Losing friendships and Matt 24:12

timechangers · Monday at 3:48 AM

In tbe last 5 years I have noticed people in my peer group at church (early 50's agewise) have been more distant. We used to get together for potlucks, Bible study and hang out at times. People don't keep their potluck dates anymore. There is no longer any Bible study for my peers. At church only 2 people in my peer group ask me any questions. I am the one that asks the questions or they walk by me without saying anything. This year in 2025, my good friend forgets dates in my life and I am the one to typically initiate communication. Are other people finding this, especially those in their 50's. I feel invisible at times. Is this a spiritual battle or just what happens in the age range of 47 to 55?

Delvianna · Monday at 9:55 AM

It sounds like people in general are getting depressed, discouraged and the fire for the Lord they once had is dying. Maybe you should talk to them or to the Leadership of the church to reach out and see if anyone can help with anything. Sometimes we need others to be encouragement and sometimes people need a reminder that they need others to stay encouraged.

While I'm 39 and not in your age bracket or noticed the exact same thing you have, I've noticed in general that peoples faith within my age bracket is very limited as people in general seem to not be too interested in studying the bible. Also, I just hear complaints about the state of the economy or the world and when you tend to be in that kind of mind set, the thought of get-togethers is just further from your mind. So maybe reach out and see why they've decided to pull back or if you don't have their number, reach out to a leader of the church and see if someone can reach out in general to see how people are doing. That might help.

Either way, I'm sorry to hear this is your experience and I hope something changes for you.

timechangers · Tuesday at 12:17 PM

Delvianna said:
It sounds like people in general are getting depressed, discouraged and the fire for the Lord they once had is dying. Maybe you should talk to them or to the Leadership of the church to reach out and see if anyone can help with anything. Sometimes we need others to be encouragement and sometimes people need a reminder that they need others to stay encouraged.

While I'm 39 and not in your age bracket or noticed the exact same thing you have, I've noticed in general that peoples faith within my age bracket is very limited as people in general seem to not be too interested in studying the bible. Also, I just hear complaints about the state of the economy or the world and when you tend to be in that kind of mind set, the thought of get-togethers is just further from your mind. So maybe reach out and see why they've decided to pull back or if you don't have their number, reach out to a leader of the church and see if someone can reach out in general to see how people are doing. That might help.

Either way, I'm sorry to hear this is your experience and I hope something changes for you.

Thanks for the reply and thoughtful response. I did send a text to one of the guys in my potluck yesterday telling him I hope all is okay and he did respond that we need to catch up. I need to not give up on people even though I feel like just not talking to people if they don't want to ask me anything. That's not a good attitude on my part. Only 1 leper went back to thank Jesus for healing him so I need to be a thankful person like that leper was regardless if I have friends or if nobody asks me anything. I do have a younger 20 something year old church member who I meet with once a quarter to mentor and read the Bible with. I just wish someone my own age would want to have a Bible Study with me and pray for me or that someone in church would ask me what they could pray for me about. I tell others I will pray for them on different situations brought up during a conversation with them but they don't return the favor by asking what they could pray for me on. I just don't understand. Maybe spiritual warfare or people just don't care or both.

Delvianna · Tuesday at 1:20 PM

timechangers said:
Thanks for the reply and thoughtful response. I did send a text to one of the guys in my potluck yesterday telling him I hope all is okay and he did respond that we need to catch up. I need to not give up on people even though I feel like just not talking to people if they don't want to ask me anything. That's not a good attitude on my part. Only 1 leper went back to thank Jesus for healing him so I need to be a thankful person like that leper was regardless if I have friends or if nobody asks me anything. I do have a younger 20 something year old church member who I meet with once a quarter to mentor and read the Bible with. I just wish someone my own age would want to have a Bible Study with me and pray for me or that someone in church would ask me what they could pray for me about. I tell others I will pray for them on different situations brought up during a conversation with them but they don't return the favor by asking what they could pray for me on. I just don't understand. Maybe spiritual warfare or people just don't care or both.

I understand what you mean. I don't have anyone to bible study with either really because people aren't interested. They watch youtube sermons and they act like they're well versed in scripture and when you correct them, they get bent out of shape about it. It's hard to always be the one reaching out, or interested in others and without that return, it makes you want to walk away. But listen, don't chase after people who are clearly not interested. You are well within your right to not burn yourself out on others and not get poured into too. You can't pour out to them from an empty glass. Do what you can, but also cut yourself some slack. Reach out, be there for them as we are called to be, but only when you feel you are emotionally able to and in the mean time, pray that God sends you someone that you can connect with on a spiritual level also.

