Wife getting massages

Chas Douglass said:

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

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Ever had a massage yourself? It might be a good idea. You might even go to the same spa. Just don’t go in with an axe to grind.

Chas Douglass said:

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

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I think your reaction is 100% natural, moral and logical. A husband would have to be nuts to be OK with this. If she is getting a legit message why aren't there glass walls? What are they hiding? It would also hugely protect the woman in case his hands start to roam.
As someone else mentioned, learn how to give good massage. It's not so difficult if you apply yourself. I think in many ways it can be more important than sex because you can do it most anywhere, anytime. She will need your hands. That's good. Learn how to use your elbows and knees as well as they're much more powerful than your hands and won't get tired like your hands do.
I had a girlfriend long ago who gave good massages and it was just heaven as I have an old back injury. But it was a lot of work for her as I have strong back muscles. So we figured out something much better and much easier involving almost no work for her at all. She sat on a chair or couch that was heavy, that wouldn't slip back. If you're in a light chair place it against a wall. The person getting the massage (massagee?) sits in front, shirtless. This is for back massage obviously. The heels of the masseuse are placed on the back of the massagee who pushes back and forth moving the heels up and down their back. Tremendous pressure can be applied this way and everything is controlled by the person getting the massage. The masseuse's legs remain straight so they really don't do any work at all. I suppose one could devise something to replicate this and move back and forwards moving pressure points up and down your back. But I think it feels better having skin to skin contact. It's soothing in a way an inanimate object can't replicate.

Another back massage tactic using your hands is to have the head a little lower so gravity is working with you as you try to stretch out the spine a bit as your hands are moving down the spine towards the tailbone. One could use a massage table and elevate one end I suppose but it would need to be at quite an angle. I think I rigged up something at about 30 degrees that worked well.

Another is to put a chair on each side of the massagee lying on the floor or pad and walk on their back. The chairs enable you to control how much wait is being applied. Be careful with this if you're heavy. Make sure the chairs are sturdy and stable so you can easily control exactly the amount of weight being applied.

Another is with the massagee in the same position on the floor or pad and walking on the back of their legs WITH THEIR LOWER LEGS UP. This is crucial otherwise you could crush their knees into the floor. Raising the lower legs prevents this from happening. It's rarely done but feels fantastic. Doing the same with the front of the legs doesn't seem to work at all. And you can't massage the calf muscles this way, it has to be done with the hands or elbows.

Another is learning how to massage the neck. So much starts at the top of the spine. This is where the massagee sits in a chair and the masseuse leans into the neck area with hands or an elbow.

Also the scalp. Ever notice how relaxing it is getting your hair cut as they are tugging a little on your hair as they cut it? Scalp massage relaxes like few things do in this world. Perfect skill for a spouse. Perfect antidote to an arguement with seemingly no end.

linux.poet said:

I think the only thing I have to say is that I would be uncomfortable getting a massage from anyone that was not my husband (woman speaking here). Perhaps that is a function of my own insecurities. Dude, your wife has steel nerves!

I went for a facial once, and while that was an informative process that I do not completely regret, I did find the aesthetician's hands on my face and shoulders to be more erotic than I signed up for, as well as the fact that I needed to remove my shirt. And yes, this was a female aesthetician, and yes, my body from shoulders down was covered by a blanket.

Needless to say, I only did that one time, and am not really eager to do it again. If I had to appear on a TV camera the next day, I would endure it again because it is the most thorough method of removing skin blemishes. But it would not be something I would enjoy.

Perhaps, for your wife, the massages are the same way. She does them to get relief from pain, and does not enjoy any of the other circumstantial things she has to deal with to get that pain relief.

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Your reply highlights how important it is for females, of any age, never to be shy about saying no to anything. To never let anyone railroad you into anything. It's OK to be uncomfortable. Actually it often tells us much as there are often things we notice subconsciously that warn us we may not see consciously. Listeing to women that have been sexually attacked often reveals that they had bad misgivings about the person or the situation they should have listened to beforehand. But they caved. Strength is standing up for your standards. Moral strength is far more important than physical strength in this world God has plopped us in!

I answered this some time ago shortly after the thread was introduced but I couldn’t find my post. I wouldn’t like any man (or woman) massaging me except my husband.

The thread is from 2024. I don’t think Chas is here anymore.

Too bad I missed it!

41 pages about spouse massages.

My wife used to go get massages once in a while... I'm not sure why she stopped. I never thought twice about it.

So, several thoughts on this (even though the OP doesn't appear to be on the forum anymore) - if it bothered me, I would be concerned that: (A) I didn't trust my wife, or (B) I was being insecure in some way. I'm not saying those are the only options, of course, but just my perspective.

I see nobody has learned a thing from John Redcorn and Nancy Gribble.

Michie said:

The thread is from 2024. I don’t think Chas is here anymore.

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he only ever made one post iirc.