I don't like my church - need advice

Bear in mind Paul’s words about the body and its functions. There’s nothing wrong with being task oriented nor is a people focused approach better than the other. They both have a purpose and it appears you desire more human centered opportunities. But what does that look like? Leadership is frequently inundated with feedback on lacks and should’s but few solutions. The best way to get their ear is to provide an example with an approach you’re willing to spearhead.

For example, we had a member at a former church who had a passion for prostitutes but there wasn’t a ministry at the time to address them so she started it and they supported her work. She was willing to take the lead which made a difference.

In respect to the other, have you looked into groups outside of the church on topics of interests? You may find the fellowship and connection that’s lacking at home. In my experience most churches excel in certain areas and fall short in others. Prioritizing the ones that matter most is useful for selection. But given your loved one‘s position on proselytizing your hands are tied. A church with greater intimacy would probably be more forthcoming about their spiritual condition. Sometimes we have to look elsewhere to fill a void for the greater good.

I don’t know what you’re seeking but you might enjoy Precept bible studies. They’re held around the world and online and offer studies with varying depth. They’re a great group if you want to dig into the word and fellowship. I did it for several years and was on the leadership team and enjoyed it. If you have a teaching gift you can get trained to lead a study in your area. And there’s women’s ministries of course and many have an online presence. They offer bible studies, a book club, conferences and more. Proverbs 31 is well-known but there’s others.

~bella

Is there any depth to the messages, do they say the gospel and give altar calls. You can always visit other churches since you know the differences. If they are just hanging out but you want them saved then you have to take the lead. But do all in love. And gentleness. Being in church is not enough. A comfortable fit for your husband is not enough perhaps to get them saved. But don’t be abrupt. Be sly as a fox and gentle as a dove. Just some thoughts.

I think people should attend churches that they find more satisfying and nurturing of their faith than not. For me, it boils down to two important questions: What do you value in a church? and What are your "stoppers" that would make a church one you can't abide? Life is too short to waste time in a place that is not nurturing your faith, in my opinion. In general, I am a fan of finding the right place.

That said, a complication is the one you point out about when families are divided in opinion. That is tougher to reconcile because it's not just about individual decision. In my own case, I decided to follow my own path. It can work if a foundation of one's relationship is tolerance for differences.

Franchises have rules, regulations and a product to sell. They have become businesses often using free labour to build the bottom line. Yet another example of a worldly institution using God rather than changing itself to follow God’s Will. Anyone can focus on the man but few on the message of His will, not ours.

Throughout history churches have beaten about the bush over that, having themselves sold out the Kingdom in favour of partnering with the world of man. It’s not about the church and especially the institution , but about each other. Therein lies the salvation they often incorrectly try and pass themselves off as salesmen of. But of course who would attend a church weekly that simply said as God did, go out and do good deeds to all in need, even enemies. Care for each other. It’s not about what’s in it for you. See you next week.

Give your soul to the Father, don’t sell it to an institution of man.

CerebralCherub said:

So, that's the thing. There doesn't seem to be depth. It's very much one dimensional in terms of how they talk about God. I have been there for a year and it's all about love, compassion and using examples of everyday life to tie it together but it just seems elementary, scripted and scaled down for the masses, I guess?

Also, I was raised in the US and this is an English church. I don't know if I should expect these differences? It's the first church I've been to here so I have nothing to compare. They don't do alter calls but they invite people to discuss any questions about getting saved with elders after the service.

Thanks for the tips. He has said he doesn't mind if we leave but I am worried about rocking the boat because he's not introverted, as such, but this is all new to him and he seems to enjoy the praise singing, the familiarity and the routine of it, I guess. I know that's not a good enough reason to stay, for me especially, but I worry for him and my kid.