Have you tried other churches in your area? Maybe you might meet someone somewhere else.

timechangers · 2025-10-09T03:08:23-0500

Delvianna said:
I understand what you mean. I don't have anyone to bible study with either really because people aren't interested. They watch youtube sermons and they act like they're well versed in scripture and when you correct them, they get bent out of shape about it. It's hard to always be the one reaching out, or interested in others and without that return, it makes you want to walk away. But listen, don't chase after people who are clearly not interested. You are well within your right to not burn yourself out on others and not get poured into too. You can't pour out to them from an empty glass. Do what you can, but also cut yourself some slack. Reach out, be there for them as we are called to be, but only when you feel you are emotionally able to and in the mean time, pray that God sends you someone that you can connect with on a spiritual level also.

Have you tried other churches in your area? Maybe you might meet someone somewhere else.

I live in a small town of around 1,000 people and I go to the same church that I was born into as a baby. If I left it would be really hard. My wife and kids go to the church also. I will pray for the Lord to send someone in my life that wants to have Bible study with me. I need to maybe just focus on going to church to worship and that way when people seem to look through me without saying or asking anything about me it won't bother me as much.

Delvianna said:
I understand what you mean. I don't have anyone to bible study with either really because people aren't interested. They watch youtube sermons and they act like they're well versed in scripture and when you correct them, they get bent out of shape about it. It's hard to always be the one reaching out, or interested in others and without that return, it makes you want to walk away. But listen, don't chase after people who are clearly not interested. You are well within your right to not burn yourself out on others and not get poured into too. You can't pour out to them from an empty glass. Do what you can, but also cut yourself some slack. Reach out, be there for them as we are called to be, but only when you feel you are emotionally able to and in the mean time, pray that God sends you someone that you can connect with on a spiritual level also.

Have you tried other churches in your area? Maybe you might meet someone somewhere else.

I haven't tried other churches since it is the same church I have attended my whole 51 years of my life. It is a small town of about 1,000 people. My wife and kids attend the church also and I would feel bad pulling my kids from junior high/high school Sunday school. I appreciate your thoughts. I think moving forward I will lower my expectations. I will not expect people to pray for me or follow up with me on personal things. I will show love but focus more on worship than on friendships. I will pray for someone who will want to pray for me and have Bible study with me(that could be from another church or online). Thanks for replying to my thread. I greatly appreciate that.

Godcrazy · 2025-10-09T12:32:27-0500

timechangers said:
In tbe last 5 years I have noticed people in my peer group at church (early 50's agewise) have been more distant. We used to get together for potlucks, Bible study and hang out at times. People don't keep their potluck dates anymore. There is no longer any Bible study for my peers. At church only 2 people in my peer group ask me any questions. I am the one that asks the questions or they walk by me without saying anything. This year in 2025, my good friend forgets dates in my life and I am the one to typically initiate communication. Are other people finding this, especially those in their 50's. I feel invisible at times. Is this a spiritual battle or just what happens in the age range of 47 to 55?

I find people my age and other ages I know have problems with memory, at times they talk like I don`t know them. Other times normal. At times lacking empathy to be normal again. Sorry, but I do suspect a certain poke, if you know what I mean

Godcrazy · 2025-10-09T12:34:25-0500

Delvianna said:
I understand what you mean. I don't have anyone to bible study with either really because people aren't interested. They watch youtube sermons and they act like they're well versed in scripture and when you correct them, they get bent out of shape about it. It's hard to always be the one reaching out, or interested in others and without that return, it makes you want to walk away. But listen, don't chase after people who are clearly not interested. You are well within your right to not burn yourself out on others and not get poured into too. You can't pour out to them from an empty glass. Do what you can, but also cut yourself some slack. Reach out, be there for them as we are called to be, but only when you feel you are emotionally able to and in the mean time, pray that God sends you someone that you can connect with on a spiritual level also.

Have you tried other churches in your area? Maybe you might meet someone somewhere else.

sounds like attacks from the enemy. get people not to study the bible/read and pray. what could go wrong.....

