When I was young I had wanted to have a lot of kids, 6-8. I married someone who didn't want to have a lot. We had one miscarriage and two who lived, and that was physically difficult because I ended up having difficulty conceiving and giving birth.
He was unfaithful and abusive, so it was better that we didn't have several children. We divorced, and he has no interest in our children and very little interaction with them.
After divorcing I had wanted to remarry and attempt to have one more. It never happened because I didn't find anyone stable and devoted enough to marry.
Now in my late 40's, looking back at my life, I feel very blessed for the two I got to raise, and I'm grateful that I didn't have as many as I had wanted. Our lives would have been drastically worse than it was.
I've known people who didn't want children or didn't want a lot of kids, and then later found that they loved being parents and wanted more. I've known people who wanted a lot of kids, and then changed their mind after the first one or two were born. I've known people who regretted having as many kids as they did, or their large family wasn't as happy and peaceful as they had expected.
When we look to our futures we often have an idealized expectation or hope for what could be coming. The reality and making it work out the way you hope or plan is often very different. We can make the best choices possible, but there are also things outside of our control and things that others in our lives will do or not do that can effect our plans.
It's important to pray for what you want and make the best choices you can, but also be flexible, view your circumstances realistically, don't be afraid to change your mind in family planning, and pray for patience, contentment. Always be thankful for the blessings you have.
