Feel really dark, stopped going to church, want to die every day

Since you posted on the prayer wall, praying for you immediately.

The false "Prosperity Gospel" doesn't work in all circumstances that's why it's a false teaching.

They ignore many teachings in the Bible like Hebrews Chapter 11, Luke Chapter 6, John 15:19, etc.

The false prosperity gospel causes many Christians to fall out of faith for giving them the wrong expectations in Christianity.


Doing something really right could actually get you into trouble the rest of your life because our world is evil (1 John 5:19). Ironically, in order to succeed in this world, you have to be a friend of this world and being a friend of this world is wrong in the first place (James 4:4).

You clearly are dealing with a really difficult life, BrokenContriteHeart. I pray that God would be there with you for every step of your life. I pray that God would bless you abundantly and give you a lot to be thankful for. Since you mention that you are unmarried, I pray that if you are looking for a spouse that God would bring one into your life. I pray that God would lead you to a church with loving people who will support you. Most of all, I pray that God would pour out His love upon you and show you how much He cares for you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Dear CF,

Please pray for me as I have no more strength to go on.

Even my own mother gave up hope that there will be something good from my life. She recently told me I had never brought them good news, ever.

And I looked back on my life and she is right. Been unemployed a lot, was falsely accused and ended up convicted and sent to prison, unmarried, no kids.

I'm angry and disappointed with God. Angry that he made me to suffer. And disappointed that even though I pursued his blessings by honoring my parents, being kind to strangers, the poor, etc. and pursued the Abrahamic blessing, I still have a life with nothing to show. Why is God not keeping to his promises?

I am out of faith. I don't expect anything good to show up in my life.

I am out of gratitude. I have nothing to be grateful for.

I stopped going to church....I've been to several and they all talk about how great they are and what new building they are building, but no one bothers to do a welfare check on a newcomer in so much pain.

I've also pulled back from all social engagements. Everyone has their life together except me.

There are no words for the misery I feel every day.(staff edit)

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Its important not to give up on your life, or on God, I've been through tough times but I don't want Satan to outwit me. Gods grace comes through Jesus Christ, by believing in Him and following Him, be careful that you are not seeing your life through the law, nobodies able to come to God by obeying the law.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Dear CF,

Please pray for me as I have no more strength to go on.

Even my own mother gave up hope that there will be something good from my life. She recently told me I had never brought them good news, ever.

And I looked back on my life and she is right. Been unemployed a lot, was falsely accused and ended up convicted and sent to prison, unmarried, no kids.

I'm angry and disappointed with God. Angry that he made me to suffer. And disappointed that even though I pursued his blessings by honoring my parents, being kind to strangers, the poor, etc. and pursued the Abrahamic blessing, I still have a life with nothing to show. Why is God not keeping to his promises?

I am out of faith. I don't expect anything good to show up in my life.

I am out of gratitude. I have nothing to be grateful for.

I stopped going to church....I've been to several and they all talk about how great they are and what new building they are building, but no one bothers to do a welfare check on a newcomer in so much pain.

I've also pulled back from all social engagements. Everyone has their life together except me.

There are no words for the misery I feel every day.(staff edit)

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Sorry to hear you feel so broken and have little hope in God. God is still not against you. You seem to bring up lots of good things that you have done. Works are good but they do not save you of course. Sometimes we simply blame God for things we do not know. Job's friends were like that. Using human reasoning for what was going on. They were totally wrong and we can be too. You mention "everyone has their life together except me." i know it can feel like we are the only ones that have a problem but many share the same problems and Jesus shared all of that. Heb 4:15.

I am sorry that those churches do not meet your needs. Some in the USA are not focused on love and of course many visitors are shy and do not want any interaction at first.

While I encourage Dr's and counseling the main way to help yourself is to keep trying and even asking God to help you through teaching, fellowship, having joy from Him, and most of all resting from thinking that you need to perform works for your relationship with God. Of course it is good to follow God's principles, but good works does not save or heal anyone. It all is based on what Jesus has done for you.

I will say this too. Most churches are weak at helping those who are the most needy. They are too normal. There are churches with power, ones that believe in deliverance from demons and the gifts of the Spirit. That is what made a difference in my life. Find one that can give you more hope and demonstration of the Spirit, and teach you how to fight back from the brink that you are on. I pray you can find help, get a breakthrough and become the person God meant for you to be.

