Is it possible for a christian family to become obsessed about their families and how many children/grandchildren they have

People can be excessively interested in their lives and what they are doing to the point that they become somewhat insensitive to others. Up until 100 years ago large families were the norm. For people of today such a world can seem alien. It may be that your friend was no more obsessive about her family than someone else might be about a new house they bought.

I had an uncle who was somewhat prominent in government and business. He was born around 1920. He once observed somewhat condescendingly that his parents generation was so provincial that their best friends were their siblings and cousins. He saw himself more a sort of "citizen of the world". It was sad because he did not even know what he had lost. While professing to be a Christian, his entanglement with the world was so great that he saw his Christian life more in terms of not doing bad things more than becoming more like Christ.

It can be difficult for people who desire the more traditional way of living to navigate the world in order to do so. There is a free pdf booklet entitled "The Traditional Christian's Guide to the Family in Modern Times". that describes some the challenges.


It may not be that she is "shutting you out" as much as it is that school friends almost always drift apart. There also is a difference such as if your were Charismatic and she was not that would be a barrier to being able to exchange your life experiences. We live in a time where almost everyone is triggered by anything different. This can also create a barrier.

It's possible to have a large family, but still take an active interest in your friends and community. Your friend, however, isn't doing that. She's made her priorities pretty clear. If she wanted a give-and-take, mutually supportive friendship, she'd be acting very differently.

It sounds like the friendship has run its course. It must be very disappointing to be rejected when you were hoping she'd turn out to be a kindred spirit. Maybe it's time to just step back, wish her well, and concentrate on people who actively want to be part of your life. I hope the Lord will bring some other lovely Christian women into your life, to bless you and be blessed by you.

Hannah66 said:

It got me thinking, can we become too obsessed about our families?

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It's a way more common in Christianity than you imagine. Far too common idolatry in Christianity.

I know God has blest her with a big family but I would like to relate as a friend but she shuts me out
because I don't have chlldren but doesn't acknowledge the loss of my baby who I lost.

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She's snubbing you and that is wrong no matter the reason.

If there is one thing that is normal and good to be obsessed over, it's family, especially for a parent. I don't know the details but it's not uncommon for people whose lives went different paths to not be close anymore.

angelsaroundme said:

If there is one thing that is normal and good to be obsessed over, it's family, especially for a parent. I don't know the details but it's not uncommon for people whose lives went different paths to not be close anymore.

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One thing that is true is that it's normal but obsession is crossing over the idolatry territory so it's not good.

Control-obsessed governments and even private corporations wants people to have families because people with families are easy to intimidate, control, and manipulate because they'll do EVERYTHING to prevent harm to their family.

Sadly, I know many Christian families under an evil regime but afraid to speak the truth, even complicit to the evil of their government out of fear of anything happening to their families.

They even tell me, that I can be at the side of the truth because I'm single and no family of my own. Out of their own admittance, they say I have the opportunity to live the truth while they can't in order to protect their families. And these are Christians we're talking about! Somewhat backs up what Apostle Paul said about single people and married people.

Hannah66 said:

I was excited when I learnt a friend from school had become a christian in her 20's.

We are both now, in our fifties.

We ran into each other in the shopping centre about 17 years ago and I was anxious to hear about her faith
and testimony but all she seemed to want to focus on was her children and becoming preggnant again.
I know the scriptures talk about children and what a blessing they are.
My friend has 11 children and lost twins some years ago. She was devastated - naturally
but her whole focus and identity was wrapped up in being a mother.
I later learnt she was part of the 'quiverful movement'

She has 11 children and I think nearly close to 50 grandchildren.

Her FB posts are always about her family.

I love how she gives glory to God for them but I neverr see any other interaction with other families.

I lost a baby and felt that we had something in common but she never recognised the baby I lost

She has struggled with some depression, naturally over the loss of her twins

Her and her sisster were in a race to see how many children they could have
Her sister had 14 and she was sad, only 11 for her but 13 including the twins she has lost.

