Dorothieyas Testimony

Going up i've always heard voices. In Kindergarten my doctor didnt wanna diagnose me with schizophrenia because i was too young but that was what it was. Sometimes, they would tell me things that would happen in the future in my life and it would turn out to be true. I hear a lot of negativity and gossip and they seem like real people majority of the time which makes it hard for me to distinguish that they arent real because sometimes the things they would say would line up with what the actual person says. Well, when I was 6 years old I was molested by one of my friends cousin and eventually became her brother, another cousin, each of their groups of friends and their uncle and his friends. I wasn't the only friend that was molested by her family and their friends. They would give us candy into manipulating us to having sex with them. They would penetrate me and they would make me scream into a pillow and would beat me with a belt if i didnt do as they said.They would also put meth up my butt and make me smoke it and it suck it off their penis. Her cousins and her brother would have sums with me and would invite their friends over to have sex with me and would beat me with their fists if i did something wrong. This went on till I was 11 or so.. I never told my parents until a few days ago. Im 27 now. When that ended I went into prostitution because i was hanging out with one of the girls that had been molested and she was prostituting and she told me if i wanted to be popular then i should prostitute. We were 12 or 13 and i said no, but later on when i turned 16 i decided to do it by posting on craigslists casual encounters. I meet one of her uncles friends on craigslist that molested me and didnt recognize him and had sex with him and he still treated me the same.He hit me and would make me have sex with him. He also for the first time , made me give him anal with my tongue. He was in his late 20s and knew i was underage. Although most of the guys i had sex with from craigslist didnt know that i was underage.. .

Eventually i stopped seeing him because he was starting to be a danger to my life. Then someone in school saw my post on craigslist and i had naked pictures on there and it was a rumor. It wasnt too bad i didnt get hell from it. Eventually i stopped prostituting and started using meth. Throughout my prostitution i was raped alot but never done anything about it. Ive never done anything about any of the things that has happened to me. I started meth at 18 and hadnt been able to stop it till a year ago. I was raped by one of my exes and was humilated by him which lead me to commit suicide. I was in the hospital for 1 week in a coma. Since then i hadnt been depressed and became serious about getting off meth. Thats all for now. Some things i do not remember that happened to me because ive suppressed them, but theyre coming back slowly...

Also, I had a different friend, i would stay the night and her brother and his friend would molest me to along with the friend. Sometimes they would tie us to the bed but they werent as cruel as the other group. Her brother believed in God and his friend did not. I feel like his friend not believing in God really affected me spiritually. I'm posting as i remember these sexual acts.

linux.poet said:

AMBASSADOR HAT​

@Songs_Of_Solomon Welcome to CF, Dorothieya.

I am really, really sorry that this has happened to you. No human being should have to go through what you've experienced. I understand that you need time and space to remember your story about how you came to know the Lord, and I really appreciate that the you're sharing your story with us.

I would appreciate it if you would move a little bit forward in the story though. Everyone who has read this story so far understands that you were in a bad place, where drugs and sex were commonplace. I understand that you may need to write the details of the sexual acts for yourself as part of your recovery, and I encourage you to do so. But we don't need to know all the details of them, okay?

We want to understand how Jesus came into your life and you came to accept the Gospel. Do you think you could tell that part of the story for us?

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Yes i could. I will in the morning if you dont mind. I was doing it bit by bit

linux.poet said:

I don't mind at all. Take all the time you need. When we go through hard things, sometimes it comes out in pieces.

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Okay thanks!

