Need prayers for God to provide me with better/genuine Christian friends

sdd13 · Feb 16, 2025

Hello everyone, Im going through the most isolating season of my life right now. I have to live alone due to complicated circumstances and also deal with chronic illness despite being in my mid 20s. I have never had the best experience with friends my entire life despite me being selfless and trying my best to be a good friend to others and taking joy in that. Usually people would use me or only give me the leftovers of their time and energy (no matter if they were Christian or not, so im pretty traumatized from that because when something happens over and over you really get weary even if you try your hardest to not be). Living alone has made it easier to notice how lonely I really am. I have tried to join things at church to meet friends and women's bible studies, but no deep friendships have been made despite me going out of my way to be approachable and make conversation with people. It stays surface level and they don't want to go deeper. I have a very unique upbringing that gave me cptsd and along with my chronic illness its hard to find people, let alone believers, who are willing to be friends with someone like me who basically lives like an 80 year old and can't do much because of my health. People rarely have the patience or understanding to put up with someone who deals with an illness at a young age. Most of the friends I grew up with grew distant from me and stopped talking to me because my illness made them uncomfortable or because I couldn't do as much, even though I rarely made anything about myself or my illness. I was always the one to give a little more and to put others before myself so that I didn't seem selfish. Right now the only people I talk to have been unavailable. Two of my close friends who are understanding of my illness have boyfriends and prioritize them over me (which is understandable and I don't ask to be first in anyone's life but they rarely carve out time for me, not even once a month), so I can't rely on them. Another one of my friends is single like I am but even though she doesn't have a lot going on is very selfish with her time and turns down my requests to meet up a lot, often cancelling last minute and she doesn't respect my time but is a good friend in other regards. I also had a small but close knit support system of Christian girls from my old church where we would meet regularly and pray for eachother and encourage eachother during tough times, but as soon as I started living alone God dried up that well too and it is hard to get ahold of them now. We communicate less and one of them blames me for not being positive enough (even though Im literally just sharing the facts that happened in my life, its not like im throwing a pity party or sulking). And the one person I considered my closest friend was the kindest and most patient with me and my illness but after we had a good hangout and after I thanked God for blessing me with someone like her something happened where she let her pride and ego get the best of her and is being very rude to me and not wanting to see me right now and im having to apologize even though I did nothing wrong. And that happened the day after I gave thanks to God for her, and God already knew I lost so many people. So sometimes I feel like God doesn't want me to have good friends I can trust even though I know He made us for community and that is something I desire. The friends I talked about are the people currently in my life and I do not feel 100% safe with them. Managing and even healing from cptsd and chronic illness is very dependent on your support system as well, and if my body is always in fight or flight because of how these people act or because of how i feel uneasy around them because of how theyve all shown me their true colors, then i cant manage my illnesses well. Its like everytime I make progress and think God is doing a breakthrough, it blows up in my face and im 10 steps behind again. I just need prayer for God to improve these relationships if its his will (its like the common theme is these people are generally good people and i have lots in common with them but there is one aspect of them they are unreasonably selfish on or only give me crumbs of their time). Im not asking for a lot or to be center of attention, i never have, but when these friends who ive known for ages only give me their leftovers it really hurts and makes me realize i cant truly rely on them in times of need or emergency. And in addition to improving these relationships, that he would bless me with new christian friends who understand how to balance their time and give and take in a friendship and be more concerned about showing God's love to their friends rather than being more concerned with their own wants.

Johan2222 · Feb 16, 2025

If you will forgive me, knowing how shallow and vain the world has become and knowing how few people will be able to help you with real truth, I will tell you what I have seen and although you probably won’t like to hear it, I think you need to reevaluate many things in your life in light of the word, not in light of your own understanding.

It is not the easy words in life that give you real wisdom, it is the difficult ones and if you don’t like difficult words, I would suggest that you stop reading right now and move onto all the flatterers who will say they believe your every word and comfort you with empty comforts of no value to you whatsoever and which you will forget in a few weeks.

You say these bad experiences with friends have happened over and over again and yet you still keep pointing the finger outwards away from yourself.

Several times in your post, you talk about how kind you are, unusually so, but truly kind people are that way because they never think they are kind enough, but you are proud of your selflessness and proud to boast of it to strangers.