It got me thinking, can we become too obsessed about our families?

I know God has blest her with a big family but I would like to relate as a friend but she shuts me out
because I don't have chlldren but doesn't acknowledge the loss of my baby who I lost.

Just curious about your thoughts. on this

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I think it's entirely possible to be too self absorbed sometimes. I know sometimes I have to step back and make sure I'm thinking of others too.

A couple things with your friend, first she's too busy for friendship. It just is.

I've never known anyone in the US who had more than 6 children. One of my friends had 6, another had 5 and then I had the two. (I had medical problems so I had my tubes tied per my doctor's recommendation after my second.)

I had more time than any of them and I was the only one who worked and raised kids. Visiting was me seeing them, and giving them an adult to talk to.

People talk about what they know, and it seems your friend knows kids. She doesn't have anything else to talk about, and she's too busy with her own life to have any actual interest in yours.

Your friendship with her has no capacity to be reciprocal.

If I were you I'd see any friendship with her as a charity. Your just giving her an adult to talk to sometimes that she's not related to.

I can't say anything about your friend there, but that many children sounds just a touch cultish... I'd be a tiny bit wary of stuff like that. We aren't in a third world country and 5 or 6 kids is about what most highly family oriented women actually want.

I have never heard of a woman who actually wanted 10 kids... My son once said he wanted to marry Shakira and have 12 kids with her, but that was the raving of a teenage boy... Not a woman.

Hannah66 said:

I was excited when I learnt a friend from school had become a christian in her 20's.

We are both now, in our fifties.

We ran into each other in the shopping centre about 17 years ago and I was anxious to hear about her faith
and testimony but all she seemed to want to focus on was her children and becoming preggnant again.
I know the scriptures talk about children and what a blessing they are.
My friend has 11 children and lost twins some years ago. She was devastated - naturally
but her whole focus and identity was wrapped up in being a mother.
I later learnt she was part of the 'quiverful movement'

She has 11 children and I think nearly close to 50 grandchildren.

Her FB posts are always about her family.

I love how she gives glory to God for them but I neverr see any other interaction with other families.

I lost a baby and felt that we had something in common but she never recognised the baby I lost

She has struggled with some depression, naturally over the loss of her twins

Her and her sisster were in a race to see how many children they could have
Her sister had 14 and she was sad, only 11 for her but 13 including the twins she has lost.

It got me thinking, can we become too obsessed about our families?

I know God has blest her with a big family but I would like to relate as a friend but she shuts me out
because I don't have chlldren but doesn't acknowledge the loss of my baby who I lost.

Just curious about your thoughts. on this

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Psalm 17:13-15 KJV
Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword: [14] From men which are thy hand, O LORD, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes. [15] As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.

Matthew 10:37-39 KJV
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. [38] And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. [39] He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

John 12:24-25 KJV
Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. [25] He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.

1 Timothy 5:5-6 KJV
Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day. [6] But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.

Revelation 12:11 ASV
And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death.

Luke 16:19-25 KJV
There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day: [20] And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, [21] And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. [22] And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; [23] And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. [24] And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. [25] But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.

The blessings of God are not the things that are highly esteemed by men.

Hannah66 said:

I was excited when I learnt a friend from school had become a christian in her 20's.

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Amen. Hi, Hannah >

Hannah66 said:

We are both now, in our fifties.

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So, you've had over thirty years to live, since she became a Christian.

Hannah66 said:

We ran into each other in the shopping centre about 17 years ago and I was anxious to hear about her faith
and testimony but all she seemed to want to focus on was her children and becoming preggnant again.

Click to expand...

Well, it can be good to talk about what someone wants to talk about. Her testimony can include how she has children and how she is bringing them up, plus how she is learning to relate with her husband the way God's word says for us to relate with one another in Jesus.

You can listen and then draw her out to talk about these things. And then maybe bring in your ministerial perspective and ask her about her faith.

