I want to know what to do while I wait for God to deliver my husband from pornography and possibly cheating? How do I wait on GOD? I noticed something that my husband does, and I know he looks at naked or inappropriate women's profiles on Facebook. He does have a history of pornography and I literally caught him in the bed going through x rated sites while he thought I was sleeping years ago. He denied the whole thing as if I wasn't sitting next to him. Recently I realized that he has been looking up women on Facebook and masturbating from those. I found a few profiles and questioned him about it, but he denied everything. He said he wasn't the one looking them up. He knows I don't use Facebook so I wouldn't know for sure. But it was him, we have a joint Facebook account and that's how I saw it. Now he just goes in and deletes the history every time he looks into it. And he thinks I don't know he's doing it but I do obviously. I've confronted him, but he denies everything. What's sad is that I want to believe his denial but I know he's doing it. I have been recently praying regarding this matter. I believe GOD can heal and fix the situation. But while I wait for Him to renew my husband's mind and heart what do I do. I am broken, I feel unloved and unwanted. I don't trust anything he says. Because I know him to be a liar. My husband is not a Christian but he is very well versed in Christian practices and the Bible. Honestly I believe he uses the fact that I don't believe in divorce against me. I also think he honestly just doesn't care about me. He never did. He feels bc I am a stay home parent and he pays all our bills that means he is showing me love. But I don't believe if he can do this constantly, that he loves me at all. I can't trust him. I check Facebook several times a day he thinks he's covering his tracks but he isn't. If he goes to the bathroom at home and is in there a long time I think he's doing it. In my defense, that is where I caught him once. I can't live like this. I love him and outside of this overall he is a good man. I believe GOD told me not to leave him. So I need help from those that stayed in their marriage waiting for God to change their spouses. Men or women, I need help, what did you do to get through the waiting period for your spouses salvation? And then even after they came to Christ some people still struggle. Deliverance is a process that doesn't happen overnight. Any advice as long as it is Christian based is welcome.
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Married while waiting for God to deliver your spouse from cheating/ porn
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Reluctant Theologian
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Sounds like he has an addiction - familiar pattern and it may require a familiar solution.
If you're absolutely sure this is on ongoing situation simply confront him and insist he seeks treatment for this and fix it (plenty of sources/places where he can get help/treatment). If he's not willing to do so you can decide to live separately without getting a divorce. You do have to protect your own sanity and (physical) health. Make sure you don't do this as some kind of manipulation tactic - but be honest your current situation cannot be sustained.
Never use access to children as a negotiating/bargaining tool. Don't bad-mouth him to your children or anyone else.
Maybe a starting point: Home -Sexual Addiction Therapy - Heart to Heart Counseling Center
If you're absolutely sure this is on ongoing situation simply confront him and insist he seeks treatment for this and fix it (plenty of sources/places where he can get help/treatment). If he's not willing to do so you can decide to live separately without getting a divorce. You do have to protect your own sanity and (physical) health. Make sure you don't do this as some kind of manipulation tactic - but be honest your current situation cannot be sustained.
Never use access to children as a negotiating/bargaining tool. Don't bad-mouth him to your children or anyone else.
Maybe a starting point: Home -Sexual Addiction Therapy - Heart to Heart Counseling Center
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Richard T
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Christianity Today › 2024 › 09 › pornography-use-christians-study-barna-research-pure-desire-ministries
Porn/lusts are a major issue among Christians. This does not justify it but ceetainly you are not alone. Seems your husbands biggest problem is not being saved. Getting him to God, is more about your attitude and behavior, rather than preaching the word. His path is on himself, not you but prayer and example from you really can make a difference. To me the bible seems to only indicate divorcw if he commits adultery or walks away from you. So what can you do now? First, I would suggest seeing yourself as whole and beautiful in Christ. Your self image is from God, not external things. So shore that up so you do not have to feel inadequate. Secondly, its good to have a talk with him. Id consider not judging but of course share your concerns. Counseling too could be helpful. Id suggest being supportive of him. Consider how to encourage him in spite if his issues. Negatives and any talk about splitting up will likely just push him that way. So your going to have to find grace and peace in God. I think there arw some good Christian books on this subject that include or are directed towards spouses. This post might seem like bad news but God knows your situation and he does have a plan. May He grant you wisdom and the fruit of the spirit to help your husband find Jesus and become a man of God. God bless you.