Paul the apostle, perhaps one of the kindest people who ever lived was not that way. Indeed, he said he was never as good as he should be and was always worse than he should have been. He said he was the worst sinner in the world always doing what he shouldn’t be doing and never doing what he should be doing.

That is an interesting perspective from somebody who was one of the kindest people who ever lived.

Truly brave people are that way because they think they are cowards. Truly hard-working people are that way because they think they don’t work hard enough.

Truly righteous people are that way because they think they are unrighteous. Luke 18.13.

Those who seek to justify themselves before men are many, but they are misguided by their own pride and yet you judge your friends of Pride.

Romans 2:1 NKJV
Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

Have you ever put your life on the line for anyone?

Although I have done so several several times through 20 years of military service I would never dream of saying that I am a kind or a loving man for I am not.

On the contrary, I am a selfish, self-serving lazy cowardly worthless man within whose flesh no good dwells and I see it plainly in every aspect of my wretched horrible self.

You on the other hand are a young child who is already a righteous angel full of goodness and generosity and consideration, far more than any of your friends, selfless by your own testimony.

Luke 16:15 KJV
And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men;

If you knew the word and you believed it, you would know that you were worthless and worth less than nothing and that no good thing dwells in your flesh and you would be ashamed to tell strangers that you were selfless, especially knowing that only one man was.

My guess is that many of your friends have tired of hearing about your boasts of your goodness and selflessness.

Luke 18:10-11 NKJV
"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. [11] The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank You that I am not like other men-extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector.

Luke 18:13-14 NKJV
And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' [14] I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

For a young girl who has probably never saved anybody else’s life and whose living is probably funded by somebody else who pays your bills you sure seem to be comfortable exalting yourself.

If there is something that I have missed, please tell me, for I am a foolish man, lacking in discernment, lacking in understanding and I am sorry that I am not able to find truth in your claims.

If however you think that I may have found some truth of value to you and that I might be able to help you further I would like nothing more, for truly I feel sorry for you for I have endured more sorrow than many people will endure in 100 lifetimes and I mourned at your lament.

soldier of light · Feb 16, 2025

The Christian walk is sometimes lonely but it helps us to build a relationship with the Lord, in my opinion. I understand your loneliness because I'm alone too. I have a girlfriend but that's all.

soldier of light · Feb 16, 2025

I hang out in the deeper fellowship forum here at Christian Forums. Drop in some time or send me a message.

sdd13 · Feb 17, 2025

Johan2222 said:
If you will forgive me, knowing how shallow and vain the world has become and knowing how few people will be able to help you with real truth, I will tell you what I have seen and although you probably won’t like to hear it, I think you need to reevaluate many things in your life in light of the word, not in light of your own understanding.

It is not the easy words in life that give you real wisdom, it is the difficult ones and if you don’t like difficult words, I would suggest that you stop reading right now and move onto all the flatterers who will say they believe your every word and comfort you with empty comforts of no value to you whatsoever and which you will forget in a few weeks.

You say these bad experiences with friends have happened over and over again and yet you still keep pointing the finger outwards away from yourself.

Several times in your post, you talk about how kind you are, unusually so, but truly kind people are that way because they never think they are kind enough, but you are proud of your selflessness and proud to boast of it to strangers.

Paul the apostle, perhaps one of the kindest people who ever lived was not that way. Indeed, he said he was never as good as he should be and was always worse than he should have been. He said he was the worst sinner in the world always doing what he shouldn’t be doing and never doing what he should be doing.

That is an interesting perspective from somebody who was one of the kindest people who ever lived.

Truly brave people are that way because they think they are cowards. Truly hard-working people are that way because they think they don’t work hard enough.

Truly righteous people are that way because they think they are unrighteous. Luke 18.13.

Those who seek to justify themselves before men are many, but they are misguided by their own pride and yet you judge your friends of Pride.

Romans 2:1 NKJV
Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

Have you ever put your life on the line for anyone?

Although I have done so several several times through 20 years of military service I would never dream of saying that I am a kind or a loving man for I am not.

On the contrary, I am a selfish, self-serving lazy cowardly worthless man within whose flesh no good dwells and I see it plainly in every aspect of my wretched horrible self.

You on the other hand are a young child who is already a righteous angel full of goodness and generosity and consideration, far more than any of your friends, selfless by your own testimony.

