What Satire are You Reading?

Tom D · Nov 3, 2025

This thread is for sharing your favourite satires or fables or stories.
Feel free to post any story you've enjoyed.

It doesn't have to be your own work----it can be written by others, or told by others, as in my case.
(Provided that there is no copyright violation)

Apple Sky · Nov 3, 2025

The Pharisees are winning

The thought occured to me with all the moral outrage and Culture wars over peoples behaviour and even what they believe and think as being wrong. How its all focused on virtual signalling, being asociated with the right side of history. Identity politics which divides people into groups that...

www.christianforums.com

Tom D said:
How to Get Rch without Knowing Anything
An unmotivated school-leaver with no skills and barely the ability to read ----- somehow beat 150 brilliant candidates to win a prestigious job. What happened?

At the age of 21, Jack Williams finally graduated. But he wasn't graduating from university—he was barely graduating from high school.

Jack wasn't stupid, but with his parents obsessed with making money, there was no time left for him. As a result, Jack's schoolwork was left for dead. He could barely read. At home, he spent all his time playing video games.

Jack has zero interest in his appearance or clothing. He rarely combed his hair and always wore very, very shabby clothes. While he was at school, he was often ridiculed by other classmates.

After leaving school, Jack tried to look for a job but couldn't get one. He was jobless for a long time. He applied for many positions but got nowhere, it's little wonder -- he rarely arrived on time due to sleeping in.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One day , on the street, Jack met the head teacher from his school - Julie Leading.
"Hello Jack, how are you getting along?"
"Hey, Miss Leading...so nice to see you again.... I am trying to find a job, but...."

After hearing Jack's difficulties, she advised Jack to consult a fortune teller. She jotted down the fortune teller's contact details and passed them to him.
Later that day, once Jack got home, he called the fortune teller.

"Who is it?"
"I need a fortune teller to advice me how to get rich...without knowing anything."

"How to get rich without knowing anything??? ....Oh, yes, your name, please?" the fortune teller inquired.
"Jack," he responded.
"Ah...What time tomorrow would suit you?
The fortune teller arranged the appointment time and ended the call saying, "Be punctual, Jack."
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

However, the following morning, Jack overslept. When he woke up, it was already past the appointment time. Deciding to continue his sleep, Jack resolved to visit the fortune teller the next day instead.

When Jack finally arrived at the fortune teller’s office, she greeted him with a stern look. "I was waiting for you the whole day yesterday....You should have called to reschedule," she scolded, her eyes narrowing. "You caused me to lose a few clients."

With a sigh, the fortune teller beckoned Jack to sit. "What brings you here today? You're the guy...who wants to get rich without knowing anything, right?? You came to the right place." she asked, her tone softening slightly.
"I love clients who don't know anything...", the fortune teller murmured to herself.
After a generous dose of sweet, vague talk which meant nothing, the fortune teller advised him to buy crystals.
Jack bought some crystals from her, hoping they would bring him good fortune.
As Jack left , he felt a renewed sense of determination and hope. The fortune teller's words and the crystals he now carried drove him to feel confident about his future.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One day, he saw a job ad in the paper, it was published by iClub.

iClub was the top youth fashion house in the country. They were looking for an intern who was a recent high school graduate. What appealed to him was that no qualification or experience was required whatsoever. He launched an application and was told there would be a test for all applicants in 2 weeks' time.

After 2 weeks, Jack went to the iClub headquarters for the test. There were around 150 candidates present. The person who sit next to Jack was named Alessandro, who won a youth fashion design competition some time ago. He was very talented in art and design, and highly confident at this moment.

The examiner, a serious looking woman with glasses, told the candidates that they were given 2 hours. The total score was 1000. The exam proved to be too hard for Jack, he didn't think he performed too well, and doubted if he could score more than 600. After 2 hours, the examiner asked all the candidates to stop, and she started collecting papers from them. There was a folder prepared for each candidate, in which the papers were kept. After all the candidates left, the examiner put all the folders onto her own desk and planned to review them in the next few days.

