outreach, I can assure you that what occurred would not in any way correspond with being a real, actual missionary in practice.

We Listen first and then befriend, because shaming someone publicly like this is NOT love and hurts people instead, more likely driving them away.

Giving a blessing would plant seeds!

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