Luke 16:15 KJV
And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men;

If you knew the word and you believed it, you would know that you were worthless and worth less than nothing and that no good thing dwells in your flesh and you would be ashamed to tell strangers that you were selfless, especially knowing that only one man was.

My guess is that many of your friends have tired of hearing about your boasts of your goodness and selflessness.

Luke 18:10-11 NKJV
"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. [11] The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank You that I am not like other men-extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector.

Luke 18:13-14 NKJV
And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' [14] I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

For a young girl who has probably never saved anybody else’s life and whose living is probably funded by somebody else who pays your bills you sure seem to be comfortable exalting yourself.

If there is something that I have missed, please tell me, for I am a foolish man, lacking in discernment, lacking in understanding and I am sorry that I am not able to find truth in your claims.

If however you think that I may have found some truth of value to you and that I might be able to help you further I would like nothing more, for truly I feel sorry for you for I have endured more sorrow than many people will endure in 100 lifetimes and I mourned at your lame

lol thanks for trying to help but your response is classic example of making false assumptions about a person based off one post. you assume i "boast" about how kind i am in front of my friends, or that the reason im super kind and selfless is because i want to gain something from it. both of these are absolutely untrue. i would never do that as i know how off putting and immature/disrespectful that is. in fact i know i have a lot i can improve on and i am also selfish in my own way, i also make mistakes and am not perfect. im mainly speaking about what ive observed and ive even had input from outside sources (without me having to ask). such as older adults, older peers, and mental health counselors. they all tell me that because i am naturally a giver and more sensitive to others feelings (some people are born this way, some are taught and for me it is both), i will attract more takers into my life. these people also always compliment how i am quick to see my faults, apologize when needed, be the bigger person, and put others before myself. i know i have these qualities because of what people say about me, to me, and because i was born with the values of being considerate of other people and their feelings. so it comes more naturally to me because it was ingrained in me as a child and i also get joy from helping others, putting others first, and seeing people happy and comfortable. it just hurts when over and over again you get the short end of the stick and people barely reciprocate. youre made to feel like youre asking for too much when you are content with the bare minimum, yet people can't even give you basic respect or decency for your feelings, your energy, or your time. i constantly ask God how i can improve and to make me a better friend. i dont dominate conversations, in fact i let others talk about themselves more because i enjoy knowing im giving them what they need, a listening ear for example. im not blaming anyone, but as i learned in therapy and experience, sometimes its just the people around us that dont know how to be a good friend or give basic respect, not because of anythign we have done. im just asking God why he keeps allowing me to meet such people instead of people who have similar values and developed social skills as i have. im only human and when youre continually having to give more and more and pour from an empty cup because no one even pours a little bit of support or care into you then it really gets to you. and thats not being selfish, thats just me being honest about how my life has gone. ive met many others online with very similar experiences.

sdd13 · Feb 17, 2025

soldier of light said:
The Christian walk is sometimes lonely but it helps us to build a relationship with the Lord, in my opinion. I understand your loneliness because I'm alone too. I have a girlfriend but that's all.

i have a relationship with God and constantly work on it. we are made for community and its a good thing to desire connection with people and friends. which is why its baffling that it seems he would rather have me be lonely. also its not like i can go down the street to my fave restaurant and share a meal with God (some people say you can, but cmon, even though God is always with you, everyone knows its not the same. we need people in the flesh with us here too). in my lonely moments i also ask God what he wants me to learn/do/etc but i dont get much except "wait". thats great God at least blessed you with someone who can understand you more than a friend can. i dont think thats in the cards for me. if he wants me to have a boyfriend, cool. if not, also cool cuz ive accepted being single forever too based on how my life has gone. not like i care much anyway about earthly love lool.

sdd13 · Feb 17, 2025

soldier of light said:
I hang out in the deeper fellowship forum here at Christian Forums. Drop in some time or send me a message.

thank you, im new here so i didnt know that was available. ill check it out

sdd13 · Feb 17, 2025

Johan2222 said:
If you will forgive me, knowing how shallow and vain the world has become and knowing how few people will be able to help you with real truth, I will tell you what I have seen and although you probably won’t like to hear it, I think you need to reevaluate many things in your life in light of the word, not in light of your own understanding.

