This is NOT helping someone overcome fear!

LovebirdsFlying said:

So, exposure therapy to overcome fears.

I've had an awful lot of possibly well-meaning people in my lifetime, some of them Christian, try to "help" me get over being afraid of something in one of these following ways. I'm presenting this as creative writing, but these events HAVE happened in real life, either to me personally, or to someone else in the same predicament who told me about it. In some cases, our uncredentialed and self-proclaimed "therapists" weren't trying to help at all. They were setting us up for their own amusement. If asked, "trying to help her get over it," or "trying to show her she's making a big deal over nothing," is the motivation they would claim. But nah, in reality, they just wanted a chance to laugh at us.

I am currently enrolled in a program of study on medical assisting, with an emphasis on mental health. Right now I am studying anxiety and phobias, which is what put the topic in my mind for this thread. Obviously I cannot transcribe the textbook here directly, since it is under copyright, but I'll summarize and paraphrase. What has to happen in exposure therapy, according to the textbook, is this:

• Structured and consistent exposure-based exercises.
• The presence of a trained professional to help the patient deal with, and work through, any panic attacks as they occur.
• A planned, carefully controlled, gradual pace. Too much too soon can cause the patient to flee, ultimately strengthening the phobia.
• The full knowledge and consent of the patient, which can be revoked at any time.

(By the way, even trained professionals don't practice on their own family members; it's unethical.)

Do you think you're helping someone "get over" some "ridiculous" fear they have by doing any of this? Note, all names here are fictional. Most examples will be female, since most people being treated for anxiety and phobia are female.

1.) Springing it on them when they're not expecting it.
George knows his wife, Margaret, is terrified of snakes. She can barely look at a photo of one, and she has to close her eyes or look away when they turn up in movies or TV shows. Having captured a harmless variety, George sneaks up on Margaret, conveniently positions himself in the doorway to impede her escape, and says her name to get her attention. When she looks up, he suddenly yells, "Boo!" and waves the writhing snake in her face. The more Margaret screams, hyperventilates, and tries to get as far away from George and the snake as possible, the funnier George thinks it is. (The snake itself is most assuredly not enjoying a bit of this, and is just as terrified as Margaret is.) When George soon discovers that Margaret has wet her pants, he laughs even harder and loudly taunts her that he's going to tell everybody they know.

2.) Immersing them in it way past their comfort zone.
Teenage Sharon is prone to anxiety. She enjoys swimming in water she knows about, where she can see the bottom. It's not water she's afraid of. It's what might live in it. On a hot summer day in the Deep South of the US, her family decides to cool down at a somewhat murky lake Sharon is unfamiliar with. In that part of the country, alligators and cottonmouths are a very real possibility, so Sharon is hesitant. When she won't jump right in, her parents and siblings gang up on her, overpower her, and physically drag her into the lake until she's chest deep. All the while, over her screams and pleas and protests, they keep telling her how ridiculous she's acting. As soon as they let go of her, she bolts. As she sits on the lakeshore crying, her family "gives up on her" and ignores her. Seeing that nothing bad is happening to any of them, Sharon gradually concludes that the lake is probably safe, and she eventually gets in of her own accord. (Please note that this probably would have happened anyway, without her being forcibly dragged in earlier.) Her family, who had ignored her crying, has a lot to say now. "See? We told you it was OK. You were just being a big baby. You always have to make such a fuss over nothing."

3.) Tricking, trapping, or lying to them.
Knowing Conrad is afraid of heights, his girlfriend Jane suggests they get on a glass elevator together and ride it up one floor at a time, building up his confidence. Next time they'll take it up one floor higher, etc. Conrad is nervous, but he agrees. As soon as the elevator door closes, Jane deliberately pushes the button for the 29th floor, the highest in the building, and positions herself in front of the control panel. There's nothing Conrad can do. He can't stop the elevator, not without physically putting hands on Jane, and he knows what kind of story she'd spin if he does that. Besides, he's so panicked, he didn't even think of it. He adheres himself to front wall of the elevator, as far away from the glass part as he can get, and squeezes his eyes shut. His heart pounds. He trembles and breathes heavily until the doors open and he can get out. Then he immediately runs for the stairwell and walks back down 29 flights of stairs, because he is NOT getting back on that thing. Jane is puzzled when Conrad remains angry, and in fact, doesn't ever want to see her again. "If I had told you from the start I was taking you to the top floor, you'd have said no. I only did it to prove a point, and I was right. The elevator didn't hurt you. Nothing bad happened. You're still here. Why are you so mad at me? It was for your own good!"

4.) Faking a worse threat as soon as they show signs of fright.
Like Conrad, Melissa is afraid of heights. Bridges in particular tend to frighten her, especially if they are very long, very high, or appear rickety. Her cousin Bob knows this. During a family reunion in Bob's hometown, where Melissa is visiting, Bob suggests that several of them get in his car and drive into town to some fun place he knows. They do. Bob deliberately chooses a route that involves a bridge. It's a long, narrow double decker, one lane in each direction, and they'll be crossing the top deck. Being a fairly remote small town without much traffic will only work to Bob's advantage, since there likely won't be other drivers on the bridge for Bob to alarm when he pulls his planned stunt. Melissa, in the middle of the back seat between two other relatives, feels panic as she gradually realizes they are going to be crossing that bridge. Once on it, seeing her distress, Bob starts deliberately swerving his car as if he has lost control and is about to drive over the railing. For added effect, he screams as he does so. "OH, NO!!!!! We're all going to die!!!!!!" The other relatives, having been told in advance he was going to do this, all laugh. Everyone is amused at Melissa's expense, except Melissa.

Note that all of these examples involve taking the power of choice away from the person with the phobia, being sneaky and dishonest, and/or holding them up to ridicule. There is no empathy or any act of love here. Also, now is not the time to Bible-shame them with isolated Scriptures out of context, such as "fear thou not," and "be anxious for nothing."

Let's get one thing perfectly straight. If you're doing any of these things to any person under any circumstances, then what you're subjecting that person to is not exposure therapy.

What you're subjecting that person to is horrible, vicious, cruel psychological abuse.

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LovebirdsFlying said:

Seeing that nothing bad is happening to any of them,

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