Hi Everyone,
I’m coming here because I need some advice. My marriage is in a tough place right now, and I’m scared it’s heading toward divorce. My wife and I have been seeing a counselor (not a Christian counselor), but we’re still so divided on many things.
One of the biggest issues is about having children. When we got married, we both wanted kids, but recently my wife told me she’s not sure she wants them anymore. That was painful for me to hear, but I’m trying to be understanding and compromise.
Another problem is communication. My wife often says that I don’t ask her about her feelings or open up enough. I was raised in a home where we didn’t talk about feelings, while her family has always been very open and emotional. I try hard to communicate better, but it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.
I’ve recently started doing weekly check-ins with my wife where I ask her about how she’s feeling, how things are going with intimacy, and what I can do better. This has helped her feel more heard because I know I’ve struggled with communicating well, especially since I’ve also dealt with a porn addiction for most of my life.
Right now, I’m using Covenant Eyes and really trying to live in the light and stay accountable. But I haven’t been perfect. I messed up recently when Facebook reels showed me some explicit content, and I intentionally watched it, and she found it in my history. She felt completely betrayed, and I understand why. I’ve since deleted Facebook from my phone because that’s always been a weak spot for me. Facebook on my browser has accountability software, so I can browse safely. I made sure to tell her that I know I messed up and that I want to keep healing and fighting for purity.
But when we argue, she brings up all my past mistakes, the porn, my struggles with communication, or that I want someone who’s more intimate but less emotional. It really hurts because it feels like no matter how hard I try now, I’m still just the sum of my past failures in her eyes. I feel like the work I’m doing now doesn’t even get seen sometimes.
I want so badly for things to get better, and I’m trying to take real steps. I just wish she could see that I’m not the same person I was back then.
Recently, we got into a huge argument about politics. She said I don’t care as much as she does, and she wants a partner who shares her level of interest. I tried to explain that while I know it’s important, I just don’t feel as strongly as she does, and I wish that could be respected. But she this as not caring about what matters to her.
Finances are also a point of stress. We have a budget, and I try to explain where we are financially, but sometimes these conversations turn tense. She’s very unhappy in her job and vents about it daily, which adds more strain, and I feel the constant need to try and help her be happy.
Intimacy is another struggle. She’s unhappy with her appearance, so when I don’t initiate sex (and I'm scared too because of her unhappiness), she feels like it confirms her fears of being unattractive.
Another big source of pain for me is faith. In all this I have not been perfect either. I get angry easily because of all these things I feel like I'm juggling, I’ve said hurtful things and cursed when I shouldn’t have. I know that’s not how God wants me to behave, and I pray daily that He changes me.
I’ve asked my wife if we can talk to a pastor for help, but she doesn’t want the church involved. I feel so stuck because when I do try to communicate, it often feels like the blame is turned back on me. She says I should talk more about my feelings, but it’s exhausting for me because I’m already carrying so much at home, I do most of the cooking, cleaning, and caring for our dogs.
Lately, she brings up divorce a lot. She says she feels bad for me, like maybe I’d be happier without her. But I don’t want to give up. I’m scared, and I feel like I can’t talk to my church leadership because she doesn’t want them involved.
I feel alone and I really don’t know what to do to save this marriage. If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
I’m coming here because I need some advice. My marriage is in a tough place right now, and I’m scared it’s heading toward divorce. My wife and I have been seeing a counselor (not a Christian counselor), but we’re still so divided on many things.
One of the biggest issues is about having children. When we got married, we both wanted kids, but recently my wife told me she’s not sure she wants them anymore. That was painful for me to hear, but I’m trying to be understanding and compromise.
Another problem is communication. My wife often says that I don’t ask her about her feelings or open up enough. I was raised in a home where we didn’t talk about feelings, while her family has always been very open and emotional. I try hard to communicate better, but it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.
I’ve recently started doing weekly check-ins with my wife where I ask her about how she’s feeling, how things are going with intimacy, and what I can do better. This has helped her feel more heard because I know I’ve struggled with communicating well, especially since I’ve also dealt with a porn addiction for most of my life.
Right now, I’m using Covenant Eyes and really trying to live in the light and stay accountable. But I haven’t been perfect. I messed up recently when Facebook reels showed me some explicit content, and I intentionally watched it, and she found it in my history. She felt completely betrayed, and I understand why. I’ve since deleted Facebook from my phone because that’s always been a weak spot for me. Facebook on my browser has accountability software, so I can browse safely. I made sure to tell her that I know I messed up and that I want to keep healing and fighting for purity.
But when we argue, she brings up all my past mistakes, the porn, my struggles with communication, or that I want someone who’s more intimate but less emotional. It really hurts because it feels like no matter how hard I try now, I’m still just the sum of my past failures in her eyes. I feel like the work I’m doing now doesn’t even get seen sometimes.
I want so badly for things to get better, and I’m trying to take real steps. I just wish she could see that I’m not the same person I was back then.
Recently, we got into a huge argument about politics. She said I don’t care as much as she does, and she wants a partner who shares her level of interest. I tried to explain that while I know it’s important, I just don’t feel as strongly as she does, and I wish that could be respected. But she this as not caring about what matters to her.
Finances are also a point of stress. We have a budget, and I try to explain where we are financially, but sometimes these conversations turn tense. She’s very unhappy in her job and vents about it daily, which adds more strain, and I feel the constant need to try and help her be happy.
Intimacy is another struggle. She’s unhappy with her appearance, so when I don’t initiate sex (and I'm scared too because of her unhappiness), she feels like it confirms her fears of being unattractive.
Another big source of pain for me is faith. In all this I have not been perfect either. I get angry easily because of all these things I feel like I'm juggling, I’ve said hurtful things and cursed when I shouldn’t have. I know that’s not how God wants me to behave, and I pray daily that He changes me.
I’ve asked my wife if we can talk to a pastor for help, but she doesn’t want the church involved. I feel so stuck because when I do try to communicate, it often feels like the blame is turned back on me. She says I should talk more about my feelings, but it’s exhausting for me because I’m already carrying so much at home, I do most of the cooking, cleaning, and caring for our dogs.
Lately, she brings up divorce a lot. She says she feels bad for me, like maybe I’d be happier without her. But I don’t want to give up. I’m scared, and I feel like I can’t talk to my church leadership because she doesn’t want them involved.
I feel alone and I really don’t know what to do to save this marriage. If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
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