It is not the easy words in life that give you real wisdom, it is the difficult ones and if you don’t like difficult words, I would suggest that you stop reading right now and move onto all the flatterers who will say they believe your every word and comfort you with empty comforts of no value to you whatsoever and which you will forget in a few weeks.

You say these bad experiences with friends have happened over and over again and yet you still keep pointing the finger outwards away from yourself.

Several times in your post, you talk about how kind you are, unusually so, but truly kind people are that way because they never think they are kind enough, but you are proud of your selflessness and proud to boast of it to strangers.

Paul the apostle, perhaps one of the kindest people who ever lived was not that way. Indeed, he said he was never as good as he should be and was always worse than he should have been. He said he was the worst sinner in the world always doing what he shouldn’t be doing and never doing what he should be doing.

That is an interesting perspective from somebody who was one of the kindest people who ever lived.

Truly brave people are that way because they think they are cowards. Truly hard-working people are that way because they think they don’t work hard enough.

Truly righteous people are that way because they think they are unrighteous. Luke 18.13.

Those who seek to justify themselves before men are many, but they are misguided by their own pride and yet you judge your friends of Pride.

Romans 2:1 NKJV
Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

Have you ever put your life on the line for anyone?

Although I have done so several several times through 20 years of military service I would never dream of saying that I am a kind or a loving man for I am not.

On the contrary, I am a selfish, self-serving lazy cowardly worthless man within whose flesh no good dwells and I see it plainly in every aspect of my wretched horrible self.

You on the other hand are a young child who is already a righteous angel full of goodness and generosity and consideration, far more than any of your friends, selfless by your own testimony.

Luke 16:15 KJV
And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men;

If you knew the word and you believed it, you would know that you were worthless and worth less than nothing and that no good thing dwells in your flesh and you would be ashamed to tell strangers that you were selfless, especially knowing that only one man was.

My guess is that many of your friends have tired of hearing about your boasts of your goodness and selflessness.

Luke 18:10-11 NKJV
"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. [11] The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank You that I am not like other men-extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector.

Luke 18:13-14 NKJV
And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' [14] I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

For a young girl who has probably never saved anybody else’s life and whose living is probably funded by somebody else who pays your bills you sure seem to be comfortable exalting yourself.

If there is something that I have missed, please tell me, for I am a foolish man, lacking in discernment, lacking in understanding and I am sorry that I am not able to find truth in your claims.

If however you think that I may have found some truth of value to you and that I might be able to help you further I would like nothing more, for truly I feel sorry for you for I have endured more sorrow than many people will endure in 100 lifetimes and I mourned at your lament.

also you are really succeeding at the false assumptions you assume other people pay my bills? ive been livign on my own since shortly after finishing college and pay for and have always paid for my own essentials. i live alone and that is impossible for many here but i make it work and pay rent in full and on time and work more than 1 job over 40 hours a week. so please dont tell me im spoonfed or spoiled or dont know what its like to have humility. ive been humbled in my life more times than you can count. ive experienced loss after loss of loved ones since i was a toddler until now so im well acquainted with death, grief, and mourning and sorrow. thats why i know i need a savior and HE is the only reason im still here. but you wouldnt believe all this would you. youre the one who needs more humility and better reading comprehension skills.

soldier of light · Feb 17, 2025

sdd13 said:
i have a relationship with God and constantly work on it. we are made for community and its a good thing to desire connection with people and friends. which is why its baffling that it seems he would rather have me be lonely. also its not like i can go down the street to my fave restaurant and share a meal with God (some people say you can, but cmon, even though God is always with you, everyone knows its not the same. we need people in the flesh with us here too). in my lonely moments i also ask God what he wants me to learn/do/etc but i dont get much except "wait". thats great God at least blessed you with someone who can understand you more than a friend can. i dont think thats in the cards for me. if he wants me to have a boyfriend, cool. if not, also cool cuz ive accepted being single forever too based on how my life has gone. not like i care much anyway about earthly love lool.