God bless.

I am so sorry you feel this way.

Know that the Truth of Christianity does not depend on sinners, but on Christ and what He has done for us sinners.

If I was going to give you any advice, it would be to look to Christ for your contentment, not look at your circumstances.

There is this famous passage of the Bible that people think means you can do anything if you are a Christian. But the immediate context is about learning to be content with very much or very little. Let me quote it for you.

Philippians 4:10-14
"I rejoiced in the Lord greatly because once again you renewed your care for me. You were, in fact, concerned about me but lacked the opportunity to show it. I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. I know how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me. Still, you did well by partnering with me in my hardship."

The goal, which is an arduous one, is to find people who will receive you as a brother in Christ. And in doing so, you will find someone who sticks closer than a brother.

Thankfulness is a game changer when it comes to your mental well-being. If you can learn to be thankful about your life, for example, that you have your life, your health, food, shelter, etc. then you have a lot to be thankful for.

IDK if you have an X account, but I found this really really eye opening.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Also, in my criminal case, one of the reasons I pleaded guilty was because I got a prophecy (confirmed 3 times) that God would exonerate me as in Psalm 37. Decades later, half my life is gone and he still has not.

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That really sucks. I am sorry about that.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

After I made a bit of money when I had my own business and before my false conviction, I set up a charity helping widows in need. It was entirely self-funded; the church I went to knew about it and no one donated even $1. This was before the social media age of virtue signalling, my name didn't appear on the charity at all.

Meanwhile churches can boast about the mega-projects they do to build new, bigger churches.

BTW when the prosecution in a criminal case is trying to paint the worst possible picture of you, your good deeds don't count; only what you did wrong.

Thanks I'll read the verses you sent but for now I am taking a break from Christianity.

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Friend, seems you're disappointed that your good works weren't rewarded. Is it necessary to demand gratitude back when we extend love? Is that, in fact, selfless love?

As for piling a higher stack of good deeds to overshadow our bad deeds, in order to earn favor with God, that is frankly a doctrine straight from the pits of Hell. Is that what your last church taught? Do they have an explanation for why the Cross was necessary if they can save themselves?

As for the desire to be befriended and assist in your pain, did you initiate an effort to befriend THEM despite that pain? Do you recognize that we are all in pain? Should we compare the degree of pain we're suffering to each other to determine who approaches who?

Does "bearing each other's burdens" require a measuring stick?

The challenge for us all is to rise to a level of love that requires no applause from the recipient or from those looking on.

God Himself is kind to the ungrateful and wicked - and thank the Lord for that, as none of us would have discovered His grace otherwise. And He inspires us to do the same.

Love vs. Not Love...

Corinthians 13 NIV

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Only one way to obtain this Love, daily seek Jesus in His Bible and through prayer. He'll take care of the rest, including bearing fruit for His Kingdom through you, and fruit that remains.

Relationship before works always, for Jesus says we must abide in Him as His Word abides in us, for apart from Him we can do nothing.

God bless! Praying for ya.

biblegateway.com

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Well at better times I would agree with you that we are righteous by faith, because that's what the Bible says.

But me doing things that God promises to reward/bless and seeing no fruit of it makes me wonder if other parts of the Bible are true as well.

And of late, I am all out of faith.

I mentioned the deeds in an anonymous forum because I wanted some honest feedback on whether I am justified to be angry or disappointed with God for apparently not keeping up to his end of the bargain.

Also, in my criminal case, one of the reasons I pleaded guilty was because I got a prophecy (confirmed 3 times) that God would exonerate me as in Psalm 37. Decades later, half my life is gone and he still has not.

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I think it is good to air out your frustrations. Millions are lost by all kinds of false prophets, untrue religions and even religious scammers who just want your money. But your frustration is with God Himself. I do get mad at Him sometimes too. I came back from Europe when i was young and felt like because I did not get hardly anyone saved I had failed, and was just angry with God about the whole experience. It took me about a year to get things turned around.

I once too heard a man singing "God is a miracle working God" the same theme song that Oral Roberts used to play at the start of his TV show. When I went down the street to listen more, I saw a blind man, somewhat disfigured singing with a woman who had one leg missing, singing with him. Never mind this was a dirt poor, African city. I saw the joy though. In the natural, how could this be? Somehow they had the key to this part of God. I don't think I ever have seen anyone more content than those ever.