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Well then you could stay an additional year and talk to the elder about your husband getting saved in a church he likes. That’s the most important step for him, whiles he is happy. Which is additional fuel to get saved. It’s Gods goodness that helps us repent’. Then discuss it and move on when he gets some maturity. It sounds like I have it all figured out…. But you said there were opportunities to learn ministry, you could do that…

The most important thing is are they teaching it right. If not, they're just wasting everyone's time, maybe to the congregation's eternal destruction. It sounds like you think it may be a bit watered down. I think the way you say the church is run is a fruit of that. Their actions reflect what's being taught.
I don't think it's a good idea to stay in a church that may be watering-it down for unbelievers b/c they're not getting exposed to what Christianity actually is, & you yourself as a believer aren't getting the Bread you need.
Anonymity in churches isn't too difficult these days. People are a lot more private then they used to be. You will also find the various kinds of churches come in all the sizes. And who knows, a tough question may be what they need.
If you think they're teaching it right, then stay. If you think there's big problems in the teaching, that's not helping anyone.

CerebralCherub said:

That's it, really.

It feels very corporate and when I talked to the elder about how I could see a synergy between big US churches and how they were organized and how the preachers/elders spoke to the congregation, managed time and song/praise etc and suggested they were being trained by the same people, he didn't deny it!

As a result, everything there just feels so scripted and impersonal.

I've tried to overcome this by volunteering. There is no END to the advertising for VOLUNTEERS in so many capacities. So, I volunteer as much as I can and am now even on a 'rota' so that I can talk to people, learn more about them and make them more aware of us instead of just passing us at the entry/exit doors.

But, they are very task oriented during these volunteer exercises and seem more concerned about implementation than fellowship!

I would just leave and seek a new church. We've only been attending for a year but it has been more than enough time for me to know I don't fit there.

The problem is my husband and grown child like the size of the church because it offers some anonymity and some comfort in not believing without pressure. They want to come to God in their own time and the amount of people offers a comfort blanket for them.

So, I have prayed about it. I am a believer. They are not. Does it matter how I feel if the church may benefit them?

I can't tell if God wants me to stay for their benefit or leave for all of our benefit or would it just be for mine? They say they like it there but they don't know the difference between this church, versus others, and are still learning about things.

Advice appreciated!

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When we are disturbed about a church we attend, sometimes it’s the Holy Spirit nudging us, revealing to us that it’s time to find proper teaching.?

One thing I didn’t understand that you said, “The problem is my husband and grown child like the size of the church because it offers some anonymity and some comfort in not believing without pressure. They want to come to God in their own time and the amount of people offers a comfort blanket for them.”

If your husband and children attend church with you, how is it that believing without pressure, or they want to come to God in their own time.

The gospel tells us in Philippians 2:12 KJV
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Philippians 2:13 KJV
For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

So keep praying for them, turn them over to God. God will work it out. Your husband and children are already sanctified in you,
1 Corinthians 7:14 KJV, For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

If your husband don’t mind you finding another church, you might search for a church that’s strong on teaching the gospel of Christ. Sometimes churches post their weekly sermons online, and that’s a good way to see how a church operates, and how a pastor teaches the Bible. Then if one touches something in you, that church might be a starting point.

Hope that helps.

CerebralCherub said:

My understanding was that we all had to individually proclaim that Jesus is Lord, accept that He died for our sins before we are saved.

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God said put His will ahead of the self-serving will of man, thus loving all as self and putting servitude to Him and each other in need as a way of life which is change (repentance) from the usual way of human existence which serves self. This was the Father’s and Jesus ‘ commandments, not the religions. Jesus died to bring the Kingdom into reality. He said it wasn’t”t about Him but that He was the way to the Kingdom. Even the Adversary knew who Jesus was, so...

CerebralCherub said:

Can you please explain the verse you have highlighted 1 Corinthians 7:14? I don't fully understand the statement? My understanding was that we all had to individually proclaim that Jesus is Lord, accept that He died for our sins before we are saved. They have not done this so how are they sanctified through a spouse or parent? Is sanctified the same as saved? Can you assist with this question?