A.w.Tozer had a sermon on the loneliness of a Christian. It's a real thing. I apologize for trying to help

soldier of light · Feb 17, 2025

Johan2222 · Feb 17, 2025

sdd13 said:
lol thanks for trying to help but your response is classic example of making false assumptions about a person based off one post. you assume i "boast" about how kind i am in front of my friends, or that the reason im super kind and selfless is because i want to gain something from it. both of these are absolutely untrue. i would never do that as i know how off putting and immature/disrespectful that is. in fact i know i have a lot i can improve on and i am also selfish in my own way, i also make mistakes and am not perfect. im mainly speaking about what ive observed and ive even had input from outside sources (without me having to ask). such as older adults, older peers, and mental health counselors. they all tell me that because i am naturally a giver and more sensitive to others feelings (some people are born this way, some are taught and for me it is both), i will attract more takers into my life. these people also always compliment how i am quick to see my faults, apologize when needed, be the bigger person, and put others before myself. i know i have these qualities because of what people say about me, to me, and because i was born with the values of being considerate of other people and their feelings. so it comes more naturally to me because it was ingrained in me as a child and i also get joy from helping others, putting others first, and seeing people happy and comfortable. it just hurts when over and over again you get the short end of the stick and people barely reciprocate. youre made to feel like youre asking for too much when you are content with the bare minimum, yet people can't even give you basic respect or decency for your feelings, your energy, or your time. i constantly ask God how i can improve and to make me a better friend. i dont dominate conversations, in fact i let others talk about themselves more because i enjoy knowing im giving them what they need, a listening ear for example. im not blaming anyone, but as i learned in therapy and experience, sometimes its just the people around us that dont know how to be a good friend or give basic respect, not because of anythign we have done. im just asking God why he keeps allowing me to meet such people instead of people who have similar values and developed social skills as i have. im only human and when youre continually having to give more and more and pour from an empty cup because no one even pours a little bit of support or care into you then it really gets to you. and thats not being selfish, thats just me being honest about how my life has gone. ive met many others online with very similar experiences.

Beautiful,
I am so glad I got so much wrong.

Firstly, please let me assure you that I am extremely sorry for being such an insensitive jerk and to have offended you in saying the utterly foolish things that I did and I know it was cruel and highly uncalled for and I really am sorry for my awful response.

As I said, I am a foolish man but hopefully I can redeem myself by explaining a little background.

When I read your post, I felt desperately sorry for you and I didn’t want to approach you in the classic way, throwing in cold comfort from a stranger who you know nothing about because comforting words are easy to produce and I wanted you to have some reassurance that I wasn’t just a flatterer or even an AI

I have found through my life, and now by the word of God that hearts can only be discerned by deeds and when I saw your heart aching on the page and suspected that it might be of goodness I wanted to find out by your deeds whether I had seen what I hoped for.

Knowing therefore that words mean nothing, I knew I would have to challenge you to uncover the mettle in you and I am encouraged by what I see and I hope that you can encourage me more by the deed of forgiveness (one of the most precious gifts of all) for my ridiculous response that was completely out of order.

I knew that if I challenged you in the way that I did, the only way that you would be able to continue with me would be if you had a clean heart of forgiveness, so I ask you to forgive me for challenging your heart and for being rough with you and for being absolutely unacceptable in my reply. I am truly truly sorry.

I know what it is like to have a heart that feels torn out through loneliness and I know what it is like to lose friends and I have lost more than I can count from a very young age.

As a young child, I contemplated suicide more times than I can remember. The only thing that really kept me going was the fact that I knew I would be able to escape from my home at 16 years old and join an army who were utterly desperate for soldiers and of course, as you might expect that only lead to further sorrow, but at least it was sorrow of a measure I was more able to deal with.

Although I say I am a horrible man, I have always been told I am far too kind and far too considerate to everybody and I can totally understand and identify with so much of what you have said.

At your age, life is in many ways far more of a challenge than it is when you are older because your heart is so desperate for stability and friendship and encouragement than it is as you get older.

I would like you to consider your desire for friendship in a more qualitative and objective way and to be able to rejoice when you don’t find what you are looking for, which is extremely difficult to do I know, but sorrow is the gift of God to those he loves and although I do not rejoice in yours, I am glad that he has chosen you for it. Hebrews 12.6-8.

I know that if your heart is right with God, you’ll understand why I did what I did and forgive me for my horrible actions, indeed even rejoice that I committed them, and if that be so, you also will cause me to rejoice.

Let me therefore end by saying that I am sorry once again that I wrote to you as I did in foolishness and I pray that you can forgive me, knowing that you will cause me joy by your works, not just your words.

If you do and you wish me to give you some tips on how to find genuine people, let me know and I will try to help you where I can.