You are right for asking for prayer. I pray God does send some help, somewhere, somehow that you can find some understanding and lift. I have heard of others like Joseph in the bible. Some are exonerated, but I am sure that some have died in prison too. Political prisoners too, in there for violating political speech for things that are sometimes Godless. How do they have an advantage to overcome in spite of these things?

I can say that all my very hard questions have always been answered by God. I had lots of frustrations and misconceptions, even now they are getting cleared up. One good move is to just accept God's word. If there is a contradiction just leave it with God because no man alive can know the whole picture. God bless

Richard T said:

I have heard of others like Joseph in the bible.

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I was thinking the same thing. I think Joseph spent like 20+ years in prison. But he ended up being about the most powerful person in the country.

All Becomes New said:

I was thinking the same thing. I think Joseph spent like 20+ years in prison. But he ended up being about the most powerful person in the country.

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Yes, I do not know how he did it.

Richard T said:

Yes, I do not know how he did it.

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He had a quality of spirit that is very rare.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Also, in my criminal case, one of the reasons I pleaded guilty was because I got a prophecy (confirmed 3 times) that God would exonerate me as in Psalm 37. Decades later, half my life is gone and he still has not

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Look at Jesus & the way he was persecuted.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Dear CF,

Please pray for me as I have no more strength to go on.

Even my own mother gave up hope that there will be something good from my life. She recently told me I had never brought them good news, ever.

And I looked back on my life and she is right. Been unemployed a lot, was falsely accused and ended up convicted and sent to prison, unmarried, no kids.

I'm angry and disappointed with God. Angry that he made me to suffer. And disappointed that even though I pursued his blessings by honoring my parents, being kind to strangers, the poor, etc. and pursued the Abrahamic blessing, I still have a life with nothing to show. Why is God not keeping to his promises?

I am out of faith. I don't expect anything good to show up in my life.

I am out of gratitude. I have nothing to be grateful for.

I stopped going to church....I've been to several and they all talk about how great they are and what new building they are building, but no one bothers to do a welfare check on a newcomer in so much pain.

I've also pulled back from all social engagements. Everyone has their life together except me.

There are no words for the misery I feel every day.(staff edit)

Click to expand...

And what sort of churches do you go to, may I ask? I'm just wondering, because I've never been to a church that talks about "expectations of Abrahamic blessings" and such.

Regardless, though, I do hope that things in life settle for you soon so you can move forward with a more hopeful outlook.

BrokenContriteHeart said:

Dear CF,

Please pray for me as I have no more strength to go on.

Even my own mother gave up hope that there will be something good from my life. She recently told me I had never brought them good news, ever.

And I looked back on my life and she is right. Been unemployed a lot, was falsely accused and ended up convicted and sent to prison, unmarried, no kids.

I'm angry and disappointed with God. Angry that he made me to suffer. And disappointed that even though I pursued his blessings by honoring my parents, being kind to strangers, the poor, etc. and pursued the Abrahamic blessing, I still have a life with nothing to show. Why is God not keeping to his promises?

I am out of faith. I don't expect anything good to show up in my life.

I am out of gratitude. I have nothing to be grateful for.

I stopped going to church....I've been to several and they all talk about how great they are and what new building they are building, but no one bothers to do a welfare check on a newcomer in so much pain.

I've also pulled back from all social engagements. Everyone has their life together except me.

There are no words for the misery I feel every day.(staff edit)

Click to expand...

honoring my parents, being kind to strangers, the poor, etc. and pursued the Abrahamic blessing,

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You can't earn God's favor
“This is the work of God—that you believe in the one he has sent.” (John 6:29, CSB)

According to Ephesians 2:

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:8-10, NLT)

We go through great tribulation ... some seemingly worse than others ... regardless we are to understand no matter what we go through the Lord goes through it with us not necessarily prevent anything from happening.

John 16
33I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world!”

Keep studying the Word of God ... keep praying and know that although you go through difficult times ... the Lord knows what you are going through and will help you endure it (help you through it) .... never give up on Jesus ... even in the midst of severe struggles.

Pray for courage and endurance.

May the Lord bring peace to your mind and heart. Amen.