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God accepts him the same as He accepts you. He is sanctified through you. Through our sanctification, we have the benefit of the Holy Spirit operating in our lives. So, the same goes for the unbelieving spouse, God will work through him by His Spirit because you have been given the Spirit.

The two in a marriage are considered one - one flesh.

Mark 10:8-9 JJV
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

An unbeliever is not sanctified, and does not have the Holy Spirit. A believer is sanctified and has the Holy Spirit. So, an unbeliever who would otherwise not have the Holy Spirit, is sanctified or set apart because of the believing spouse, and can be led by the Holy Spirit. Your blessings are his blessings. The Spirit will work in his life to lead him in the right path.

CerebralCherub said:

Further, Paul writes in verse 16 that an unbeliever might be saved through the witness of a Christian spouse. That, in and of itself, proves that simply being married to a believer does not automatically bring eternal salvation to a non-Christian.

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This part mentioned in your post references verse 16.

1 Corinthians 7:16 KJV
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

As you can see, this verse is not saying an unbeliever might be saved through the witness of the believing wife.

There is no working for salvation. We are saved by faith.

What Apostle Paul is saying, is no one knows. Only God knows. We don’t know what circumstances will arrive in the future. However, having a heart of love for an unbelieving spouse who also wants to remain with you, that unbeliever stands the chance of being saved, mainly because of the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit recognizes the unbeliever has been sanctified by God through you; so the work that the Spirit does on you, is done on the unbelieving spouse also - to bring him to salvation.

CerebralCherub said:

The problem is my husband and grown child like the size of the church because it offers some anonymity and some comfort in not believing without pressure. They want to come to God in their own time and the amount of people offers a comfort blanket for them.

So, I have prayed about it. I am a believer. They are not. Does it matter how I feel if the church may benefit them?

I can't tell if God wants me to stay for their benefit or leave for all of our benefit or would it just be for mine? They say they like it there but they don't know the difference between this church, versus others, and are still learning about things.

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Disclaimer: Opinion ahead.

We aren't the bride of a particular Church, we are the bride of Christ as a whole. Going to Church has a few reasons, 1) to worship God, 2) to serve and love others, 3) to fellowship with people that are like-minded and by this be sharpened in God's Word and built up by His Spirit in brothers and sisters.

I don't see committing to a Church per say, but to Christ. You can't know if you are missing the best experience you've had unless you go have those experiences, and this isn't trying drugs out or bar hopping we are talking about... it's simply Churches to meet people and experience what God may do there. It doesn't seem to me it can be harmful to know a few more brothers and sisters.

I don't think an unbeliever can know what is good for them (no presumption on them), as it is hard to hear our Heavenly Father if one isn't interested in hearing from Him. Those of us who know His voice know that it is a still, small, quiet, and very gentle voice that will not force itself on someone, but is evident only to those with their attention whole-heartedly on Him. It seems as though giving them what they want is leaving them in the stagnant zone, and while forcing anyone is not God's way, if they are willing another environment that showed them a more interpersonal and loving experience may open their hearts to God's love and goodness.

Lastly, I don't think it has to be a you or them kind of thing, at least not in the proposal in conversation. Relationships, and primarily marriages, are about compromising if there are differences between the two people and love is present between them. A husband does not always want to go shopping for dresses or curtains or handbags, but will if he loves her and it brings her joy to do that with him. A wife may not want to go to a car show or other event she finds uninteresting, but if she loves him she will happily go with him due to the love that lives in her heart for him.

Obviously, this is not something anyone from the outside can fully explore or resolve, but maybe more communication, the sharing of what's in the heart genuinely and gently, a few visits if the communication goes well to other Churches, and see where it all goes from there. Switching Churches for a week doesn't mean one is bound to stay there for life, and while I don't believe in Church hopping, I do believe there is a place where a person belongs, and people make that place, not the building, or itinerary, or the programs, or music.

It is a rock and a hard place for sure. I'm praying for you.