In sorrow for your sorrow but in rejoicing that God has chosen you for such a blessing. Matthew 5.1-12

J2222

Joseph G · Feb 17, 2025

Something I need daily reminding of by the Lord - "it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me."

Dying to self is the key to inviting God to fulfill our deepest desires that HE inspires. God bless!

Richard T · Feb 17, 2025

I am glad that you shar

sdd13 said:
Hello everyone, Im going through the most isolating season of my life right now. I have to live alone due to complicated circumstances and also deal with chronic illness despite being in my mid 20s. I have never had the best experience with friends my entire life despite me being selfless and trying my best to be a good friend to others and taking joy in that. Usually people would use me or only give me the leftovers of their time and energy (no matter if they were Christian or not, so im pretty traumatized from that because when something happens over and over you really get weary even if you try your hardest to not be). Living alone has made it easier to notice how lonely I really am. I have tried to join things at church to meet friends and women's bible studies, but no deep friendships have been made despite me going out of my way to be approachable and make conversation with people. It stays surface level and they don't want to go deeper. I have a very unique upbringing that gave me cptsd and along with my chronic illness its hard to find people, let alone believers, who are willing to be friends with someone like me who basically lives like an 80 year old and can't do much because of my health. People rarely have the patience or understanding to put up with someone who deals with an illness at a young age. Most of the friends I grew up with grew distant from me and stopped talking to me because my illness made them uncomfortable or because I couldn't do as much, even though I rarely made anything about myself or my illness. I was always the one to give a little more and to put others before myself so that I didn't seem selfish. Right now the only people I talk to have been unavailable. Two of my close friends who are understanding of my illness have boyfriends and prioritize them over me (which is understandable and I don't ask to be first in anyone's life but they rarely carve out time for me, not even once a month), so I can't rely on them. Another one of my friends is single like I am but even though she doesn't have a lot going on is very selfish with her time and turns down my requests to meet up a lot, often cancelling last minute and she doesn't respect my time but is a good friend in other regards. I also had a small but close knit support system of Christian girls from my old church where we would meet regularly and pray for eachother and encourage eachother during tough times, but as soon as I started living alone God dried up that well too and it is hard to get ahold of them now. We communicate less and one of them blames me for not being positive enough (even though Im literally just sharing the facts that happened in my life, its not like im throwing a pity party or sulking). And the one person I considered my closest friend was the kindest and most patient with me and my illness but after we had a good hangout and after I thanked God for blessing me with someone like her something happened where she let her pride and ego get the best of her and is being very rude to me and not wanting to see me right now and im having to apologize even though I did nothing wrong. And that happened the day after I gave thanks to God for her, and God already knew I lost so many people. So sometimes I feel like God doesn't want me to have good friends I can trust even though I know He made us for community and that is something I desire. The friends I talked about are the people currently in my life and I do not feel 100% safe with them. Managing and even healing from cptsd and chronic illness is very dependent on your support system as well, and if my body is always in fight or flight because of how these people act or because of how i feel uneasy around them because of how theyve all shown me their true colors, then i cant manage my illnesses well. Its like everytime I make progress and think God is doing a breakthrough, it blows up in my face and im 10 steps behind again. I just need prayer for God to improve these relationships if its his will (its like the common theme is these people are generally good people and i have lots in common with them but there is one aspect of them they are unreasonably selfish on or only give me crumbs of their time). Im not asking for a lot or to be center of attention, i never have, but when these friends who ive known for ages only give me their leftovers it really hurts and makes me realize i cant truly rely on them in times of need or emergency. And in addition to improving these relationships, that he would bless me with new christian friends who understand how to balance their time and give and take in a friendship and be more concerned about showing God's love to their friends rather than being more concerned with their own wants.

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Most of us have no idea what you are going through. So I hope many of us pray for you in earnest. I especially pray you do not lose hope and that you can move from faith to faith to believe God is working on your behalf to change your circumstances not just with emphatic friends but also some breakthroughs that can make your health and life better. May God breath health into you in every way, physical, emotional and especially spiritual.

soldier of light · Feb 17, 2025

People usually tell me to get over it and they have no interest in sharing my burden. Hang in there, you're not alone.

Need prayers for God to provide me with better/genuine Christian friends

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Saved and sustained by the grace of Jesus Christ

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