Also, I had a sister that molested me to. It was very confusing to me because i wasnt sure if i should like girls or not. I believed in God then, but I would have trouble sometimes as a kid with having my own mind and when other kids would have doubts about God i would go with it also, then i eventually learned better. Then i started to have my own doubts when I was 13 maybe, saying if God loved me then why would he have me endure these sexual acts and have my innocence taken away from me.I was really upset and was very envious of other girls. I was envious because I would get emotionally attached to these people and would think how could you have sex with me and then go off and show you love someone else other than me. I didnt understand at the time and I was picked on for it. Then a few of my other family members started to touch me so then i just gave up and completely said I don't believe in God because i had been praying for it to stop and it had not happen yet. I would think "So, God, you're just going to let them do what they want to me and have me endure it till its over" because my parents werent the type to go to the police and i didnt tell them anything because i either didnt wanna get in trouble or I didnt wanna stop hanging out with that friend. Also, at home my dad was very abusive to my mom. He'd been abusing my mom since i was born and i could remember as a child ,police being at the house all the time and could remember seeing my mom being beat on by him and being raped by him. They were always arguing and fighting and i felt like it was my fault. If i didnt have these secrets that I was holding back from them then they wouldnt be arguing so much. I think they knew something was going on with me but I would lie and say I was fine and would try to go on and be a regular kid. In elementary i started to act out these sexual acts with other girls which i called my girlfriends. I didn't want a boyfriend because I was afraid they were going to hurt me emotionally and i remember the pain that i would feel when those guys would penetrate me. I was a lesbian for a while and God delievered me from that which I thought because when i did meth for the first time, I had sex with a woman. That was when i was 18.

Songs_Of_Solomon said:

Going up i've always heard voices. In Kindergarten my doctor didnt wanna diagnose me with schizophrenia because i was too young but that was what it was. Sometimes, they would tell me things that would happen in the future in my life and it would turn out to be true. I hear a lot of negativity and gossip and they seem like real people majority of the time which makes it hard for me to distinguish that they arent real because sometimes the things they would say would line up with what the actual person says. Well, when I was 6 years old I was molested by one of my friends cousin and eventually became her brother, another cousin, each of their groups of friends and their uncle and his friends. I wasn't the only friend that was molested by her family and their friends. They would give us candy into manipulating us to having sex with them. They would penetrate me and they would make me scream into a pillow and would beat me with a belt if i didnt do as they said.They would also put meth up my butt and make me smoke it and it suck it off their penis. Her cousins and her brother would have sums with me and would invite their friends over to have sex with me and would beat me with their fists if i did something wrong. This went on till I was 11 or so.. I never told my parents until a few days ago. Im 27 now. When that ended I went into prostitution because i was hanging out with one of the girls that had been molested and she was prostituting and she told me if i wanted to be popular then i should prostitute. We were 12 or 13 and i said no, but later on when i turned 16 i decided to do it by posting on craigslists casual encounters. I meet one of her uncles friends on craigslist that molested me and didnt recognize him and had sex with him and he still treated me the same.He hit me and would make me have sex with him. He also for the first time , made me give him anal with my tongue. He was in his late 20s and knew i was underage. Although most of the guys i had sex with from craigslist didnt know that i was underage.. .

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Sorry if this testimonies all over the place. Its the first time i'm writing about it. But at this time I was also being molested by women to. The men would have their girlfriends come into the bedroom and have 3 sums with me. There were guys my age involved to and they would rape me also and would use a metal rod and a tire iron to penetrate me with. I knew God was there but I also knew that things didnt happen when you wanted them to. I wanted out of this situation because I believed nobodies ever gonna love me while this is happening to me.

So, I hear voices (schizophrenic) and I can hear the people who has done this to me. I have forgiven them and believe that i have healed from it, but the voices i hear tell me that they still wanna meet up and have sex. Sometimes i fall into sin and say yes, but really i dont wanna do it. There's a side of me that wants to do it because I want to be that girl that they love. I just wanna be loved. Why? After all that they've done to me! God has told me to forgive them and i've done that, but am i insane for wanting to be in a relationship with these men? Seeking love from them? Is that crazy? Wanting to be their friends? Anyway, i hear their voices and they've seemed to be nice to me, the majority of them, but there's 2 that i still seem to have a problem with. One teeter totters from being okay to angry in a split second and the other one just seems to have never moved on from something that happened in that situation. I still see these people out in the world, i still see my sister like everyday and all has been forgiven. But when i was 22 or maybe 23 I was raped by one of my boyfriends. He took me out in the middle of a highway, pitch black outside, i didnt know where i was even though i was born and raised in this town and made me get into the back of the car and raped me. He was very emotionally abusive and it was tiring. I was cutting myself again and had alot of negative talk going through my head. Eventually I felt really low and REALLY bad and i took a whole bottle of tylenol to try to kill myself. I started to feel nothing and i was happy for it, but i knew I was dying because i felt my heart fluttering, i stayed for a little while then