Delvianna · 2025-10-09T12:58:23-0500

timechangers said:
I live in a small town of around 1,000 people and I go to the same church that I was born into as a baby. If I left it would be really hard. My wife and kids go to the church also. I will pray for the Lord to send someone in my life that wants to have Bible study with me. I need to maybe just focus on going to church to worship and that way when people seem to look through me without saying or asking anything about me it won't bother me as much.

I haven't tried other churches since it is the same church I have attended my whole 51 years of my life. It is a small town of about 1,000 people. My wife and kids attend the church also and I would feel bad pulling my kids from junior high/high school Sunday school. I appreciate your thoughts. I think moving forward I will lower my expectations. I will not expect people to pray for me or follow up with me on personal things. I will show love but focus more on worship than on friendships. I will pray for someone who will want to pray for me and have Bible study with me(that could be from another church or online). Thanks for replying to my thread. I greatly appreciate that.

I think that's a great plan. As long as we continue to do what we are called to do, that is the most important thing but we are living in the last days and since the scriptures says people will turn from truth, people's hearts will grow cold, we can only do so much. I stopped expecting people to do what the Lord expects of them, and I just focus on what I'm called to do. If I meet someone that truly is a follower of Christ and wants to fellowship with me, WONDERFUL, but I don't expect it. I still love, I still pray for others, and I still give, I just don't expect anything in return.

"But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High." - Luke 6:35-36

JustaPewFiller · 2025-10-09T14:06:13-0500

timechangers said:
In tbe last 5 years I have noticed people in my peer group at church (early 50's agewise) have been more distant. We used to get together for potlucks, Bible study and hang out at times. People don't keep their potluck dates anymore. There is no longer any Bible study for my peers. At church only 2 people in my peer group ask me any questions. I am the one that asks the questions or they walk by me without saying anything. This year in 2025, my good friend forgets dates in my life and I am the one to typically initiate communication. Are other people finding this, especially those in their 50's. I feel invisible at times. Is this a spiritual battle or just what happens in the age range of 47 to 55?

Hi @timechangers - I've read all your posts in this thread. I've struggled a bit with feeling invisible at times. Sometimes I'm actually ok with that - sometimes not. But your posts made me see a different side of the coin as I looked back on my Christian journey over the years.

I see from your posts you are male and I am as well. So we have that in common. There have been times in my church life (particularly in years past) when guys have asked me to a Bible study, or prayer and I have declined. The times I have declined really had nothing to do with the guy inviting me. It had to do with me..

I'm going to list out the typical reasons that I would come up with in my brain that would cause me to say "no" when I did over the years.

"That guy is like some SUPER Christian! He knows the Bible inside and out! I'd look or feel stupid. Everyone would think I didn't know the Bible well enough."
"That guy can say a prayer like Shakespeare could write and he can do it at length! I'd sound silly in comparison in my bumbling way of praying."
"I can't commit to a weekly thing due to other things going on in my life."
"That guy seems like a really good guy. But does he ever want to talk about or do anything other than the Bible study or prayer? Maybe its on me, but I wonder if he ever talks about sports, or work, or (insert an interest here) that I could relate to more at this stage of my life? I'll run out of things to say if we just talk about the Bible or pray all the time."

In short, it had nothing to do with the guy asking. But, it had everything to do with the reasons I just outlined above that my brain came up with.

I'll tell you a secret of how the first guy to get me into a Bible study did it. We were going to the same church so he knew my name. He started dropping casual questions or bits of info. Like, "Did you catch the game last night?" "Wow, work has been keeping me busy! How is it going for you?" "Hey, I'm thinking of growing a tomato plant. You know anything about it?" In short, he sought common ground where I was comfortable. He got to know me, I go to know him. Then he asked about Bible study - and well - the reasons not to didn't seem to apply as much.

Now, that is just what worked with me. I ended up using similar method to invite people to a Sunday school class I was teaching. As they used to say on the TV commercial, "Your mileage may vary."

I hope this has helped some. I've felt invisible before and I know it can stink sometimes. Prayers to you..

bèlla · 2025-10-09T17:57:56-0500

I think you’ll have better luck joining a bible study and fellowshipping with likeminded believers. Most of the people your age are married with children or have other responsibilities that require their attention. The one-on-one relationship you’re seeking for study and prayer is commonly found with older persons. They have the time to pour into you in the manner you’d like.

