Betrothal? Your children & marriage?

Hello Lori (@LoriWayfair), I see that you are not a new member here, but this does appear to be your first post so, first things first, WELCOME TO CF

As far as an arranged marriage for your 10-year-old daughter goes, it was something that was sometimes done in the OT, but I don't believe that we have any examples of it being continued in the NT. That said, we have no prohibitions concerning it either, so I believe that it falls under the theological category that we refer to as "adiaphora" (something that is between God and you and your family to work out, IOW).

You asked if I would consider doing an arranged marriage. I did not, and I would not today, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Since it's not part of our culture, if I was considering doing so, I would probably look into other cultures where it's still practiced (which for me would be Chinese, Hindu and Orthodox Jew), and I'd ask them why they continue to do it, if they like it and why, what the typical problems and blessings are for those who still practice it, etc.).

I would also spend a lot of time in the Bible and prayer, and set up some meetings with my pastor about it too, to seek his counsel and prayer.

My personal opinion is this, if I had a 10-year-old daughter today (I do have a 6-year-old granddaughter ), I think that my focus would be on 1. making sure that she truly is a believer, first and foremost, and if I believed her to be, then 2. I would make sure that she is continually growing in her knowledge and understanding of God, His word and the faith, and growing, then, in her relationship with Him (which includes growing in her hope and trust in Him to guide her and watch over her in this life, and to see her safely through this life to be with Him in Glory).

So (concerning the "arranged marriage" of my young, believing daughter .. if I had one today), I would choose to do as the Bible instructs by seeing that she is brought up lovingly in the nurture/discipline and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), and then I would choose to trust God by leaving the arranging of her future marriage, to Him (as He would know her and who is truly best for her FAR better than I ever could, of course)

Praying for you!

God bless you!!

--David

.

LoriWayfair said:

My question is .. would it be too odd or weird to approach his parents with the idea of our families commiting to live for Christ and set our children apart for a betrothal?

Would you consider doing something similar for your children?

Click to expand...

If someone approached me with a similar idea for my child, I would see a whole field of red flags, and want to end the relationship.

It might be different in a culture where arranged marriages are the norm, but in ours, it comes across as very controlling.

Sorry, I know that might seem harsh, but you did ask!

There are a number of reasons what that type of arranged marriage might not work our as well as you would hope. Most actual arranged marriages in history were done to gain some advantage for families as opposed to the benefit of the children. In practice most children grew up in close proximity to others such that by the time they were thinking of marriage, they knew their potential prospects far better than kids today.

Parents and family members might comment or suggest, but the interest of the child was key to anything workable. One key to successful marriage is for the two parties and their families to have "face time" to actually get to know the other. For people in a church community this can mean a large investment in social activities through which a deeper knowledge can be obtained.

One reason for a 50% divorce rate is superficial selection criteria such as looks, wealth, or popularity. Helping your daughter cultivate in herself as well as seek in others characteristics such as kindness, compassion, humor, faithfulness, honesty, diligence, and a desire to continue to grow in faith can shift the odds in favor of a successful marriage.

You should be congratulated for your strong desire to see the best possible future for your daughter. However, many parents have tried so hard to control things that they can alienate their children or push something that proves to end in regret. There are no guarantees. You do the best you can and pray that God will guide events. Even if there is a big disaster such as your daughter becoming a single mom, you can still be there in love to help pick up the pieces.

LoriWayfair said:

The kids have told each other they are committed to be married when they are in their early 20s.

Click to expand...

In this case maybe you are thinking about arranging what the children have already arranged

I would think if they are so young, I would be careful planning my future while I am still young.

But it could be of God.

About what you should do . . . how is your track record for making sure with God about things? Before you get involved in such a major thing with your daughter and husband and the other family, evaluate how reliable you have been for making sure with God about various other things.

I think it is good how you share with your husband about things. I would say pray until you are in agreement.