And, of course, faith is not only belief, but >

"faith working through love" (in Galatians 5:6)

So, Biblical faith has us growing in God's love and how He has us relating >

"without complaining and disputing" (in Philippians 2:14),

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20).

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."(Ephesians 4:32)

So, yes we have forgiving to do . . . how God forgives and in us has us forgiving kindly, humbly, generously, praying for someone to do better.

Hannah66 said:

I know the scriptures talk about children and what a blessing they are.
My friend has 11 children and lost twins some years ago.

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I understand that we need to be trusting God so death does not have great power over us to make us suffer.

Jesus died so He could destroy Satan who has had the power of "fear of death" >

"Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage." (Hebrews 2:14-15)

From this, I see we are wise to trust our lives to God, and do not fear however there will be deaths and losses in our lives.

With God's blessings do come tests and losses. And as Christians we will adopt more and more people to love dearly as family, and so we also adopt their trials and problems and even tragedies. So, then, we need to become strong and creative in God's love so we are ready to handle well their problems and how ones of them will die before we do. And minister this to others so we all grow strong in Jesus.

Hannah66 said:

She was devastated - naturally
but her whole focus and identity was wrapped up in being a mother.

Click to expand...

Yes, children can be what I call "love idols". And this can make a person deeply weak so the person can suffer much more when things happen to our love idols.

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you" (in Matthew 5:46)

We need to be all-loving in God's love so we are strong about the hard things of this life. This is part of why Paul says,

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." (Ephesians 6:10)

Be strong in how Jesus is in love, so that hard things can not have power over us.

But yes do mourn for ones who die.

Hannah66 said:

I later learnt she was part of the 'quiverful movement'

She has 11 children and I think nearly close to 50 grandchildren.

Her FB posts are always about her family.

I love how she gives glory to God for them but I neverr see any other interaction with other families.

Click to expand...

We need to care about others as ourselves. You can adopt other people's children, by loving them and caring for them in prayer, and supporting those who have children. We have "the Spirit of adoption", right? (Romans 8:15) Though we might not have children, we can be adoptive of others, loving others as our own family in Jesus. We adopt not only children, but all of our brothers and sisters in Jesus.

So, she has a problem, if she does not have tender care and compassion for you.

Be her example of how to love, so she can find out how to love.

Hannah66 said:

I lost a baby and felt that we had something in common but she never recognised the baby I lost

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Be her example. Trust God.for how He is able to succeed in her >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

And **do not let this isolate you**!! Share with your husband and pastoring couple and others worthy of your trust.

Hannah66 said:

She has struggled with some depression, naturally over the loss of her twins

Her and her sisster were in a race to see how many children they could have
Her sister had 14 and she was sad, only 11 for her but 13 including the twins she has lost.

Click to expand...

That could be a pride thing. And pride can help keep us deeply weak so we can suffer much more about loss of children, and suffer about how we see ourselves in comparison with others. So, that does sound like a problem.

If she could even ignore your child who died . . . I understand that with God we feel for and love others. So, forgive her, in prayer of compassion for her. And do not allow her failure to love to have bad power over you >

"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

There are church people who do not know how to love; and so they can be impossible, inventing horrible ways of seeing you and treating you . . . and suppose they are being smart!!

Be their example and have hope for them > love "hopes all thimgs" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

Hannah66 said:

It got me thinking, can we become too obsessed about our families?

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Yes. Above, I offered some things of God's word which could help us, about how to relate with our families.

Hannah66 said:

I know God has blest her with a big family but I would like to relate as a friend but she shuts me out
because I don't have chlldren but doesn't acknowledge the loss of my baby who I lost.

Click to expand...

"'And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in Heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25)

Hannah66 said:

Just curious about your thoughts. on this

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I need to do what you need to do. I could get very nasty and self-righteous against her. But we can get with God and discover how He has us loving, feeling for others, not allowing wrong and ruined people to have power to make us hurt and unforgiving and self-righteous.

"And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13)

With God, we can help impossible people.