Porn/lusts are a major issue among Christians. This does not justify it but ceetainly you are not alone. Seems your husbands biggest problem is not being saved. Getting him to God, is more about your attitude and behavior, rather than preaching the word. His path is on himself, not you but prayer and example from you really can make a difference. To me the bible seems to only indicate divorcw if he commits adultery or walks away from you. So what can you do now? First, I would suggest seeing yourself as whole and beautiful in Christ. Your self image is from God, not external things. So shore that up so you do not have to feel inadequate. Secondly, its good to have a talk with him. Id consider not judging but of course share your concerns. Counseling too could be helpful. Id suggest being supportive of him. Consider how to encourage him in spite if his issues. Negatives and any talk about splitting up will likely just push him that way. So your going to have to find grace and peace in God. I think there arw some good Christian books on this subject that include or are directed towards spouses. This post might seem like bad news but God knows your situation and he does have a plan. May He grant you wisdom and the fruit of the spirit to help your husband find Jesus and become a man of God. God bless you.
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I actually have sent him articles regarding this problem, but bc he denies everything he can't get help. He claims he doesn't have a problem bc he doesn't watch porn or look at women on Facebook or any other sites. I have told him this behavior is selfish and if he loved me more than himself he wouldn't do things to hurt me. I say this bc I now believe he does not care about the marriage or our family. He may love our kids, but he doesn't care enough to get help or stop. Which essentially would destroy our two parent household. If he would admit it, then getting help would be the next step. I am all for that bc I do understand that there is a spiritual battle here, but he isn't even willing to fight for our family, our marriage, for me nor for him. He doesn't seem to care if I leave. I even gave him a scenario of what is happening in our family using another couple as an example and he said the woman should leave. He knew what I was referring to regarding us, but he said the woman should leave. He of course also insisted that he wouldn't do anything like that and that's there situation not ours. Smh. It's almost sad, if I didn't know he behavior was intentional.
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I actually have sent him articles regarding this problem, but bc he denies everything he can't get help. He claims he doesn't have a problem bc he doesn't watch porn or look at women on Facebook or any other sites. I have told him this behavior is selfish and if he loved me more than himself he wouldn't do things to hurt me. I say this bc I now believe he does not care about the marriage or our family. He may love our kids, but he doesn't care enough to get help or stop. Which essentially would destroy our two parent household. If he would admit it, then getting help would be the next step. I am all for that bc I do understand that there is a spiritual battle here, but he isn't even willing to fight for our family, our marriage, for me nor for him. He doesn't seem to care if I leave. I even gave him a scenario of what is happening in our family using another couple as an example and he said the woman should leave. He knew what I was referring to regarding us, but he said the woman should leave. He of course also insisted that he wouldn't do anything like that and that's there situation not ours. Smh. It's almost sad, if I didn't know he behavior was intentional.
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Reluctant Theologian
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What does your church/pastor advise you to do? Have you sought help for you both as a couple there? If he denies everything and refuses to do anything, there are either two options:
- it's all in your head as an illusion
- he lies or has a blind spot for his own failings (quite common for addictions)
In both cases the decision is yours whether you want/can endure such an ongoing situation for the sake of remaining to live under the same roof, or choose to live separately and share custody/care of your kids but shield yourself in some way from his behaviour. Both not very ideal, but you would have to chose the lesser of two evils.
Of course still ask external help, keep praying for him. Try to figure out what changed in your marriage/him, or has it always been like that? What could have been fuelling this pattern gradually? (both by his or your situation). Wish you well in all of that.
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My husband is not a Christian
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Both Christian and non-Christians can fall into self-stimulation addictions of all sorts. Prayer is always beneficial. However, you might want to be aware that it is not so much a rejection of you as it is an indulgence of self. If he ever gets to the point where he can see his actions are not as satisfying as they were and starts to become open to considering that his path is only a hungers that is never satisfied, he may consider trying to find satisfaction in truth. With Christianity he has the possibility to transcend the compulsive power of the flesh and find the freedom of truth that can be found in Christ.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Both Christian and non-Christians can fall into self-stimulation addictions of all sorts. Prayer is always beneficial. However, you might want to be aware that it is not so much a rejection of you as it is an indulgence of self. If he ever gets to the point where he can see his actions are not as satisfying as they were and starts to become open to considering that his path is only a hungers that is never satisfied, he may consider trying to find satisfaction in truth. With Christianity he has the possibility to transcend the compulsive power of the flesh and find the freedom of truth that can be found in Christ.
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