On that same night, a thief broke into the iClub headquarters. He was a commercial thief, sent by a rival company UStyle. HIs mission was to steal some important design blueprints. By mistake, he went into the examiner's office, mistaking it as the design chief's. He searched all over the place but didn't find what he was looking for. As he was getting impatient, his hands hit the pile of exam folders and some of them dropped onto the floor. Some of the exam papers slipped out of their folders. He quickly picked them all up and put them back on the desk. After a while, he went out of the room. Finally, he found the design chief's office. After a while, he put something into his bag and then left.

The next day, when the examiner returned to her office, she didn't perceive any difference there. She began to review the exam papers and compare the works of candidates. She gave a score for each candidate as she went through his or her work. Finally, she picked the one with the top score.

Four weeks passed after the test. One day, while he was playing video games after getting out of bed at 2 PM, Jack received a call from iClub, and was told he got the job!! To his astonishment, Jack could hardly believe it.

How Jack really got rich.

One day Jack swapped a cow for some beans & the rest is history, his-story.

peaceful-forest · Thursday at 4:53 PM

I will share what I shared earlier with you (I guess it counts as satire).

I heard this one when I was growing up:

A teacher had a gardening project for his students. He gave his students the seeds to plant and grow flowers.

The time came to grade everyone's project. All the students had beautiful flowers, except one student. This one student had nothing.

The student told the teacher, "I tried everything and did exactly as you instructed, but nothing happened."

The teacher gave this student an A+. But all the other students were angry.

The teacher defended himself, "This student did exactly what I told him to do. Besides, I know you all cheated because I cooked the seeds and made them useless."

Tom D · Friday at 5:57 AM

The Two Apprentices
In a beautiful Austrian town, Master Hans was the most respected carpenter in the region. His work was known not for extravagance, but for its quiet perfection—doors that never creaked, joints that never loosened, and homes that stood for generations. Two young men began their apprenticeship under him.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The first apprentice, Wilhelm, was undeniably brilliant. He could think quickly and had a mind like a blueprint—able to visualize complex designs instantly, calculate angles without measuring, and identify wood types by scent alone. Master Hans praised him often, calling him “a rare talent.” Wilhelm basked in the compliments. He loved being admired and gravitated toward glamorous projects—ornate furniture, decorative carvings, anything that drew attention and applause. He avoided the small, quiet tasks like sanding beams, fixing warped doors, or troubleshooting creaky joints. “Meister, perhaps leave those to Johann,” he’d say. “I was born for bigger things.”

Johann, the second apprentice, was slower. He asked many questions, made mistakes, and often stayed late to redo his work. He didn’t have Wilhelm’s natural flair, but he had something else: perseverance and humility. He greeted Master Hans each morning with a quiet “Guten morgen, Meister,” and listened intently to every correction.

Over time, Johann became the one Master Hans relied on for all the small jobs—tightening loose hinges, adjusting uneven frames, repairing misaligned drawers. He never complained. He treated each task, no matter how minor, as a chance to learn. When thanked, he would simply nod and say, “It was my honour.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One evening, Master Hans showed Johann an old beam from a cathedral workshop. “See this mortise-and-tenon joint? It held roofs above worshippers for hundreds of years. Not because the builders were brilliant, but because they were disciplined. They measured twice, cut once, and cared for every detail. That is why their work still stands.” Johann touched the joint with reverence, realizing that true mastery was not in dazzling designs, but in the patience to make something endure.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One day, a client came to Master Hans with a troubling problem: the sliding doors in his cafe had begun to stick and groan, disturbing the peaceful atmosphere. “I’ve oiled the tracks, replaced the rollers, even shaved the edges,” the client said, “but nothing works.”

Master Hans turned to his apprentices. “Go together. Find the cause. Fix it.”
They replied, "Yes, Meister."

Wilhelm and Johann visited the cafe. Wilhelm examined the doors, slid them once, frowned, and declared, “It’s a warped frame. Nothing we can do without rebuilding the whole wall.” He left, muttering about wasted time and better uses of his talent.

Johann stayed. He sat on the floor, opened and closed the doors dozens of times, listening. He noticed the sound changed with the weather. He examined the floorboards, the humidity in the wood, the angle of the track. After hours of quiet observation and trial, he discovered the problem: a subtle shift in the foundation had tilted the track just enough to cause friction. He adjusted the base, reinforced the frame, and added a hidden wedge to restore balance.