I had a prayer partner in the past who was older and we attended the same church. We went to lunch every week (often more than once) and were part of a women’s bible study. While I enjoyed her company her need was great and she wanted me in everything and I started to pull away. She was smothering me because of her loneliness. There’s a lot of people like her in the church who’d love the companionship you want. The children are gone and they’re alone.

I was younger at the time and that was my first experience with that form of connecting and I wouldn’t do it again. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you for desiring the bond. Our need quotients differ and honoring yours is best. Talk with the older people in your community and see how it goes. There’s people your age seeking the same on the site as well. Maybe you can support one another in the interim.

~bella

timechangers · 2025-10-09T22:37:08-0500

JustaPewFiller said:
Hi @timechangers - I've read all your posts in this thread. I've struggled a bit with feeling invisible at times. Sometimes I'm actually ok with that - sometimes not. But your posts made me see a different side of the coin as I looked back on my Christian journey over the years.

I see from your posts you are male and I am as well. So we have that in common. There have been times in my church life (particularly in years past) when guys have asked me to a Bible study, or prayer and I have declined. The times I have declined really had nothing to do with the guy inviting me. It had to do with me..

I'm going to list out the typical reasons that I would come up with in my brain that would cause me to say "no" when I did over the years.

"That guy is like some SUPER Christian! He knows the Bible inside and out! I'd look or feel stupid. Everyone would think I didn't know the Bible well enough."

"That guy can say a prayer like Shakespeare could write and he can do it at length! I'd sound silly in comparison in my bumbling way of praying."

"I can't commit to a weekly thing due to other things going on in my life."

"That guy seems like a really good guy. But does he ever want to talk about or do anything other than the Bible study or prayer? Maybe its on me, but I wonder if he ever talks about sports, or work, or (insert an interest here) that I could relate to more at this stage of my life? I'll run out of things to say if we just talk about the Bible or pray all the time."

In short, it had nothing to do with the guy asking. But, it had everything to do with the reasons I just outlined above that my brain came up with.

I'll tell you a secret of how the first guy to get me into a Bible study did it. We were going to the same church so he knew my name. He started dropping casual questions or bits of info. Like, "Did you catch the game last night?" "Wow, work has been keeping me busy! How is it going for you?" "Hey, I'm thinking of growing a tomato plant. You know anything about it?" In short, he sought common ground where I was comfortable. He got to know me, I go to know him. Then he asked about Bible study - and well - the reasons not to didn't seem to apply as much.

Now, that is just what worked with me. I ended up using similar method to invite people to a Sunday school class I was teaching. As they used to say on the TV commercial, "Your mileage may vary."

I hope this has helped some. I've felt invisible before and I know it can stink sometimes. Prayers to you..

Thanks for the response. I understand what you are saying. I like sports(cubs baseball and college football) and there are some guys if they asked me to do a Bible study with them I would feel intimidated because I don't know what their interests are besides reading the Bible. So thanks for bringing that up. I could see how someone who doesn't know me very well can get that type of impression about me as well. I need to not take things personally as well. If I focus on the Lord while at church and not so much on socializing(though that is important) I can keep my perspective. I also need to remember when I was in school and picked last for a lot of things, I was not invisible to the Lord who noticed me and called me to follow His Son Jesus. For that I can be thankful.

timechangers · 2025-10-09T22:38:48-0500

bèlla said:
I think you’ll have better luck joining a bible study and fellowshipping with likeminded believers. Most of the people your age are married with children or have other responsibilities that require their attention. The one-on-one relationship you’re seeking for study and prayer is commonly found with older persons. They have the time to pour into you in the manner you’d like.

I had a prayer partner in the past who was older and we attended the same church. We went to lunch every week (often more than once) and were part of a women’s bible study. While I enjoyed her company her need was great and she wanted me in everything and I started to pull away. She was smothering me because of her loneliness. There’s a lot of people like her in the church who’d love the companionship you want. The children are gone and they’re alone.

I was younger at the time and that was my first experience with that form of connecting and I wouldn’t do it again. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you for desiring the bond. Our need quotients differ and honoring yours is best. Talk with the older people in your community and see how it goes. There’s people your age seeking the same on the site as well. Maybe you can support one another in the interim.

~bella

thanks Bella for the response. My church has many older people. I should pray about approaching one of them and see if someone is put on my mind or will come up to me. Thanks!

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