The next day, the client returned to Master Hans, beaming. “The doors are silent again. It’s like they float.”

Master Hans nodded. “Who solved it?”

“Johann,” the client said. “He’s remarkable—he stayed until it was perfect.”

Wilhelm overheard. He said nothing, but his face tightened.

Later, Master Hans rebuked Wilhelm. “You think you are smart but smartness is nothing without discipline. The world doesn’t need more brilliance, it needs more discipline !”

Wilhelm was furious. That evening, he packed his tools and left the workshop. “I’ll build my own legacy !!” he shouted.

He opened his own carpentry shop in the town square. His reputation as a prodigy drew crowds. Clients lined up for his dazzling designs—spiral staircases, carved mantels, intricate latticework. Business boomed.

But Wilhelm had no one to check his work. Without Master Hans’s quiet oversight, flaws crept in. Joints loosened. Beams warped. Doors stuck. Clients returned with complaints after complaints. Wilhelm blamed the wood, the weather, the mosquitoes—but never himself.

Within a year, the crowds thinned. His shop grew quiet. The town whispered: “Beautiful, but broken.”

Meanwhile, Johann continued his quiet work. He built homes that stood firm, gates that never groaned, and furniture that aged gracefully. He never sought praise—but earned respect.

Tom D · 2025-11-09T15:12:35-0600

The Biggest Fussy Eater
Johann Weisman had everything: good income, status, and a life of extravagance. A celebrated doctor turned
businessman, he lived in a world where nothing came cheap. He scoffed at meals below $20, considering
them an insult to his refined palate.

One evening, to celebrate securing a new contract, Johann and his business partner Hans set out in search
of a fitting restaurant in Vienna. Their demanding tastes and fussiness turned the search into a prolonged
ordeal, as they scoured the city for an establishment that could match their impossibly high standards—even
though every venue they encountered was among the most expensive in town. They sneered at each upscale
spot, dismissing the polished menus and lavish decor as unworthy.

After nearly 5 hours of scrutinizing menus and scoping out venues, they finally settled on an upscale location
that promised a first-rate experience. Bringing with them aged whiskey and expensive cigars, the pair were
preparing to indulge freely. But they were kicked out after only 20 minutes—abruptly told it was closing time.

"Why kick us out?" Johann stared at the waiter in disbelief.
"We are closing---it's 1 o'clock already!" The waiter replied.

They staggered out into the city streets, their judgment clouded by their revelry. They didn’t notice the black
van parked nearby until it was too late.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The van screeched forward, headlights blinding. Before Johann could react, rough hands yanked him back. A
hood was shoved over his head, muffling Hans’s protests as they struggled. Their kidnappers moved swiftly,
bundling Johann into the van while leaving Hans behind. Johann’s world blurred into darkness.
Johann’s new reality began in a dim room in the beautiful rural town of Bad Goisern on Lake Halstatt. His two
kidnappers' goal was to demand a ransom of 2 million.

The two kidnappers were Robert and Rune—known to their friends as Rob and Run. They sat slouched in the
dim room, their cigarettes dangling lazily from their fingers. A half-empty bag of fast food sat between them,
grease stains spreading across the table.

Rob: "After we get the money, we’ll be set for life. A life of eating and drinking without work...or learning,.... Just
happy days ahead."
Run: "Yeah....our dream lifestyle is not far away...Ha, ha..."
Then they started to laugh, which got louder and louder, their mouths stretching wide, exposing every inch of
their cigarette-stained front teeth.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Eventually, the kidnappers dragged themselves back to reality and walked into Johann’s room, the ransom
note clutched tightly in the first one's hand.

"Alright, doc," Rob said, leaning against the doorway with a smirk. "Time to make your family cough up the
cash. Two million bucks—that’s all we’re asking. Not too much."
Run chimed in, "Yeah, they’ll pay to get you back. I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re worth it, right?"
Johann, calm and composed, met their gaze. "My family’s wealth has declined a lot, We don’t even have two
thousand, let alone two million. They won’t pay you two million."
Rob and Run looked at each other for a while, then Rob’s smirk faltered, replaced by a confused frown. "What’re
you talking about? You’re rich!"
Johann: "You're wasting your time..."
The two kidnappers looked at each other, not knowing what to say.....

The two kidnappers grew increasingly frustrated. A few hours later, they inspected Johann's clothes and took
most of his money and valuables away, leaving only some coins.
Johann’s response remained unchanged, and boredom crept into the kidnappers’ routine, dulling their edge.
Cigarettes became their distraction, their escape from the monotony. They smoked constantly, the acrid fumes
filling the small room.

Noticing this, Johann attempted to turn the situation to his advantage. “This air,” he said one evening,
coughing dramatically. “It’s unhealthy. You’re smoking yourselves to death, and you’re taking me with you.”
The kidnappers laughed dismissively. “No, you’re bluffing, doc,” one of them sneered, exhaling a plume of
smoke. “We’ve been smoking our whole lives, and we’re fine. I don't think it's harmful.”
Johann frowned, retreating into silence. He bided his time, observing them as they grew more restless and
started chain-smoking even more.
Over the next few days, the smoke thickened, clinging to the air like a suffocating fog. Johann, who had been
coughing intermittently, noticed the kidnappers themselves beginning to cough more frequently. They rubbed
their throats, visibly annoyed.

Sensing his opportunity, Johann struck again. This time, his words carried more weight. “You see? Even you
can’t ignore it anymore. This air is toxic,” he rasped, clutching his chest. “It’s not just me—it’s affecting you
too. When you repeat the same action over and over—like smoking constantly—you stop noticing its effects. But your body doesn’t stop reacting. The damage keeps building, even though your brain tunes it out. That’s why you think you’re fine, but your cough tells the truth."

Tom D · 2025-11-10T01:45:30-0600

"....When you repeat the same action over and over—like smoking constantly—you stop noticing its effects. But your body doesn’t stop reacting. The damage keeps building, even though your brain tunes it out. That’s why you think you’re fine, but your cough tells the truth."

The kidnappers, though still skeptical, exchanged uneasy glances. Their growing discomfort validated
Johann’s claims, and he seized on their hesitation. “If I die,” he said weakly, “you lose everything. No ransom.
You’ll have nothing to show for your trouble. I need a specific medicine to counteract this.”
Their resolve finally faltered. Reluctant but desperate to keep him alive, they asked Johann what medicine he
needed. Johann provided them with a list of ingredients: vinegar, ground nutmeg, crushed chili peppers, and
adelwez. He explained that the ingredients must be cooked together and insisted the concoction be prepared
with all windows closed to retain potency.

Johann explained carefully, emphasizing that the ingredients must be cooked together in precise proportions
to ensure the mixture’s potency. He insisted the concoction be prepared with all windows tightly shut, claiming
that even the faintest draft could weaken its effectiveness. Many people know it's dangerous to cook while closing all windows, but not them. Knowing nothing of the risks, the kidnappers followed his instructions, bolting the windows and sealing every crack.

The small, dimly lit room grew increasingly stifling, the air turning thick and oppressive. As the mixture simmered on their wood-burning stove, an ominous transformation began. A new toxic gas crept into the room, its presence subtle but a bit dangerous. Apart from that, the lack of ventilation caused carbon monoxide levels to rise imperceptibly, unnoticed by the kidnappers who remained focused on their ransom plans.

Johann, fully aware of the consequences, stayed low to the ground, breathing the marginally clearer air near
the bottom edge of the door. From his position, he watched intently as the effects of the gas began to take
hold. Gradually, their movements slowed, their once-brisk actions reduced to sluggish, clumsy gestures. Their
speech became slurred and incoherent, their heads drooping as if weighted down by invisible hands. Johann
remained still, his heart pounding, as the room sank into a suffocating silence.

Apple Sky · 2025-11-10T02:09:09-0600

The Beano, not really, but I used to love it, still do! ^_^

Tom D · 2025-11-10T03:07:50-0600

Apple Sky said:
The Beano, not really, but I used to love it, still do!

View attachment 372971

Is it that good?
I've never heard of it, I only know Punch and Private Eye.

Apple Sky · 2025-11-10T03:11:00-0600

Tom D said:
Is it that good?
I've never heard of it, I only know Punch and Private Eye.

Yes it is, it is well known in the UK.

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